If the series had been in Rice’s pov
“Just remember you’re a wolf and can do no wrong. No wait. You can only do one wrong. And that’s not marrying me. That’s the one mistake you can make. Otherwise, you’re a wolf”
“Fryer, my mate, is such a wolf. No wait, she’s not my anything, not yet. Cauldron, I wanna fuck, but no - not yet”
“You’re a wolf, okay? I’m gonna give you the barest training possible and put you in danger”
“Woof woof, you see there’s all the training you need.”
“She doesn’t wanna fuck, but I horny after seeing her womanly curves”
“I’m going to give her crowns so she’ll realise she’s such a kween despite doing absolutely nothing”
“Oh lookie me im doing the ABSOLUTE bare MINIMUM, don’t you see fryer, im the ultimate girl power™️ supporter!”
“I’ve got a big dick lol. It’s bigger than eveybody else’s because I’m speshuler. Don’t you want this fae dick?”
“Our sex will be catastrophic. don’t you want to conceive our children AND break a mountain in half at the same time?? come on i know you wanta.”
“She’s so sexy and beautiful in my Mom’s dresses. Is it weird to want to fuck her even more knowing that she wears the clothes of my diseased mother? Nah. Her boobs look amazing so it must be okay”
“My orgasm was so intense a mountain broke in half”
“Maybe if I purr enough she’ll forget all those times I abused her”
“I wonder if she’s noticed how outrageously attractive I am. Look, Fryer. Look at my violet eyes and smexy face”
“See these muscles? I’m so hot. I’ve got tattoos. My looks make up for everything I’ve done to you”
“I totally understand sexism. You femails have it real rough. I’m not gonna do anything about it, but I’m here for y'all”
“See the night court? yes, imagine, you. being high lady. yes you. without doing absolutely anything. i just really want to fuck you really.”
“I’m going to allow my beloved cousin’s abusers into velaris, the only place she feels safe bc ya know gotta do what ya gotta do amirite.”
“The Illyrians are pieces of shit who abuse their femails. I have the power to stop it, but I don’t because my bestie Cassian will be mad at me”
*Mansplains feminism* “I’M SUCH A FEMINIST!” *does nothing about it*
Predictions for future books:
“My mate, now the mother of my child. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything since she became pregnant. The male instincts are raging in me and I can’t help but try to fuck her everywhere we are. The thought of a baby insider her makes her even more sexy”
“There she was - My mate. So gorgeous even after having our child. Though I hadn’t forced her to bear a son, no I couldn’t, she had asked, given him to me as a gift.”
“She smiled and my breath was taken from me. She began to feed our child and my male instincts fought against my self control. Her breasts had grown larger during pregnancy and it was getting harder to restrain myself at the sight of them”
“I snuck into my son’s mind and put him to sleep so I could fuck my mate. Oh my beautiful mate who had given me a child despite not wanting to. Feyre, my mate, looked up in alarm when the baby fell asleep. I smiled and grabbed the baby from her and winnowed it to somewhere I would figure out later”
“I placed the baby into the weaver’s cottage. “find my crown, son,” I whispered encouragingly, then wandered off to screw my mate”