I'm a mess :l

(They/She) idk what this blog has become it was just supposed to be a place for me to vent, but venting doesn't seem to work at all, so idk what will happen here...

[coloredangel]

Introductory Post - Version 3.7

Name: ColoredAngel (Color for short)

Pronouns: They/she (I need estrogen ;¬;)

Age: 23 (idk why would you want to know this but here it is)

I do programming and music stuff sometimes, I want to learn to draw...

I really like to whistle :D

I like colors (shocking, I know)

I'm bad at having conversations, but I try... that being said, people should appreciate the beauty of silence :3

English isn't my first language so... hola ._.

This blog is contains some of my thoughts, and a lot of them are... not so happy, so take that into account when looking around...

[coloredangel]

but all the distractions that I use to feel the slightest bit of joy are just that... distractions, no matter what skill I gain, no matter the nice people I meet online, no matter if I take care of my body; nothing changes, I'm still stuck in this stupid place with these stupid jerks and there's nothing I can do about it because I'm too useless to figure out what to do, why do I keep trying to stay alive when the only clear solution is to kill myself? if I'm not allowed to exist, then WHY is it so hard to stop existing? is it even worth trying? even if I escape this, there's no way to tell if I'll end up achieving any happiness, I just want the pain to stop, and the only visible path towards that is to stop living.

please, someone, help me killing myself, I'll give you everything I have, I'm too weak to try dying again, I need help to make sure that this time I die, please...

[coloredangel]

I didn't expect practicing to work... which sounds kinda dumb, but I was seeing no progress until recently and my brain doesn't like it when doing something does not pay off

I might go mad with power now that I am half decent at drawing, like... are you telling me that I can just conjure up an image in my mind and just put it on paper? this gives me a rush even stronger than making music :0 or maybe it feels like that since it takes less time ._.

[coloredangel]

Ralsei thinks that she has to be a prince because the prophecy says so, but she fails to realise... that Lancer could be the one, "a prince from the dark", just give him that robe thingy that Raisei was wearing at the start so that the prophecy visuals are still true :)

[ragathasswifee]

Ah, Tadc... The series that you are. The only show I'll possibly ever see with a non-binary lesbian and a transfem lesbian duking it out Looney Tunes style. 💕🎀

[demilypyro]

the concept of someone loving me for the totality of who I am is something my mind reflexively rejects as fantasy. if someone loves me it must be because they imagine me to be better than I am. they see the shadow I cast on the wall, a photograph out of context, a single side of a dodecahedron. whichever side of me reflects their desires back at them. they love the shell, they love the performance, not the scared, foolish creature within. and usually that's enough. the idea that someone could comprehend all sides of me, perceive every layer individually and all at once and still love the whole... that just sounds like a childish flight of fancy to me. a foolish dream that is altogether far too unrealistic to strive for.

[coloredangel]

I try to read again and again all the advice I get from the people that for some reason want me to live, but it all seems like advice for someone that isn't as useless and stupid as me, someone that can just tell their brain what to do to be happy...

What am I missing? Why can't I just do anything that isn't crying?

[birdandmoon]

Heat waves.

[storyweavingspider]

Addition: The amount of bombs that Israel and the US have dropped on Gaza in the pursuit of genocide and settler-colonialism have significantly contributed to climate change over the past couple years and is directly linked to so many “once in a century” and “never before seen” weather and temperatures.

[sailatina3]

Blue is a color for girls. Pink is for girls. Black is for girls. White is for girls. Brown, yellow, orange, red, turquoise, crimson, green, all colors are girl colors. There are no boy colors. It is simply not possible. Boys dont get colors. Boys do not exist.

My skin is a girl color. My eyes are a girl color. My blood is the color of women. And so is yours.

[jocie-questions-reality]

And all the colors are dating

[luka6x]

[gumi-megpoidd]

yeah. yeah.

[rahafwabas]

spreading my agenda

[turing-tested]

why didnt you call the cops or cps?

how about this: when i was 9 and my stepdad beat me until i passed out and i told my friends at school, my teacher over heard and i was interviewed by cps. they also went to my house when i was at school. when i got home, my step father was waiting on the couch, and told me who visited him that day. he told me if i ever snitched again he would beat me to within an inch of my life.

how about this: my mother locked me out of the house when i was 14 and when i cried so loud the neighbors called the cops, the cop told me i should have been respectful of my mother who was trying to sleep.

how about this. the demon you know is less scary than the demon you don’t.

children in abused households are raised to fear the idea of being taken away. children in abusive households see that help makes things worse.

dont you ever blame an abuse victim for not going to the authorities.

[turing-tested]

yes this okay to reblog!

[isuggestyouthliberation]

cpc + the cops are more invested in maintaining the social power of adults over children than they are in the wellbeing of those children.

[rop3bunn7]

Please help a disabled woman get comfortable!!

I recently moved out of my horrifically abusive house, I have bills covered (kind of) for now but i am lacking in the anything department. I dont have a bed right now. I am actively seeking work but dont know how long that will take and am just, struggling. I have a go fund me, and a paypal that Ill link here- Please help

Pay Guinevere chason using PayPal.Me

Go to paypal.me/msinterpereted and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.

Donate to Support Gwen's Move to Stability, organized by Guinevere Chason

Hello! I'm Gwen I am trying to get funds to help move in and get groceries for a whi… Guinevere Chason needs your support for Support Gwen's

So far I have... well. 0/200 I need for the bed, 0/300 i need for the frame and nothing otherwise.

[rop3bunn7]

THANK YOU TO THE ANONYMOUS DONATORS SO FAR YOU ARE FUCKING SAINTS!!!! 120/200 for mattress!!!

[melodies-stereo]

soooo they updated the rules and now it says you have to be niceies to trans girls. yeah. niceies forever. sorry its just the rules. being meanies is banned. the penalty for transmisogyny is on-sight killing now. what? no i dont think thats extreme . idk i think its justified

[berensreverie]

What I want for Pride Month

[transallegory]

I WANT TO BE A GIRL I WANT TO PASS I WANT TO WEAR CUTE CLOTHES AND TIGHTS AND SKIRTS AND TOPS UGHHHHHH