putting the fun in dysfunction

elder millenial, she/her, Ao3: cloudsurfing, steddie ride or die

[animentality]

[jungleosbian]

not gonna lie my new favorite hollanov fic thing might be authors using NHL, MHL, and MLH all in the same fic across chapters. absolutely tickled even.

[cloudsurfing42]

I am with you, authors, use them ALL! And also MLH IS STUPID because they call it 'the MLH' which makes sense when it's e.g. 'the National Hockey League' or even 'the Major Hockey League' but the show went with the least legally actionable MLH so horrifyingly 'they play for the Major League Hockey' WHICH IS GRAMATICALLY CORRUPT.

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 3/3 - complete 🎉

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 12k this chapter; whole thing 32k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The coverage is extremely respectful. It almost always is, when a player's receiving medical intervention on the ice; the players still standing make a barrier of bodies, if it's needed — and with the Raiders in what seems to be an uncomfortable, glance-sharing shoulder-to-shoulder with the Admirals they certainly found it to be needed, for Ilya — and the cameras cut away and don't glorify the details. It's frustrating as shit.

Read on ao3: one | two | three

[cloudsurfing42]

Confession time. The Martian. Not the film, the book. Hated it. HATED IT. It sits somewhere in my all time top five most disliked pieces of published fiction and I ground my way to the end of it fuelled only by rage. I can fight this corner for hours. I am prepared to die on this hill.

But this is not the point.

The point is, Project Hail Mary, which has been all over my tumblr for weeks now and which I haven't seen due mainly to The Martian-related passive agression. I know three things:

I hated the Martian, sufficiently that even though it has been a decade, the knee-jerk negativity I have for anything with Andy Weir's name on the spine remains as strong as ever.

Point 1 may be unfair in reference to Project Hail Mary. It was a decade between these books, people grow as authors/humans/etc, and I didn't dislike the film of The Martian, anyway.

What I know about Project Hail Mary, from my admittedly deliberately minimised exposure: it's The Martian, but NotMattDamonThisTime has a little rock friend.

Knowing that many of you lovely people clearly adore Project Hail Mary since it makes up about 75% of my tumblr feed these days gives me pause because I am aware I am being all How I Get about it, so ... if you had to sell me on this film in one sentence, what would you say? I am prepared to be talked into this.

[yesornopolls]

are you familiar with ‘destiel’?

Are you familiar with ‘destiel’?

Yes

No

Voting ended onJun 4

[cloudsurfing42]

at time of reblogging this is at 13% 'no' which is 249 people and I do not understand how these people learn about world events.

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 2/3

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9k this chapter; whole thing 30k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The first one is perfect. A deep crimson, brightening to scarlet at its edges and thick, firm between his fingers. It's undamaged, not even torn at its thinnest parts for all of its violent means of arrival into the palm of his hand, but sticky with saliva making its texture unpleasant. It is, otherwise, a flawless rose petal, like something you would see in a drawing; an oil painting. It's such a beautiful thing, and so small, to be killing him. Ilya rubs at his breastbone and clears his throat but there's nothing else to come up; not today. Closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at himself in the mirror over the sink he pictures his lungs turning to dirt so that the roots of the rose can plant themselves in him; choke him from the inside. That's not quite how it works, he knows. It may as well be.

Read on ao3: one | two

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 1/3

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9k this chapter; whole thing 30k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The first one is perfect. A deep crimson, brightening to scarlet at its edges and thick, firm between his fingers. It's undamaged, not even torn at its thinnest parts for all of its violent means of arrival into the palm of his hand, but sticky with saliva making its texture unpleasant. It is, otherwise, a flawless rose petal, like something you would see in a drawing; an oil painting. It's such a beautiful thing, and so small, to be killing him. Ilya rubs at his breastbone and clears his throat but there's nothing else to come up; not today. Closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at himself in the mirror over the sink he pictures his lungs turning to dirt so that the roots of the rose can plant themselves in him; choke him from the inside. That's not quite how it works, he knows. It may as well be.

Read on ao3: part one

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: limerence 1/3

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9k this chapter; whole thing 30k

Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Does it count as miscommunication if they aren't actually communicating, Only happy endings in this house, Canon divergent from end of ep2, Very mild gore (this is hanahaki so we know he will be coughing some stuff up), Discussion of death and mortality (because again: this is hanahaki), Mention of Irina's canonical suicide, Everything I know about hockey I learned from fanfiction, No AI was used in any way in the creation of this work, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Emotional Sex, emotional closeness through sex, ilya rozanov is not okay

The first one is perfect. A deep crimson, brightening to scarlet at its edges and thick, firm between his fingers. It's undamaged, not even torn at its thinnest parts for all of its violent means of arrival into the palm of his hand, but sticky with saliva making its texture unpleasant. It is, otherwise, a flawless rose petal, like something you would see in a drawing; an oil painting. It's such a beautiful thing, and so small, to be killing him. Ilya rubs at his breastbone and clears his throat but there's nothing else to come up; not today. Closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at himself in the mirror over the sink he pictures his lungs turning to dirt so that the roots of the rose can plant themselves in him; choke him from the inside. That's not quite how it works, he knows. It may as well be.

Read on ao3: part one

[beaswellgirl]

yep, pretty much

[beemovieerotica]

if you work in a creative field...or if you do creative hobbies like writing or drawing...you need to make friends with people who don't do those things. you need to befriend normie Steve who has never written a story in his life. and this is because when you are in a creative job or hobby and spend all your time doing that thing, surrounded by very capable people, who you inevitably compare your own progress and skills to, you forget what the baseline human skill at that thing is. and it's usually zero. normie Steve has not written a story since the 3rd grade when his teacher made him do it. he's very good at other things that are not storytelling - but if you tell normie Steve that you wrote a full 300-page book from start to finish, he will think you're some kind of savant. he does not know ANYONE else who has done this. you need this perspective. because when you're constantly on Let's Write Stories dot Com then everyone on Let's Write Stories dot Com will inevitably be like "oh of course everyone on earth has written a book or several at this point!" and you canNOT let yourself think that. that is not even close to the average human experience. you are in a bubble. do not put yourself down. do not give up.

[beemovieerotica]

REAL AND TRUE. my newest normie steve does 40 mile bike rides on a whim and excels at outdoor rock climbing. i will always hype him up.

[sinmonger]

You are part of my existence, part of myself.

emily brontë wuthering heights // anonymous // gaby tan "i never loved you on accident" // richard siken "saying your name" // jane austen emma // unknown // marie howe "[annunciation]" // trista mateer "the dogs i have kissed" // sleeping at last "two" // kiersten white the chaos of stars // leonard cohen "the sweetest little song"// charles dickens great expectations

[writingdose]

this used to be a common knowledge

via AO3Tikli 2022

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: a step to the right 7/7 (complete 🎉)

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 18k this chapter; whole thing 40k 50k 60k 75k I need a cigarette and a lie down

Tags: Time Loop, because the only thing better than Tuna Melt Day is unending Tuna Melt Day, Fluff and Angst, Internalised homophobia (I'm Shane Hollander nice to meet you), As little actual hockey as I could manage, Feelings Realization, Love Confessions, Shane Hollander Is Bad at Feelings, Ilya Rozanov is not much better, what's in a name, an awful lot as it turns out, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, just don't ask them to confirm or deny that, Hayden Pike is a good friend, coming out, love confessions, Blow Jobs, Deepthroating, Anal sex, D/s vibes because we've met these guys before, canon typical metros homophobia

Three weeks isn't a long time. Three weeks vanishes in the blink of a carefully pre-planned, meticulously scheduled arrangement of practises and games and flights and hotel rooms; in allocated time with the press and workouts and finding meals on the road that fit in with his meal plan, in calls with his agent and his sponsors and in team breakfasts and watching tape. Three weeks is over in a turn of Shane's head. Twenty-one days; five hundred and four hours; thirty thousand two hundred and forty minutes. The twenty-one days take no time at all, but some of those hours and minutes drag and stretch like they're never going to end.

Read on Ao3 : Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven

[frownyalfred]

“Bookmarks are for readers, I can say whatever I want in them” has the same energy as “I can say whatever I want in public, it’s not illegal.”

Like yeah, you can technically say whatever you want in public. But you’re not free from people judging you or being upset with what you say.

Which is to say. If you’re being a dick in the public bookmarks of someone’s fic, yes people are allowed to be upset. And no, you’re not cool or edgy or “honest.” You’re just an asshole who doesn’t know what a private bookmark is.

[cloudsurfing42]

THIS. A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.

[cloudsurfing42]

Slow start but gets better hey you know what, screw you and your critique I didn’t ask for in your PUBLIC BOOKMARK THAT EVERYONE AND THE AUTHOR CAN SEE.

Jesus Christ no one’s forcing you to read this, please learn fandom etiquette lesson one and keep your negativity to yourself.

[miloinouterspace]

The Magicians with this song, anyone?

[cloudsurfing42]

Well my heart just broke again, how's yours?

If anyone ever deserved fucking sunshine it's these two.

[cloudsurfing42]

Fic: a step to the right 6/7

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9.5k this chapter; whole thing circa 40k 50k 60k 70k send help

Tags: Time Loop, because the only thing better than Tuna Melt Day is unending Tuna Melt Day, Fluff and Angst, Internalised homophobia (I'm Shane Hollander nice to meet you), As little actual hockey as I could manage, Feelings Realization, Love Confessions, Shane Hollander Is Bad at Feelings, Ilya Rozanov is not much better, what's in a name, an awful lot as it turns out, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, just don't ask them to confirm or deny that, Hayden Pike is a good friend, coming out, love confessions, Blow Jobs, Deepthroating, Anal sex, D/s vibes because we've met these guys before

Ilya's alarm wakes him with a breath that shakes out of him and eyes that want to water and full of love down to the core of him, the body and breath and undeserving soul of him. It's too much: far, far too much and he doesn't know how he's supposed to be able to stand it, how he should get up and move around and live his life carrying something this big along with him with every step. He sits up in his bed and laughs in a single, wet sound; sniffles like a child. He'd imagined an end to this ever repeating bubble of time in so many ways, but none of them had ever stretched disbelief far enough to include hearing the words I love you said to him like that, like it was natural and obvious and inevitable and entrenched as deeply in Shane as Ilya fears his own love for Shane lives in himself. He plays the words over and over in his head and wonders if he imagined it; if maybe he has lost his mind, after all.

Read on Ao3 : Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six