Colin Heasley

I'm a writer. I did a BuzzFeed & a McSweeneys.

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me trying literally any item at the store

[seriouslyamerica]

It took me like 20 years of my life to realize that the punchline to “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side” was a pun about death and not a cruel commentary on how most jokes are just unfunny.

[arsturbuther-deactivated2017011]

No

[shadyrican]

i’m weak.

[surprisebitch]

im screaming!!

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

The Curious Case of May Parker

[dr-archeville]

It’s happening in the cartoons, too:

Aunt May (and Ms. Lion) from Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends (1980s)

Aunt May from Spider-Man: The Animated Series (1990s)

Aunt May from The Spectacular Spider-Man (2000s)

Aunt May from Ultimate Spider-Man (2010s)

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

True facts: Every time Peter’s uncle Ben dies in the latest origin story May absorbs the life force left over from his remaining years and uses it to rejuvenate herself

Uncle Ben dies over and over again to keep her young

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[colinheasley-blog]

when u have a 1920s themed party at 10 and tea with the Mad Hatter at 11

[umbrellamadness]

Of all the tweets I’ve seen, this one is the best

[thequeenbey]

LEMONADE

[smoothiefreak]

This gif set made me cry. 

[heartandlungs]

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“Damn right”

[d3ssins]

girl scout: hi how are yo-

me: thin mints

[tanookitoes]

me: *is constantly treating myself*

me: you know what? i’m gonna treat myself today

[tamarinfrog-art]

A new pokemon MAGIANA was revealed today and I think it’s pretty adorable.

My money is on steel/fairy typing and that it is someway connected to the pokeball factory. 

[colinheasley-blog]

CHARLIZE STAHP

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[onehundredyearsofbutter]