its been a while since i wrote a blog, so im gonna sit here + think out loud.
someone just sent me a video from july 2nd, 2010 of me singing “jar of hearts.” i had never performed it before and we needed a live video so people could put my face to the song, so i popped into the village recording studio in los angeles with one camera and i sang my heart out.
i remember when those chord progressions were new.
i remember the excitement, terror, nerves, relief, traveling, pain, worry and joy.
i remember the support and the encouragement.
i remember you and your stories.
i remember watching my feet.
i remember wondering what was going on.
i remember that i don’t remember very much.
but this video, tonight… wow.
that twenty three year old little girl.
watching this video made me warm and it made me ache.
i want to tell her whatever she does it’s good enough even though she’s not sure and will never be sure.
i want to whisper in her ear that its ok she doesn’t know how to do this, because she’s about to learn.
i want to make her s t o p and believe it.
i want to warn her about a couple guys who are gonna break her heart.
i want to suggest she speak up when she’s losing control.
i want to ask her to try a little harder even when she’s tired.
i want to grab her face and tell her she’s beautiful.
i want to stop her from trusting the world so much.
i want to break the box she’s about to climb into.
i want to be beside her when she cries.
i want to hold her hand when she starts to f l y.
truth is, i can’t and its better this way.
who she figured out she wanted to be.
who she fell in love with.
who she trusted along the way.
who she let, let her down.
who she saw and who she didn’t.
who she dreamed of being.
i’ve been on my in-between album two and three now for 139 days. i wish i could say its been all family hangs, lego making + sleeping. but i’ve been going a mile a minute and i wouldn’t change a thing. so many things are happening. its like jumping off the biggest mountain i’ve ever climbed. i feel rested yet i’m free falling. my heart is very full and my eyes are very open. i can honestly say, i feel exactly the way i did the day i started.
album one & album two were one piece.
and i see now, i have so many more p i e c e s.
i’m beginning to find them all.
i’m beginning to put them together.
and very soon, they will become what i show you next.
i love you, and i think of you everyday.
germansingergirl
gamechangershow
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
