it's difficult to imagine the future when i am so busy in the present. i have so much to consider for tomorrow, so much to prepare for the coming week that i cannot imagine myself in the coming year, much less the year beyond that. a year is not a very long time at all, and yet it's so far away that i don't dare predict what might come next. what projects will i be working on then? what will the group be doing? what will i be known for?
can i admit that i am tired? is it safe, on this piece of paper to be sealed away for the next 365 days, to admit that i am an imperfect person? i know i cannot do it all, and yet i must. because what happens when i become useless? when they no longer need me, when i'm no longer loved by anyone? i know what happens. like a pretty, useless doll, you're put on the shelf, the tall one in a poorly lit corner that no one pays a second glance to. you're forgotten back there, left behind for the newer, prettier things. i'm only twenty-six. i'm too young to be thinking about these things. my career is only just getting started in the grand scheme of things. and yet i am terrified that i will blink and it'll all be over.
failure was never an option for someone like me.
this letter isn't meant to be a diary entry but i suppose i'm treating it like one anyway. can i make a wish for you, for our future? i wish for a restful night's sleep without dreams. just one, a full nine hours, to recharge fully before facing the new day. i wish for so much love in your life that you don't know what to do with it all. i wish for your happiness, for your health, for your success financially and otherwise. i wish that we'll win an award for our acting, just so we have a physical reminder that we're good at this, that some of the harsh words don't come from a place of expertise but a place of envy or arrogance. i wish you can accept kindness, since i'm not all that good at receiving it now.
ah, i never meant to make this so emotional. i have half a mind to crumple this paper and throw it away, but then i would have to do this all again. i don't want to put my soul into ink and paper a second time, so maybe it's best if i just stop writing now.
future self, i hope you are content with the life we're going to live this year. i'll meet you soon.
the air conditioning unit's hum is constant white noise in the background of arin's life, as least while the calendar still shows summer months and the weather forecast promises fittingly seasonal weather. the machine whirrs, sucking the hot air and humidity out of the shared living space in return for cool, dry air that soothes against the summer's heat. that one machine is the single benefit in arin's life that keeps her from boiling over and melting down some days, in some ways more literal than metaphorical.
she knows she does most of it to herself—prideful independence doesn't exactly benefit a girl group after all. but it's hard to be anything else; there's never been a point in her life where choi arin could truly rely on another person. not her mother, who would sooner criticize her weakness before making any attempt to cover it up. not heal it, not strengthen the girl, but hide her flaws behind a careful mask and pray the chips never show through the new coat of paint. not the directors, who only saw her as a product to be sold. not the girls who came and went from kh entertainment long before kismet's debut, even the ones who debuted without her. being able to do it all herself was necessary to arin for her own survival, so she stopped leaning on others at all. nothing ever good came from putting trust in an external source, after all.
the comeback is just days away. one weekend left to practice, to wrap up all the loose ends and clean up sloppy details before they show it on stage. if arin can only name one thing to hate about being in a group—and there are many things that get under her skin on a daily basis—it's the fact that she can only control herself. she can only scold and nag so much, ultimately the other girls are responsible for their own effort and behavior. it's an ever-lingering anxiety in the back of her mind. anyone could screw up and it would be arin who the company staff speaks to first, it would be her fault for not being a better leader.
it's there, sitting in front of the air conditioner after a late night practice, waiting for her turn in the bathroom because it's not worth fighting over who gets to take the least lukewarm shower, that she catches aeri out of the corner of her eye. not that that's anything unusual, it would be more odd if she didn't see another kismet member somewhere in their dorm. it hits arin only then that aeri is someone she doesn't have to worry about. they hardly speak, barely interacting outside of what work demands of them. it's probably arin's fault; she's never been a very open person to begin with. but it's probably the ache in her muscles and the heaviness of her eyes that causes a little sentimentality, at least this once. a rare moment of vulnerable humanity reaching out to a person in this world who seems a little trustworthy and solid when everything else feels like chaos.
"thank you for being easy," arin finds herself saying, her words blending with the hum of the ac unit's fan and turning them more robotic than usual. "not in a weird way. i just never have to worry about you. i should let you know i appreciate that."
maybe aeri will think she's weird. arin didn't consider that before she opened her mouth, her brain a little sluggish in its exhaustion. ah, well. she can try to salvage the situation, to let aeri simply ignore the gratitude given out of the blue and move on with whatever she was doing anyway. "sorry. i didn't mean to bother you."
as promised, here is the counterpart to my original intro from @kim-jiu, this time for miss arin! i'm still mars, i'm still accessible by ims or discord (upon request), and the protocol is still to like or reply to this post so i can hit you up for plotting!
some info and plot ideas about arin under the cut!
like jiu, arin has her own profile and history pages that already give a lot of info about her! so i'll try to just add stuff that's not already there and sum it all up!
in a very short summary, arin is a nepo baby who's actually worked quite hard to be where she is now. her mother is fairly famous, but not as much with the current generation as she is with people 40+, and her father was an executive with deep ties to the entertainment industry (he's not dead, just retired now). arin grew up in the spotlight and had acting and modeling credits to her name before she hit double digits. she was signed to kh entertainment extremely young, in 2012 before she had even turned 12 herself, and has been training all this time. she was too young to debut in serene and was ultimately removed from i:ris's lineup due to not fitting the concept, and very nearly left at that point. but then she was promised the next group, and eventually debuted in kismet!
and now for some relationship ideas/jumping off points...
arin's not too sure about being a leader. she has an excessive amount of industry experience but not too much people experience. she'd be very open to having a mentor or another figure who can help her navigate some of the nuances of dealing with real human beings and all of their annoying thoughts and feelings.
along the same lines... i imagine that the poor girl has had a very difficult time making friends with other women. she's been in competition mode (for roles/gigs, or just to debut at all) for so long, she watched so many trainees come and go in her years with the company, plus she's a closeted lesbian and overthinks all of her interactions with women especially those she's attracted to. all those things combined make normal human interaction awkward and uncomfortable for her, but she's doing her best!
she can be a little stiff and formal but she's always overly polite. maybe someone can help her let her hair down, metaphorically? maybe teach her how to unclench and simply enjoy things?
her public image is so different from her private/real personality. all of those bubbly smiles for the camera? completely gone behind the scenes. she's an actress, after all! someone who approaches her mistakenly thinking she can't be so different than the girl on camera might be an interesting first meeting thread!
i would love some rivals in her life, someone she's still competing with for acting roles or brand sponsorships or even to just be the top ranked search result (in a good way). she's extremely competitive. and someone she can be a little snippy or snarky around would be fun to write, i think!
LEADER, LEAD VOCALIST, LEAD DANCER of KISMET.
KH ENTERTAINMENT.
CHARACTER INFORMATION
faceclaim: kim jiwoo (chuu), soloist
legal name: choi arin
stage name:
pronouns: she/her
birthday: september 19, 2000
hometown: seoul, south kroea
position: leader, lead vocalist, lead dancer of kismet
career claims: career page
BIOGRAPHY
content / trigger warnings: body image, allusions to abuse/child exploitation (labor)
choi arin was born to be a star whether she wanted to be or not. her mother was already famous in her own right, stepping away from the public’s eye just long enough to carry and deliver her first and only child. her father had his fingers in all of the most decadent pots in the korean entertainment industry, paving the way for his beautiful, much younger wife wherever he could. arin’s birth was announced to the media the same way one might announce it to family. mere months later, she was being paraded around on set; the first role of her career would be as her mother’s character’s infant child, only needed for a handful of scenes and hardly more than a prop.
the girl grew up under harsh lights and rolling cameras. if there wasn’t a television or movie role to audition for, there was always commercials and kids’ fashion brands to model for. the family appeared in variety shows, their private life on display for the world. because that’s what ji minyoung always wanted, to be known and adored throughout the continent.
tw: body image arin never knew a life where she wasn’t being criticized. if it wasn’t by a director it was by a hundred anonymous comments online, each finding a creative new way to voice their dislike for nepotism in the entertainment industry. if it wasn’t a stranger, it was her own mother, running a knuckle up arin’s spine to fix her posture, pinching her thighs and telling her that she’s getting too fat, telling her that her tears looked forced and faked (even when she had never been crying so earnestly in her life as she was then). she accepted it. what else could she do?
reprieve came in the form of a new type of prison. it may have been her father’s idea to introduce her to the talent scouts at kh entertainment; no doubt he knew someone with sway at that company. when the idea was first introduced, she had no idea about singing or dancing. those were things that normal kids did, happy kids who didn’t have a schedule packed with costume fittings and rehearsals. still, they must have seen some sort of talent in her other than a pretty face, since she hadn’t yet hit her twelfth birthday by the time she was pressing her thumbprint into a contract, her parents’ prints giving their approval as well.
what arin lacked in musical experience she made up for with dedication to learning the craft, throwing herself into her lessons in a desperate bid to prove her worth to the company. it wasn’t so much to throw off the resentment of her peers, who all knew of the nepotistic nature of her career so far, but rather to please the authority figures who held her future in their hands. she had already been called every mean thing under the sun, numb to the words of those who resented her. she just didn’t want to go home, especially not as a failure.
the security she began to feel as a known member of kh rookies came crashing down when she was told she was being removed from the group of trainees who would go on to become i:ris. it wasn’t her age, it wasn’t that she couldn’t sing and dance as well as the others, but rather it was her face, her vibe. she just didn’t fit the concept they were going for.
at that point, arin thought that might be the end of her career with kh entertainment. but they kept her on. they told her to wait, to bide her time, because they had plans for her for the future. it took five more years and dozens of girls being rotated in and out of the project but when it came time, she finally stood on stage as the leader of kismet.
PUBLIC IMAGE
some of the public feels that they've watched arin grow up, like they're her big siblings or even parents watching her come into her own and make her way as an adult in this world. while the perception of her nepotistic connections will never truly fade away, her time with kh entertainment has shifted her image to something more earnest. she's known to the public as a hard worker, a studious "class president" type who puts her nose to the grindstone and battles it out until she comes out on top, no matter what anyone says.
arin is presented to the public as a bright, intelligent young woman who uses her experience in the industry for the betterment of her team. she's your classmate that all the parents adore, yet her apparent kindness makes it hard to resent her. it shows in the way she holds herself on stage, the experience she has in front of the cameras, and the way she seems to gently lead the other members of kismet when their experience runs less deep.
there's an elegance and brightness to the girl as far as the public is concerned. her earnestness makes her charming and relatable, her beauty makes her elegant and polished. the word "idol" suits her well; she's posed to the public as someone they want to be friends with or want to become. the brand ambassadorships chosen for her by the company carefully avoid anything too luxurious just yet, keeping with a sort of refined girl next door sort of vibe.
baratheonpilled
2087
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