everybody: hugh, bring your big ass muscles over here and punch this guy on screen hugh jackman, quietly: i just want to sing
sheepfilms
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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Cosmic Funnies
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@codebamboo
everybody: hugh, bring your big ass muscles over here and punch this guy on screen hugh jackman, quietly: i just want to sing
I never understood the thigh gap thing everyone has a thigh gap if youre fucking stance is wide enough
But they’re talking about a thigh gap when your legs are together
The Fuck Who would wanna date someone who isnt in a power stance all the time
me, writing academic text: these words make no sense but they sound impressive next to each other. this sentence started four lines back and has 4 commas but i haven’t reached my point yet. help me
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life
if that sewer clown makes himself an image of your worst fear before he eats you, i could kick his ass. what’s he gonna do turn into the physical manifestation of being abandoned by your closest friends? gonna turn into an ooky spooky visual representation of catastrophic failure and loss? jokes on you dumbass the only thing im afraid of is myself
Time to kick my own ass. Bitch had it coming for too long
i love when ur writing an essay and u all of a sudden get a burst of inspiration or find the perfect source to back up ur point and it’s like the clouds have parted and everything’s clear and ur not gonna have to drop out
never mind everything sucks essay writing is horrible i have no clue what im doing im gonna drop out and become a street performer
NEVER MIND IM THE KING OF ACADEMIA IM GONNA GET 100% IM GONNA FINISH ON TIME AND HAVE A WELL STRUCTURED ARGUMENT AND IT’S GONNA BE AWESOME
never mind.
I really…fucking hate customer service.
Like…
Okay, as a lot of you know, I work overnights at a hotel. It’s for a pretty recognizable brand, so we get a lot of high paying customers.
Part of my job is to prep the breakfast area before the breakfast team shows up so that breakfast is done by the time it needs to be. This, of course, means that I have to step away from the desk. It doesn’t really help that the time I need to start working on breakfast is also when customers start checking out.
So I had the bright idea of making a sign. It’s not fancy, the letters are pretty big, and it basically just says “Hey if you need me I’m in the kitchen, just give a holler.”
It’s worked really well so far; people see it, they call for me, and I get them taken care of with little to no fuss. Or, at least, it’s worked up until now.
This guy.
This. Fucking. Guy.
I finish prepping the breakfast area, I walk out, and at the front desk is a man, huffing and puffing. He harshly asks “Are you working the front desk?”.
I say with my best customer service voice “Yes sir, I just had to prep a few things for the breakfast team. Can I help you with anything?”
“Yeah you can help me by giving me some fucking service. I’ve been waiting for almost five minutes and I have to catch my flight!”
Oh boy. Here we go.
So I tell the man, “Well, sir, if you’ll look right in front of you, if you needed me, that sign tells you that I was in the kitchen.”
And this man. Just. Fucking looks at me. And says.
“You expect me to fucking read on my day off?”
And I just.
I was floored. That someone would say that. Completely unironically. With no hesitation.
Just
Fucking customer service, man.
This is the best spiderman movie ever
Dumbledore, died at age 115
Horcruxes made: 0
Voldemort, died at age 71
Horcruxes made: 7
Conclusion: Voldemort was the most useless, magic dependant wizard that ever existed. He could have lived till like 200 if he just ate well and exercised, but no he had to go and split up his soul and ruin perfectly good jewellery, fucking dumbass.
this sounds like it was written by hermione granger at 1 am
He tried to use an advanced death magic spell to kill a baby. He literally doesn’t know how to do anything without magic. Just drop it out a window my dude, babies are so delicate
Holy shit im dying right now..prob the best one
This actually probably is the best one hahahaha
a lot of my faves
have a seat we need to talk
i dont trust people who are organised enough to balance a fuck ton of school stuff on top of a normal life because you know who else could do that??? fucking light yagami
sleeping
bird holder
Honestly Apple could tell me they’re gonna take a chunk of my eyeball everytime I unlock my phone and I still wouldn’t buy an android phone.