𝓒lovers Blog

He , They , It // Mega yapper // I write what I want

[cloverfieldz22]

"01_ballade"

12/4/25

This is my first post and probably not my last. . I'll probably just use this to write to my invisible Audience. I enjoy getting my thoughts out even if no one is listening and talking to myself while people are present in my house is awkward. That's why this exists. ok bye.

[cloverfieldz22]

You look familiar like someone I know

You look like Sebastian the gloomy boy 

Who lives up in the meadow. 

You act familiar like someone I know

Superman tall, strong, a real superhero

You sound familiar like someone I know, Kalon,

A soft, gentle voice, slow and mellow,

Cradling me with your words, a sweet lullaby,

Telling me what I want to hear.

Are you the one with autonomy, 

Or am I the one pulling strings?

You always know what I want 

I don't remember where you end and I start.

[cloverfieldz22]

I spoke to you last night A gentle voice in my head I spoke to you last night— I was comforted, not filled with dread

I spoke to you last night Can it stay like this forever? I spoke to you last night You were never real— no, never.

[cloverfieldz22]

test 34

I am not happy

And I am not sad

I guess that I'm being selfish

Shouldn't i be glad?

There are people out there

who struggle more than me

I wish I could let people see

Who I really should be.

[cloverfieldz22]

I am the son and the heir Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar I am the son and heir Of nothing in particular

[cloverfieldz22]

I want to do something good enough

[cloverfieldz22]

12/21/25

it's almost christmas

Somehow its been only months and my life is still changing, evolving everyday. Well I guess that is how life is and you just have to accept that. I'm scared and excited for the future I need to make smart decisions. Is what I'm doing the right choice? Am I making a critical mistake? There's no turning back now only time will tell what happens.

[kosmogrl]

[cloverfieldz22]

I wish more people used they or it pronouns for me 😪

[cloverfieldz22]

12/9/25

I did something difficult and scary today and survived proud of myself.

[cloverfieldz22]

2011

12/8/25

When you say "It's gonna happen now" well, when exactly do you mean?

[cloverfieldz22]

Sympathy vs empathy

12/7/25

I never realized this but I don't feel empathy and it never occurred to me until recently. Empathy is like being able to put yourself in the persons shoes and deeply feel for their situation. While sympathy is knowing someone is having a tough time and feeling for them comforting them but nothing deep. yes I feel sympathy for others but I cannot feel empathy. I do realize I can feel empathy slightly for nonhuman things such as animals , and objects. so interesting when you find things out about yourself.

[aconstellationcollective]

dehumanization as horror is great and all but what about humanization as horror. Being forced into a role that was not made for you. Being forced to fulfill expectations that you can never achieve. Being made to exist in a society that so cruelly expects you to act in a way that is against your nature.

[this-is-ableism]

As a teenager my therapist had me take an IQ test and I was finally able to be diagnosed with dyscalculia after my parents and teachers had somehow not noticed it for years.

For a moment I thought "Wow, maybe I'm not actually stupid, maybe I'm just disabled!" only to come online and have everyone go "No actually, you ARE just fucking stupid!"

All I see is constant posts making fun of people who can't do math, or being told that hating math is "anti-intellectual", and being told "Um but this woman with dyscalculia was able to become a mathematician, so you can too! Math is great and wonderful and cool!"

this is ableism.

[cloverfieldz22]

12/6/25

Is it anxiety or autism

Or both

[cloverfieldz22]

blah blah did I say something

12/5/25

I am never constant I am always changing from one thing to another whether it be my music taste, the way I act, or even my style. I like a lot of things that I get overly fixated and attached to it and get bored of it and always find something to pick up again and the cycle continues. I am one person and 100 people at the same time many conflicting interests and different ways on how I want to be that I feel fragmented. I guess that is the cost of masking