This Long Gun

20s, he/they gvf blog is @glowthatoncewasdim

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

me: boy oh boy I wish I had somewhere to study the nearly complete skeleton of a columbian mammoth 🤔

the esteemed la brea tar pits:

[swagophile]

me: [posting in the maid gc] yeah my lady screamed at me and threw bottles at my head cus i talked while she was reading her novellas again. any advice

maid 1: poison her

maid 2: yea poison her

maid 3: i have a connect on some really strong untraceable poisons if you want

me: girls she makes me try all of her food before she eats it how am i gonna poison her

maid 1: put it in her mouth while she sleeps

maid 2: ^this. worked like a charm for my sister

maid 3: yeah dm me i have a bunch of techniques that might work

maid 4: have you tried seducing her? maybe she just needs to have her heart warmed so she may show you the kindness you deserve

maid 2: MARY

maid 1: cmon mary

maid 3: just because YOUR lady has sex with you doesn't mean everyone's lady does

me: no wait she does like to put her fingers in my mouth to check if i swallowed her food. and i'm pretty sure she squeezed my ass once

maid 4: yeah exactly. message me i can tell yoy more

maid 3: whatever. if you need the poison just hit me up

maid 5: girls do you know how to get wine out of satin

maid 1: how recent is the spill

maid 5: a few days old

maid 2: you're fucked

[seravph]

“what’s the worst fruit” i hope you fucking die im strangling you what the hell is wrong with you. ‘the worst fruit’… has god not made all of these fruits in the same light???? cunt

[rottenlittlefink]

Red Delicious Apples

[punk-rocking-nerd]

[bunnyycocaine]

ive known since i was a kid that i was a weird little freak

[transjackfairy]

smoking the weed that makes you fuck music

[trattenbach]

Happy Battle Against Richard Nixon's Immortal Soul Saturday

[segamascott]

[wifehaver103947]

can anyone help me with showijg tbis to a european as fast as possible

[clints-unwashed-poncho]

Caffeine and Ritalin my best friends however also my worst enemies because now I want to run in circles instead of work

[televisionenjoyer]

NOOOO THE SIX ORGASMS PERIOD HACK GOT REBLOGS DISABLED JUST AS I TRIED TO REBLOG IT whatever. I'm trying that next period.

[televisionenjoyer]

Rescued media. Fuck it.

[homosexualslug]

beautiful conversations happening on twitter

[capacity2]

The cure to anxiety is completing all the tasks you have to finish for the day early and doing them phenomenally and being physically perfect and on everyone’s good side preferably even their favorite.

[sk3lii-deactivated20250828]

[theconcealedweapon]

[knowing-smile]

Vintage EPA photos reveal what US waterways looked like before pollution was regulated

In the years after the US Environmental Protection Agency was founded, the agency dispatched photographers to document pollution and contami

What was food like before the FDA?

Formaldehyde, brick dust, lead, and borax once made grocery shopping a minefield.

Shit used to be wild, and this is just what I could find that had decent sources, I've heard a lot more horror stories.

I'm not excited to live in a word without regulation. 🙃

[amygdalae]

When I die I wanna be resurrected as the crab in the bucket of crabs that pulls the other crabs back into the bucket. And I'll love doing it

[evilscientist3]

if i could die i would wanna be resurrected as a crab strong enough to pull your crabsona out of the bucket. and then where would you be

[amygdalae]

...

[bismutting]

ms katya

[interdimentionalsnapdragon]

READ THIS IF YOU PLAN TO BOYCOTT YOUTUBE LONG-TERM

get an invidious account. it is an alternative front-end to youtube, allowing you to make an account, subscribe to channels, make playlists, and all the other things you use youtube for; all without giving the company a single cent. swearing off youtube long-term is a tall ask, so you can use this to still follow the creators you want to keep up with while continuing the youtube boycott. it has a built-in adblock and anti-tracker, meaning that you can really keep fucking them over.

it doesnt interact with the API at all, it scrapes the metadata to make sure they get as little as possible.

[butshesgotthespirit]

YOU GUYS INVIDIOUS HAS BUFFERING!

YOU CAN PAUSE AND WAIT FOR A VIDEO TO LOAD INSTEAD OF BEING DOOMED NEVER TO FINISH IT!

THE GRAY BAR HAS RETURNED! GLORIOUS DAY!!!!!!!!!!

[teratocybernetics]

for mobile (maybe only android?) there's newpipe:

NewPipe - a free YouTube client

i don't remember what features it has but I'm pretty sure it gets on with ublock & does screen-off play

[ayyyyysexual]

Tumblr on the Seven Seas

🏴‍☠️ white-beard Follow

Can we stop all normalising the use of "sc*rvy" as a fun little thing to call people?? I literally had sc*rvy last year and it was even worse than when I got my hand cut off. Fuck anyone who uses the S word without even considering how triggering it can be to those of us who have ACTUALLY suffered though it

🌅 castedaway Follow

No wenches?

🏴‍☠️ white-beard Follow

Honestly you people are so insufferable I genuinely hope you walk the plank

🌅 castedaway Follow

AHOY???

🍑 plundermebooty Follow

Okay but OP is literally a landlubber, mateys

🌴 pegmeg

nahhh why is it literally always landlubbers faking scurvy and sending plank threats ☠☠

768 notes

🗡wagscallion Follow

everyone says "land ho!" but never "land ma'am"

💨 matelotsaboteur

Really makes you think

2,041 notes

💃 crossdressing101 Follow

this whole crew was so gullible ngl, i just cut my hair and dressed in my fathers clothes and they all fell for it, hook line and sinker??

💃 crossdressing101 Follow

honestly im surprised no one has found me out yet. surely i dont seem that much like a man? i mean it makes this way easier but like. im still a woman. obviously

🕺 crossdressing101 Follow

mateys i have come to a shocking realisation,

34 notes

⛵ privatesteer Follow

wildest argument for piracy i've ever heard was that the gold stored on government ships is dangerous cause it weighs them down, so they're just 'lightening the load'

🧜‍♀️ kiss-pretty-ocean324 Follow

աaռռa ʟɨֆȶɛռ ȶօ ֆɨʀɛռ ֆօռɢ?

⛵ privatesteer Follow

no thanks

🕶 monstermaterdeactivated16520210

outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

🕶 monstermaterdeactivated16520210

i have drowned at sea

36,251 notes

⚓ shiveringtimbers Follow

14,811 notes

🌏 boat-enthusiast Follow

i am SO sick of the term "ship-shape" like, matey, which shape?? Ships come in so many fucking shapes like have non of you ever boarded more than one vessel in your career???? Anyway fake ship fans DNI with this post i can NOT be bothered with your tomfuckery today

💦 longjohngolder Follow

girl its not that deep ☠

🌏 boat-enthusiast Follow

to YOU. i just get it

1,147 notes

🙍‍♂️ dudeindistress Follow

honestly being held for ransom isnt that bad. kinda nice to be held

4,733 notes

🦜 pollypockets Follow

SQUAWK

🐦 aviated Follow

CAW SQUAWK SQUAWK

🦜 pollypockets Follow

CA-CAW

790 notes

🍑 plundermebooty Follow

the cabin boy just winked at me?? after offering to help clean my gun? privately. in my quarters. tonight.

🍑 plundermebooty Follow

i think i hauve scurvy

142 notes

🌊 swabmydick Follow

mateys I SWEARR my captain and his first mate are gonna kiss before our next voyage. they literally have so much romantic tension every time i see them its nauseating

🕶 longjohngolderdeactivated16511205

wtf its so problematic and harmful to ship real people?? unfollowing rn i thought you were better than this

🌊 swabmydick Follow

i literally rob and kill people for a living?????? that's where you draw the line???

🌴 pegmeg

op killed them

🌊 swabmydick Follow

even better news mateys, they kissed ☠☠☠

96,538 notes