I'm not sure exactly what the cataclyst was to end this seemingly year long derealisation I've had - probably the ongoings in palestine, congo, yemen, sudan etc. and stopping worshipping people (no person deserves this amount of attention, especially not old men like srsly I WOKE UP- I'm obsessing like this over other fickle human beings that play with my feelings? where's my self-respect???) - but I'm removing things that no longer serve me, that don't contribute to my happiness and evolving as a human being in all facets of life. that includes this blog, that includes obsessing over my teachers, romanticising suffering and this manic state of mind, wanting to fit this weird aesthetic as well. having a tc destroyed me, I've gone into detail about it on this blog already. I've compromised my morals (in ways I can't even talk about), my interests, likes, passions and the will to live due to it - this may seem very dramatic, but due to trauma in the past, I was so attached to mr. b that I barely recognised myself anymore. I'm not proud of the person I've become (seriously - from a psychological standpoint, my feelings and way of thinking were completely valid and it's okay for me to feel that way, but to actually pursue them?? refuse help? I was batshit insane, literally horryifing. I'm sorry for my younger self, just wanna hug him re-reading these posts istg) , and I'm not happy living that life, so I'd like to get better- I finally have the will and genuine want for that - so goodbye! forever, hopefully. I hope ya'll live a fruitful life and don't get as bad as me. it'll get better, trust me.
and no- none of this is healthy, I hope you'll feel the same as me soon too (if you're using ur blog to simply vent about how cool they are and aren't unhealthily obsessed, this isn't about you)
