Cody's Corner

Weird, funny anecdotes.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Summer Fairs

I worked the Evergreen State fair last week. It’s that fair that every creepy relative I have will come out, talk to me, and want to take a picture. That must be some sort of fair law. Imagine the amount of taxes people have to pay. Another fair law: fairs can’t change for at least 20 years. This fair has been the same since I can remember. The newest ride has been there about 10 years— the Wacky Worm. To be a carnival employee must be weird. I’m not a weirdo, but I mean people who work directly for the carnival. Don’t get me started on the Puyallup fair; it’s just advertised better and more spread out, so you have to walk a lot more!

[codygemmer48-blog]

Absence

Sorry I’ve been AFK. I haven’t worked in months, but the day I actually have BIG plans, I have to work! I bought smashing pumpkins tickets months ago! It’s like the universe flipped me the bird. Let’s see— an evening with Billy Corgan, or being stuck in a booth at the Evergreen State Fair? Decisions, decisions! I’m a highly dedicated employee, but I already spent $400+ on the tickets. I guess I’ll have to use a sick day! My hands are tied.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Growing up

I hate growing up. It’s weird because you start realizing that your family members are flawed. When you’re a kid, family is the best. The worst part is when the goggles come off. Not to mention responsibility. When you’re a kid you think everything will work out when you’re an adult, but no. You’re still working flaky jobs in your 20s. There’s good things too. You can do whatever you want, as long as you don’t break the law. It’s weird that when your friends go to college, or get married, you think you were going to be hanging with those people the rest of your life, but they’ve moved on. My point is, don’t take anything for granted.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Fortnight

It seems like a generic first-person shooting game. Out of all of the stupid video game fads, this one is the dumbest. Even Pokémon Go was better. My brother played it all night! Im ready to send the game creator death threats. It’s like crack to teenage boys! I have a game to play, it’s called: Reality. Unless you want to grow a beard and live with your parents until you’re 45, you should probably try it out. I doubt people who are into world of Warcraft are this annoying. Fornight turns people into ragaholics!

[codygemmer48-blog]

Movie theaters

What happens when you go to the bathroom during a movie? You come back and have to ask what happened while you were gone. There needs to be an app that tells you the optimal time to take a bathroom break, and while you’re there gives you a synopsis of what happened. I have a name for it, it’s called: iToilet, a movie bathroom experience. Somebody get on that, please!

[codygemmer48-blog]

Listening to the news depresses me. public service announcement: they’re telling kids not to pick up needles on the playground. What’s wrong with that? How has it come to this? I blame the city councils with their injection sites. It doesn’t quite make sense since it’s illegal drugs. It seems to be enabling if anything. I know pot is legal, I agree with that, but heroin is a whole different animal. They need to draw the line somewhere, and clean up the homeless problem. There’s people crapping in the streets. It’s filtering out into other cities surrounding Seattle now too. I just don’t understand why people enable these things. It doesn’t help from a government perspective. There’s a right way and a wrong way to deal with things. Onto a different subject....

Why are there bikes randomly littered around Seattle? It rains all of the time. I understand the need for a bike but why do they need to ride in the rain? It’s 90% of the year. Don’t get me started on sound transit. It’ll be obsolete when they finish the light rail system, as well as people having electric cars by then. It’s just a large chunk of money. It works in Portland because they started early. Seattle, insanity.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Apple

All I want to do is watch TV. It started with CW on demand not having the tv series in correct order. At least the Apple tech support gal spoke English. Oh, apple. No outsourcing to India or whatever godforsaken country that helps with IT work. I don’t remember the last tech person who spoke English. I don’t understand this technology. If it was a car, I’d get it. I had to update the whole thing just to watch Arrow on the Apple TV app!

[codygemmer48-blog]

Supercross

I went to Supercross. It was a pain in the butt—We waited for 45 minutes just to get out of the parking lot! Welcome hothead douchebag... revving the engine and honking their horn behind us. There was a line of cars in front of us. Revving your engine isn’t going to do anything! I wanted to give him the one bird salute. Couldn’t we do it in a nice, organized, civilized fashion? There’s a lot of people who want to get out. Not to mention the sidewalk preachers. Have you ever been to a show where there’s idiots who preach Old Testament, blood and fury and sinning? All I want to do is watch people ride motorcycles, drink beer, and eat pizza. I don’t want to listen to your twisted form of religion (which you’re probably doing for attention) I don’t go to your church and ride motorcycles and cover the floor in dirt. I know you’re doing the Lord’s work, but the Lord should be embarrassed.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Easter

Something funny happens on holidays. We had an Easter egg hunt this year, and it’s mainly about the kids but they also have an adult one. I didn’t go out because of the rain, and I didn’t want to get mud on the tires. My uncle found all of the eggs, and being the goofball that he is, noticed my other uncle was picking them up. So what does he do? He takes the money out and re-hides the eggs. My aunt, eventually tattles to my grandma. They’re in their 30s! My aunt and uncle don’t have the greatest relationship, but tattling in your husband (who searches for the eggs every year) is funny. Who’s more immature, the person who hides it or the person who tattles? Maybe the tattler shouldn’t let it bother them! I swear, it was like watching 11 year olds on Easter.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Easter

Easter is this weekend! Jesus died for our sins. The weird part is “Good Friday”. It should be called horrible Friday, he gets beaten half to death and nailed to a cross! He’s loooing down on us now, like “What the heck! Eggs and Reese’s peanut butter cups, a bunny doesn’t even lay eggs!” Does this make me a bad person that I don’t want to celebrate Easter like Christmas? The guy gets beaten! What’s next, candy on Dr Martin Luther King Jr day? Can we all just take a step back and remember what it’s about? Spending time with family and counting our blessings, realizing we aren’t dead and the world hasn’t completely gone to crap. Sorry about the tiraid, I hope some of you got the humor in this.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Humans

Why are people so insensitive about weird things?

Who cares what some celebrities do on their phones, or the president for that matter. They can do whatever they want and say dumb things if they want. But I forgot, the president has a nuclear button. I’m surprised it isn’t on his phone. Please stop following famous people on Twitter! Half of the stuff they say is to get a reaction. The other half is careless. We don’t care what miss America from 1998 looks like.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Concert tickets

The other day I was thinking about going to a concert. General admission is $45. But as you may know, “general admission” doesn’t really go with my unique skill set. I went to StubHub, and to my horror, the tickets were $450! I’m no math major but that seems outrageous to me. Those tickets must be GREAT seats, with a waterfall embedded into the seat or something. With drinks and all. I don’t see why it’s $450! Is there just a giant rock band ticket inflation, or is Billy Gorgon just paying for his divorce?

[codygemmer48-blog]

Friends

Everybody has that one nosy teacher/friend/coworker, one who is up in everyone’s business. Even when it remotely isn’t about her or him. She needed to get off her high horse.

Usually people who are high and mighty have skeletons in their closets, or bad behaviors, or anti-social tendencies. Or even try to get a coworker fired! The same person who will act nice to your face but then stab you in the back.

[codygemmer48-blog]

The Oscars

Am I the only person that doesn’t really care? Why does everybody care about the Oscars? We didn’t vote! Nobody asked for my opinion, or anyone I know. If I was on the panel, SpiderMan Homecoming would win “best fake American accent”.

A few categories I would add:

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson should get the award for making the same movies over and over, and Adam Sandler will be runner-up in that category.

Tom Cruise should win an Oscar for pretending he isn’t gay.... just kidding! I don’t really care.

Samuel L Jackson should win one for the most movie roles with F-Bombs in them.

The woman who was married to Hugh Hefner should win the award for the Fakest Wife.

I should win an Oscar for pretending like I care.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Graduation

High school. The best and the worst of times. The ending of high school— graduation. The worst thing about graduation is the ceremony and how long it is. I had a friend push me up the ramp during the ceremony.... I’m getting ahead of myself. I had my family members, including my grandma from Idaho, who complained about her feet hurting when my mom would push me up a hill. My friend was going to push me down the walkway because I didn’t want to drive— I was afraid I’d wreck myself, or hit somebody! It would just turn into something incredibly crazy. My friend was amazing. She was sick with mono! (From her McDreamy boyfriend—-who are happily married now!) What she should’ve done was push me down the stairs! Maybe completely insensitive, at the time.

The ceremony. It’s long and boring! You’re stuck talking to people, when you should be listening to the 120 (it felt like it) valedictorians. We had 3 principals. The main one and two vice principals. They each took a section of the alphabet. “Now graduating.... *blah blah blah*”. Another thing: why do people have to sneak in air horns and beach balls? That’s got to be horrible for someone with mono, or a headache ( which I had a headache, or just irritable. All I remember was not being very happy). Everyone wanted to take a dang picture! I know it’s an important moment, but could we stop with the Kodak moments? Cousin Jim, aunt Cindy, and everyone else wants a picture! Not to mention all of your friends want pictures. It was very hot that day, too! We had to wear those dumb gowns that made us look like we were wearing bathrobes. I didn’t even keep mine, which I paid for! The point to all of this, is that it was a good moment.

Five years later, I’m still a little irritated.

[codygemmer48-blog]

My Friend

We all had this one friend in high school, who was the stand-up comic. All of the funny times we’ve had, he told me all of his stand-up stories and explained to me that it isn’t easy. I understand that now, being in the radio industry, it’s a long and hard trek. See me as a funny guy? I’ll always be grateful.

Quick story:

We were playing the game of Life in my special ed class, and he landed on the “Get Married” tile. He then put two women in the car. This guy was from Alabama, so you can guess that it didn’t fly in our game. He was one of those people that would always write. Another person wouldn’t stop saying “you can’t do that!” About five minutes passed and I said “there’s not anything wrong with that”. We’d joke about how many times he could’ve gotten fired (he worked for the school district). I’m happy to point out that he still works there. He was the first person to put me up on stage and have me talk. I thank him for that!

I like blogging, but there’s something special about being on a stage, too. Maybe it’s the fear of screwing up. That’s why I like it. You have to nail it, or you’ll fall on your face. Your fear of failing is what drives you. There’s very few things that are activated in my brain like this, in radio, stand-up, and my blog. Thanks.

[codygemmer48-blog]

Guys that give guys a bad name

Guys that don’t treat girls right. You have to at least give a girl flowers once a month or so, and surprise them every so often. Girls love spontaneity, am I right? They want small gifts—cards, candy, etc. Me, on the other hand, don’t. Guys, I’m pointing out the obvious but girls aren’t like men. They want to be told their special, and be taken on dates, wearing dresses (at least most that I know). I’ll let you in on a secret: women are always right. Just to make your life easier. Don’t fight with them over trivial stuff. Remember that expression “happy wife, happy life”? It’s true. And if the topic is trivial, it’s usually not worth it. When they want to talk about their wedding, guys don’t care. But you have to pretend to care to make them happy. Am I right? Mostly, women have been planning their wedding since they were kids. If you care about whatever they care about, there’s a chance they might pretend to care about the football game of fishing trip you care about. I knew a person who didn’t get a card on Valentine’s Day. Guys, remember to treat the ladies right and they’ll treat you right!