Colubrid

Gay 30M & Autistic • Communist • Pathfinder 1e GM & Player • I do art, sometimes.

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

[postnuclearophelia]

he got raptured

[queen-elizabeth-the-3st]

[victusinveritas]

[laterkiss]

we could have a disgusting thing going on if you want

[mommydgaf]

you’re so fucking spoiled you get to pick out which radiator you get chained to

[plantanarchy]

still fuckin hate that “bee-free honey” that’s made from……… apples. bitch who you think sexed up those apples

[nihilistwife]

A farmer, by hand and with love and care

[plantanarchy]

wild bees still sexin em up when he’s not looking

[nihilistwife]

old mccuckhold had a farm it seems

[toastyglow]

"it's inscrutable" maybe to you it is. I scrute it all the time

[i-give-you-a-fish]

You get a Milkfish

Chanos chanos

[fish-identifier]

i scrute the milkfish

[pissvortex]

Mobster, pointing a gun at my head: Any last words kid

Me: I actually like to use women's deodorant because the stuff for men dries out my skin and smells like harsh chemicals

*BANG*

(3 hours later, at Walmart)

(Mobster holding Dove Advance Care in the deodorant aisle)

Hmm...

[nick-nonya]

[wosp-reactivated]

Christian babies have so far not found a purpose or use outside of baseball

[charl0ttan]

being myself performatively

[carcassfrotting]

sorry i accidentally called you "my victim" when someone asked about our relationship status. it will happen again.

[ewaneneollav]

guy who gets a pepsi from the break room vending machine every day after his work shift & amiably says “gotta have a pepsi!” while grinning & passing it back & forth between his hands but one day the pepsi is sold out & he leaves the building robotically with a completely flat expression & isn’t seen at work again

[fairycosmos]

what they don’t tell you about being stuck between a rock and a hard place is that you get some nice bruises you can press on for catharsis

[nanoraydx]

Sonic porn ground zero

[carebewear]

I do often think about how the origin of “he would not fucking say that” was in reference to a post which depicted Cartman SouthPark responding politely when asked for his pronouns

[schistcity]

meme phrases are so mobile and versatile and that's really really beautiful but i'm always thinking about the first "she x on my y til i z" being "she ebbin on my neezer til i scrooge" and the first "fork found in kitchen" coming from a tweet about sehun from exo being spotted at a gay bar. like sometimes you just utterly nail it the very first time and no variation of the joke is going to be better.

[schistcity]

EXACTLY.

[schistcity]

a small collection

[monkeywiki]

28 year old tumblr users will look at you and say do you remember thwomp day of 2013 when everyone was posting thwomp from mario 64 in different audio

[lena-oleanderson]

also a poem from the new, unreleased collection. very possibly my own all-time favourite.