How would you define yourself?
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@coldeyesandredlips
How would you define yourself?
• A conversation where we watch the stars and feel the earth come down over us.
— avi.
(Two figures blend into the darkness, laying upon the earth. She is looking at the stars, and he is looking at her. There is the sound of the wildlife in the distance, the call of the cicadas, swaying to the hymns of nature, watching the stars glow. All is quiet, the sound of their breathing fills the silence. )
Him: The stars flicker as if they’re mourning.
Her: Mourning what?
(Touches upon the grass underneath her, already aware of the answer.)
Him: Of it ending before it even started.
(There’s a rock lodged inside her chest. Everything is heavy, too heavy.)
Him: The course of destiny shall run its pen, those destined for bleeding cannot escape from feeling the ridges of a knife upon the flesh, the scabs of a scar, a painfully acute reminder of time’s winged chariot.
Her: I was the most afraid of swimming. An abhorrent fear that I spent most of my life cowering by the swimming pool in my manor, afraid that the brimming waters would wash me away, rob me of my precious breath.
Him: And then?
(The stars have started to flicker faster, her heart is in her throat, tears lining her lash line. A quick swallow, the sky is about to catch fire.)
Her: And then, I jumped.
(She quietly look over at him. The stars in his eyes, the highs of his cheekbones. Sweet fervour, the weight of caged words are beating their wings inside her throat.)
Her: The waters robbed me of my breath, but in that one moment, I had felt the most alive. Death touched upon me— mortality may not be a weakness, but rather, a reminder, feel the most you can. It is now, you’re the most alive.
Him: I feel like my mind is going to eat me alive.
(He rolls over. Touches her hand to his heart.)
Him: I’m scared.
(She kisses his palm.)
Her: And I love you.
Her eyes shuttered close, a resigned smile on her face. His heart all but stopped in his steel confinements, as he delicately held her trembling body close to him. "You were the prettier one between the both of us, anyway." She grinned, something vital breaking in his chest at the blood that leaked from the corners of her chapped lips. "We knew our story was going to end in blood." A fleeting look of serenity crossed over her deathly pale features. "I am glad..." She choked out more blood. ".. that it was mine."
— "For you, I would battle death. A thousand times over."
by avi •|
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A short excerpt I wrote yesterday.
Tragedy hunches over, laughing with mirth the agonized fall to their knees, despair coating their shade of humane.
— avi •| @@aviiwrites__ on Instagram.
Liners from my excerpts.
From "bodies drape over mine and yet the inside of my heart is thawing over" / by avi.
From "the devil was once an angel" by avi.
From "What do you desire?" by avi.
From "things you wish you said aloud" By avi.
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What do you desire?"
Desire, desire. I desire to be understood. The art of trying. I desire to have a friend group that feels so out of place but it's us, not everything has to make sense— look at the universe, look at us. I have this raw, unadulterated desire to be intimate with someone. Isn't intimacy in being seen— a man contains such a vast spectrum of the world within himself—isn't intimacy in seeing beyond the surface?
I desire to have someone who speaks in their mother tongue, about the sadness that creates collateral damage within an artist, the crippling, bone weary sadness that teens carry. We weren't supposed to be this sad, there's something not quite right about it. I desire to speak in a tongue that's foreign to all but you. I wish, I wish for a lot. It's killing me. It takes utter destruction to bind someone back again, a resurrection from the ashes itself.
"My desire to live past 28 rivals all others, pretty much."
— avi / on things we wish we could say.
The depths of your sorrow don't compare.
the weight machines withers under the narrowed glare of the faulty teenager, a body made to cherish that falls prey to the crumbling construct of the society.
Why compare a size 10 to a 18,
when instead you can compare the distance between the hollows of our fingers,
I ask you to.
when instead you can compare how your brother's smile has grown in the corners, since you left your rotten abode.
i wish you to.
when instead you can compare the silence between our bodies that stretch like the narrow sea,
fading and fading,
until words melt off our ashy tongues and regret wells up inside my ribcage,
anxiety crawling over my hunched shoulders,
a well of pouring anguish that seems to be filled with my black tears.
Cicadas in the distance, crisp wind flowing,
A mystic, the daunting darkness veils our bodies in thick mist.
He whispers, "where do you feel it?"
"Everywhere. Everywhere." I clench my jaw, tasting his barely concealed rage on my chapped lips.
"Everywhere."
Smoke fills my lungs, my bones dangle carelessly under the wafting lullaby of the moon,
eyelids drooping as he wipes off my blood.
"Where does it hurt?"
I mean to say, "the places where you haven't touched me yet"
but instead the wind carries it away, a silent order,
it calls back, "the bleeding has stopped. It doesn't hurt anymore."
Because unless you are on the ground, wishing your unworthiness to cloak you in its misery,
a being that limped from the gates of hell, your hands covered in the blood of your inner child,
Wings ripped off your back, a feather floating in the night.
Unless you are on the ground bleeding, red and dazed, tears of wax pouring down your sculpted marble,
Everything is okay.
Your misery is only worth when it's too late.
— aviimitatesart.
art binds me together and spellbounds my decaying soul and if it weren't for the pieces of poetry and the love for paintings bare sunlight on the verandas Or art and poetry and drunken talks and sombre nights Or the dewdrops melting on my tongue I wouldn't be here.
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Till we meet again, stranger by accident.
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"When rage and grief collide, with burning hands and trembling lips."
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Slut
/slʌt/
noun
1. silk sheets tangled around my whimpering body like nefarious vines — as dark as the swirling black hole, seduction was merely in hues of red but within a month of your presence, seduction turned into hues of melting chocolate.
2. your body curls upon itself, scarred hands with peeling skin twiddling and shaking, that sadness always lurked like a scandalous stain upon your soul, didn't it? grief structured underneath the hollows of your eyes and in the downturn of your ruby red lips.//slut. whore. tainted. worthless.// Your body stopped responding/ and the insults that were spat like a broken record faded into the thawing crispiness of the blowing wind.
3. you give up your seat on the subway for a stranger's kid and their innocent smile wipes away your own, remnants of a lingering nostalgia swaying inside your decaying chest. innocence rather slipped away from your youthful fingers like wisps of smoke// what wouldn't you give to find a Van Gogh's yellow paint for yourself now.
4. sold a body that was never mine, wearing the skin of a snake, underneath the disguise of the prey lies the predator. just in case I don't make it to the age my father died, not a fibre of my tainted being wishes to be blown away with the ashes of the rotten.
"but rotten so you are, my love."
— coldeyesandredlips.
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my love for aesthetics runs so deep, such a vital role the little things play around us; the smell of dewdrops hitting the ground and the sound of my heart breaking are something so miniscule and you won't see me hurting because there's no blood on me.
— there's nothing wrong with someone, you realize, until it's too late.
@coldeyesandredlips on tumblr, @bleedingthornsinthesnow on Instagram.
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the beginnings of a love never received.
Teenage trauma. My mother speaks with grief coating her words, the stark, daunting taste of regret lingers on her tongue. i should not cause her any more pain. but days and nights pass by and I feel as if i owe something to her.
i dont.
My father cannot speak the truth, so he speaks his anger. his despair seems to follow me around. I should not doubt his love anymore. yet, I do not wish the pain upon anyone he caused me.
his anger is his, not mine to swallow.
love lights the house on a Sunday morning. By Midnight the harsh accusations mingle with the background song that plays through my speakers.
i love you, but I don't love how you make me feel on those days. the bad days win, I never asked to be brought to this world, thank you for taking care of me, but I didn't deserve the neglect, the pain caused.
Teenage trauma, I laugh.
— Coldeyesandredlips.