â    you  just  care  so  much  cissa  ,    thereâs  nothing  embarrassing  about  that  at  all  .    really  its  enviable    â       because  what  did  he  have  that  he  cared  about  even  a  fraction  of  the  amount  that  she  cared  about  every  little  thing  .    he  could  only  think  of  two  things  and  he  was  the  one  who  had  something  to  be  embarrassed  about  .    all  he  cared  about  was  quidditch  ,  some  silly  sport    (  oh  how  his  parents  would  react  to  hear  him  think  that  )    and  someone  he  knew  now  didnât  love  him  .    at  least  not  the  way  he  loved  her  .    but  like  the  lovesick  fool  heâd  so  long  been  ,    he  was  there  for  them  .    sitting  by  her  side  hearing  her  talk  about  kids  she  wanted  ,    kids  theyâd  have  with  someone  that  wasnât  him  ,  and  all  he  could  do  was  smile  through  it  all  .     â    draco  ?    i  think  thatâs  a  wonderful  name    â     draco  malfoy  ,    he  couldnât  help  the  thought  and  it  was  a  crack  in  his  armour  then  ,    a  hint  of  a  frown  creeping  in  for  just  a  second  .     â    itâll  sound  nice  too  i  think  .    draco  chao  .    will  you  be  letting  his  dad  pick  the  middle  name  then  ?  or  have  you  that  picked  out  already  too  ?    i  could  always  get  you  a  book  of  icelandic  baby  names  ,  i  was  needing  an  idea  for  your  birthday    â     a  lie  but  it  brought  the  smile  back  to  him  .    sadder  than  it  had  been  before  ,    but  still  there  .    the  book  would  make  a  much  better  gift  that  what  he  had  planned  ,    it  wouldnât  do  to  give  a  necklace  that  had  been  in  the  blishen  family  since  they  had  first  started  distilling  firewhisky  to  someone  promised  to  another  .    no  he  could  just  keep  it  as  a  reminder  .    maybe  if  she  had  a  daughter  ,    he  could  see  it  now  â  her  children  calling  him  uncle  lucy  â  he  could  pass  what  shouldâve  been  her  motherâs  onto  the  little  girl  .  but  merlin  how  he  wished  those  kids  couldâve  called  him  dad  .
          a  smile  on  her  lips  ,    and  it  made  it  the  one  on  his  all  the  less  painful  because  it  wasnât  forced  now  .    lucius  was  always  happy  just  to  see  narcissa  happy  .    it  was  all  he  had  left  now  ,    a  hand  coming  up  with  the  gentlest  of  touches  to  wipe  the  tears  from  her  cheeks  .     â    you  know  my  mum  ,    cissy  â    â     falling  back  on  that  old  ,    hated  nickname  in  some  silly  hope  of  provoking  a  laugh  .     â    â  you  know  how  sheâd  act  if  she  knew  i  lied  ,    so  why  shouldnât  i  tell  the  truth  ?    as  long  as  youâve  got  me  ,    youâll  never  be  alone  ,    not  really  .    and  youâve  got  me  till  the  end  ?    you  know  that  ,    right  ?    and  all  those  kids  youâve  named  already  ?    theyâve  got  me  too    â    their  fun  ,    bachelor  ,    uncle  lucy    â     because  he  could  see  that  now  ,    there  would  be  no  witch  clad  in  white  in  his  future  ,    not  anymore  .  his  family  ,    they  had  marcus  ,    heâd  carry  on  the  name  .  and  as  for  him  ?    as  for  little  lucy  ?  well  heâd  always  been  just  that  ,    the  not  so  little  little  lucy  ,    the  baby  of  the  lot  .  he  knew  he  could  get  his  way  on  this  .     but  with  her  leaning  in  against  his  chest  there  wasnât  time  to  think  more  on  it  ,  even  as  he  reacted  on  instinct  ,    hands  moving  from  their  face  to  cradle  their  tiny  frame  against  him  .    she  always  seemed  so  fragile  to  him  at  times  as  much  as  she  was  full  of  fire  at  others  ,    but  now  he  couldnât  seem  to  find  any  of  that  fire  in  her  .    not  as  he  could  feel  how  her  breathing  wasnât  quite  right  .    and  so  he  let  his  hands  fall  to  their  waist  ,    still  holding  her  tight  against  him  as  he  lifted  them  up  .    just  like  old  times  .  old  times  that  were  really  just  the  other  week  .    lifting  narcissa  up  and  spinning  both  of  them  around  ,    her  up  in  the  air  above  him  .       â    you  know  iâll  still  do  this  when  youâre  married  ?    still  do  it  when  iâm  old  and  grey  .  youâll  just  have  to  take  it  easy  on  me  when  my  knees  start  to  give  out    â     and  he  set  them  back  on  the  ground  ,    not  yet  ready  to  pull  away  .
she did care too much. she cared too much about everything to a point where it hurt. she had always known that she was the sibling that was the afterthought, itâs the unfortunate feeling and being the youngest daughter, the one who didnât know how to ever deal with her feelings because they were just too much. âitâs a curse,â she says, wiping her eyes with a small laugh, âi hate caring so much.â she hated crying, she hated all the anger and sadness she felt all at once. always the one that was just too much for anyone. she feels a pang in her chest hearing him say the name, it was always written down in her diary with malfoy as the last name, always in the back of her mind. they used to play house all the time as children, swearing that one day theyâd get married to each other, because they only ever really saw each other, were so ever involved in each otherâs lives. she tries hard not to cringe at him saying the last name chao, she tried hard in general not to think about it because it hurt too much knowing that her future was already picked out for her, one that she didnât want. âi donât know,â she admits, rubbing the back of her neck. âmight just have to start from scratch with everything.â she doesnât finish the thought, trying to maybe subtly let him know that it had always meant to be with him. but they were too far past that now.Â
when she calls him cissy, she laughs, punching his shoulder but itâs gentle, and in the end she relaxes her hand there anyway, looking at him. âyou donât see yourself getting married?â she asks, though the thought makes her stomach turn from the inside out at the thought of him marrying someone else that wasnât her. they were just too late, always too late when it came to matters of the heart. cissa had always been too scared to tell him her feelings because she was scared that he would never return them back, that maybe it was because they grew up with each other it was why they couldnât be together because of expectations. but thereâs a way that heâs looking at her that she recognizes because it looks so much like her own. she just stares at him, their face in his hands, the safest place that sheâd ever be. she didnât know what to do with herself now, didnât know how to hold herself with him properly. she pursues her lips, trying to talk herself out of doing something stupid, but then he grabs her and spins her again and she laughs, shaking her head. âyou know it makes me dizzy when you do this.â she says, falling back into him when he puts her down.Â
sheâs staring at him again, tears still in her eyes, and maybe she could blame it on nerves or some kind of moment of weakness, but she gets up on her tippy toes, her face cupping his like he had done to her before. she wants to say, i wanted it to be you, but she doesnât. she doesnât say anything. she just gulps, trying to push the anxiety down as best as she can, she hugs him, holding him close, wishing that she were taller to rest in the crook of his neck, she always had to bring him down to her level when he started to get taller. âiâll catch you then,â she says, her voice barely above a whisper, and then she starts to lean in, pressing her lips against his once, before deepening it, pulling him down to her level this time.Â