warnings: 18+ ! a bit of a corruption kink, pet names, hair pulling, teasing, kissing, fingering (sorta), one slap, unprotected sex (wrap it before ya tap it folks !!)
a/n: im so down bad for eddie im surprised i didnt put this out earlier
“Y’know Eddie, I’m starting to think you’re a bad influence.”
Long fingers ran down your thigh, playing with the white hem of your skirt, inching it up to reveal more of your skin.
“Now, what would make you think that, sweetheart?” He feigned disbelief, words muffled as he pressed kisses onto your warm neck.
“Well, for one—hey, watch those fingers, Munson,” you scolded him, elbowing his ribs softly. “Making me sneak out for you? It's a bit crazy, don’t you think?”
Eddie laughed against your skin, the sweet sound making a smile pull at the corners of your lips. “I’m so sorry angel, how dare I corrupt you!” His fingers ran up your side, a shriek escaping your lips as they dug into your waist.
“Oh you’re an asshole, Munson!”
“But you’re still in my bed, hm? My star cheerleader,” Eddie teased, pulling you closer into his chest and nipping at the junction between your neck and shoulder. He ran his tongue over the skin when you hissed in pain, soothing it with a kiss.
You brought your hand up to his hair, tugging it softly. “I’m here totally against my will, by the way.”
“Yeah, totally.”
He continued pressing hot, open mouthed kisses onto your neck, his hand pulling your skirt up to the creases of your thighs, exposing the pink cotton panties you wore. The rings on his fingers felt cool against the increasing temperature of your skin, a shudder running through your body as he ghosted his fingertips across your mound.
“Munson, don’t play around,” you breathed out.
“C’mon, feelin’ needy already?” he asked teasingly. “I haven’t even touched you yet.”
You pinched his jean clad thigh, eliciting a hiss from his mouth, his large hand coming down to slap your thigh in retaliation.
“I swear to God I’ll leave, Munson,” you began, pushing yourself forward and off of his chest.
“Hey, hey, hey!” he exclaimed. “Patience goes a long way, angel.” He wrapped an arm around your waist tightly, bringing you flush against his chest.
Eddie’s free hand pushed your skirt further up, the hunter green material bunched up around your stomach and leaving you exposed to him. You leaned your head back with a soft groan as he pushed your panties to the side, middle finger moving up and down your slit teasingly slow.
Your head buzzed every time you felt his metal ring nudge against your clit, his Black Sabbath cassette playing softly in the background the only thing that kept you grounded as he added another finger. Bringing your hand down to his, you gripped it tightly as a silent plea for him to apply more pressure.
“Don’t make me stop,” Eddie murmured into your shoulder, brown tendrils of hair falling near your face. “Relax.”
“Please, Ed,” you begged, “give me something.”
“You’re so lucky I’m feeling nice today,” he mumbled, nimble fingers dragging your slick up to your clit, circling it softly.
Eyes squeezed shut in pleasure, you felt the muscles in your thighs tighten as he sped up his pace. “Oh shit, like that, Eddie.”
Wanton moans left your lips as he kept circling your bud, his fingers moving faster until you couldn’t do anything except grip his bed sheets. Flashes of heat rushed over your body like waves, the coil in your stomach feeling like it was so close to snapping—until he dragged his fingers away from you.
Your eyes shot open, hands loosening from the sheets. “Eddie—fuck, I was so close!” you cried out.
He scooted up the bed until his back hit the headboard, large hands maneuvering your body until you were facing him. Moving his hands to your ass, Eddie squeezed it roughly, cold rings digging into your hot flesh.
“You didn’t think it’d be that easy, did you sweetheart?” His voice was taunting, head tilted to the side as his eyes glinted beneath the dim bedroom lights. “C’mon, I wanna see you cum on my cock.”
You paused, lips parted in disbelief for a moment before you placed your hands onto his shoulders, lifting your body up to rest your knees on either side of his thighs. The buckle of his belt clinked as he undid it, fingers moving skillfully to loosen it and unbutton his pants. Hearing his zipper lower was like music to your ears, eyes watching hungrily as he shoved his jeans down until you could see his briefs.
He got them halfway down his thighs before your fingers pulled at the waistband of his briefs impatiently, taking your bottom lip between your teeth as his cock sprang free.
“C’mon,” he murmured, bringing his hand onto your hip and squeezing it, “be good to me.”
Giving him a few quick pumps, you scooched closer and raised your hips to lower yourself onto him, the stretching sensation drawing a loud moan from your lips. He watched the way your face twisted with pleasure as you took him all in, keeping a hand on his shoulder to steady yourself.
Bringing a hand up to your scalp, his fingers curled around your strands of hair as he pulled them. The action caused your mouth to open with a moan, and he took the opportunity to pull you into a fervent kiss, the clash of teeth and tongue making him smile against your lips. You tasted like mint chapstick and the strawberry lollipop you’d been sucking on earlier in the day, the odd combination intoxicating to Eddie.
“Takin’ me so well honey,” he mumbled against your lips, hands moving beneath your pleated skirt to steady your hips as you found a rhythm.
“You’re so—fuck, big,” you drawled, throwing your head back in pleasure.
“And you feel like heaven.” Eddie bit back a moan, his fingers gripping your hips tight enough to leave bruises.
“Y’sure you know what that feels like?” you breathed out.
Eddie’s head lulled back onto the headboard, eyes closed as a smirk pulled his pretty pink lips upward. “I feel it every time I’m in you, angel.”
A wave of heat rushed over you, skin feeling like it had been lit aflame with every word that left his mouth. You continued bouncing on him, back arched like a cat as incoherent mumbles and moans escaped from his parted lips.
“Look at you,” he murmured, “so fucked out. Never thought I’d see you like this all those months ago.”
You sucked in a deep breath, stomach tightening as you kept moving. “You made me this way, Munson,” you replied with a faint smile. “Absolutely corrupted me.”
He let out a laugh, wrapping an arm around your midsection to bring you flush against his body. “And you’re stuck with me, sweetheart.”
Holding up your skirt with one hand, he brought the other between you and ran his thumb up your slit, rubbing circles onto your clit. A broken moan sounded throughout the room as warmth bloomed beneath your skin, the sensation creating tingles that began at your toes and made their way up.
Eddie began pistoning up into you as your movements became sloppier, chasing his own release while working on yours. Curls stuck to his temples with sweat, exposed forearms flexing and putting his various tattoos on full display.
You clenched around him as your orgasm washed over you, thighs shaking and broken moans escaping your lips as he talked you through it, soft praises contrasting against his rough pace. The sensation was enough for him to cum right after you, warmth spreading inside of you as you caught your breath.
Forehead dropping to rest against his chest, you closed your eyes at the sound of his rapid heartbeat.
“So, how does a sleepover sound?” he asked sleepily, the sound of his head knocking against the headboard making you laugh softly.
Damn it. Again, this is the issue I’m currently having with my partner.
Repost @clementinemorrigan
・・・
For a period of time I thought I was making headway on my anxious preoccupied attachment by repressing my anxiety and trying not to be needy. This worked to reduce conflict in my relationship for awhile but ultimately lead to more conflict when I suddenly expressed my anxiety and unmet needs in a confusing and accusatory way. I have learned that directly communicating my anxieties and needs in a nonaccusatory way has made a huge difference and increased the intimacy in my relationship.
i think the most haunting thing about the northman is that it's not a story that's meant for us. it's a saga, it lives in saga world, it subscribes to saga rules, it refuses to break the conventions of a 1000-year-old genre, not even for the benefit of a modern audience who might like to laugh at those conventions, or critique them. its a story written to explain the Rules of Reality to people living in a culture that is now dead and gone, whose rules no longer fully apply, but whose remnants still linger in our own world. it's a different kind of ghost story.
You ever just want Him to tilt your head and lick you from nipple to ear and then growl into and suck on your neck just above the collarbone while He penetrates deep inside your soaking wet pussy and holding you in place and man-handling you so you can’t escape? because me too /
So I knew the concept of “favourite person” was something associated with bpd (borderline personality disorder), and I thought it was accidental that I had most of the symptoms of having one, because I knew I didn’t have bpd. But recently I’ve been talking to a friend, and discovered they also cover most of the symptoms, and don’t have bpd either. So now I’m suspecting it might be more common among traumatized children, and I’m going to write about it.
“Favourite person” is someone so important and special to you, you feel as if you can’t live without them. Here’s a list of symptoms:
you crave attention and affection from this person constantly
you want to be around them and be with them at all times
you want to have things in common with them so badly you’re ready to change your hobbies and interests to match theirs
you spend time fantasizing about future with this person
affection and praise from this person makes you so happy it’s like a high that makes you forget all your problems
you idealize them and it feels like they can do no wrong
you are ready to defend and understand their every action
you miss them intensely even if they’re gone for just few hours
it’s hard to get thru the day without them
your mood depends entirely on weather they gave you attention that day
you react with panic with any change of tone from them, or lack of interest
you are extremely anxious about this person leaving you, and you feel like you wouldn’t be able to make it without them
if they don’t text you back or act disinterested, you are in pain and feel abandoned
if they start to ignore or neglect you, it feels like your entire world is breaking down and you can’t take it
you apologize to this person excessively if you think you’ve done anything to upset them
you get jealous about everyone else they spend time with, even if it’s just other friends
you feel like your only way to be happy is to have them at your side
you only feel normal when they’re with you, or in contact with you
you feel like you have no identity or purpose without them, your life revolves around them
you want them to need you as much as you need them
These are all symptoms me and my friend had, but here’s the ones we didn’t:
you get explosively angry if this person says the wrong thing and makes you feel bad
you throw tantrums and guilt at this person for hurting you, when they’re neglecting you or not acting how you feel they’re supposed to
Since we don’t have all symptoms of “favourite person”, I don’t want to steal the term specific to bpd, I’ll just call them “special person” instead. This type of bond with someone could easily be mistaken for love, or close friendship, but it’s not normal to depend on someone’s words and moods this much. In fact, it’s awful to be thrown into agony over just one person not texting you or not showing interest in you at all times. The pain of being neglected by them can make you suicidal, it feels impossible to survive without the attention, and that is horrible to go thru.
I researched this to find out why it was happening, and how it could be specific to traumatized children, and basically it’s an attachment disorder. As a child, if you are emotionally abandoned by your parents, meaning your first, fundamental bond with human beings doesn’t work out, your survival instincts will demand to try to create another equally strong bond and make it work this time. Having this “special person” is like being connected to humanity thru them, they’re your last chance at recovering your normalcy and bonding with other human beings.
One of the reasons this can end up bad is, you will often choose someone who is somewhat alike your parents in some manner - since you’re trying to re-establish the bond you lost with parent(s), you will logically pick the next similar thing. They just might be older, but they could also be narcissistic or controlling or toxic to you, and you wont be able to pick up on it, as long as you’re getting attention that makes you want to be alive. Being neglected or abandoned by them will trigger the original abandonment from parents, and it will feel like hell each and every time. You feel like your life depends on sorting things out with them.
I don’t know if a lot of you are dealing with this, but if you are, this is not a callout post, it’s not here to make you feel bad. What you’re going thru is out of your control, you cannot choose who your special person will be, or how strongly you will be bonded to them, and hurt by the lack of contact. You should know you’re not alone and there’s other people dealing with this, and at least there’s someone to relate with and find understanding in this painful mess.
Moments like this were the most traumatic. My mom would take us shopping an hour away- bc I live in the midwest and everything is so far away- and out of nowhere, she’d be upset suddenly and lost all empathy. She’d yell and scream and beat the steering wheel and spit and turn red and drive like a bat out of hell. She’d yell about no one loving her. No one caring about her. No one caring if she lived or died. About how she wished she was dead. About how no one would miss her if she drove off a bridge.
screaming this in the car, speeding like crazy, taking turns way too fast, little kids in the backseat crying because they thought they were going to die.
Imagine that.
A MOTHER doing this to her children.
By the age of 10 I had trained myself to find an escape route to every trapped space because of this very thing. Don’t lock me in a space and then elevate the emotional tension. I will cut anyone in my way.
A friend asked me, “What is the most common denominator among adult children of toxic moms?” I said, “Feelings of profound isolation.” Then he said, “What holds them back in life?” And I surprised myself, because we hardly ever talk about this, so I’m going to put up a bunch of stuff on my answer: “Learned Helplessness.” What is that? It’s life-long conditioning that no matter what you do, you won’t win. You won’t be happy, or fulfilled, or appreciated. LEARNED HELPLESSNESS. Let’s think about it.
Most depression is worsened by environment. Like the friends around you, your shitty boyfriend, the godawful job you have, the crap diet you're eating, the 4 hour crappy quality sleep every night. It all contributes to your life. And it's damn time you take all those under your control and take control of your reality and reshape your mindset.
It's ridiculous how there are so many depressed people out there, and it's time to spank things up and change that.
You want to heal, you want to be happy. Which is understandable but you can't rely on keeping buying makeup for that temporary boost in mood or popping in the prozac pills and doing JACK SHIT besides those fleeting pleasures. All they give you are temporary solutions, if you don't attack the fundamental problem it will always persist. Clear and simple.
FIX YOUR GODDAMN SLEEP.
Go to bed at the SAME time everyday
Wake up EARLY AT THE SAME TIME.
If you lacked sleep on your previous night, GO TO BED EARLIER. No 'maybe' or 'I don't wanna go to bed so early!' WHO SAID THEY WANTED TO HEAL UP AND BE FUNCTIONAL? Do it immediately, for the NEXT night. People are gonna understand if you say you want to sleep earlier, trust me. Nothing more attractive than someone that takes care of her wellbeing.
No cellphone 1h before bed. No peeks, no last texts, nothing. You close your phone totally one hour before bed. That's it.
Your brain is a stupid simple organ, if you associate a place with anything than its intended purpose, the brain is going to associate that place with the unintended use. The more you do it, the more your brain is gonna make the alternative undesirable association. That's why you never "lounge" in bed, because you're destroying that association bed=sleep which makes you sleep quick and fast. Bed is only for sleep and that's it. If you wanna lounge, go to your living room or chill room. Never the bed.
If you can't sleep or have anxiety around bedtime, rise up from the bed, leave the covers open so it aerates, go read a book for 20 min then come back. A chiller room also is incredibly helpful for bedtime. If it doesn't helps, look into weighted blankets.
Wash your bedsheets every week. I do them every Sunday, that's my routine and I can start my week with fresh sheets that feel SO right. The more your life is routinous, the better it actually is for the mental because there's LESS DECISIONS to make, and the brain is LESS overwhelmed. Fresh sheets and well made bed are a great foundation for great quality sleep.
Don't dismiss the influence of good sleep and bad sleep on your mood. Bad sleep makes you rave more junk food that makes you feel like shit afterwards, bad sleep affects your patience and mood and you're more likely to be sad and have depressive behaviour.
DRESS THE FUCK UP AND GROOM YOURSELF.
Clothes ABSOLUTELY influence your mindset for the day. If you dress in sweatpants and ripped t-shirt you're gonna feel like shit for the day. I JUST KNOW IT, BECAUSE I FELT IT. If you're broke and have nothing clean and intact to wear, check out the thrift stores for basic clothes like black pullovers and so on. Minimal, easy to wear rand always looks chic and gonna make you feel chic.
Etablish a ROUTINE (Routines are KEY to good mental health) for the laundry. I wash my clothing every Saturday, but you can choose the day of the week that works best for you. Start some music to fold and tuck away your cute clothing, associate that with POSITIVE VIBES. Hard to enforce habits are made easier by bringing in positive vibes into the experience.
Clean clothes, clean body, good smells signals to others that you like yourself and that they can't push you down. It's your weapon.
What is your favourite scent? Your favourite color? Pick a shampoo, soap and conditioner that has those scents. Again here, if you have difficulty showering yourself and grooming yourself, it's all about positive vibe association. Your favourite scents are in your shampoo bottle so you're more likely to go wash yourself. Same thing with other grooming accessories. My favourite colors are pink and lavender so I pick grooming tools in those cute colors to make me more likely to do it.
Just a water shower is better than NO shower at all. If you don't have energy to go wash yourself, go stand under the water for 5-10 min and just enjoy yourself under the warm water. I swear the shower is like a glowup machine and makes one feel so much better. I've never seen someone become WORSE after a shower.
A bit of brushing is better than no brushing. If you hate having to brush yourself or that you have a difficult time doing that, pick a wet brush, they make detangling so easy and have TONS of cute designs to make yourself more excited about that time. Brushed hair is going to make you look and feel better.
If you can't wash all your body, focus on the armpits, underboobs and privates area. Washing them is the minimum and neglecting them is going to cause smells which are gonna make you feel worse about yourself. You don't want this. Wash those areas.
If you got body complexes, a way to partially fix this is WELL FITTED UNDERWEAR. Tight panties cut into the hips and give you a muffin top even if you're skinny as hell. Too tight bras or bralettes give a similar effect. More comfortable underwear is going to make your figure look fantastic. In a time like this no need to worry about looking sexy, you need to feel comfortable, so don't shy away from "grandma panties". (Flashing news: guys don't give a fuck about your underwear.)
Covid special: you can find cute special color throwaway masks that are gonna make you feel so sharp and nice. Pick those in your favourite color and every time you look at yourself in a mirror you'll like it 😘
BAD VIBES, FUCK OFF KINDLY.
If something makes you unhappy, wether it's a friend that drags you down, a irritating object, etc. Get RID of it. No pity, no maybes. Just good vibes around you thank you. If that thing is actually helpful to your life despite it bringing bad vibes, seek to CHANGE it so it fits better into your future life.
Konmari is a lifesaver for me I swear. It helps determine what really matters in your life. DM me if you want resources about Konmari. I'm not a shill, just a fan 🤣
Going out of depression starts with the mindset. If you carry on blaming life, people, objects, circumstances, etc for your depression you're going nowhere and are gonna stay in your shitty situation. The majority of things you blame for your depressive mood probably CAN be changed. You CAN seek another job if you are your current job. There's certainly another job that pays better, treats you better etc. You CAN dump a toxic friendgroup and it's actually better to be alone than be with toxic friends that drag you down. You CAN dump your abusive boyfriend, being single is BETTER than being with an abusive asshole ass. If you settle it means that they're winning over your mind and you're allowing them to work themselves into your mind. Thus worsening your situation.
If you find yourself going on a depression loop ("I feel bad, I am bad, I don't deserve to exist"), go MOVE. I mean it, GO MOVE. Go walk outside, go walk the dog, go clean up your room, go to the local cafe with your laptop to scroll Tumblr, MOVE. Those depression loops are your brain being hyperfixated on one thing because it lacks distraction. It lacks direction, it is staying too still. Go MOVE. Go see the ducks at the local park and give them some seeds, go call a friend to walk together or just talk together. I'm sure they're waiting for you to initiate something together, they're probably hesitating to call you because they don't wanna bother you. Your dog is probably looking at you hoping you'd bring her on a FUN walk and your dog is always gonna be happy doing it. Even if the idea of moving seems so exhausting it's the first steps that take the most effort but once you did it you'll feel so proud of yourself. You did it.
If you respect yourself first, by your self-care, environment and grooming, you're signaling to others that they must respect you. If you don't respect yourself, it signals to others that they can walk all over you and stample you down further into depression.
DON'T EAT CRAP AND EAT WELL.
Junk food is really comforting isn't it? But you absolutely know that it contributes to bad health overall. It makes you feel nauseous, makes you gain weight like crazy and doesn't gives your precious body cells the nutriments they crave so much. Do yourself a grace, eat nutritious meals at least once per day.
Meal prepping is your friend. Again, it spares you the precious mental energy waste and you can redirect your small mental energy on the stuff that requires it. Do 2-3 days at a time, it's so less daunting to do and doesn't gets as boring as 7 days meal prep.
Half your dish should be veggies and fruits. 1/4 your dish should be carbs like pasta, rice, etc. 1/4 should be your proteins.
If you can't muster up the energy to make nutrious meals, at least pop in a multivitamin. Vitamin D deficiencies are strongly associated with depression, and most multivitamins have vitamin D too. Consume while eating a meal for max effect.
Don't drink coffee/tea one hour before a meal and two hours after a meal as it will decrease your iron absorption (iron deficiency = weakness + lack of energy)
DRINK YOUR WATER. It's insanely important and enough water will make you feel more energized.
AVOID ALCOHOL as it is a depressant (aka it worsens the situation). All it is gonna do is give you a temporary happy buzz but it doesn't attacks the problem at the core.
No junkfood in the house, avoid bringing them inside the home. Just don't. If you family brings those in, you could discuss with them about a specific place to store them, away from immediate view.
I know it looks so daunting all those tips together but it did work for other people and for me. If you want to heal and become better, write those down on a sheet of paper and place those on your fridge, to remind you of what to do.
Those seem to be superficial tips but trust me, a shitty lifestyle only worsens the situation and makes you even more miserable.
I strongly recommend to check your therapy solutions, a good vent/cry relieves the heart and the therapist is going to give you journaling resources and advice. Check our your local universities for cheap therapy solutions, teletherapy, if you're still a student see if your school offers therapist/counselor times. You're not obligated to go every week, you can go once per month or at need if you don't have the money for that.
I am a former depressed person, and all those are solutions that helped me the most and I'm passing those on for anyone that might need a lifestyle revision. It sucks immensely, I know but don't give up. Its not always gonna be like that, the more work you pour into it the better it actually gets. 💎
Neglect is abuse. It has the same effect on you. Being last on the priority list of people “have other things to worry about” is not how you grow up into an emotionally healthy person. You will accept being ignored and neglected because it’s whats expected of you. You will be grateful for crumbs of attention and seek for no more, no matter what. You will grow up dealing with every problem alone and learning to not reach out, not ask for help, not take away a second of someone’s precious time for your problems that surely couldn’t matter.
You learn to be quiet and invisible and to not show signs of pain. You learn to blame yourself for not speaking out, for suffering alone, as if you’re doing it on purpose. You learn to cope with being insignificant, because when you’re neglected, that’s a given. Surely, if you were of any importance, someone would care enough to notice, to talk to you, to see if anything’s wrong. To see if you’re drowning in depression and dissociating from the amount of pain you’re in. Surely, what you’re going thru would matter to someone.
People who don’t care to give you attention are not people who love you and care for you. They don’t raise you, they don’t even learn who you are. And it’s only a matter of time before you fall into resignation and learn that being ignored and sent to the gates of hell to deal with demons all by yourself, is how your life will be. And the more dangerous part – if someone gives you predatory attention, if someone finds something they can use within you, something they can tear away for their own purposes – it will feel welcome, it will make you feel like finally, you’re good for something. Finally, someone is looking at you. You’ll welcome people who use and hurt you, because even that is better than to be completely and utterly abandoned and ignored by the world. Neglect will make you welcome abusers in your life, not only without caution, but with gratitude that even for a moment, you’re not feeling neglected anymore.
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