* Just Disgusting .

andrew, he/him, 26. fanfic writer.

[clearlynotjanus]

name: melody

age: 30

pronouns: they/them

other blogs: @jackthefibber (roleplay, private), @falsehood-and-deceit (fandom, reblog centric, public), @really-awkward-pics-of-janus (fandom, oc, public), @orange-is (fandom, community, public) @erwinsmithshairgel (SNK/AOT) @daemon-endingequals​ (date everything posting)

links: ao3 - twitter - spotify - wip list

hello, thanks for reading this introduction. i’ll keep it brief. this blog exists for me to vent/rant/talk about my headcanons & fandom writing. i always accept asks, about anything. i’ll be posting a lot of my original content here.

i write basically anything including janus. my favorite ships are: moceit, dukeceit, intruloceit/loceit, & anxceit, but i may end up writing other things as well.

if you want to be tagged in my teaser content & fanfic posts, go ahead & like or comment on this introduction.

tags: fic teaser, meta analysis, reblog, discord, headcanon, playlist, shit post, answered messages, comments, updates, 100 followers writing requests

project tags: moceit appreciation week, may flowers, loceit week, dukeceit week, vampire au, 1950s roceit au, whumptober2021

published fics: wearing nothing but blame (moceit, 25,859 words), your gold face was gone forever (platonic dukeceit, 2,464 words), talking is overrated (DUBCON dukexiety, 5,165 words), forgotten (all sides, no ships, child!fic, 3,626 words)

published analyses: villain by stella jang, patreon pictures, janus is god - right?, wtit end card, where janus will stand

ao3 collections: canon timeline, whumptober2021

playlists: janus’ canon character arc, moceit (wearing nothing but blame), loceit (the subtle grace of gravity)

[mylosingdogs]

So, on Tiktok a popular point of fanfic discussion lately has been about fanfics including additional media, from art to playlists. The general consensus there seems to be that art is good, but playlists are cringey and will often result in abandoning the fic entirely just for its presence.

I'm very interested in what Tumblr's opinion is on this issue. Please reblog for sample size!

If a fic I'm about to read comes with a playlist done by the author, I think:

It's cringe and I'll abandon the fic for it

It's cringe, but I'll still read the fic

I'm neutral, but I won't look at the playlist

I'm neutral and maybe I'll open the playlist if I like the fic enough

I'm neutral, but like playlists enough to listen even if I don't like the fic

I like it, but have too particular of a taste in music to listen

I like it, but won't listen if I don't like any of the artists

I like it and will give the playlist a shot

I love it and plan on listening to the playlist in tandem or in my own time

Coward's choice

Voting ended onFeb 26

[clearlynotjanus]

Janus’ expression here is something to be talked about. I feel like “regret” is too strong of a word, just as “sad” has always been too harsh of a judgement for his playlist. I prefer “melancholy,” as @beauty-and-passion said in their playlist analysis. Everything about Janus represents the bittersweet in life. There is no good without bad, no bad without good. He’s a neutral force between the “Light” & “Dark” Sides. Just as the Roman god Janus represents beginnings, endings, & transitioning spaces such as doorways & gates, so does our Janus represent that middle ground.

In the face of this episode’s chaos, he says with grief that everything is just … fine. Of course he knows that nothing is fine. As everyone gives their sly digs at each other, the mural in the background is begging the Sides to stay connected. Work together. Don’t allow yourself to be so separated between good & bad because at the end of the day, there is no such thing.

Janus is Denial; Deceit, & Self Preservation. He fights for whatever Thomas wants that is ultimately good for Thomas. Not in the same hands on & direct way that Logan does, but in his own puppet master, string-pulling way that hides him in the shadows. Declaring that everything is just fine is not malicious, is not evil; Janus is neither. 

Janus is comfort. 

Denial is comforting.

All the distraction in the world sometimes pales in comparison to simply telling yourself that everything is fine, & then forcing yourself to push through until it is.

taglist: @sanderssidesangsttrash​​ @catalinaacosta​​ @whatishappeningrightnow​​ @anxiousbean4404​​ @vexelore​​ @ranboo-but-booran​​ @serpentinesomebody​​ @poptartsaysurloved​​ @robertdownerjr​​ @dangitsbrightinhere​​ @iamuncomffy​​ @sanderdarksides​​ @dragonfander @virgilstarantula​​ @a-rudethude @indubitably-emo @gay-artist-626​​  @edupunkn00b​​ @wouldntyou-liketoknow​​ @awesomerandomgirl1​​ @cosplayhanna​​ @rizzyluke​​ @sevencrashing​​ @all-panic-nodisco​​ @remy-the-lemon-berry​​ @their-royal-fiensishness​

[beauty-and-passion]

This. This is a very good point.

Also, as you can see, there’s not even the hint of a smile here. Janus isn’t happy, nor satisfied. “Everything is just… fine” isn’t about Janus enjoying his evil plan or having the time of his life.

His expression, the sentence, heck even him being on a tree with an apple, everything is a proof that Janus knows what will happen. He knows things won’t go well. But he doesn’t openly admits it, because being brutally honest isn’t part of his nature. As you said, Janus is denial and comfort, therefore he uses denial’s means to offer consolation to others - in this case, Thomas, the Sides and, most importantly, the audience.

I mean, the fact Janus talks directly in camera isn’t just a coincidence: he was talking to us. He was trying to comfort us - and he knew that this consolation was empty, because things will happen anyway, no matter if he tries to deny them.

It’s a bit like a parent comforting a child after the death of a beloved one - or just before said death. They can say “everything will be fine” and yes, on the long run the pain won’t be as strong and things will be fine again. But nothing stops the main event from happening. They cannot stop it, nothing can.

In this case, Janus can’t stop the process either. It’s not the death of someone, but it’s still an inevitable process: growing up. It will still happen, it will bring changes and it will be painful. Janus knows it and all he can do is offer a consolation, even though he knows how painful said process will be.

[sunshiinyx]

Janus: *shows up for like 5 seconds*

The fandom: *analyses the hell out of it*

[beauty-and-passion]

But let’s not forget:

Janus: *shows up for like 5 seconds*

The fandom: *simps harder*

[clearlynotjanus]

Both my Crofters boxes sold but I wanna get rid of my Patreon Janus poster

If anyone's interested here's the ebay link https://www.ebay.com/itm/177354900253

[clearlynotjanus]

Telling you guys I'm gonna go see the Crane Wives in Nov feels like a fandom post because they're Thee moceit band to me

[clearlynotjanus]

does anyone want an opened sanders sides x crofters box

i also have an unopened one with all the jam inside the jars still. though they're definitely expired

[clearlynotjanus]

It's actually so Roman to skip the Janus character. That's fair. I'm just mad

[clearlynotjanus]

HE SKIPPED THE WHOLE THING

[clearlynotjanus]

Roman comparing Keith to Janus .... oh honey you have no clue how right you are

[clearlynotjanus]

Roman wanting to join the Hanks is so funny. Someone draw him as a replacement for Hank number six right this second

[dienothemink]

sometimes i say “i think” but actually i know. on account of being the knower.

[clearlynotjanus]

I'm actually so shocked that Thomas didn't voice someone in Date Everything

[viewfinder-chernobyl]

my apologies to ppl who followed me for anything

[clearlynotjanus]

[leans into the mic hesitatingly. a loud screech of feedback is heard as i try to speak]

uhhhh hello? anyone still......here? hard to see the audience past the stage lights, you know how it is.

i haven't thought about this fandom in over a year. while writing my last loceit fic, i got very overwhelmed with how bogged down with terminology & lore & my general wordy writing style that i burned out of finishing the last chapter. at the same time, my partner & i rediscovered another anime...& when our hyperfixation there ended, we got into ffxiv... then bg3... & now dragon age... i've always disliked that about myself. never able to stay in one place long enough to feel like i've left an impact or had done anything interesting.

but i got the kindest comment of my ao3 history the other day on that abandoned loceit fic & i've been ruminating on it since. the person talked about how, despite it not being finished, they still thought about it at least once a month & came back to read it with excitement from time to time. i thought of all the fics i do the same with & compared myself to them... ofc there's a lot to be said about not treating fanfic authors or "fandom famous" people differently than anyone else, because online numbers are fake & all that, but there's an undeniable admiration, i think, we all have for people with "large accounts" or high kudos counts or exceptional artistic talent that we feel we don't compare to. i thought of myself in that lens for a moment, as someone who wrote something impactful enough to leave that lasting of a mark & it made me so happy. i felt fulfilled by it.

writing has always been my one talent, i've always thought it was the only thing i was destined to be good at. my opinion of my writing has hit peaks & valleys in my life of course, we all go through self doubt & ego issues, but at the end of the day, writing has been the one constant about myself. the one thing i've always wanted to challenge myself with, the one thing i could go back to, if nothing else. home.

with the current state of my country (america, unfortunately) i've started to think that my fantasies of writing anything "worth" reading are futile. it seems insignificant in the grand scheme, to create art when the world is ending. i never dreamed about any aspiration in my own lifetime. i've always wanted to leave something behind worth analyzing. worth talking about. worth exploring. sitting in various liberal arts classes in my life, i always daydreamed about one of my stories being the subject matter someday. long after i was dead. it's dismal to think that it might not be my own inability to create something worthy that prevents that daydream from coming into fruition.

every other queer person is rallying. they're brave for it but i can't bring myself to join the movement. not that anything i say or do will be monumental of course, but no one knows how big of a thing is going to come out of this. the little people might be caught up in it too. someday soon, sites like ao3 & tumblr may be gone, or at least inaccessible for americans. & that's terrifying. so i think of the person who left that lovely, inspiring comment on a fic i hadn't thought about in over a year, instead. because even if i never accomplished any of my bigger goals with my writing, i did, at least, leave a little bit of an impact & that has to be enough.

i want to say that i'll finish that fic in honor of all this. it feels right to say that, but with everything going on, i don't know if it would be the truth. i have a commission currently, & i've buried my head in the dragon age sands for now. i want to. i reread the whole fic & my notes from it for the last part & it's good. it's better than i remember it being, & i want to finish it. but as most of you have realized by now, i'm very bad with promises lmao

i do miss this fandom though, everything else aside (asides lmao) i had some good friends here before i burnt out & burned my bridges about it. i'm sorry for that. i hope everyone here has been doing better than me at least

[clearlynotjanus]

It doesn't matter HOW deep into another hyperfixation I'm in. The MOMENT a Sanders Sides video comes out I am utterly reduced to arm flapping brain rot for those stupid little boys

[schistcity]

i come from the 8tracks generation where you weren't allowed to just dump three and a half twee indie folk/tswift records into a fanmix and call it done. on 8tracks you had 8+ handpicked songs in rigid chronological order and an accompanying mission statement and thesis defence detailing exactly why each one applied to your derek x stiles coffee shop au AND cover/track-list art hodgepodged from stolen pinterest/tumblr aesthetic photography, and all of this was done under constant threat of death because it was the DMCA wild west and the site was in a constant state of gradual collapse.

[strawberisapphic]

everyone has a ship thats just: theyre perfect. they hate each other. theyre married. they havent spoken in 15 years. they have date nights three times a week. theyre divorced. theyre pining, its unrequited. its requited. theyre starcrossed. theyre meant to be. theyre doomed by the narrative. they love each other. theyve never held hands. they wont stop making out at parties. they cant look each other in the eye