Video Games as headlines from the Onion
Borderlands 2: Dad way scarier when controlling temper
Dark Souls: Video game character wondering why heartless god always chooses ‘continue’
Dead Space: Area man just in bad mood because he’s tired and an awful human being
Dying Light: 27-year-old lies about every aspect of his life to keep everyone from worrying
The Elder Scrolls V - Skyrim: Somebody’s got to save this country from certain doom, and let’s face it, that person is me
Fallout 4: Man thinking about packing up and making exact same mistakes someplace far away
Fallout - New Vegas: Badly injured man not done partying yet
Far Cry 3: Cult leader pretty cool, actually
Far Cry 4: That sucker Jesus has forgiven me for some pretty bad sins
Grand Theft Auto V: Hi, in the past 2 years, you’ve allowed me to kill 70,000 people
Hotline Miami: Employee wishes he had enough job security to voice opinion
The Last of Us: Man miscast in role of father
Mass Effect 1: Entire precinct made up of loose cannons
Mass Effect 2: Man always carries gun in case he needs to escalate situation
Mass Effect 3: Man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he had
Max Payne 3: Man does good job getting drunk
Metal Gear Rising - Revengeance: INSANELY CUTE child soldiers
Metal Gear Solid V - The Phantom Pain: Best friends each secretly think of the other as the sidekick
Mirror’s Edge: Woman has few enough friends to consider confiding in sister
Overwatch: Advice to enjoy being young came out way sadder than intended
Ratchet and Clank: Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day
The Sims: I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out
Tomb Raider: Area woman’s safety net braces for another impact
Uncharted: Man just wants to get rich, accidentally saves world
The Witcher 3: Sometimes I think I’m the only one who gives a shit about rich, lustrous hair
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