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@cometlinda2000
Remember ladies
True! Lol
Damn, I miss that so much…
Yes. I miss that too.
Very True! Remember to take care of them!
Tumblr aftercare and why it's not enough
It is not uncommon to see cute, pastel doodles of “aftercare essentials” or long texts on how to aftercare on the ddlg/petplay side of Tumblr. Now, don’t get me wrong, these are absolutely adorable, but it leaves me a little uncomfortable to think that many people actually believe aftercare is simply that: a blanket, a stuffie and a cuddle - and if you’re lucky enough, there will be somewhere something like “tell them they did great”.
While these are somewhat good aftercare tips, people always seem to forget the extreme importance of dialogue - especially after intense scenes such as rape play (I cannot stress enough how important aftercare is after rape play scenes).
It’s not just about saying “you did great”, or cuddling watching your favorite TV show - honestly, these are just simple things everyone should have in mind after even vanilla sex, showing love or care. It’s about asking them if everything went ok, if they are feeling bad or emotionally numb, if they are scared, and all the other things the Dom could worry about regarding the scene (and while usually aftercare regards the sub, let’s not forget sometimes Doms need aftercare too).
Yes, aftercare has many important physical aspects to it, but honestly, these are just secondary. You can’t make a whole text on “Remember to aftercare guys~ ^°^” without stressing the importance of dialogue.
So please, before all the stuffies and blankets and long hours of Netflix, ask your partner: “are you alright?” “do you feel safe?” “what are you feeling?” “are you scared?” “do you feel bad?” and tell them in various ways how much you love them, and care for them, and would never hurt them (without their consent, of course *wink*). Build up a dialogue depending on your partner’s needs.
If your scene went 100% alright, or maybe it was a more “gentle” or “lighter” scene, and a paci or blanket is all that you need, great. But don’t assume that is the essence of aftercare itself.
Thank you if you read this whole rant and stay safe 💕
This was very good everyone should read this. 😀
What role does consent play in your relationship? How did you establish it, and how do you maintain it?
i am not currently in a D/s relationship, meaning i am not looking to a dom as my “Sir” or my “Master,” however, i do have trusted playmates of the D variety and the principles are the same, so….here goes.
Consent is mandatory for play.
No exceptions. That statement can stand alone.
How do W/we establish it? Communication, discussion, limits, agreement.
Before Y/you play with anyone,Y/you need to know Y/your own limits. If you don’t know what an activity is, put it on Y/your limits list. Limits aren’t written in stone. They can and will change over time.
Some things will move off your limit list and some things that weren’t a limit initially may make their way onto the list. But either way, Y/you need to know what they are so Y/you can communicate them to whomever Y/you are considering playing with.
i love dancing on the edge of the cliff, but i need to know where the drop off is and so does my partner, and that is what limits tell Y/you.
It doesn’t matter if Y/you are playing from the D side of the room or the s side of the room, know Y/your limits and talk about them.
And then talk about them. And then talk some more. And then keep on talking until Y/you are comfortable enough with the person Y/you are considering to take the next step. And then the next step.
BDSM isn’t a destination, it’s a journey.
And the way to maintain consent is safe words and checking in (which also happens to be communication.) my safe words let Him know that my consent is present and active. When He checks in, it’s to make sure my consent is still there.
During play my favorite check ins are when He pauses the play, and tells me to tell Him my safe words and what they mean. It’s a very “dom” way of asking if i’m okay without His stepping out of his role. And if i’m not coherent enough to answer, He stops the play. Consent is just as important to Him as it is to me. If i can and do answer correctly the play continues with both of us certain that consent is present.
Outside of play there is still talking about things. Everyday things, play things, things He does or doesn’t like, things i do or don’t like, things He wants to try, things i want to try, so many sexy things, so many conversations.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a new relationship, or a longstanding one, if He is your Sir, your Master, or a close friend who likes to do wicked, brutal, beautiful things to you, when Y/you talk, when Y/you communicate, Y/you deepen the connection, deepen the understanding, deepen the trust. And all of that serves to make for some pretty glorious play. :)
~sandi
Good good words from an amazing woman… Pay attention everyone!
Ladies, please pay attention to the above in order to see what this life is all about. Gentlemen, please pay attention to the above in order to play properly.
Consent; informed and active consent, is the most vital and important consideration in this lifestyle. Without it, then it is simply abuse in its basic form. At worst, it’s inhuman, inconceivable, (or should be), and criminal. It is also NOT BDSM! If you engage in this activity without consent you are NOT a dom, you are an abuser!
Some things change, some things stay the same. i am currently in a committed D/s relationship. Everything i said then still applies. :)
~sandi
Reblogging, because it’s worth saying more than once. 😊
This is brilliant: “During play my favorite check ins are when He pauses the play, and tells me to tell Him my safe words and what they mean. It’s a very “dom” way of asking if i’m okay without His stepping out of his role. And if i’m not coherent enough to answer, He stops the play.” I’ve always done that pretty much instinctively.
This is very good as safe words should be used always.
gif reblogged from: @theunwantedwife
This is very nice and always works!
He’s good like that. -smiles-
Good Doms can do that. You know who you are.
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Very True!!!!
Its so nice to be able to do that with you @yesyouhavetoaskthings Thank you.
This is true! Embrace this!
This is true.
I'm trying to learn this. Really I am.
all the best astrology pics for all signs in one place
This is true!
When I say I need a spanking...
I’ve written previously about what I need, giving spanking its own category. But when I say I need a spanking, what am I really saying?
Spankings are not all the same for me. In my mind, they break down to about four types: sexual, subspacey, sadistic, and therapeutic. A spanking might move between these, but I think it’s a good framework to start to think about what I feel.
Sexual spankings. I get wet, and I might even cum from the spanking alone. This is especially true if it’s mixed with fingering. These are fun spankings. Less intense pain-wise than other types, and they may not last as long either, moving into sex. The goal is to turn me on. These are a display of dominance, and they don’t require anything deeper than that.
Subspacey spankings. These are more methodical, building up gradually and paced so I can take more pain. And as it builds, I find that soft, floaty place. I’m wet, but that’s not the focus. Everything goes fuzzy, and it’s just him and me and energy moving between us. I stop thinking. My body moves to obey, but my mind is completely quiet—a rare thing. Usually these start over the knee, with his hand or a paddle. Then once I am warmed up and moaning softly, they move to something harder. A flogger or belt. The cane. These bring the impact back to the forefront, but only to get me to that next level of endorphin release. The goal is not to hurt me; the goal is to help me surrender.
Sadistic spankings. These can be similar to subspacey spankings in their duration and intensity. The difference is that I don’t get to the floaty place. I stay more mentally present, usually because the pace or the intensity of the pain makes it harder to cope with. The blows come hard and fast, and I am on the verge of yellow at almost all times. With these spankings, I’m not supposed to reach subspace. The goal is to hurt me, and my purpose is simply to accept the pain and endure. It’s still about surrender. But fully conscious surrender, knowing my body is property, and he can use it as he chooses.
Therapeutic spankings. I am pretty good at bottling up feelings and just soldiering on. But a therapeutic spanking can be really helpful for releasing those feelings. I tend to fight the tears and try to keep myself from crying. Even when I know I need to cry. But some combination of the pain and the quiet, consistent tone of the spanking can help me to let go. Then I just cry through it until there are no tears left. There is something cleansing about these spankings. And for that reason, I tend to think of punishment spankings in this category, too. The goal isn’t to hurt me, and it isn’t to quiet my mind. The goal is to show me that he is with me on a deep level—that I can trust him to take care of me when I’m not my best.
As far as what draws me to spanking, it’s a little of all of this. It turns me on. It quiets my mind. It strengthens the bond between my Dom and me. It gives me an opportunity to give myself to him more deeply, overcoming my instinctive response to the pain and accepting it. And it gives me a deep emotional release and makes me feel safe.
But when I say I need a spanking, it’s usually because I need to reconnect with my Dom or because my mind is racing and too much is going on. This is where a subspacey or therapeutic spanking can change my whole outlook on life. Nothing makes me feel owned and safe and connected to my Master like spankings. They tell me that he sees me and that he is with me. Spankings are so centering for me, both for myself and for my relationship with my partner. This is why I need them.
Reblogged in response to an Anon last night.
The therapeutic spanking can be for both people. (Honestly, most spankings are beneficial for both people.) I love the fact that sometimes afterward, Sir realizes he needed it as much, if not more than I did. Curling up together after and feeling him relaxed and slightly fatigued from the very thorough paddling he gave me is lovely.
After the last time @altruisticsub spanked me, she curled up with me after and sighed. “I needed that. I knew you needed that, but I didn’t know how much I needed that.” It was a truly wonderful feeling.
Spankings are good for both sides Dominant and sub.
S.S.C. is about playing safe, and living safe.
It means all parties are legal adults. No exceptions.
It means unless there has been prior discussion, and an established safeword, no still means no.
It means that no party is too drunk, high, or otherwise intoxicated, to make rational decisions.
It means being educated about impact play and other potentially dangerous activities before experimenting.
It means anyone who has dealt with clinical instability (emotional or mental) is under the care of a doctor.
It means there is a first aid kit and/or medical care nearby when engaging in high risk behaviors.
It means if someone is gagged, or otherwise unable to verbally withdraw consent, that alternative means of communication have been established.
It means understanding that proceeding after consent is withdrawn is not ‘like’ abuse. It is abuse. It is illegal. It is assault and/or rape.
It means minors, and non-consenting adults, are not exposed to sexual behaviors.
It means that the submissive/bottom has not fallen so far into subspace that they are no longer able to use their safeword. If they can’t say their name, or answer basic questions, then they can’t say their safeword, and consent can no longer exist.
It means knowing your STI status, as well as your partner’s status, and taking necessary precautions to protect the health of all parties.
It means not pushing against a hard limit in hopes of changing their mind.
It means safewords are never off limits. Even during punishments. Never.
It means an environment where no party is ever afraid to speak up, or use their safeword, for fear of reprisal.
~sd~ ❥
~ℳ ღ~
Very very Important!
Willingly submitting. Lovely.