A random assortment of crap I found funny @cjlovesolicity - Tumblr Blog

I was too scared to watch edward scissorhands has a kid but I thought about how could a woman go through pregnancy with a fetus growing metal scissors hands it took years of theorizing, still without watching the movie, to even think that maybe he wasn’t born with scissor hands

duncebento

maybe women are stronger than you think

velvetys

Sorry listening and learning here

girlnephew

halondrus

I CANNOT GET THIS VIDEO OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD. HUNGRY HUNGRY PIZZA FOR ME. MY HUNGRY ASS WILL EAT JUST ABOUT ANYTHING!

megamindsupremacy

surely this is a sign that there’s nothing in particular wrong with the atmosphere right now

ceruleanheaven

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

translatingpoststogerman

himmelblauerhimmel

ich bin immer ein falsches wort davon entfernt von all den leuten erschossen zu werden die mich erträglich finden

Notes:

In German, when someone is being shot, you have to specify whether they were merely wounded ("angeschossen") or shot to death ("erschossen").

anonymousalchemistz

I do like that given the opportunity to specify, you did choose to kill op

haruatori

star trek TNG intro theme but it comes from the ship

I'm dead

#laugh rule

raidermomma

The most unrealistic thing about Star Trek is that we only ever saw one person diagnosed with holodeck addiction. Because honestly if I lived there I'd have to be dragged to Counsellor Troi kicking and screaming.

nebagram

I call this piece 'if social media existed in 1988'

So I’ve had the chance to watch the first few episode of this new Star Trek spin-off, and I have to say, it is one of the weakest, most woke pieces of slop I’ve ever watched, with its endless, shameless virtue signalling.

Let’s start with the captain. Who cast this actor in this role? In the original series, we had a dashing, young, strong American hero who led with charm and charisma and was never afraid to get his hands dirty. Now we have a bald Englishman playing a Frenchman who looks like he belongs on a stage dealing with Shakespeare more than on a starship dealing with aliens, and who solves problems by endlessly speechifying at them, speaking of ‘coexisting with’ and ‘understanding’ alien cultures. Action heroes are meant to be, well, heroes who take action. Picard is less ‘boldly go’ and more ‘meekly invite for a cup of tea.’

But that’s okay, as we have his first officer, who looks like he was lab grown from a template of what the ultimate action hero should look like. Tall, handsome and athletic, Riker has it all… except for the personality, which seems to be that of a meek beta male. Instead of taking command and being an actual hero, he instead defers completely to Picard, engages in shudder diplomacy and is only too happy to - as per the episode ‘Angel One’ – debase himself in the most ridiculous costumes imaginable, all in the name of 'feminism.'

And speaking of costumes, clearly there was some mistake in the dressing rooms. On Kirk’s Enterprise, as in life, it was simple: men wore trousers, women wore dresses. Now we have men wearing the same dresses as the women! Utter woke madness, children could be watching this!

Though it would admittedly be difficult to take security chief Tasha Yar seriously if she’d been wearing the same dresses as the other cast. Yes, that’s right- in the name of 'progress' and 'equality,' the men stand back while Picard has to get a woman to do all of his fighting for him.

But as insufferable as it is to have Tasha do all the fighting, she at least plays a productive role on the bridge, unlike Counsellor Deanna Troi. Yep, you heard that right- the writers took one look at this new starship and thought ‘do you know what this crew needs most? A therapist.’ And not just tucked away somewhere to provide occasional advice, but right there next to Picard on the bridge. Because nothing says ‘exciting action and exploration’ quite like talking about how the nasty Romulans hurt your feelings.

And the whole crew is less ‘decisive action’ and more ‘affirmative action.’ In Kirk’s day, it was simple- if you saw a Klingon, you fought them. They were explicitly meant to represent the Soviets, for heaven’s sake! And now we’re expected to not just be friends with them, but to accept one – Worf - as a fellow officer on the bridge. The Klingon Empire has officially gone from representing the USSR to representing DEI. Not that the DEI ends there, as right next to Worf on the bridge is one Geordi La Forge, wearing a hairband on his face so that every time we see him, we have the message ‘see? He’s disabled but he can do everything an able bodied person can do!’ screamed in our faces. And as if to drive the point home even further, he’s the one piloting the ship! What next, is a deaf character going to be the next Uhura?

The one character who seems even remotely interesting is that of Data, the android… if he wasn't such a blatant rip-off of Spock. Whilst once, an emotionless character observing humanity from an outside perspective might have been interesting, today, it’s been done. How exactly are you meant to get excitement and drama from a character who can’t feel anything, anyway?

Every episode of this show has been dripping with condescension, preaching about how diplomacy and understanding are better than action and excitement and how we should try to understand our enemies instead of defeat them. If Kirk’s show was like a western, Picard’s show is like a university lecture. I confidently predict that this show will get cancelled after its second season and will be relegated to the sci-fi dustbin of history. Gene Roddenberry would be spinning in his grave.

Umm, if he hadn’t personally greenlit everything I mentioned above, anyway.

anintelligentoctopus

I'm gonna be honest 'cowboys were a sort of itinerant warrior class common in meiji-era texas' always annoys me a bit because it's a funny post but also No They Weren't. They were an itinerant pastoralist class common in Meiji-era Texas. And indeed the wider western region of post-Risorgimento America