Lustful Agony
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x plus size!reader
Summary: It's sex pollen, aka my favorite trope.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, an insane amount of smut, dubcon (cuz sex pollen), unprotected sex (p in v), oral (F receiving), masturbation (F).
"Would you please be careful?" you snapped.
Your partner froze and offered you a sheepish smile. "Sorry, doc. I wasn't paying attention."
"I noticed," you huffed. "There are any number of things in here that could kill us, so tread lightly."
"Maybe I should wait here."
You glanced in his direction and nodded. "You know what? Good idea. Stay there and don't touch anything."
You continued on through the dusty lab, hoping to find at least one working computer, but after 20 minutes, it seemed hopeless. Every computer had been destroyed and most of the paper files had been shredded or burned. All that remained was hundreds of glass vials filled with various liquids and gases that did gods-only-knew what.
"I'm starting to think this might be a burn and run," you called back to Bucky--still standing where you'd left him on the other side of the lab.
"If we blow this place, is there gonna be a toxic cloud?"
You shot an annoyed look in his direction. "I said 'burn', James, not 'blow'. We're not blowing up a lab filled with unknown chemicals and biological agents."
"Right, yeah." He looked at the ground, feeling slightly embarrassed. He always seemed to make a fool of himself in front of you and he hated it. He never wanted to be the fool, especially around you.
Your well-trained eyes scanned the room again before falling on a secured biological containment chamber. You knew that would be the best option for storing items for burning. All you'd need to do was get all the bio vials into the chamber and light it up.
You crossed the room to the chamber, feeling Bucky's eyes following you. He hated being in a position where he felt like he couldn't protect you, but he was out of his element here. As the resident hazardous materials expert, this was your area of brilliance.
You grumbled in annoyance when you noticed the lock on the containment chamber was activated. You were familiar with this particular model, and if you were lucky, these Hydra assholes hadn't been smart enough to bother changing the code. You input the pin, silently crossing your fingers, a smile spreading across your face when you heard the distinct sound of the mechanism unlocking.
You lifted the hood slowly, hoping to find the chamber empty. You had a momentary thought that you and Bucky should be wearing appropriate PPE, but the thought occurred to you too late.
A sound of surprise escaped your lips as a puff of sweet-smelling pink dust blew into your face from inside the cabinet. The tactical suit and gloves you were wearing did nothing to protect your respiratory system from the unknown substance.
The dust seemed to dissolve almost instantly, fading into nothingness before you could even alert Bucky to the hazard. He, of course, had heard your surprised gasp, thanks to his super soldier hearing.
"Doc? Everything okay?" he called worriedly.
"Not sure," you replied. "I, uh, I got hit in the face with some pink dust...and I'm willing to bet it's not fairy dust."
Bucky's blood ran cold. "Pink dust?"
"Yeah, smelled like some kind of super sweet candy--or those sugary wine coolers I drank in college."
Any color that remained in Bucky's face quickly drained. "Look at me."
His tone was so firm, it frightened you. Bucky normally joked around with you, but you could hear the fear in his voice and it scared you more than anything else.
You turned to face him and his expression confirmed your fears. "Do you know what it is?"
Bucky nodded. "I think so, but we won't know for sure for at least 30 minutes, possibly longer."
"Am I going to die?" your voice was so soft--so small--that even he almost didn't hear it.
"Not if I can help it."
When your eyes met his piercing blue orbs, he could see the terror reflected in them. He wanted to go to you, help you, but he knew he couldn't--not if you still had even the slightest trace of the dust on you.
"You need to rinse off before we get out of here," Bucky said calmly. "If it's what I think it is, then I can't get that stuff anywhere near me."
"Why? What'll happen?"
Bucky's gaze didn't quite meet yours. "I will tear you apart and not even realize it."
His words cut you like a knife. You knew deep in your soul Bucky would never hurt you, but if this substance could turn him into a wild animal, you wondered what the hell it was going to do to you.
You'd spotted a decontamination area when you'd first entered the lab, so you slowly made your way there, careful to avoid getting anywhere near Bucky.
Bucky radioed in to Sam to give him an update on the situation. You heard him describing what had happened and asking for another team to be sent in to destroy the facility.
You stood under the spray of the shower head and let the water pummel your skin. The pressure was almost painful, but you knew it was necessary to ensure the substance was no longer on your skin. You'd inhaled it, so you were screwed, but there was no reason for Bucky to be too.
After several minutes, you felt comfortable saying you were clean. You just wanted to get the hell out of this lab and back home.
You voiced as much to Bucky, but he shook his head slowly. "You're not gonna make it all the way home, (Y/N)."
You didn't like Bucky's use of your first name in this context...he always called you 'doc', and the change made you feel like death was around the corner.
Your face must have given away your fear because he continued. "I just mean you won't make it home before the symptoms start. Once they do, you won't want to be around anyone."
"So what do we do?"
"Safe house. It's our only option."
You groaned inwardly. You had zero desire to stay in that drafty little cabin another night, but you trusted Bucky's instincts, so you simply nodded.
Bucky was quick to usher you back to the quinjet, filling you in on his conversation with Sam. "He'll send in another team in full Level A hazmat gear. They'll take care of the place."
"Okay."
"You alright, doc? How you feelin'?"
"I feel fine so far. Just moderately terrified."
"Don't be. You're gonna be fine."
You wanted to believe him--really you did--but there was something in his voice that made you question if he even believed it.
By the time the jet touched down by the cabin, 25 minutes had passed since the moment of infection. Bucky still hadn't told you what you were dealing with and it was driving you insane.
You followed Bucky into the cabin and watched him drop his bag on the floor. He turned to look at you, eyes clearly sizing you up, checking to see if you were okay.
"Just tell me," you whispered--somewhere between a plea and a demand.
He sighed deeply. "How do you feel?"
You closed your eyes and took mental stock of your body, seeking anything out of the ordinary. "I feel hot, but that could just be the anxiety."
"How hot?"
"I don't know, like feverish, I guess."
Bucky groaned and the sound sent a wave of need through your body--a need that shocked you to your very core. This was absolutely not the time for your stupid crush to rear its head.
"Please don't hit me, okay? I'm just gonna touch your hand."
"Why would I hit you?" you asked a second before his flesh hand met yours. The feeling was pleasant and it warmed you from the inside out, until he removed his hand. You inhaled sharply as an intense pain you couldn't describe shot through you.
Bucky jerked his hand away, his worst fears confirmed. "I know what it is."
"Please," you whimpered.
"It's a biological agent Hydra developed when their attempts to make a useable super soldier serum failed. It was designed to induce a euphoric sexual state that would result in agony and possible death if penetrative sex was not performed and an orgasm was not achieved."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Hydra believed they could create super soldiers the old fashion way--by breeding them. Sprinkle some of the magic dust on a super soldier and he'd fuck his way through a room full of women without a single care for their well-being. They called it 'sex pollen'."
Your breathing was labored as pain began to spread through your body. You tried desperately to ignore it and focus on Bucky's words. "What happened?"
Bucky couldn't look at you as he responded softly, "None of the women survived the mating process."
You realized now what he'd meant back at the lab. You didn't really want to know, but you found yourself asking the question anyway, "Did they do it to you?"
Bucky closed his eyes, desperately trying to push the dark memories back down. "Yeah. They did."
"I'm sorry," you whispered.
Bucky shook his head, banishing the memories. "It doesn't matter. What matters now is how we handle this."
"If the sex pollen had that kind of effect on a super soldier, what's it gonna do to me?"
"I imagine it's going to be significantly worse for you if you don't...umm--if you don't reach climax."
"So I have to orgasm? Seriously?"
"I wish it were that simple."
Before you could respond, you doubled over in pain, an agonized groan escaping your parted lips.
Bucky rushed to you without thinking and laid his hands on your arms. You let out a pained whine and he pulled away, suddenly remembering what was happening.
"It feels like my skin is on fire," you cried.
"I know, doll. I know."
It was killing Bucky not to be able to help you. He was your protector in every situation, but he couldn't protect you from this. He knew exactly what kind of hell you were in for and it nearly broke him.
The waves of pain subsided and you were able to pull yourself upright. "Well this is fun," you mumbled.
"It's gonna get worse, (Y/N). Much, much worse."
"That's comforting, Buck. Thank you."
He gave you a sad look. "You can't do this alone."
"What do you mean?"
"The pollen was designed to force the creation of life...the only way to alleviate the pain is to give the pollen what it wants."
Your brain had become too muddled to understand what he was saying. "Plain English, Buck. Please."
"You, uh, you have to have sex."
"So you're saying I can't just masturbate this away?"
Bucky shook his head. "You have to have sex and your partner has to umm--ejaculate inside you."
Another wave of pain raked its claws through your skin, but you managed to stay upright this time. "What happens if I don't?"
You saw the look of sadness on Bucky's face and you knew you wouldn't like his answer. "You'll die."
"Well, fuck." You winced, reaching out to grab the back of the couch for stability. The pain was only increasing and you knew it was a matter of time before you couldn't take it any longer. "How sure are you that I'll die?"
"I mean, I don't know any regular humans that survived contact with the pollen. They were used as test subjects during its creation."
"I swear, Hydra gets more disgusting every time I learn something new."
Bucky was dying to help you. Seeing you in pain was agonizing for him and he knew his pain paled in comparison to yours. He would do anything for you--all you need do was ask.
"I'm gonna try waiting it out," you said firmly.
"What?" Bucky said, shock evident in his tone.
"I'm sure as hell not gonna force you to fuck me, Bucky. So I'm gonna wait it out."
"(Y/N), you're not forcing me to do anything. I'm offering to help. I don't want you to die."
You shook your head. "I'd rather die than force you into this."
"I'm offering--"
"Don't," you snapped. "No matter what you say, I'm going to feel like I'm forcing you to do something and I can't deal with that. So please, let me try to handle this alone."
Bucky knew for a fact he could overpower you with ease, especially when you were in such a state. He could make the pain stop and you would be glad for it in the moment. But he couldn't do it. He would never ever hurt you like that, even if it meant watching you die. It just wasn't something he was capable of.
"Okay, doll."
You could tell he didn't want to agree, but you were glad he wasn't arguing. All you wanted to do was tear your clothes off and try to find some sort of relief. The fire burning under your skin was intensifying by the second.
"I'm gonna take a cold shower and lock myself in the bedroom. Please stay out here."
Bucky simply nodded. He wanted to sit on this couch and listen to the sounds of your pain about as much as he wanted to get shot in the face. But he respected you too much to ignore your wishes.
You dragged yourself into the bathroom and stripped down to nothing before climbing into the cold shower. The frigid water seemed to help at first, but you discovered the effects were short-lived.
You leaned your head against the cold tile and let out a pained sob. You wanted the pain to stop so badly, but you didn't want to involve Bucky. You couldn't. Bucky was your closest friend and partner. His was the relationship you valued most in life and you wouldn't risk it for anything. It didn't matter you were in love with him. It didn't matter you'd wanted him from the moment you'd laid eyes on him. What mattered is you knew he didn't feel the same.
Bucky had a new girl in his bed several times a week. You were pretty sure you'd never seen the same girl twice in the three years you'd known him. Each one was a tall, blonde, model-thin, gorgeous woman. You didn't check a single one of those boxes. You didn't think Bucky was shallow, he just had a type. He was one of the hottest men you'd ever seen, so it only made sense for him to be with the hottest women.
You didn't think you were ugly, by any means. You just weren't his type. You were shorter, very curvy, girl-next-door average. You'd accepted it long ago and vowed to never tell him how you felt for fear of jeopardizing your friendship. Your current situation was as close as you could get to your biggest fear and you weren't willing to risk it. You loved him too much to lose him entirely. Even if he insisted he was willing to help, you knew he would come to regret it. Things would be awkward between you and eventually your friendship would come to an end.
"Not worth the risk," you muttered to yourself.
The cooling effects of the shower had long since worn off, so you turned off the water and grabbed a towel. As you wrapped it around your body, you found it was too small to cover everything and the scratchy material was painful against your overly sensitive skin.
You dropped the towel to the ground and opened the door a crack. "Bucky?"
"Yeah, doll?"
"Um, the towel hurts my skin, so um...please don't look while I walk to the bedroom."
Bucky inhaled deeply, calming himself. Sure, he wasn't impacted by the pollen, but the fact that your naked body was a few feet away from him certainly did.
"I'll close my eyes."
You tentatively opened the door and peeked out. You could see Bucky sitting on the couch, eyes closed as promised. You quickly rushed from the bathroom to the open bedroom door, shutting it behind you. In your haste to get out of sight, you neglected to lock the door.
You nearly collapsed onto the bed, the need to feel some relief the only thing on your mind. Normally, you would have been embarrassed to even consider touching yourself when Bucky was so close by, but this was an extreme circumstance. You mentally told yourself you needed to be quiet at the very least, given his excellent hearing.
You tried to get as comfortable as you could, but it was impossible. The only parts of your body that didn't ache were the ones you were actively touching. You slipped your dominant hand between your legs and felt another wave of embarrassment hit when you felt just how wet you were.
The moment your fingers brushed between your folds, you let out a loud moan. You slapped your hand across your mouth and hoped Bucky mistook the sound for one of pain.
Bucky was breathing heavily as he sat on the couch less than 10 feet from the bedroom door. He could hear every tiny little sound you made, even as you desperately tried to stay quiet.
He knew he shouldn't be turned on by those sounds--not when you were experiencing something so awful--but he couldn't help it. He'd dreamed of hearing you moan for him a hundred times before. It took all his will-power to not bust down that door and give you what you needed.
You let out a particularly obscene moan and Bucky had to stifle his own. His cock strained against his pants and he hated himself for being turned on. He tried to tell himself it wasn't his fault--he'd wanted you for years--but he couldn't shake the feeling of shame.
Ten minutes went by and the sounds coming from the bedroom continued. Bucky gripped the back of the couch with all his strength, determined to not give himself even a modicum of pleasure from this.
Another five minutes passed and he heard you let out a pained sob. His heart skipped a beat and he listened closely for any more noise. He heard the distinct sounds of you crying and his resolve broke. He immediately went to your door and knocked.
"Doll? You okay?"
"It hurts so much," you whimpered.
He leaned his forehead against the door. "I know, sweetheart. Please let me help you. Please."
He could hear you writhing around on the bed, whimpers of pain reaching his ears and making him tear up.
"I can't--it didn't work," you cried. "I'm so hot--it hurts."
"Please, baby," Bucky begged. He placed his hand on the doorknob, dying to turn it and get to you.
"Bucky," you whimpered.
The pain in that one simple word made his decision for him. He turned the knob and was surprised to find the door unlocked. He opened the door a crack, but kept his eyes away from the bed.
"Let me help you," he pleaded again.
Your eyes roamed his gorgeous figure and you let out a choked sob. Nothing else mattered in that moment--all you could think about was him.
"Make it stop," you begged him.
Bucky's eyes snapped open, meeting yours in a desperately hungry look. He didn't say a word, didn't even allow his brain to process the deeper meaning of what he was about to do. You'd asked him to help you--to stop the pain--so that was exactly what he was going to do.
He stripped out of his tactical suit as fast as possible, leaving himself in his boxer briefs, cock straining to be set free.
You reached out a hand to him and he went to you without a thought. He climbed onto the bed, hovering over you as his eyes scanned your face.
"Are you sure about this, doll?" he asked softly.
"I need you," you whimpered back.
Those three little words shattered the sliver of resolve he'd had left. His lips met yours in a hungry, devouring kiss--all teeth and tongue. His hands latched onto your soft curves, touching every inch of skin he could reach.
Everywhere he touched felt like ice against your burning skin. The sensation both incredible and painful all at once. Whatever bit of shyness or insecurity you had was wiped away by the sheer intensity of it all.
Bucky's lips attacked your neck, your jaw, your collarbone--nipping and sucking bruising marks into your skin. While it felt good, it wasn't nearly enough.
"Need more."
Bucky nudged his knee between your legs to spread them wider for him. "I know, baby. I know."
He quickly descended down to your aching core, blowing hot air against it in a teasing manner. You whined and scratched at his scalp, reminding him this was not the time for teasing.
He flicked his tongue between your pussy lips, seeking out your clit immediately. The second his tongue brushed against it, you cried out in pleasure--the first real feeling of relief you'd had since you'd been infected.
Bucky smiled to himself as he settled in to properly feast on your pussy, reveling in the essence of you against his tongue, invading all of his senses.
You gripped his hair in one hand and the sheet in the other, gyrating wildly as Bucky ate you with abandon. The pleasure was blinding, but you could still feel the undercurrent of raging fire flowing through your veins.
Bucky seemed to instinctively know exactly what you enjoyed, following your body like he had a roadmap to your pleasure points. He sent you over the edge with ease three times before finally coming up for air.
You reached for him, still hungry for more. "Bucky."
"I'm here, baby." He kissed you deeply, hands gripping your hips tightly. He wanted to take his time with you, but he knew he couldn't--you needed more from him and you needed it now.
He was quick to discard his underwear before lining himself up with your entrance. His cock nudged against your aching hole and you both moaned.
"Please, please, please, please..." you begged.
Bucky knew what you needed and he wasted no time sheathing himself inside of you. You cried out in pain as his cock stretched you more than you'd ever experienced before. The pain quickly subsided into pleasure and the pollen seemed to sense its purpose was near.
You felt a surge of need and you begged him to fuck you. "I need it, please, Bucky."
"I've got you, sweetheart." He began to thrust gently, trying his best not to hurt you. The sensations began to overwhelm him as much as they were overwhelming you, prompting him to move faster--losing himself in the feeling of you.
"Fuck, baby. You take my cock so well."
Your pussy fluttered in response, a soft whine escaping your lips.
"Best pussy I've ever had. So tight and wet for me. Made for me, weren't you?"
You nodded rapidly, not really registering what he was saying.
"How many times you think I can make you cum, baby? Six? Seven? Think the pollen can get you there?"
Your eyes widened at his words. Unsure if that was possible even with pollen.
Bucky grinned down at you. "I think I can get seven. Bet this pussy will give me whatever I want, won't she? Gonna make my girl scream my name all night long."
You felt the coil in your belly snap as another orgasm rushed through you. You clung to Bucky, a string of profanity spilling past your lips.
Bucky didn't let you come down from it before pushing your body towards another orgasm. He wanted to feel you gripping his cock like this as long as possible--especially since he might never feel it again.
"Baby, you feel so good," he murmured, placing soft kisses to your face. "Love the way you're squeezing me."
"Feels so good, Bucky," you moaned.
"Fuck, been wanting to hear you say that for so long. Needed to be inside this tight little pussy so badly. It's better than I ever imagined."
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you wanted to ask what he meant--if he'd really imagined it, but you were too far gone to articulate a coherent thought.
As another orgasm crashed into you, you momentarily wondered if it was possible to die from overwhelming pleasure. You'd been in so much pain for so long and the sudden change to blinding pleasure was incredible. It was unlike anything you'd ever experienced.
"How many more can you give me, sweetheart?"
"Wanfeelcum," you mumbled incoherently.
"What was that, baby? Too fucked out to speak?"
"Wanna feel you cum, Bucky," you begged.
He was already so close to the edge he nearly lost control at the sound of your voice. But if he was being honest with himself, he didn't want this to end. He was scared if he came, if he gave you what you needed, then you'd be satiated and it would all be over.
"Need to feel you cum on my cock at least one more time, baby."
You whimpered, but nodded your consent.
Bucky picked up the pace, hitting your sweet spot with each thrust. You weren't sure whether it was the pollen or his skill, but you went flying over the edge of blinding pleasure with an intensity you'd never experienced. You screamed his name as the waves crashed over you, pussy gushing juices as you squirted all over his cock and abdomen.
"Fuck yeah, baby. So fucking sexy..." he murmured. "Gonna fill you up. Give you what you want."
"Want your cum," you begged.
"That's right, pretty girl. Gonna give you my cum. Fill up this sweet pussy till you're stuffed."
"Yes, Bucky! Please!"
Bucky's hips stuttered as he came, filling your pussy with ropes of warm cum. Bucky kept thrusting slowly as he whispered your name into your skin over and over like a prayer.
Slowly, the haze created by the sex pollen began to fade, leaving you completely blissed out. Awareness of what you'd done began to creep in, but the feel of Bucky's weight on top of you kept you in the moment.
He finally slowed to a halt, but his lips were still pressing into your hot skin. After several more moments, he raised himself up just enough to kiss you sweetly, making sure you felt his adoration.
The moment he rolled off you, the full weight of what you'd done hit you like a ton of bricks. If your body would have cooperated, you would have turned over onto your side, curled up in a ball, and cried.
Bucky felt the sudden shift in your demeanor and he felt his heart clench in his chest. "(Y/N/N)..."
"I'm sorry," you whispered.
Surprise lit up his face. "What?"
"I shouldn't have done that--I'm so sorry."
"I'm gonna stop you right there." He sat up a little so he could look down at your face. You wouldn't meet his gaze, but he continued anyway. "Don't you dare think for a single second that I did something I didn't want to do. You were in pain and I couldn't let that stand. I would do anything for you, (Y/N). Anything. I don't regret it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."
Your eyes finally raised to meet his and you saw nothing but honesty in his gaze. You knew he cared about you, but you were still worried you'd crossed a line neither of you could come back from.
Bucky stared at your face, taking in just how incredibly beautiful you were. He was trying to commit it to memory--never wanting to forget any bit of it.
"Thank you," you whispered.
Bucky shook his head. "You don't have to thank me, doll. Like I said, I wanted to." He paused for a moment, a silent war raging inside of him. He seemed to make a decision and once he did, the words just flowed from his mouth. "I mean it, (Y/N). I've wanted to for years--wanted you for years. I never wanted it to happen like this, but fuck baby...here we are. I would do anything you asked of me, okay? I'll rip my own heart out and light it on fire if you ask me to. So if you ask me to pretend this never happened, I will, but I need you to know I don't want to. I want to make love to you over and over again, hear you scream my name, watch your beautiful face as you fall apart for me...I want you. I will always want you."
You were completely breathless by the time he stopped talking. The words coming out of his mouth weren't what you'd ever expected to hear. "You want me?"
"I've always wanted you. Every part of you. Inside and out."
"What about all the other women?"
"What?"
"The ones you bring home all the time."
He touched your face gently, turning your head to look at him directly. "They're fine for a night, but they're not you. They were a poor substitute for the woman I really wanted, but couldn't have."
"Bucky..."
He looked a little crestfallen, mistaking your tone for rejection. "It's okay if you don't feel the same--"
Your hand gently pressed against his lips, shutting him up instantly. "If I could move properly, I would have kissed you to shut you up."
His eyes lit up and a small smile played on his lips.
"Of course I feel the same. Of course I want you. I only pushed you away tonight because I didn't want to lose you. I was afraid you would regret it."
He leaned down so he was inches away from your lips. "Oh sweetheart, I could never regret anything to do with you."
Your lips curled up in a sweet smile. "Really?"
"Mhmm."
"Buck?"
"Hmm?"
"Any chance we can make love? I wanna be in the moment...really in it."
"Right now?" he asked in surprise.
You nodded.
His lips met yours in a loving kiss. "I'm more than happy to oblige."
You grinned as he rolled back on top of you, lips pressing against yours hungrily.
"I'll make love to you as many times as you want. Whatever you want, I'll give you. Just ask."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
You smirked slowly. "Then I might have some ideas..."
"Oh really?"
"Oh yes." You pulled his face down to yours to whisper some of your inner desires into his ear.
"My god," he murmured. "You're gonna be the death of me."
You laughed lightly and he joined in before pulling you in for a passionate kiss, dead-set on giving you everything you wanted and more.
