When the fox falls asleep, the Lounge lapses into silence for a while. Rex is avoiding eye contact with Sidney, staring intently at the furry critter in his lap or maybe just spacing out, but Sid takes it as a sign of tension nonetheless.
He chews on his bottom lip for a few moments before deciding to bite the bullet, come out and just say it.
"I did miss you." He blurts out. "And, for what its worth, I'm sorry about what happened to Polaris."
Rex glances at him. It's a blank, calculating look, but one that Sidney is able to look through quickly. He's lived a few years with Rex Townsend, back when they were both younger, and it wasn't hard to learn the patterns.
When Rex feels threatened or – god forbid – vulnerable, he acts out about it. Puffs out his chest or tries to make the other person feel small and scared. Like it would be wise to choose one's words carefully if they didn't want to feel the sharp end of his knife.
But in Charge, Rex never actually followed through on any of his unspoken threats. They were family. And so Sidney learned that those threats were just the way that he protected his own self from feeling seen. From being scared himself.
"We can talk about it, friend." He continues, trying to sound encouraging. "If you want."
Rex looks away, realizing Sidney had seen through him. He gives the sleeping fox a few pets instead, to stall for time. Finally, "I don't want. I already talked about it."
"Right...right." Sidney does have to gather up a bit of courage this time before he continues. "I didn't....think it was correct. What Archimedes did. How Aleks reacted. It coulda been handled a lot better and-"
"Do you got a point with this, Si? It happened years ago. Decades, from this point of time. What does it matter."
"It still matters."
".....maybe." Rex frowns, to himself. Then, "It does matter, I just...dont wanna think about it too hard. It's painful. I'd rather forget about it – no that aint it. I'd rather just...let it hurt in silence. It hurts more when I talk about it. I spoke to Eric with his weird eye therapy shit and that did help, but I dont think I wanna go around reopening the wound. Especially with Orion gettin his back."
Rex sighs, ignoring the surprised look on Sidney's face. This is the most he's spoken about his feelings in a long time and he's not looking to make a habit out of it. But it feels right to say it now, in their little bubble of safety.
"Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for him. For em both. I just wonder if this were possible if I'd acted different too. Hell, this sounds fuckin stupid but I'd have happily been Aleks' fucking pet dog if it meant that I coulda kept her safe. And that's selfish to say. Orion's suffered a lot. Eric had to essentially nurse him back to health. But it dont stop me from wonderin....what if, yknow?"
"Yeah. I think I understand what you're saying, friend."
"Sure."
A moment of silence between them. Rex busies himself petting Foxyric and Sidney tries not to be too shocked how his former reserved would-rather-die-than-to-admit-he-has-emotions friend ended up being honest about his feelings. This place changed him a lot. He wonders how much of it had to do with these Erics that keep showing up.
"For what it's worth." Rex starts, then pauses. He scowls like the words are physically hurting him. "I'm glad that you're here too."
Like “I realized that I was in the wrong and now I will work hard to atone” is good and all, but “how dare you infect me with morals” will always be so much more entertaining
HEY that's MY emotional support morally ambiguous misunderstood full of trauma touch starved yearning for love drenched in blood responsible for numerous atrocities comfort character who is TRYING & u will TREAT them with RESPECT
Nobody is the top or the bottom they don't even have sex they just stand next to each other and occasionally try to kill each other and that's like sex for them
[image description: a white rat being comfortably held in a person's hand with the words, "Thank You For Loving Me/ Despite What Others Say" in swirly lettering superimposed over it. end image description]
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