clever tumblr title

[kehinki]

I want an inverse spy flick. The spy is a woman. Her whole team is made up of diverse women. All the villains are women. There is only one man in the entire movie and he is a Strong Male Character who is like 25 and decently ripped and has a scene where he slowly steps out of a pool wearing speedos because he is Confident and In Control of His Sexuality. We see his ass when he has to tug down his pants to get at the knife strapped to his thigh. His nipples are always erect for no fucking reason.

[saskawitch]

They are undercover in a nightclub. In order to keep their cover from being blown, he has to kiss another man. 

He knits to relieve stress and to keep his mind sharp. It is never discussed by any of the characters. 

[followthebluebell]

Someone asks him how he knows how to do Traditionally Feminine Thing. “I have four sisters,” he answers.

This is also how he knows how to fight while armed with nothing but a purse, a high heel shoe, and a can of hair spray.  During this fight, he is, for no apparent reason, shirtless.

[roachpatrol]

The lead spy is Helen Mirren. She nails the Action Boy in the shower. There’s a lot of lingering closeups on the way the shower spray runs across his breathlessly ecstatic face. We also hear every breathless whimper of his climax, while out in the hallway Lucy Liu is smoking impatiently, a duffel bag full of rocket launchers slung over her shoulder. The President isn’t going to kidnap herself, here, christ. 

Action Boy emerges in a small towel, sheepish yet radiant. Helen Mirren emerges in a tuxedo, also smoking, also with a duffel bag of rocket launchers. 

[teashoesandhair]

In one scene, the lead villain captures the Strong Male Character. He is, once more, inexplicably shirtless as she ties him to the chair. He makes some quips about his sexual independence before he is rescued by a sweat-drenched Helen Mirren, who kicks down the door and nukes everyone in the room. Strong Male Character’s hair remains perfect throughout the ordeal. 

[gateswideopen]

Strong Male Character is heartlessly slain in front of Helen Mirren’s eyes despite all of his skills and combat prowess. His body slumps to the ground, lifeless but supple. Helen Mirren makes a witty quip at Strong Male Character’s killers before quickly and dramatically slaying them all.

She steals one last glance at Strong Male Character. His beautiful eyes stare back from a handsome face with perfectly tussled hair, lips positioned a if in a gentle sigh. There’s no bringing him back now. Helen Mirren walks away, stronger than before. Strong Male Character’s death has hardened her, but given her the strength and resolve to complete her task. 

[imorca]

Roll credits. 

An after credits preview clip comes on as a teaser. Helen Mirren with a huge explosion tearing things up behind her walks toward the camera with a new Strong Male Character wearing the tiny, tattered remnants of a burned shirt about his flexing pecs and deltoids, and he is carrying the bag of rocket launchers as he steps in behind her. 

[tygermama]

So Matt Bomer?

I’m seeing Matt Bomer

and then fandom burns itself to the ground trying to find some guy to slash him with

[valeria2067]

Nah, Matt Bomer is almost 40. Despite his good looks and great bod, he’s way too old to play the shaggable romantic supporting character to 70-year-old Helen Mirren.

Matt Bomer plays Helen Mirren’s sadder-but-wiser ex, computer-savvy, gorgeous but still single, fiercely independent (but it’s all an act).

Helen Mirren shows up on his doorstep to ask him for one last hacker job, for old time’s sake. Matt hauls off to slap Helen in the face, but Helen catches his wrist, pulls him close, and kisses him long and hard. Matt struggles at first but finally melts into her embrace.

Lucy Liu strolls past them into Matt’s chic apartment, slapping Matt on the ass as she mutters “Some things never change, do they?”

Late the next night, as Matt and Helen hack into the CIA database, Helen tucks a stray lock of Matt’s hair behind his ear and asks him why there’s no husband or kids in the picture after all this time.

Matt turns his sad, beautiful eyes toward her and confesses that there has only ever been Helen for him, but he couldn’t stand never knowing if she would come back alive when she left on a mission. Helen and Matt nearly have a moment, but the computer beeps with the results of their search.

The next morning, Helen goes into the kitchen to find Matt’s 20-year-old nephew has come to stay for the weekend. Helen and the camera slowly pan up and down his gorgeous, toned, oiled-up and glistening body as he stands, nearly-naked but for his tight, black satin booty-short underwear, and starts making a gourmet vegetarian omelet.

He turns around and smiles at Helen. “You must be a friend of Uncle Matt. I’m Caden. You hungry?”

Helen’s eyes drift down to Caden’s bulging crotch. “Oh, I could eat,” she quips.

[elementilda]

Helen Mirren and the actor who plays the 20 year old nephew get together in real life. Everyone is delighted by this. 

[fidelioscabinet-blog]

I don’t think financing this would be a problem; distribution probably would. We could hack into the network feed for the Super Bowl, perhaps.

[deep-fried-devil]

I would watch this a million times

[jennaambervisions]

I love this so much I’m gonna illustrate it.

Here is @kehinki‘s part 1

[glitterv4]

OK, seriously, why isn’t this movie already real?

[ospreyarcher]

Somewhere a male studio exec has woken up screaming in agony, and he doesn’t know why. 

[sariae-blog]

why do so many people romanticize the 1950′s? like calm down we still have milkshakes and racism 

[zombiezu]

[moihemmo]

my favourite joke in the whole universe

[sosuperawesome]

Prints by MyZoetrope on Etsy

• So Super Awesome is also on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest •

[wereabetterman]

When you have bad days that just won’t let up, I just hope that you will look in the mirror and remind yourself what you are and what you are not.

[twloha]

“You are not your mistakes.” 

[brittany-murphy]

[dismantlethefeminism]

I do not understand this “male privilege" bullshit.

What. Fucking. Privileges. Do. Men. Have.???????

Name them. I swear, I challenge you to name these “male privileges" and be able to prove them. 

Come on, I fucking dare you. 

Name them!

[genderfag-remade-deactivated201]

Oh boy. Well, as a man, I’ll tell you my male privilege.

My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

I can be confident in the fact that my co-workers won’t think that I was hired/promoted because of my sex - despite the fact that it’s probably true.

If I ever am promoted when a woman of my peers is better suited for the job, it is because of my sex.

If i ever fail at my job or career, it won’t be seen as a blacklist against my sex’s capabilities.

I am far less likely to face sexual harassment than my female peers.

If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

If I am a teen or an adult, and I stay out of prison, my odds of getting raped are relatively low.

On average, I’m taught that walking alone after dark by myself is less than dangerous than it is for my female peers.

If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be questioned.

If I do have children but I do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be questioned.

If I have children and I do care for them, I’ll be praised even if my care is only marginally competent.

If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

If I seek political office, my relationship with my children or who I deem to take care of them will more often not be scrutinized by the press.

My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious the position, the more this is true.

When i seek out “the person in charge", it is likely that they will be someone of my own sex. The higher the position, the more often this is true.

As a child, chances are I am encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.

As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.

If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones. (Nobody’s going to ask if I’m upset because I’m menstruating.)

I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.

If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.

If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.

I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is little to no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.”

I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability.

My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring.

The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time.

If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. The same goes for other expensive merchandise.

If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.

I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks.

If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.

If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.

In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. If I am over-weight, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than over-weight women do.

 If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover.

Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.”

Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment.

On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.

On average, I will have the privilege of not knowing about my male privilege.

And lastly, I am taken as a more credible feminist than my female peers, despite the fact that the feminist movement is not liberating to my sex.

This is male privilege.

[apocalyptic-tea]

THIS. THIS IS HOW YOU BE A MALE FEMINIST. 

[thegameofnerds]

Shit Schmidt Says...

Season 1 Ep 10 (The Story of the 50)

[stability]

Self Soothing by Chaoslife

[theyboldlywent]

Why Star Trek matters.

[thisisntmyrealhair-deactivated2]

Why representation matters too.

[twice-five-miles-deactivated201]

Everyone should know, in the 70s Nichelle Nichols went to NASA and asked why there weren’t black astronauts in the pipeline, and they said, “Come recruit for us.”  And she did.

“From the late 1970’s until the late 1980’s, NASA employed Nichelle Nichols to recruit new astronaut candidates. Many of her new recruits were women or members of racial and ethnic minorities, including Guion Bluford (the first African-American astronaut), Sally Ride (the first female American astronaut), Judith Resnik (one of the original set of female astronauts, who perished during the launch of the Challenger on January 28, 1986), and Ronald McNair (the second African-American astronaut, and another victim of the Challenger accident).“ (x)

[evil-wears-a-ufo]

Yaaaaaaaas

[champagnepuppies-deactivated201]

[jumpingjacktrash]

you go, you beautiful person. you fuckin go.

[beldaran]

YES FUCK YES

[thatjackalope]

No ok but I actually met him. Several of my colleagues and students were hired to do some assessments for several manmade and natural ponds on his property. He wanted to maintain them with several different fish populations so that kids nearby could fish and have a good time.

While we were working he rode up in his four wheeler with a terrified look on his face. I never thought I would see a former football player on the verge of tears, but boy howdy he nearly was. Several of us stop what we were doing and go over to see what was up.

“I was running the tractor through the field and almost hit a fawn.” He says.

Now, for reference, it’s pretty common to have farmers run over and kill fawns. The defense mechanism of fawns when they are young is to lay down low and not move…which obviously isn’t great for when there’s a tractor. It happens all the time, but it can be pretty bloody. It’s not a pretty sight.

So, thinking that maybe such a gory scene unnerved him and that we may have to dispose of the body, I say “Mr. Brown, is the fawn still alive?”

He says “Yes, I took it to the barn…but I’m afraid the mom won’t take it back because it has human scent on it.”

The myth about “human scent” is a common one, but it’s just that…a myth. But still, this guy was absolutely terrified that this little deer was going to live the first few weeks of its life without a parent. He was distraught.

Luckily my professor/boss was like “Don’t worry Mr. Brown, if you return the fawn relatively close to the spot that you found it, the mother will come back. The human scent thing is just a myth. The fawn will be alright, just be sure to keep the barn quiet so that the fawn doesn’t panic.”

Mr. Brown’s face lit up and he let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God” he said “I was so worried.”

And that’s the story of how I met the sweetest man ever: Mr. Jason Brown.

[friendly-neighborhood-patriarch]

I hope to do this or something like this one day. amazing

[iggyface]

Maybe it won’t work out but his seemingly pure and kind nature is better off away from the severity and showmanship surrounding professional sports.

[harrysaint-laurent]

honestly i’m so tired of people treating makeup and fashion like they can’t be hobbies. like it’s all right for a guy to know every player on every sports team or every car model but when a girl knows every makeup brand or every hand bag on the market she’s a brainless superficial ditz. like it’s a hobby and it doesn’t inhibit us from knowing about politics or what’s going on in the world, so why do assholes care so much that we also know every lipstick shade mac has ever come out with???

[woodworking-tools-and-plans]

via /r/woodworking

[theinturnetexplorer]

Dude turns little bunny toy into a battle hardened warrior.

[dollsahoy]

…click through to the Twitter stream for more stuff like this…

[theblackelk]

[thatgirljenifer]

oooohhhh this.is.perfect.

[sixpenceee]

Matsumoto Castle is one of Japan’s premier historic castles. The building is also known as the “Crow Castle” due to its black exterior. Sixpenceee is on Facebook.

[charaznable]

vaccinate your fucking kids

holy shit do you know what year it is  (via fuckyeahtherealkiki)