Coffee and Hatred

Fuel for my troubled brain.

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

I don’t want to see another person suffer the same persecution That I have condemned to myself.

Loving yourself is hard, but persevere

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

Her eyes like obsidian, Her lips like rubies. I fell in love with her gaze, and lost myself in her presence.

She was mine and she never even knew it

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

My throat feels hoarse, And my voice is strained. All I want to do is impress you. Why is that so hard?

You play hard to get and I chase after you, that’s the game

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

Tongues speaking of truths that both never knew they shared, Intoxication takes its toll as reminiscence becomes a bird of flight, It's wings no longer clipped and it's cage gone; And sincerely enough, They fear the threat of the mauve daylight.

I don’t have control, but you seemed tolerable 

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

Venomous fangs and poison lips, Fatal eyes and deceiving tongue; I see the gazes fall across me And I lust the curiosity, As they wonder about what my skin tastes of, And the enigma that is my brain.

They don’t know I'm deadly

[cherryredelinquent]

🌻🌻for anon

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

You don't seem to know the power of your twisting words, You don't seem to know that leaving will result in the diminishment of my consciousness. You don't want to leave, So why should you? Distinguishing my reality from fantasy, Give me clarity. Quit being fucking selfish.

You are clueless and I'm obsessed

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

Childish admirations Lead to tear stained cheeks, As you realize the world cannot be that simple; That life cannot be this uncomplicated.

Throw your dreams away; they don’t mean a thing

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

You called me cherry blossom girl,

Told me that I was perfect,

Aphrodite in the flesh;

But I never felt beautiful 

When I wasn’t around you.

-You make me feel alive; you make me feel whole

Soooooo, this is what I look like...

I know no one asked but I find it hard to be confident and I thought maybe this would help. 

I am constantly told that I am pretty and cute but sometimes I find that hard to believe. But I'm so lucky I've had people in my life, including my partner Nate (who took the photos), be supportive of me even though I am a major pessimist and a buzz-kill.

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

Your skin feels like cacti thorns, Like I will never be able to embrace your beauty without the sting of lament and pain, And yet I still desire to hold you And get lost in you, Though the pain may be unbearable.

I know it may be wrong, but sometimes my need is more important than my morals

[wallacepolsom]

Wallace Polsom, Three Studies for a Portrait of Futility (2018), paper collage, 21.5 x 18.1 cm.

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

With a burdensome lies, I wander through life, Pulling my facade closer to my chest. And I wonder if perhaps the state of vexation And contempt I feel for myself Will fade,  But for now The lavender light conceals my concerns And I remain a demure creature.

I feel like a serpent hidden within the white roses  

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

You can call me lovely,  And cute,  But screw you, Cause you still aren't close to me. No one else will do, And you keep acting blind, I am right in front of your eyes. Just pretend like you want my skin, Just hold me; Not because you want to, but because I fucking said so.

Im angry and a little drunk, oh well

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

You intoxicate me; Your eyes indulge me like champagne, Your lips burn like brandy, And even after all this time I get high off your attention.

If I'm not careful I may drown in the thought of you

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

There was nothing lovely about me. I knew I looked like death itself, Like I had been broken and beaten;  And yet that was the only time you gave me any sort of notice. When I looked like an oasis you disregarded me as a mirage, And yet when I looked like drought you came eagerly.

Was I not ‘troubled’ enough for you?

[coffeeandhatred-blog]

My sense of morality has dulled And my emotions heightened, As I find beauty in chaos; I see sin and pain  And I venerate it, Worshiping idols of pleasure and deceit  While I weep and ask why I am cursed and burdened with this skin and bone, And why I can't escape from my own senses.

This most likely made no sense, but this is made for me not you.

[jeauyce]

confide