putting the fun in dysfunction

elder millenial, she/her, Ao3: cloudsurfing

[cloudsurfing42]

Struggling a little with writing at the minute because I seem to be moving from one long involved project to another and while I am loving working on those fics it is becoming wearing, in my delicate little brain, to know that e.g. I'm already 10k into something that maybe six people might want to read and my boys haven't actually spoken to each other yet.

So asks are open, if anyone feels that way inclined, to prompt me to whatever. Be brief, be detailed, be as filthy as you like; whatever floats your boat. I'm afraid I can guarantee nothing for my words are fickle bitches, but I will do my best.

[cloudsurfing42]

Struggling a little with writing at the minute because I seem to be moving from one long involved project to another and while I am loving working on those fics it is becoming wearing, in my delicate little brain, to know that e.g. I'm already 10k into something that maybe six people might want to read and my boys haven't actually spoken to each other yet.

So asks are open, if anyone feels that way inclined, to prompt me to whatever. Be brief, be detailed, be as filthy as you like; whatever floats your boat. I'm afraid I can guarantee nothing for my words are fickle bitches, but I will do my best.

[cloudsurfing42]

I was given this spoon in a coffee shop this morning to eat oatmeal with.

What sort of monster, I ask you.

[cloudsurfing42]

Same cafe, same oatmeal, one week later and guy behind counter says “this might be a stupid question but which spoon do you want” and produced an ARRAY OF SPOONS for me to pick from.

Faith in humanity restored.

[cloudsurfing42]

I was given this spoon in a coffee shop this morning to eat oatmeal with.

What sort of monster, I ask you.

[cloudsurfing42]

Ok girl dads Hollanov sure. But bear with me here because what about boy dads Hollanov: Shane and Ilya with a son that they love to the ends of the earth, that they would do anything for and this kid, he loves sports. Maybe he even loves hockey, sure, but he's a sports kid and he lives in locker rooms and he's good and maybe he'll want to go pro one day and maybe he won't, but he's still young and right now it's mostly all still just fun.

And things have changed a bit since Shane and Ilya were young and they've caused their fair share of that change for the better but there hasn't been the seismic shift that would be needed for locker rooms to be nice places to be and so one day their kid comes home having heard some stuff his teammates said, stuff that sounded just fucking awful and they have to sit him down and say, yeah, they were talking about people like your dads.

And what if Shane and Ilya have to sit there and say that yeah, you're going to hear some stuff, probably every day if you stay in sports, and some of it's going to be awful and some of it's going to be about you or about people you love, even if the person who said it wasn't thinking of you and yours when the words came out.

And what if Shane and Ilya have to explain that it's true, they lived in those locker rooms and they loved hockey and each other enough that they just learned to ignore all the words people said and they have to see their kid sitting there with tears in his fucking eyes realising that his dads who love each other and love him in a way that is his absolute bedrock had to hear all those awful things said about them for so long and pretend not to care.

And he's a sports kid but he's like every kid in that he just wants to fit in, doesn't he, so what do Shane and Ilya do, huh? Do they tell him to stand by principles and stand up against things like that when it'll probably see him ostracised by his teammates? Or can they really tell him just to let it slide because it'll let him keep doing what he loves, like they did?

Can they tell him that? Can they not?

[themirokai]

If I ask nicely will people reblog and put in the tags what their favorite kids movie is? Can be something you loved as a kid, or something aimed at kids that you watched as an adult and really liked. Please?

[cloudsurfing42]

My head is full of words that won't come out, little fuckers making these perfect little sentences that are just what I want from far away and then skittering to the corners when I get close and only coming back together when they know I'm not looking. They are tiny tiny little silver fish that scatter when you drop a stone in their pond. Nothing I have on the pad is something they want to be in.

[cloudsurfing42]

So this is fucking beautiful:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Go for the soulmates, for Shane and Ilya loving each other in every life, and stay for that, and the absolutely gorgeous writing, sentences that make you love and long and hurt right with them. This one hurts but it’s worth it.

[janehollandeer]

crucially shane owns this shirt and even more crucially ilya bought it for him as a gag gift and most crucial of all he wears it to bed frequently

[cloudsurfing42]

But the thing is that he doesn’t see the words so much any more, it’s A Shirt He Sleeps In.

Which is utterly fucking hilarious in a middle of the night hotel fire alarm evacuation situation.

[animentality]

[jungleosbian]

not gonna lie my new favorite hollanov fic thing might be authors using NHL, MHL, and MLH all in the same fic across chapters. absolutely tickled even.

[cloudsurfing42]

I am with you, authors, use them ALL! And also MLH IS STUPID because they call it 'the MLH' which makes sense when it's e.g. 'the National Hockey League' or even 'the Major Hockey League' but the show went with the least legally actionable MLH so horrifyingly 'they play for the Major League Hockey' WHICH IS GRAMATICALLY CORRUPT.

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 3/3 - complete 🎉

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 12k this chapter; whole thing 32k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The coverage is extremely respectful. It almost always is, when a player's receiving medical intervention on the ice; the players still standing make a barrier of bodies, if it's needed — and with the Raiders in what seems to be an uncomfortable, glance-sharing shoulder-to-shoulder with the Admirals they certainly found it to be needed, for Ilya — and the cameras cut away and don't glorify the details. It's frustrating as shit.

Read on ao3: one | two | three

[cloudsurfing42]

Confession time. The Martian. Not the film, the book. Hated it. HATED IT. It sits somewhere in my all time top five most disliked pieces of published fiction and I ground my way to the end of it fuelled only by rage. I can fight this corner for hours. I am prepared to die on this hill.

But this is not the point.

The point is, Project Hail Mary, which has been all over my tumblr for weeks now and which I haven't seen due mainly to The Martian-related passive agression. I know three things:

I hated the Martian, sufficiently that even though it has been a decade, the knee-jerk negativity I have for anything with Andy Weir's name on the spine remains as strong as ever.

Point 1 may be unfair in reference to Project Hail Mary. It was a decade between these books, people grow as authors/humans/etc, and I didn't dislike the film of The Martian, anyway.

What I know about Project Hail Mary, from my admittedly deliberately minimised exposure: it's The Martian, but NotMattDamonThisTime has a little rock friend.

Knowing that many of you lovely people clearly adore Project Hail Mary since it makes up about 75% of my tumblr feed these days gives me pause because I am aware I am being all How I Get about it, so ... if you had to sell me on this film in one sentence, what would you say? I am prepared to be talked into this.

[yesornopolls]

are you familiar with ‘destiel’?

Are you familiar with ‘destiel’?

Yes

No

Voting ended onJun 4

[cloudsurfing42]

at time of reblogging this is at 13% 'no' which is 249 people and I do not understand how these people learn about world events.

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 2/3

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9k this chapter; whole thing 30k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The first one is perfect. A deep crimson, brightening to scarlet at its edges and thick, firm between his fingers. It's undamaged, not even torn at its thinnest parts for all of its violent means of arrival into the palm of his hand, but sticky with saliva making its texture unpleasant. It is, otherwise, a flawless rose petal, like something you would see in a drawing; an oil painting. It's such a beautiful thing, and so small, to be killing him. Ilya rubs at his breastbone and clears his throat but there's nothing else to come up; not today. Closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at himself in the mirror over the sink he pictures his lungs turning to dirt so that the roots of the rose can plant themselves in him; choke him from the inside. That's not quite how it works, he knows. It may as well be.

Read on ao3: one | two

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 1/3

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9k this chapter; whole thing 30k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The first one is perfect. A deep crimson, brightening to scarlet at its edges and thick, firm between his fingers. It's undamaged, not even torn at its thinnest parts for all of its violent means of arrival into the palm of his hand, but sticky with saliva making its texture unpleasant. It is, otherwise, a flawless rose petal, like something you would see in a drawing; an oil painting. It's such a beautiful thing, and so small, to be killing him. Ilya rubs at his breastbone and clears his throat but there's nothing else to come up; not today. Closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at himself in the mirror over the sink he pictures his lungs turning to dirt so that the roots of the rose can plant themselves in him; choke him from the inside. That's not quite how it works, he knows. It may as well be.

Read on ao3: part one

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 1/3

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9k this chapter; whole thing 30k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The first one is perfect. A deep crimson, brightening to scarlet at its edges and thick, firm between his fingers. It's undamaged, not even torn at its thinnest parts for all of its violent means of arrival into the palm of his hand, but sticky with saliva making its texture unpleasant. It is, otherwise, a flawless rose petal, like something you would see in a drawing; an oil painting. It's such a beautiful thing, and so small, to be killing him. Ilya rubs at his breastbone and clears his throat but there's nothing else to come up; not today. Closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at himself in the mirror over the sink he pictures his lungs turning to dirt so that the roots of the rose can plant themselves in him; choke him from the inside. That's not quite how it works, he knows. It may as well be.

Read on ao3: part one