Where's the rainbow when it's raining?

Just trying to hold on until the sun comes back..

[colourful-darkness]

"I know you're trying to hide it, even when you always have a smile on your lips and you still live your life as normally as you can. I can see that you are tired. You try to handle it all by yourself. You are very resilient... But maybe you should seek help."

Because it's scary and tiring to seek help.

Because I did it so often in the last years, that I'm almost completely out of hope.

Because I don't know if I want to experience another certain crash and go back to that same awful state I'm in right now or worse.

Because maybe I'm ok with letting depression kill me for real this time...

[colourful-darkness]

Depression and anxiety are killing me... Jow long till I truly give up on life?

[colourful-darkness]

Dying is probably way less painful than living.

[colourful-darkness]

Living is tiring.

[colourful-darkness]

Still doesn't make sense to me that I can't just choose to kill myself... I mean, it's my body, my life, nobody else knows about my suffering better than me... I should have the right to end it.

[colourful-darkness]

I tried to hide it, didn't speak about it for months so I wouldn't bother anyone with my problems, and then I finally reached my breaking point. So, I poured my soul out as a last attempt at reaching out for help... And that's the answer I got:

"Fuck, it's depressing listening to you. Christ, shits happen in life, but like everyone else, you gotta get through it. Life's shitty sometimes, but everything will be fine."

And you know what? I'm tired of trying to get through recurring depression and look up to happy times that are gone too soon. I don't want to drag other people down anymore.

I'm sorry...

[sleepybluehaze]

[thememoryofwhoiwas]

[diphyllia-grayi]

Just because I smile for you doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking about cutting my wrists open at the same time.

[fighting-ghosts]

[booksandcows]