Out-take from a mini-rant in a gender studies assignment
“You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It’s your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it’s a feminist issue!”
This is what Ross Geller, played by David Schwimmer, says in the episode “the one with the dozen lasagnas” from the first season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when he finds out Paolo, the man Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) is currently dating, made a move on their common friend Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow). Of course he is just saying this so Rachel will dump Paolo so he, Ross, can make a move on her. I don’t like this quote – but I do think it’s an important one.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S is one of the most loved TV shows of all times, with all of its 10 seasons available on Netflix many of us, myself included, go back and re-watch it again and again. But that is not to say it doesn’t have its problems.
Set in the 90’s, its attitude towards many things are by now dated. Ross’s wife leaving him for a woman was considered a joke, as well as Chandler’s (Matthew Perry) stereotypically female interest (musicals, skincare, he is skilled at plucking eyebrows, etc.), making jokes about Chandler’s transgender “father” constantly referring to her as “he” and “dad” even though it’s pretty clear she presents as a woman, not to mention all the fat-jokes on Monica’s (Courtney Cox) expense. Yes F.R.I.EN.D.S is problematic, but nothing is more problematic than how it handles the relationship between Ross and Rachel.
It all began in the first ever episode. Rachel had ran away at the altar about to get married to a man she did not love, and Ross’s wife had just left him for a woman. When Ross sees Rachel he is reminded of his High School crush on her, and because of that decides to pursue that interest. The quote above happened when Phoebe revealed Rachel’s then-boyfriend had made a pass on her, and Ross decided feminism was a great tool for him to get what he wanted – Rachel. Remember, this is the show that gave us the “friend zone” (thank you Joey (Matt LeBlanc)).
All though out this TV series, this theme prevails – Ross wants Rachel and will do anything to get there with no consideration of her own wants or needs. Ross is the epitome of “entitlement”.
In season three, when Ross and Rachel had finally got together and has been dating for a while, the episode the one where Ross and Rachel take a break happened. Rachel is working at Bloomingdales, a nice clothing store in Manhattan, had has to work late because of a shipping crisis, thus missing Ross’s and her anniversary dinner. In a phone call to Ross she tells him she’s sorry, but she has no time to talk and needs to get back to work. Ross, thinking he knows best as usual, takes it upon himself to fix a dinner and bring it to Rachel. Unsurprisingly, she is far from thrilled. While taking phone calls from brands and shipping companies she tells Ross to leave and that she hasn’t got the time. Still thinking he knows best, Ross proceeds to light candles that eventually sets another employee’s sleeve on fire. When Rachel is mad at him later he is completely unsympathetic and stands by his actions, leading them to take a break. He, during this break, hooks up with another woman which is what eventually drives them to break up.
Even though they were on a break when Ross slept with the other woman, the show directs its focus on Ross and Rachel’s debate of if they were on a break or not rather than to highlight Ross’s problematic behavior that led to their break in the first place.
In later seasons we are shown how Ross does all in his power to sabotage Rachel’s future relationships, and when they get drunk and marry in Vegas, he refuses to annul the marriage simply because he doesn’t want three failed marriages on his ledger. He would rather disregard Rachel’s genuine pleas than the blow to his pride, his main argument being “who would want to date somebody with three failed marriages?”.
Fast forward to the end of the 10th season and the show finale, and this theme is still at large. Rachel has gotten the offer of a life-time – a well-paid job in Paris with one of the largest fashion houses. This is her dream. So what does Ross do? The selfish thing, of course. He chases her down at the airport just to beg her to stay for him, practically guilting her to stay. What is worse, the show treats this as romantic.
I selected this quote because it perfectly sums up this awful person that is Ross Geller, a man so entitled that he will do anything – even invoke a movement fighting for the liberation of women – to get what he wants. I’m not saying Phoebe should not tell Rachel, but that utilizing feminism for his own gain is wrong. No, it is not a quote I like, but it’s a quote I find important. Important because it shows exactly how non-feminist men will use feminism to get what they want, regardless of who it hurts.
theartofmadeline
amandla
titsay
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
vaporwave
