Mad Ramblings!

White wine, Goth/Industrial music, Red Sox/49ers. Yes, I'm weird. Get used to it. 

[combicritter3284]

Note to self: don’t blog while tired

You just sound like a rambling moron. Point taken in last post. 

[combicritter3284]

This is why I refuse to date or see anyone!

Sigh, another one bites the dust! To go deeper into my tales of woe, here we go. It always involve a girl, but it always ends up in disaster. 

Either life events, work, or other things get in the way of things. However, it’s always the needy ones that I tend to be attracted to. Maybe it’s because deep down inside, it’s something I need, but in reality, I hate being around people that are needy as hell. Hate it with the passion of a thousand suns! I prefer people that are emotionally independent and can stand on their own. Not saying I’m distant or anything, but I work all the time and other things tend to take over my life. A lot of it has to do with work - work takes a LOT of my time and I am a workaholic. People don’t seem to understand why I work all the time - Uh, because I have bills and I want to plan for unnecessary things that may happen in my life. It’s happen before, so, I work all the time. I learn from my mistakes and I prepare for what may come. Whether it’s car issues, health issues, etc...I’d rather have the money in my bank account than not have it, you know? Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, can’t put the blame you on, fool me three times, fuck the peace signs! *J-Cole reference, FTW*

I like strong women. A woman I can come home to and know that she will be there for me, just as I will be there for her. I always come home, no matter how tired, upset, etc...I am. Side-chick? Hell, I barely have time for myself, let alone a side-chick. 

Maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone. Just hate the drama that relationships come with and prefer to be alone. Maybe I pushed this one away, because of some scary notion that things will get serious or maybe it’s because I don’t have time to deal with another person’s bullshit, as I have a full plate, already.

I swear, I wish I could wipe out everything in my personal life and just work all the time. Work seems to be my fortress of solitude and away from everything - no girlfriend, no friends, no nothing. Just myself and me. Just a break away from everything. Sigh....My career seems to be the only thing that is going well, as it’s the only thing that I’m focused on right now. Which should be my ONLY focus! Everything else is secondary! School and work are my only focus! Women? No. I see myself single for a long time, as my career is WAY too important for me to give up. 

Looks like I’m forever single...and I have no problems with it. Been in love before, been hurt before, been cheated on before, etc...so, no more! It’s all career focus! 

[combicritter3284]

[combicritter3284]

How we all feel in the Bay Area. 

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[combicritter3284]

What a ride!

So, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve posted, as life, bullshit, school, goals, etc...have gotten in the way. A lot has happened, so, where to begin? Well, here goes. Grab your favorite drink, pop a squat, because here we GO!

Started working at a tech company that most people know as “You should Google it.” Yeah, that was me. Can’t say what I did, as that damn confidentiality agreement got in the way. Anyway, the shit that you saw in The Internship? yeah, it’s true. All of it. Anyway, left that job to pursue my true calling: nursing school. I go back to school in January, as I am heading to Miami in a few weeks, to escape from the cold in California. 

In the past year, I’ve been back to L.A. and for the first time in my life, Vegas. Danced, sweated, and drove all across California and Nevada, as I discover who I am again and found what I was looking for: to continue to party my ass off and to either shit or get off the pot. Shit, I did. ;-) 

Still am in the Bay Area, as where I am, it’s cheap (for the Bay Area, of course), school, and work. I have changed a LOT, as a person, as things that I have always wished have come true. Have great friends, a great job, and am pursuing my dreams. Funny thing, just a year ago, I was on the verge of feeling like I was losing everything. Turns out, I wasn’t. Was just making room for the new. 

[onahighwire]

[unclefather]

fall colors - black

winter colors - black

spring colors - black

summer colors - black

[fullmoonhippie]

[iloveyixingsomuch-blog]

[skumbags]

[gosh]

[combicritter3284]

Life....

I don't like blasting my personal bullshit, as I like to deal with shit on my own. Deep in my heart, something has to give! I've hit just about every road block, on my way to becoming the person that I am today, but nothing has give. Every push, every pull, every single thing that I have run across has tested me in some shape or form. However, nothing has given. Maybe it's how I approach things, done things, etc...but deep in my heart, something has to change. It must change. Needs to change.

I've been in the Bay Area for close to 20 years. Worked here, lived here, made a life here...but for the past 5 years, it's been nothing but set-back after set-back after set-back. Pushing harder and harder to build a savings, working endless hours, while having them CUT to the bone, having more taking away from me. Everywhere I look, it's been nothing but CONSTANT change and constant people looking to use me/abuse me. Maybe it's my level of thinking, maybe it's the universe's way of telling me "Stop wasting time and energy into something that's not yielding any results." Basically, I've been throwing spaghetti at a wall for the past 5 years and praying that something will stick.

Honestly, maybe it's time for me to set-up shop somewhere else. To walk away from the pain of the past, to set my eyes higher than ever before. To meet new people, new experiences, etc...Only took me five years, as I would be leaving California broke, shattered into a million pieces, and wondering "What's next?" Right now, I have a possible job opportunity in the SouthWest, but nowhere to stay. Had an opportunity to work at a tech firm, but they've pushed my start date another month. Don't have time/patience/energy to hang tight, as right now I'm DESPERATE to work.

Maybe something will turn up in New Mexico the minute I get there...but that's jumping into an abyss hoping that something will catch me. Won't know until I try it, right? Right.

So, here's to having faith into the unknown, while wishing the best for my hopes/dreams/aspirations/dreams...adios

[oregonharvest]

[combicritter3284]

[forgottenships]