✧·˚ “ I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE, THE SWEETEST TORTURE ONE COULD BEAR ” ༘ * ༄
synopsis. xanthus gets lost in thought
featuring. xanthus claiborne (sakuverse or saquverse? girl idk whatever like a letter makes a fucking difference)
a/n. free my boy xanthus saku, it’s been two years please i beg you
“have i done something to upset you?”
xanthus is broken from his trance like state with sound of your sweet voice beckoning to him.
“no my love, why would you think that?” he looks up at you from where he is seated, concern filling his once hardened eyes.
“you seemed to be glaring at me my love.” you whisper gently, taking his hand and bending down to his level.
“ah no just lost in thought.” his hand leaves yours to trace the outline of your face. you lean into his touch absentmindedly, his cold finger tips prompt no reaction from you even though the temperature of your skin is vastly different than his.
“what were you thinking about?”
xanthus debates telling you what he was actually thinking about, but is cut off before he can answer.
“ah you’re hesitating! that means you’re thinking of being untruthful with me!”
“you’ve caught me.” xanthus can’t help that smile that spreads on his face. “my thoughts were of darker origin, i didn’t want to bring down the mood.”
“you do that regardless and i have never complained.”
xanthus’ hand splays over his heart, acting as if he is wounded.
“your words wound me love! how can you say this with such nonchalance?”
you laugh at his dramatics.
“i missed you.” you take his hand again and squeeze it softly.
“missed me? i haven’t gone anywhere my love.”
your hand suddenly feels cold in his. he glances down at it but sees nothing different and looks back to your face, which is in now as pale as him with blood dripping down your temple. it startles him.
“why did you leave me there? i was so scared, you left me in that hell.”
“n-no i-i saved you, you’re alive a-and well with me.”
xanthus stands from where he is seated and holds your now angry bleeding face.
“please believe me my love.”
“do you even believe yourself?”
xanthus is awoken with a start which causes you to shift in your sleep next to him. his breathing is erratic as he takes in his surroundings and his eyes fall on your sleeping figure. he’s quick to check your pulse out of pure habit and his panic increases when he feels nothing.
it’s his rapid breathing that stirs you from your slumber and the gentle jab in the neck cause you to finally sit up to rub the sleep from your eyes.
ever since you were turned sleep was not a necessity for you but it did help time pass but waking from it was a lot more difficult than before.
you sit up and pat xanthus’ back gently with your eyes barely opened, unable to take in the seriousness of the situation.
the lack of a response made you pause and the sleepiness left your system as a feel of dread replaced it.
your hands find his face to get him to turn and look at you.
“i’m right here. you need to breathe my sweet. you’re having a panic attack.”
the panic in his eyes starts fading when they lock onto yours.
“breathe with me, in and out.”
after his breathing matches yours he pulls you into a tight hug.
“i had a horrible nightmare. it was you in the underground but h-he had killed you instead of turning you.”
“shh shh baby it’s okay.” you pet his head to offer some comfort. “audric is gone, i am still here and you have nothing to worry about besides what painting to buy for your gallery, okay?”
xanthus nods but his hold on you does not loosen.
“sorry i made you sleep with me, i know you don’t like it because of this reason.” you confess as you play with the ends of his hair. “you don’t have to—”
“no, i love sleeping with you.” he pulls himself back to look at you. “i want to sleep with you.”
“i just want to know how you are able to do it.”
confusion crosses your face.
a chuckle slips past his lips after realizing that his question has no context.
“no love, how do you sleep so peacefully after what has happened to you?”
“can i be honest with you?”
“of course.” his hold on you finally gives as he pulls back to look at you.
“i know it may sound corny but talking about what happened really helps me process everything.” you hold xanthus’ hands in yours to now give yourself some comfort. “i know how it plagues you so i speak with dontis about it, he really is a great listener and he did offer so i am not forcing him or anything like that. i know dontis is probably not the ideal person you would want to talk about this with but, you can always talk to me.”
“you’d do that for me? relive your trauma just to ease mine?”
you fidget with his fingers before responding.
“i’d do anything to make your life with me easier.”
xanthus pauses at your confession.
“i can’t imagine any part of this being easy for you, me being a fledgling vampire of your maker that you had to kill or the fact that a part of me died when i was turned and you’re still actively mourning me even though…”
your voice cracks with the overwhelming emotion you’re feeling.
“e-even though i-i’m right here.”
tears spill from your eyes and you instinctively cover your face. xanthus is quick to pull your hands away and brush away your tears.
“i never knew you felt this way love, i’m so sorry.”
xanthus pulls you into a hug and holds you as if you’re made of glass, your skin is cool to the touch as if it is, a reminder of your new undead nature. it pains xanthus that he wasn’t able to preserve human life but he needs to come to new terms with your new vampiric life.
“you’re here, i know i’m sorry.” he lets out a breathless laugh. “i guess i’m hung up on the past which is very unlike me.”
xanthus places a soft kiss on your head.
“i love you.” you whisper.
“i love you too, i’m sorry i didn’t realize how you were feeling sooner.”
“it’s okay, i haven’t been doing a very good job at communicating my emotions to you. dontis says—” he cuts you off.
“don’t finish that sentence.”
you laugh with him and relish the embrace you both share for a few moments more.
everyone can thank interview with the vampire for making me write this cause i just love my tragic vampires
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