So, I’ve already discussed Nanako’s relationship with grief, now it’s time to talk about her father Ryotaro, whose relationship deserves equal time analyzed.
Ryotaro is much older than his daughter, so he processes grief differently than she does. But interestingly, both he and Nanako cope in the same way—hiding it from others. We first hear of his wife’s death from his daughter, when she explains that she has no mother, and that she died in a car accident. She tells the Investigation Team that she is alright and needn’t worry about her. Ryotaro, meanwhile, doesn’t bring his wife Chisato up at all until Rank 3 of his social link.
Ryotaro, however, is implied to have terrible self-esteem. In Rank 3, he tells Yu that he doesn't deserve to be Nanako's father.
Ryotaro also tells Yu that Nanako is his only reason for living when he begs him to save her.
These imply that Ryotaro suffers from survivor's guilt. Now, what is survivor's guilt? It's a grief response where a traumatic event occurs resulting in death, and the "survivor" feeling remorse over living and in part wishing they died instead.
Participants emphasised a strong sense of disentitlement to the life they were living since they perceived themselves as undeserving in comparison to the deceased or they felt they had not done anything to earn their survival. This was described alongside a persistent sense of guilt for surviving in the absence of any apparent wrongdoing, which had a different quality to other forms of guilt:
“It’s deeper, it’s stronger… it is a hard thing to describe, it’s a sickening feeling, it’s… if I smashed into somebody’s car and drove off I’d think, “yeah ok I shouldn’t have done that, I should’ve… but I’m gone, tough…”, this is guilt because a person’s life ended, a good friend, a brother…this guilt lasts and lasts, and it’s hard to shake, it’s hard to get rid of, you can’t just say “oh well, he’s dead” it comes back and smacks you in the face.”
Common to all participants was that they had “beat the odds” to survive which they perceived as unfair as they viewed themselves to be the “same” as the deceased. This left them with a strong conviction that they should not have survived and a sense of incomprehensibility and disbelief about surviving:
“We were all using the same guns, we all had the same magazines, we knew how throw around, roll right, round roll left, take cover but… as you were engaging the enemy, your comrade on your right is not moving, you feel, he’s gone, he’s gone… it doesn’t make sense…”
Being ‘in the same boat’ as the deceased, as opposed to having a close relationship, may be an important factor in the perception of inequity. The use of the metaphor “cheating death” by one participant indicates a sense of unfairness and having done something wrong in surviving. Several participants were also left “feeling responsible” for the death of others by surviving. A tendency to idealise the deceased was also noticeable within participant accounts, leading to some participants feeling less entitled or deserving of life in comparison:
“I kind of feel like it was my fault really, if he were operated on instead of me he might’ve survived… he would’ve… made it and he would’ve been a good member in society, contributing and doing as he should, that’s how I see it… and I’ve survived because I was put in front and now I’ve come out and everything’s so dark and heavy… I feel like I should be, going everywhere and finding everyone that’s needing a little bit of help and helping them…”
Disentitlement to life was indicated in participant descriptions of “existing” rather than “living” life with one participant stating “I’m just waiting for the moment when I will die”. Participants described conflicted feelings about surviving, feeling “happy one minute” and then “it’s just depression”. This fluctuation in emotions and thinking the deceased were “better off” was evident in all accounts.
But Ryotaro tries to hide this from everyone prior to the scene where he and Namatame get into the crash. Now let’s look at how he expresses his survivor’s guilt. His expression of guilt cannot be separated from the fact he is a homicide detective by trade, as many sufferers of survivor's guilt tend to hate themselves for their powerlessness to save the person who died, and furthermore, they often tend to question why they survived and the other person didn't. They also often want revenge, in a sense, especially if they’re homicide survivors like himself, but hate how they don't know how to do it.
Participants felt they did not deserve or earn their survival in any way, which drove a strong desire to repair. Making amends for
surviving appeared to be an attempt to alleviate or ‘work off’ feelings of guilt. Participants reported a range of personally meaningful attempts of making amends or restoring balance. However, most participants were unable to engage in activities that represented repair, generating frustration and distress:
“I’m very down on myself in that, I don’t feel very useful and… to have survived… what I consider at the expense of another… I think do more with life… and it’s frustrating…”
Some participants felt repair was about restoring the balance through revenge or justice:
“I do feel guilty that nothing’s happened to him, they just got away with it, it is a bit coward not going to… not getting ‘em back, I mean, but that’s just a thought in your mind, you can’t really do something like that.”
Participant accounts highlighted that feelings of guilt and disentitlement about surviving generated a need to repair. However, being unable to repair appeared to intensify feelings of guilt and disentitlement to life, suggesting a reciprocal relationship between these themes. Life as “just existing” contradicts the desire to live a more meaningful life. The sense of disentitlement to life appeared to be a barrier to participants feeling they can engage with life and ‘doing’ things that represent repair.
Ryotaro's resentment of his inability to save Chisato is the main reason he's so obsessed with finding who killed her. He has to find justice for her, so he and Nanako can find closure. He technically can do something about surviving, which to him means he has to do it. He says in his Rank 8 that his struggling to find who killed Chisato terrifies him. Ryotaro is constantly beating himself up over not being able to find who killed her, because he thinks it means he’s failed her as her husband.
Which is why he, in the animated series, tells Yu he's chasing Chisato's killer down for Nanako's sake rather than his own--he believes that finding the killer will make him worthy of being her father, since his guilt is clouding his judgement. And he's so adamant about it that he keeps working and working. It’s partly what causes him to be so closed off in his earlier ranks. It’s a fear of vulnerability because he doesn’t want to scare Nanako or Yu as he grieves.
Similarly, the suppression of emotion, often thought to be harmful to psychological adjustment, carries both benefits and costs.
Individuals who report using a high level of expressive suppression tend to experience less positive and more negative emotion, report lower levels of well-being, and receive lower peer ratings of closeness and likability (Gross & John, 2003)
It’s actually mentioned to the Investigation Team by his only friend, Tohru Adachi, that other than himself, Ryotaro doesn’t have much of a relationship with the other cops in the department. And I want to mention Adachi has only been friends with Ryotaro for about a year, having mentioned he first befriended him around spring 2010, which is around the frame where Chisato died.
So Adachi is one of the only people close enough to see the effects of this grief on Ryotaro, albeit he may not be quite aware of what exactly it is as he hasn’t known Ryotaro terribly long. And furthermore, considering how awkward Ryotaro was around Yu in his Rank 1, it’s unlikely Adachi knows how much Ryotaro’s grief affects him, since Adachi himself points out how closed off he is. He probably only vaguely knows that Ryotaro has a wife that was killed, not the extent to which it affects him.
In short, Ryotaro is very isolated, and therefore has absolutely no support because he’s totally denying it to himself. His own best friend doesn’t know what’s going on, and as I’m going to cover, his daughter doesn’t get it either.
Ryotaro also justifies his isolating actions as being for Nanako’s sake, but this utterly screws up his relationship with his daughter Nanako, who is only six to seven. Nanako starts wondering if Ryotaro doesn't love her because of him drowning himself in this murder case.
Ryotaro doesn’t know how to express his grief at all and wants to be strong, thinking he’s doing it for Nanako’s sake. He even asserts she’ll “understand” in his Rank 5. But in reality, Ryotaro just can’t handle his grief and is running from it. You can see it when he tells Nanako to turn off the TV when he sees a case similar to Chisato’s death—he struggles to handle being reminded of it. This is a case of something called complicated grief, which can be summarized as long-lasting acute grief.
The condition of complicated grief, which is also called prolonged grief disorder, affects about 2 to 3% of the population worldwide. This condition is characterized by intense grief that lasts longer than would be expected according to social norms and that causes impairment in daily functioning. Complicated grief can follow the loss of any close relationship. Complicated grief has a prevalence of approximately 10 to 20% after the death of a romantic partner and an even higher prevalence among parents who have lost children; it is more likely when a death is sudden or violent (e.g., by suicide, homicide, or accident) and less common after the loss of a parent, grandparent, sibling, or close friend.
[...]
As in acute grief, the hallmark of complicated grief is persistent, intense yearning, longing, and sadness; these symptoms are usually accompanied by insistent thoughts or images of the deceased and a sense of disbelief or an inability to accept the painful reality of the person’s death. Rumination is common and is often focused on angry or guilty recrimination related to circumstances of the death. Avoidance of situations that serve as reminders of the loss is also common, as is the urge to hold onto the deceased person by constantly reminiscing or by viewing, touching, or smelling the deceased person’s belongings. People with complicated grief often feel shocked, stunned, or emotionally numb, and they may become estranged from others because of the belief that happiness is inextricably tied to the person who died.
The section about avoidance of reminders of the lost is precisely how Ryotaro reacts. We don't know what he did with Chisato's belongings, but we do know that he hid photos of her in the animated series, which confuses Nanako. Not to mention the obvious in his Rank 4 that I just brought up. He also explicitly states in Rank 8 how similar Nanako looks to Chisato. This implies that Ryotaro is running away from Nanako because he keeps seeing Chisato and can’t stand to face her, either.
Especially since he states he’s doing it for her, and with the Rank 3 dialogue that he doesn’t feel like he deserves to be her father, he implies he feels he’s failing her by being unable to find the perpetrator. When the problem is more his commitment to finding said perpetrator.
Furthermore, this ties into the social isolation found in people with complicated grief. Adachi is Ryotaro's only known friend, likely because of his proximity to him as an assistant, and he points out how isolated Ryotaro is. Ryotaro himself even admitted in Rank 3, when he stated he didn't deserve to be Nanako's father, that he struggled to relate to her. He explains this by saying Chisato was the closer of the two, but this is also related to his grief. Though Ryotaro asserts he doesn’t deserve to be Nanako’s father, during Nanako’s Rank 5 she instead places blame on herself over the family being disconnected, asserting that Ryotaro is her “real” father, which means in her eyes that she loves him. Furthermore, we see in both social links that Nanako repeatedly attempts to connect with Ryotaro, such as trying to get him to read her bedtime stories in his Rank 3 and trying to talk him into coming to her school in her own Rank 6, which he initially brushes off to her frustration. Ryotaro is actively pushing away his daughter out of grief and self-hatred, making her mistakenly believe he hates her.
Actually, this discomfort is a phenomenon that can happen. One mother actually reports this in a study about how grief can affect your parenting.
Before it was all of us together [and we] were a family; now it’s just him [son] and I. It’s nice to have a laugh, but you still feel that something’s missing type of thing.
I think one of those things that parents won’t know until they go through it is that you forget that you’re not all feeling the same thing on the same day at the same time. I’ll have those days when I hear a song, and I’ll just feel so blue. I forget that the kids have those, too. It’s like working with Jell-O. What are you supposed to do? That was a surprise, something I wasn’t expecting . . . to feel uncomfortable with [my son].
This is fairly similar to what happened with Ryotaro, as since he struggled with facing his daughter and deceased wife, it affected his parenting. In the animated series it’s shown that Ryotaro removed most memorabilia featuring Chisato, which confused Nanako and made her wonder if he forgot her. Because Nanako’s very different form of grief leads to her wanting to see her mother again more than anything. You can see how Ryotaro’s own grief messes with his parenting in his Rank 5 when he panics when he sees Nanako sick, but decides to take the call from Ishihara instead and runs to him, telling Yu to cover for Nanako.
His social link is mainly about how his grief messes with his relationships, especially with his daughter Nanako, since his intense grief makes him struggle to see anything beyond Chisato’s death. He doesn’t realize he’s wrecking her relationship with the family he has left, as she fears he hates her when he doesn’t at all. As a matter of fact, Ryotaro is afraid. Nanako's Rank 3 shows it when she and Yu go out to do something nice for him, and he scolds her because he's just too afraid of the idea of losing her, even though Yu was there to make sure she was okay—he’s also afraid of losing Yu.
But he mistakenly did something to push Nanako away, since her action was meant to be a gesture of goodwill. During his (and his daughter's) link, Ryotaro slowly realizes the sheer extent to which his grief affects him, and realizes how it's been messing up his parenting. He attempts to justify his behavior to Yu, but Yu isn’t having it since he’s got a clearer view thanks to never having known Chisato, and can see that Ryotaro is making a mistake. Yu consistently points out how Ryotaro’s grief is causing him to run away from his daughter psychologically.
Nanako reaches her breaking point and finally vents out her feelings after running away in her Rank 7, because his blindness and own pain made him not realize how much pain his daughter was in. When she desperately needed him. And they have this exchange in the animated series that makes Ryotaro realize he needs to change.
Nanako Dojima: When Mom was still with us, you and me and Mom would come to this place to pick flowers... it was just the three of us...
Ryotaro Dojima: It was...
Nanako Dojima: Why, Mom!? Tell me, why did you have to leave me!? I just want to see her so bad...!
Ryotaro Dojima: Nanako...
Nanako Dojima, between sobs: I can't help but think sometimes you've forgotten about Mom... You hid all her pictures and you never ever talk about her!! Do you hate her now!?
Ryotaro Dojima: You've got it all wrong...
Nanako: What am I, Dad? Do you hate me too, now?
Ryotaro: Silly goose... you know I could never hate you... and I'm sorry I made you feel that way.
His own Rank 7 has a pretty good portrayal of him realizing more how much he’s been failing his daughter when Yu confronts him and talks him out of going to see Ishihara for the tests on who killed Nanako’s mother.
He apologizes to her in his Rank 9 by throwing a party. He calls it a celebration of truly being a family, to assert to himself and Nanako that he's going to be a good father to her from here on out and support her in her grieving process, since previously he's failed to do so. But in reality it's more than that: it's an apology to Nanako for his previous mistakes, as well as a promise to be a better father. It also echoes his feelings in Rank 3, which is why when Nanako expresses confusion over becoming a family only now, he replies with saying that they're becoming a real one this time, so she doesn't ever fear he doesn't love her, or that he won't ever run from her again. He contextualizes this to Yu after the party's over.
It's obvious that this is something that Nanako needed, but it's something that Ryotaro needed too. I pointed out earlier how complicated grief such as Ryotaro's can affect someone's sociability, and in Ryotaro's case, nearly completely isolated him. But you'll notice another thing throughout his social link: Ryotaro subtly, slowly but surely, becomes less closed off. During the beginning of his link, he's pretty aloof. His Rank 1 has him being almost solely professional towards Yu, though concerned about his safety. He simply asks Yu whether he's been getting involved with the Midnight Channel Case, and tells him to do whatever else. He also was slower to attach to Yu, being relatively dismissive of what he does so long as he doesn’t get hurt in his Rank 1.
Another note is how Ryotaro doesn’t contextualize anything about himself when Yu requests him to in his Rank 2, confused by his desire to know more about him. But through this link, he naturally starts to confide in Yu, even expressing surprise he did it in Rank 7.
He got support from Yu, and his and Nanako's Rank 10s show how he's starting to open up to and support Nanako. Nanako talks about the first open conversation she and Ryotaro had about Chisato, where they reminisce about the flowers in Samegawa RIver. And Nanako, crazily enough, tries to help her dad. Which she’s already been doing since he still hates himself and literally said she’s the reason he’s alive. But she doesn’t know that. The two are now actively connecting, and Ryotaro isn’t pushing Nanako away anymore.
And in Ryotaro's own Rank 10, he takes Nanako to said river. He mentions he’s still planning on working on the case, but states that he’s doing it simply because it’s his job now. He refuses to prioritize it over his relationship with Nanako. It’s been making him worse off.
But even after he and Nanako reconcile, it doesn't wipe away the fact that both Dojimas are very traumatized by Chisato's death, and haven't quite healed yet. The game doesn’t pretend that everything is fine at all, just tries to show that the relationship between the surviving Dojimas has been salvaged. Ryotaro acts pretty reasonably during the Nanako and Namatame arc, since he's trying to save his daughter's life. He immediately mobilizes the police and chases after Namatame, which leads to a car crash that injures him since Namatame dove into the TV. Dojima’s Rank 9 actually foreshadows what happens—he mentions he feels terrified that he’s going to lose his family again.
But what happens after shows that even though he’s reconciled with her and is trying to get better at parenting, Ryotaro has yet to totally recover. He’s still frightened of losing everything again. Losing Nanako. And I think he’s especially afraid here if the two are maxed, because he just tried to patch things up with her and now she’s in danger of dying. Once he’s hospitalized, the minute he can walk, even though he shouldn’t, he keeps wandering around the hospital looking for Yu and Nanako, desperate to know that they’re both okay. Adachi apparently repeatedly has brought Ryotaro back to his hospital bed, and watched over him to make sure he didn’t just wander around. (When Tohru Adachi of all people is being responsible then you know things are dire.) He even bluntly tells the nurse he doesn’t care about his own health, temporarily forgetting that if he dies, Nanako likely won’t have anyone left.
Ryotaro’s self esteem hasn’t improved yet, since he just started opening up. He has learned to prioritize his daughter at this point and is working towards that, but still doesn’t think enough of himself to care for his own health. He beats himself up over not being able to protect Nanako when here, he genuinely did his best and was in over his head. I had both Dojimas maxed out every time I played through these scenes, and he still would always say that.
He always says this because Ryotaro is still in a fragile state, just much better than he used to be. It just goes to show that he (and Nanako) have a long road to recovery, and all they can really do is support each other--especially Ryotaro to his daughter. He is her primary caretaker, after all. And complicated grief is a horrible thing to deal with. It can take years for you to recover from the trauma. This reconciliation and this beginning of a real bond between the Dojimas is just that: the beginning. Neither of them are quite stable yet, just stabilizing. And I think in this case, when it comes to Namatame, Ryotaro is still afraid. He once again feels powerless and like he can’t do anything about his family being in danger. I have to appreciate that the game understands that recovering from trauma and grief is difficult and that the process is very, very long, and that establishing support networks is only the beginning to the Dojimas’ long road to recovery and finally healing and moving on from the death of Chisato.
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