chameleon skin

im obsidian and this past year ive been coming to terms with the fact im autistic. this is a my vent/positivity blog! pro self-dx only

[clusterfuckautism]

Was having a drink with a friend a couple of weeks ago and when the bartender passed me my pint there was some foam coming down the side of the glass and she was like ‘I shouldn’t lick that should I?’ Then she DID and was like wtf.... I’m fuckin gay... then could not speak to her the rest of the evening lmao

Then I saw my friend again the other day and I had to ask him if she was coming on to me like I only just realised...

[samehatmemesforautisticadhdteens]

[image description: two hands clasped in a handshake. white text overlaying the first hands sleeve says adhd, white text overlaying the second hands sleeve says autism, and white text overlaying their clasped hands says loving owl city. end description.]

[nb-robot]

Being autistic is just reading about symptoms you dont think you experience until you become aware that you’ve been experiencing them this whole but didn’t know it

[justlookatthosesausages]

Member of the “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you just told me, because there are those two people talking 5 meters away, a child crying on the opposite sidewalk, and 3 cars passing by, on all of which my brain focused and put at equal volume in my ear instead of politely putting your sound first” squad

[the-peculiar-bi-tch]

PRESENT

[catnippackets]

happy stimming

[transhuman-priestess]

This is one of my favorite comics of all time.

[laurakbuzz]

Autistic stimming needs this, more representation of stimming a positive, pure, happy thing.

[odderancy]

!!!

[strawberryamanita]

I needed to see this again aww

[autistickeely]

I don’t “live” with autism, I am autistic. Autism doesn’t pay the rent, autism doesn’t do the washing, autism doesn’t do the cooking, autism isn’t an accessory I carry around with me. It’s my identity. I wouldn’t be the same person if I wasn’t autistic.

[autism-fucking-rocks]

Being autistic is very punk, so to all of my punk autistics out there, you keep being you

[cllynchauthor]

“It’s a Spectrum” Doesn’t Mean What You Think | The Aspergian | A Neurodivergent Collective

What you believe the "autism spectrum" means is not what it actually means. It's more like...

My latest post for The Aspergian.

“When people discuss colours, they don’t talk about how “far along” the spectrum a colour is. They don’t say “my walls are on the high end of the spectrum” or “I look best in colours that are on the low end of the spectrum.”

But when people talk about autism they talk as if it were a gradient, not a spectrum at all.

People think you can be “a little autistic” or “extremely autistic,” the way a paint colour could be a little red or extremely red.

But autism isn’t that simple.

[pro-autistic]

Autistic people who dropped out of school as teens and who are only as adults in their 20′s or 30′s starting to catch up on what they couldn’t manage back then are amazing. You’re living your life and you’re catching up. You’re doing great.

Keep studying. Don’t give up, but take breaks when you need it.

[brightlotusmoon]

[pro-autistic]

You’re not supposed to always feel emotionally drained after hanging out with your friends. Energy wise, sure. Being social is very tiring for a lot of autistic people. And sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference between the two.

But your friends are supposed to make you happy. Friends are meant to help each other have a good life, even if it’s just in small ways.

If you always leave feeling exhausted, upset and/or feeling like you spent all your energy on something that just wasn’t worth it… that’s a sign that that friend isn’t actually a good friend for you.

[autism-fucking-rocks]

Being autistic is very punk, so to all of my punk autistics out there, you keep being you

[oysters-aint-for-me]

[clusterfuckautism]

I’m really struggling with my relationship at the moment

I feel like she doesn’t understand my experiences but I don’t want to make it all about me

I wish there was more literature out there that wasn’t just about how partners of autistic people can understand and cope but for autistic people to support their partners 

I’m also scared that she doesn’t want to make any adjustment and it has to be me that does all the work but by thinking this I’m being selfish and lazy and not considering what she already does for me

I think it’s possible she could be on the spectrum in some way and this is why she feels the things I struggle with are just everyday problems because she hasn’t realised her feeling the same way does not make it commonplace

She has said to me I always use being autistic as an excuse and maybe this is true I’m trying to examine myself but am I going about things the wrong way? Should I be looking at her more than me? I’m not really sure what it is she ‘s asking of me but when I ask for more specific clarification this just causes frustration on her part because she feels she has already told me  therefore I am not listening/caring. But I do care I just don’t understand...

She thinks I am self absorbed. I think this is true. I am constantly watching myself. I am analysing myself. Trying to understand myself. If this is narcissistic then I’m guilty as charged. I have a burning need to know myself and who and what I am. I have no self-actualisation. I am desperate to be self aware. I would prefer to understand myself before anything else, but the world operates the other way round. I thought I understood her, which made us work together. She feels I do not and it’s as if everything has come crashing down around me again. 

I am wondering through the ruins trying to make use with what I’ve got, not doing a very good job. All the routines and habits I got into with our relationship are more harming than anything else. She wants passion and spontaneity but I need routine and uniformity - stability. Everything I thought was right and safe about what we had is shattered. I feel like I’m starting again half way through the race.

All this requires time and processing, adjustments that I cannot procure immediately. I need time, but to leave her waiting while I get my shit together and act like myself and treat her how she wants is not fair. It hurts to be left to your own devices while someone sits computing, being inhuman. I don’t know what way to act is ‘right’.

I need to strike the balance and I am scared of where the hammer will fall.

[neuro-positivity]

the neurodivergent/autistic feel when you want independence but you also need to accept support for certain things, and wow is it a hard balance to find.

[clusterfuckautism]

A poem about going home

[i recently moved out and have gone home for the first time in three months. This is the longest I’ve been away for. I’ve landed on my feet in my new place and now my new room is my safe place. Coming home and feeling like it’s not my safe place any more is what this poem is about. Despite that, I still feel the love here and my sisters, who are autistic too, now have their safe place]

/

Nostagia hits me like a ton of bricks

This used to be the fridge where I put my food

This was the spot I put my shoes

This was the bath I’d fill and lie in

This was the room I first wanted to die in

Here, I stashed my badly-rolled cigarettes

There, the razors

The walls stay the same

The love that radiates through them

and the shame

Still lingers

/

I do not long to return

The feeling is bitter

How many happy memories were here

This was my sanctuary

My kingdom, my cage

My only place of refuge

The container for my rage

/

Yet among my private ruins

The darling buds of may

Can only grow between these walls

They must be locked away.

For the world is a beast

It moves too fast, its booming feet

Stamp on their hearts

/

We love too fierce

Our hearts we hide

and live in fear of the world outside

They stare and laugh and jest and hate

I want to be you

This normal state

On your planet, join you

I can’t understand

If I am to be, to cut off my hands

/

I love my castle

Now I have escaped

I jump in the moat and seal my fate

I glimpse my tower

Before I die

I wish the world was like my sky

[clusterfuckautism]

living with autism

the romanticized version: "happy flapping," non-conformist, free-spirit, childlike innocence, always kind and happy, hidden genius, "adorkable," awkward shy cuteness, pretty pastel colors, cute stim jewelry, plays with plush toys, acts like a big kid, "soft bab uwu"

the reality: difficulty communicating feelings, abstract thoughts that are hard to put into words, crippling anxiety, difficulty recognizing social cues, sensory overload, confusion, always wondering if you're doing something wrong, trouble coping with change, trouble staying focused, obsessive/ritualistic behavior, always having to keep emotions in check, constant insecurity/self-doubt, trying to keep stim behaviors under control, constant feeling of being judged, struggling to be seen as an equal, pure. unadulterated. frustration.