ALRIGHT AMERICANS TODAY WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT A THING.
How to make sure our pal Bernie Sanders wins the primaries so he can be our president:
1. First of all, what are primaries?
Well friends, it’s a preliminary election that decides the presidential candidates for each political party. If Bernie loses the primaries, he will NOT be able to become our next president. So for that reason it’s INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT that we all get our butts to those polls when the time comes. Here are the known or expected dates for the 2016 Democratic Party Primaries:
Tuesday, February 9: New Hampshire
Saturday, February 20: Nevada
Saturday, February 27: South Carolina
Tuesday, March 1: Alabama; Arkansas; Colorado; Georgia; Massachusetts; Minnesota; North Carolina; Oklahoma; Tennessee; Texas; Vermont; Virginia
Saturday, March 5: Louisiana; Nebraska; Kansas
Tuesday, March 8: Mississippi; Michigan
Tuesday, March 15: Florida; Illinois; Missouri; Ohio
Tuesday, March 22: Arizona; Utah
Saturday, March 26: Alaska caucuses; Hawaii; Washington
Tuesday, April 5: Wisconsin
Tuesday, April 19: New York
Tuesday, April 26: Maryland; Connecticut; Delaware; Pennsylvania; Rhode Island
Tuesday, May 10: West Virginia
Tuesday, May 17: Kentucky; Oregon
Sunday, June 5: Puerto Rico
Tuesday, June 7: California; Montana; New Jersey; New Mexico; South Dakota
Tuesday, June 14: Washington, DC
2. Okay cool, now I know when I need to vote!
But do you know in some states you can ONLY vote for Bernie if you are a registered Democrat?
STATES THAT ARE OPEN PRIMARIES (you do NOT need to be a registered Democrat to vote for Bernie):
STATES THAT ARE CLOSED PRIMARIES (you MUST be a registered Democrat to vote for Bernie):
STATES THAT ARE TOP-TWO PRIMARIES (you vote on candidates regardless of their party affiliation so you do NOT need to be a registered Democrat to vote for Bernie):
STATES THAT ARE HYBRID PRIMARIES (these vary between open and closed, and often depend on the current party, so if you live in one of these states you WILL need to find out the protocol for the 2016 presidential primaries):
3. Okay, so how do I register to vote/as a Democrat?
Worried because your state has closed primaries or you’ve never used your constitutional rights to vote before and you think registering will be a terrible, vigorous, process?
Registering to vote is so easy, let me walk you through it.
Here is an online form you can mail in (available in multiple languages) that also gives you step by step instructions depending on your state. If you live in New Hampshire, North Dakota, Wyoming, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, or the U.S. Virgin Islands, unfortunately you can NOT use this method.
For any state, you can check the following places to register in person:
State or local voter registration and/or election offices
The department of motor vehicles
Public assistance agencies
Armed services recruitment centers
State-funded programs that serve people with disabilities
Any public facility that a state has designated as a voter registration agency
Here is another link of states where you can register online, if you’re an anxious nugget like me.
EACH STATE HAS A SPECIFIC DEADLINE TO REGISTER IN TIME FOR PRIMARIES. IF YOU NEED TO REGISTER, MAKE SURE YOU FIND OUT WHEN THAT IS AND REGISTER BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
If you do end up having to register in person, do not be afraid friends! You are doing a very important and brave thing.
4. Alright, so I know when I have to vote, I am registered to vote, and if my state has closed primaries, I registered as a Democrat! I’m done now, right?
Nope, there’s one last thing! If you’re like me and unable to get to a voting poll, whether or not it’s due to school, work, your health, or being out of your state/country, you need to fill out an ABSENTEE BALLOT FORM!
This link contains not only the absentee ballot forms of every state, but some even have more voter registration forms as well!
DON’T FORGET. DEADLINES EXIST.
Write it in your planner, your calendar. Post it on your ceiling. Write it in ketchup on your burger. Tattoo it to your arm. Whatever helps!
AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO:
Do not brush this off. Do not assume, well I’m just one person, what is one vote going to do? Bernie can win without little old me.
That’s wrong. You and your vote is so incredibly important. Bernie cannot win without you. Without us.
So please. Read this. Spread this. Register. Get ready to vote. Bernie promises to do his best to better America. Let’s do our best to get him there.
