how i feel after i start a 75k fic at 2am

oozey mess

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@cinplyme
how i feel after i start a 75k fic at 2am
Rejoice, “let’s fake a relationship for Christmas” fanfic season is upon us.
Don’t forget “snowed in and have to share a bed” season.
Also there is a blizzard and only ONE BED at the inn
and of course the heat isn’t working. whatever will they do for warmth
Bellarke fandom seeing beliza on Twitter:
the 100 fandom: beliza would make such a cute couple, too bad they’re nothing more than best friends
beliza: *gets married*
the 100 fandom:
I wanna read about the same two idiots falling in love again and again, in different ways, times and worlds just because I’m a sucker for love between two fictional characters
Enchantress: I turn you into a hideous Beast. What are the names of your servants?
The Prince: Lumiere, Cogsworth, Mrs. Potts -
Enchantress:
I BURST OUT FUCKING LAUGHING OMG
Please talk about the mummy returns
pristinepastel said: Hey, i know you like the first mummy, but what about the mummy returns?
I HAVE RETURNED…after like a day.
but what the people want, the people get!
RIGHT SO THE MUMMY RETURNS!
aka the only sequel that is 1000% just as good as the first one. like holy shit.
ten years later and we meet our heroes again. rick and evie are happily married, going on adventures, and evie’s dream of becoming a respected scholar has come true and they’ve made a tiny human!
the only unrealistic part being that they only had one kid, i mean they are still all over each other ten years later and you’re telling me they only had ONE kid.
okay. sure jan.
but boy o’ boy is that one kid awesome!
alex o’connell. this kid is literally:
50% evie super-klutz-genius.
50% rick screams-at-things-that-are-illogical-to-scream-at.
50% uncle jonathan’s sheer dumb luck and wit.
10% i’m really bad at math.
you get the point. HE’S GREAT. also the actor passed on harry potter because, JUST LIKE ME, the mummy 1999 was his favorite movie and he just HAD to be in the sequel. alex is just such a smart-ass little shit. that much like his mother, accidentally brings about the apocalypse by opening something he shouldn’t have:
ARDETH BAY TIME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. he has a much bigger role in this one. GOD BLESS. (because he was supposed to die in the first one, but test audiences loved him as much as we do, so they kept his fine ass around) he still looks prettier than everyone and is still so done with white people once again.
*after almost being killed on he bus* “this was my first bus ride.”*after realizing they’re gonna make him fly again* “why can’t you people ever keep your feet on the ground?”
he’s just such an awesome A+ friend goals, because while he probably needs to go be with other medjai to prepare for battle against anubis’ army (yikes), he stays with the fam to rescue alex. it wasn’t even much of a thought for him really, rick and evie just batted their eyelashes and he was like: *sighs* “these white people are always messing my shit up, but they are my white people.”
jonathan: still beautifully the same as ever. witty, clever, and would do anything for his family.
“be quiet alex! if there’s going to be any hysterics, they’ll come from me!”
“if you see anyone come running out screaming, it’s just me.”
when he boasts about being a good shot and ardeth is internally like “i’m gonna die.” THEN HE SAVES ARDETH. hell yeah.
rick: he’s still screaming at things. BUT IN DAD MODE. he’s the ultimate dad.
“you, lighten up. you, big trouble. you, get in the car.”*sweetly* “honey, what are you doing, these guys don’t use doors.”“knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you’re about to do to him, but this is my house and i have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.”
evie: still a super-klutz nerd, but with C O N F I D E N C E. little baby librarian is now a honey badger of ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK! and also a re-incarnated princess
“no harm ever came from opening a chest.”
rick: “i swear that kid gets more and more like you every day.”evelyn: “you mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?”
we meet izzy, another one of rick’s ex boyfriends, who is a much more reliable mode of transportation than previously mentioned murder buses.
imhotep: still emo. still wants to make out with his gf.
anck su namun/meela: hella good villain. she bomb af and 100% wants to take over the world. amazing. she actually has like a really cool role this time too!!! like so much screen time.
the rock…i mean the scorpion king, he’s another emo villain with goofy cgi rendering and like 4 million terrible made-for-TV spin off movies that you are lying if you haven’t watched at least one of them and felt that utter disappointment. but who cares the rock is pretty. and this was his first acting role and the reason we have him where he is today.
thank you mummy returns for giving the world actor rock johnson #blessed
THE ROMANCE AGAIN:
normal action movie sequel romance: same guy. different girl. repeat of first movie’s romance. hehehehhehehehhEHEHEHEHHEHH.
not here bitch.
rick and evie’s love has only grown stronger. they still bicker like old ladies at bingo night. the still look at each other like they hung the moon. they’re still disgusting jonathan because they CANNOT KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES. one kid my ass. they still support each other and protect each other like crazy. they love each other so much and it’s so healthy and pure and there is some good in this world mr. frodo.
the bottom line here is. what’s the point of watching the mummy 1999 if you aren’t going to watch the mummy returns immediately after?
JUST DO IT.
me waiting to judge all the royal wedding looks from my couch
friend: so, what are you reading?
*closes M-rated and explicit fanfiction nervously*
me: ohhhh, nothing.. just some gossip ya' know..
I’ve waited FOREVER for this
1000% ACCURATE AS FRICKETY FRACK
Klaroline Countdown: 92 days
N E W O R L E A N S
For @embookworm, my sister who is Captain Wolf trash, even more than me. Jake is an OC I created, Hook and Ruby’s adorkable son, because I hate the idea of their kid being named after her dead boyfriend. So, this is just some shameless fluffiness, and I’m not even sorry.
also cough @askifwehaveavocados if you need some cuteness
Clever Illustrations by Nacho Diaz
This was all very cute except the fucking ice melting on earth in the hour glass it’s completely chilling and we’re all going to die
Me: *read a fic better than canon*
Me: *accepts it as canon*
And then Satan said ‘ let there be incomplete fan fiction on the internet’”
Anonymous