What role does consent play in your relationship? How did you establish it, and how do you maintain it?
i am not currently in a D/s relationship, meaning i am not looking to a dom as my “Sir” or my “Master,” however, i do have trusted playmates of the D variety and the principles are the same, so….here goes.
Consent is mandatory for play.
No exceptions. That statement can stand alone.
How do W/we establish it? Communication, discussion, limits, agreement.
Before Y/you play with anyone,Y/you need to know Y/your own limits. If you don’t know what an activity is, put it on Y/your limits list. Limits aren’t written in stone. They can and will change over time.
Some things will move off your limit list and some things that weren’t a limit initially may make their way onto the list. But either way, Y/you need to know what they are so Y/you can communicate them to whomever Y/you are considering playing with.
i love dancing on the edge of the cliff, but i need to know where the drop off is and so does my partner, and that is what limits tell Y/you.
It doesn’t matter if Y/you are playing from the D side of the room or the s side of the room, know Y/your limits and talk about them.
And then talk about them. And then talk some more. And then keep on talking until Y/you are comfortable enough with the person Y/you are considering to take the next step. And then the next step.
BDSM isn’t a destination, it’s a journey.
And the way to maintain consent is safe words and checking in (which also happens to be communication.) my safe words let Him know that my consent is present and active. When He checks in, it’s to make sure my consent is still there.
During play my favorite check ins are when He pauses the play, and tells me to tell Him my safe words and what they mean. It’s a very “dom” way of asking if i’m okay without His stepping out of his role. And if i’m not coherent enough to answer, He stops the play. Consent is just as important to Him as it is to me. If i can and do answer correctly the play continues with both of us certain that consent is present.
Outside of play there is still talking about things. Everyday things, play things, things He does or doesn’t like, things i do or don’t like, things He wants to try, things i want to try, so many sexy things, so many conversations.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a new relationship, or a longstanding one, if He is your Sir, your Master, or a close friend who likes to do wicked, brutal, beautiful things to you, when Y/you talk, when Y/you communicate, Y/you deepen the connection, deepen the understanding, deepen the trust. And all of that serves to make for some pretty glorious play. :)
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