Victor & Chris - Museum Guide
• Chris and Victor start the guide with complimenting each other for a job well done and toast, clinking champagne glasses together (and unlike Yuuri, no one gets sloshed here)
• Chris comments that it seems like someone is listening on his and Victor’s conversation, and says that eavesdropping isn’t a good hobby
• Chris asks if the listener wants to see his “mature eros” and remarks that “the ice is going to be soaking wet with our hot steps”
• They arrive at the area with the costumes and Chris explains that the inspiration to his short program opens with a shower scene….
• Porno-style jazz music starts to play in the background
Chris: Tonight, you are mine… Come, don’t be embarrassed. Look at me, you’re mine, come closer. Ahh, once, twice like that, let me teach you something good about how humans move…
• Meanwhile, Victor starts moaning Chris’ name in the background and making a variety of pornographic noises while Chris is talking
Victor: Ahh, baby… I-… ughnnn, ohhh, Chris, ahhh, come, hold me tight, ahhh, open your heart… Chris! Ahh, Chris, amazing!
Chris: …Hey, Victor…. can you shut up?
• It is honestly really, really, REALLY difficult to focus on anything Chris is saying when Victor is MOANING SEX INTO YOUR EAR
• Also everything Victor says is in English. e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g
• Victor and Chris start talking about Yuuri at the Sochi banquet. Chris remarks about how Yuuri was “extremely entertaining” to which Victor replies that Yuuri was also “amazing” at the Barcelona banquet
• Chris remarks about how he didn’t think he could lose to anyone at pole dancing
• They come up to the part of the museum where there’s a Makkachin tissue case and Victor starts excitedly talking about how he saw it was featured on tv in Japan.
Chris: Victor, I can teach you how to properly use… Makkachin’s tissue case
(…I think Chris was making a masturbation joke here but I can’t be sure)
• Chris asks Victor if he remembers ten years back, during the European Championships when Victor won gold and Chris made his senior debut, remarking that they’ve both come very far since then
Victor: You were so cute back then! I had no idea that you were gonna become such a precise Eros machine
• Once they get to the Kiss&Cry, Victor observes that Chris’s glass is empty and offers to get him a refill of champagne
Chris (alone): This was the first season without Victor. When I first saw Victor acting as a coach, with Yuuri at his side, I thought it wasn’t like Victor at all, he was so serious… But seeing him at the GPF, in the Kiss& Cry… it really was like the same Victor that’s out on the ice. I was jealous of Yuuri. I want to be able to show Victor my true skating as well.
Victor: Thanks for waiting, whatcha talking about?
Chris: …A private matter….
(Chris sounded really sad about not being able to skate against Victor, yet also happy for his relationship with Yuuri at the same time. Poor conflicted bb)
• Chris and Victor reach the end of the museum, with Chris making a remark about how fun it was.
• Victor counters that he wants to see the REAL Chris, the kind that he gets to see at banquets….
Victor: Look, there’s no one here, this is perfect, and look! I have a Makkachin tissue case!
Chris: Victor, you always want too much… Do you really want to see?
Victor: Yep, show me!!
Chris: Fine… Makkachin pole dance… start!
• Chris starts pole-dancing with the Makkachin tissue case, saying Makkachin’s name repeatedly, and… it gets weird. Avert your eyes, children.
Chris: Makkachin! Makkachin! Makka-chiiiiii~n!
Victor: Wow, amazing!
Chris: Makkachin’s tissue case is dancing too! Makkachin! It’s Makkachin!
Victor: Excellent!
Chris: Ahh, Makkachin! I’m coming, Makkaaaachiiiiiiin!!!
The End
(I’m traumatized)
prguitarman
romaincrisis
theartofmadeline
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