she did care too much. she cared too much about everything to a point where it hurt. she had always known that she was the sibling that was the afterthought, it’s the unfortunate feeling and being the youngest daughter, the one who didn’t know how to ever deal with her feelings because they were just too much. “it’s a curse,” she says, wiping her eyes with a small laugh, “i hate caring so much.” she hated crying, she hated all the anger and sadness she felt all at once. always the one that was just too much for anyone. she feels a pang in her chest hearing him say the name, it was always written down in her diary with malfoy as the last name, always in the back of her mind. they used to play house all the time as children, swearing that one day they’d get married to each other, because they only ever really saw each other, were so ever involved in each other’s lives. she tries hard not to cringe at him saying the last name chao, she tried hard in general not to think about it because it hurt too much knowing that her future was already picked out for her, one that she didn’t want. “i don’t know,” she admits, rubbing the back of her neck. “might just have to start from scratch with everything.” she doesn’t finish the thought, trying to maybe subtly let him know that it had always meant to be with him. but they were too far past that now.
when she calls him cissy, she laughs, punching his shoulder but it’s gentle, and in the end she relaxes her hand there anyway, looking at him. “you don’t see yourself getting married?” she asks, though the thought makes her stomach turn from the inside out at the thought of him marrying someone else that wasn’t her. they were just too late, always too late when it came to matters of the heart. cissa had always been too scared to tell him her feelings because she was scared that he would never return them back, that maybe it was because they grew up with each other it was why they couldn’t be together because of expectations. but there’s a way that he’s looking at her that she recognizes because it looks so much like her own. she just stares at him, their face in his hands, the safest place that she’d ever be. she didn’t know what to do with herself now, didn’t know how to hold herself with him properly. she pursues her lips, trying to talk herself out of doing something stupid, but then he grabs her and spins her again and she laughs, shaking her head. “you know it makes me dizzy when you do this.” she says, falling back into him when he puts her down.
she’s staring at him again, tears still in her eyes, and maybe she could blame it on nerves or some kind of moment of weakness, but she gets up on her tippy toes, her face cupping his like he had done to her before. she wants to say, i wanted it to be you, but she doesn’t. she doesn’t say anything. she just gulps, trying to push the anxiety down as best as she can, she hugs him, holding him close, wishing that she were taller to rest in the crook of his neck, she always had to bring him down to her level when he started to get taller. “i’ll catch you then,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper, and then she starts to lean in, pressing her lips against his once, before deepening it, pulling him down to her level this time.
there weren’t enough words in the english language available to him , in that moment or at any point in time , for lucius to explain just what cissa meant to him . just how much it pained him to hear them speak about themself like that . just how much he wanted her to realise just how perfect she was exactly how she is . in his eyes . in his eyes she was forever the image every person in his life was forever held up against . ❝ it doesn’t have to be , it isn’t for you . i don’t see it that way ❞ and truly lucius didn’t , narcissa was always the stronger of the pair . emotional thing that she was . ❝ and i’m always going to be here to wipe away the tears , you are never going to be alone in your emotions . do you hear me narcissa black ? you will never be alone , in laughter or in tears , as long as i draw breath ❞ even if it killed him , he’d be there . maybe one day he thought it’d be by their side : as husband and wife , but he could never imagine a life with out this tiny ball of emotions in it . ❝ you can’t scrap your plans because of some guy , honestly ! cissa , i know you . and i know you’ll win on this . you’ll have enough kids to make a constellation all your own , and a name already picked out for all of them . i know you ❞ kids she’d planned of , dreamed of . kids he’d one day done the same about . but always with the name malfoy . never anything else . never chao .
he rolls with the gentle punch , such a little thing it would barely have rocked him really but lucius still took it like he would a bludger on the pitch and if anything it helped him ignore the look that lingered across narcissa’s face . the one that tugged at his heart as they questioned his new found pledge to never marry , and how he could never tell them that they were the reason why . ❝ i think i once did but i can’t really see the point behind it all now , just doesn’t feel like it’s in the cards fate’s dealt me . but i’m glad lady luck’s dealt you a good hand in all this , you deserve it ❞ thumb brushing at her cheek as he spoke , tucking a curl of stray hair behind her ear as his eyes stared into hers before he just had to break away . laughing as she fell into him after the spin . ❝ why do you think i keep doing it ? ❞ he teased , arms wrapping around her and rocking them both from side to side .
their hands on his face he froze ; a question he’d never ask lost before it made it’s way to his lips , a question he should’ve asked . cissa , what are you doing . because what was she doing ? what were they both doing ? what was he playing at ? acting like nothing had changed , that nothing would ever change between them ever , that they didn’t both have a lot of growing up to do . maybe he was a fool for clinging to this hope so long but what example had he been set ? both his parents , fools for love , star crossed lovers on the quidditch pitch . was it really so naive to hope that he and cissa would have the same luck ? to hope that she’d feel the same . and yet in the one conversation he’d had his heart crushed , hoped dashed on the rocks , and now … her hands so tenderly on him , he could feel something stirring in the shards that had just come crashing down . a weak and feeble flame wanting to rise from the ashes of what they could’ve had . allowing himself to be pulled down to her level as he always did , his horrible posture could always be attributed to one narcissa black , he can’t help the sad little laugh in response to her words even as she leaned in . ❝ you don’t need to ❞ the sad realisation and resignation setting in and taking root in his tone . he’d always be strong for them , it would be callous and cruel to ask the same in return .
and then her lips met his with a start and despite all the signs he couldn’t help but be surprised by the suddenness . like there hadn’t been years building to a moment like this . mind a few steps behind his body he reacted solely on instinct , years of wanting and longing taking over ; hand round her waist pulling her ever closer as the other came up to the nape of her neck , tangled in her hair as he couldn’t have her close enough . gentle and tender until his mind caught up with him . but only part of it , the greedy and selfish part . the part that wanted her , that wanted this stolen fleeting moment more than he wanted to never hurt her . hands falling to their hips as he lifted her up against him , hardly breaking away from their kiss . a few confused stumbled steps and they were up against a wall . passion , desire and just simple need taking over . a fierceness more akin to the emotions always running freely through narcissa possessing him for a moment as his hands slid her skirt upward , venturing much too close to where they shouldn’t be . a moment he’d be content to live in forever . just lucy and cissa . just them .
