Cosmic Funnies

Origami Around
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
DEAR READER

Kaledo Art
we're not kids anymore.

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blake kathryn
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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Today's Document

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❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Mike Driver
RMH

Janaina Medeiros

JBB: An Artblog!
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@comictrsh
If you wanna know the state of Yugioh TCG collecting in the wake of Overframes in the core game…
The situation is so funny man
Basically, Mr grifter announced that he might be getting into the collecting side of yugioh, which would lead to the scalping hell that now plagues the Pokémon and One Piece TCGs
As a joke, MBTYugioh gave them pointers on what to “invest in”, recommending some of the WORST shit products that this game released in the years
He then followed up with a tongue-in-cheek, clearly trolling video recommending shit like Legendary Duelists sets, Duelist of Deep and Synchro Storm, and the Platinum cards, and exclusive COINS before ending the video with “Don’t invest in yugioh. You will lose money due to this game’s reprint policies”
Like, it was very obvious for anyone with half-a-brain cell and is familiar with Yugioh that the video is a joke
BUT a bunch of scalping bots took the video at face value and bought out these doodoo, worthless products immediately after his fuckass video came out
Now they’re sitting on unsellable trash. 100% deserved, I hope everyone whose trying to grift this game like Pokémon loses their money
Yu-Gi-Oh fans really saw the scalpers coming and said "You've activated my trap card".
oh okay
KICK THE CAN!
Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.
To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.
the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now
And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!
Ummm she's literally sensitive :/
I was thinking of a pride art challenge people could do with their OCs, because I thought it'd be cute! A queer/trans artist with their creations.
but then I realised that same challenge would be infinitely more funny with folks who have atypical or horror OCs
https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw
ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.
The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.
"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.
Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.
Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.
We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."
I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.
i love how this is one of the rare shots where grace is at peace, and it's because he's accepted that he's going home to rocky :3
Winter’s Chill - Part 3
This is a continuation of the winter’s chill comics Part 1 and Part 2! The links lead to the previous parts :)
Was watching Solo Leveling and was inspired with an SV AU plot bunny, where Shen Yuan transmigrates into one of the big bosses Luo Binghe encounters in the Abyss.
So like he's this humanoid armored warrior guy (weirdly snatched waist and cool features for an animated suit of armor etc etc), and he spawns in this abandoned ruin/castle where, if he follows the script, he's bound to just wait around this empty throne with a whole bunch of other haunted armors and cloaks and shit until Luo Binghe shows up to rip them apart with his bare hands and claim the power upgrade under the throne. Including metaphorically poignant scene of Binghe "resting" on the throne all blood soaked and so forth, Shen Yuan's wrecked body slumped artfully nearby.
Obviously, this is not ideal. Shen Yuan doesn't particularly want to be peeled like a tin can. But good news, the whole reason that the system has stuck him here is because it ran some numbers, and it turns out that as he currently is, Binghe has like a zero percent chance of actually surviving to reach Xin Mo. Logistical errors with making Airplane's slapdash world-building actually work have run cropped up, and they're so severe that unless he has someone helping him, odds are like 98% that Binghe's gonna die before he ever reaches the sword.
So Shen Yuan's role has been tweaked somewhat, and instead of just being a throwaway boss, he's got to help Luo Binghe unlock the new Heavenly Demon "summoning" ability and also become the like, primary target-slash-commander for the subsequent summoned minions. If he does it right, he will survive the encounter with Luo Binghe -- technically, the armor he's animating will still get ripped to shreds, but, when Luo Binghe uses his powers to experiment and re-summons him, Shen Yuan will come back. And the difference between animating a lifeless suit of armor and animating a badly dented suit of armor is... pretty negligible. There might also be a skeleton or mummy inside the suit of armor, but Shen Yuan's been too squeamish to take off his helmet and check.
Anyway, Luo Binghe arrives, the fight meets the system's requirements, and Shen Yuan gets rebooted into what is essentially Luo Binghe's first ever magically summoned minion. Like an edgy pokemon spliced with Wen Ning from MDZS. With this respawn he gains in-depth access to all of the system's menus and files on Luo Binghe and his stats and abilities, as well as the potential to command other minions that Binghe creates as long as A) Binghe promotes him to commander, B) he doesn't use them against Binghe himself, and C) those minions are a weaker level than Shen Yuan.
Shen Yuan figures that at some point, Binghe will inevitably create a stronger commander, as that's how these things tend to go, but as he's not sure what would happen to him in that case, he plans to postpone it for as long as possible by making himself as useful as he can. Only, Luo Binghe is now firmly in his era of experiencing deep suspicion towards everyone and everything, so he doesn't promote Shen Yuan right away. This leaves Shen Yuan with only partial access to his abilities, and Binghe himself struggling to master his new abilities and also command his new minions, whenever he summons them, himself. A division of his attention that frequently causes a lot of his fights to go south, and Shen Yuan is wincing as Binghe keeps suffering very violent injuries and barely pulling out by the skin of his teeth, trapped by the fact that his actions are severely limited unless Binghe explicitly orders him to do something.
Much as Shen Yuan would love to try and persuade Luo Binghe that the only thing he'd do with more autonomy would be to use it to get them both out of the Abyss faster, he can't talk. So it's a very frustrating situation for a while. He thinks he could probably write something, like there's no paper and ink but he could perhaps claw a passable symbol onto a nearby wall or something, but everything he wants to convey seems to complicated for that style of communication anyway. So he's stuck.
At least until Binghe finally gets into a fight that nearly kills him -- one of those encounters that the system had very grim projections about -- and Shen Yuan bends the rules on his constrained conduct to swoop in and rescue Binghe just in the nick of time. Despite this being necessary to prevent Binghe's death, the system blares at him for violating his story-based limitations, and Shen Yuan endures a "punishment protocol" which almost annihilates him, until Meng Mo interferes to keep his spirit from dissipating at the last minute (Meng Mo has figured out that he has his own consciousness, thinks he's like the ghost of some ancient demon warrior or other, and is aware that they're probably toast without his continued assistance).
Luo Binghe is then able to re-summon/respawn a form for him, and Shen Yuan wipes the metaphorical sweat off of his brow and decides to repress that whole incident as much as possible going forward.
Except, afterwards, he gets several updates from the system. Binghe promoted him! And Shen Yuan finds that he can fight under his own autonomy now, no longer as tightly restricted as before. Luo Binghe also begins summoning him a lot more, and keeping him around for longer. He starts talking to Shen Yuan as well, even though the conversation is distinctly one-sided. It's still a hell of a slog through the Abyss, but it's a major improvement on before. Shen Yuan tentatively takes it that he's earned a bit of trust, and vows not to violate it.
Battles begin to go much more smoothly with Shen Yuan commanding Luo Binghe's minions, freeing Binghe up to fight, and also less conspicuously managing and tweaking things in Binghe's favor via the system's windows. He can earn points to spend to help Binghe or himself unlock new abilities, upgrade the other summoned creatures, even buy small quests for Binghe and himself to go on in order to locate special items as rewards. One of the most expensive features SY is able to purchase is a map, which he can then use to begin directing Luo Binghe towards Xin Mo. The first time Binghe asks if he has any thoughts on where they should go next, Shen Yuan only has to point his sword determinedly in the right direction. After that, Binghe checks in with him pretty regularly, though even Binghe himself seems a bit bemused and wonders at times where Shen Yuan is really leading him.
Eventually they actually do reach Xin Mo, surviving the trials along the way, and Luo Binghe uses it to open a portal to the demon realms. The sword does horrific things to Binghe's status windows according to the system, however, and even the subsequent hookups Binghe has with some random demon ladies they happen upon afterwards (stupid stallion novel logic) doesn't do as much to mitigate the effects as Shen Yuan expected. He's especially concerned with the way the sword is eating at the "sanity" and "wisdom" points. He spends a lot to bulk those stats up to try and compensate.
Thankfully, though, Luo Binghe doesn't use Xin Mo as much as he seemed to in PIDW. Instead he tends to keep the sword sheathed unless they're facing down a truly intimidating foe, instead relying more on his summoning ability and Shen Yuan to clear out annoying opponents (and small armies). Shen Yuan even ends up being the one to duel Mobei Jun, while Luo Binghe just sort of stands back and wordlessly makes a point about how he's so strong, he doesn't even need to dirty his hands. Shen Yuan thinks Binghe is definitely making the right choice, although he misses the chance to watch him fight sometimes. He also wonders if Binghe might be waiting to see if Shen Yuan will falter in his loyalty, because damn if he doesn't watch all of Shen Yuan's fights really closely.
Once they've beaten Mobei Jun, though, they finally gain steady access to a home base and things like stationary supplies. So the next time Luo Binghe asks Shen Yuan a rhetorical question, Shen Yuan swipes a brush and paper off of the desk of that weaselly traitor Shang Qinghua and writes a response.
Meanwhile in Denmark: My mom knitted a hat for my cat
The face of a woman who isn't disappointed that her only grandchild is a cat
Just one day later she sends me this... My cat in different homemade hat. The woman is unstoppable!!!
Taking over the world... One silly hat at a time...
The source of her power:
awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?
i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users
would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.
that’s not the whole flag, now is it
hey staff what the fuck
hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose
HEY STAFF DONT YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TOO ON-THE-NOSE
Everyone knows the first day of Friend Grace’s class is nickname day. It’s the day when every pebble is on their best behavior to try and make sure they get a cool nickname, something unique that they can brag to their friends and classmates about.
Sometimes, Grace will do it without thinking. That’s how Kiddo and Buddy got their nicknames. Often, Grace will nickname students after their coloration. Gaia got his nickname because he’s blue and green, and apparently looks a lot like Earth. Violet got hers because she’s purple. (She was initially disappointed since color means nothing to Eridians, but then Friend Grace showed them violet flowers and said that humans often associated purple with wealth and royalty, and she changed her tune.) Most of the time, Grace will give his students what he calls “regular human names” like Abby, Carl, or Martin.
But the most coveted nicknames are ones named after Earthen creatures. When ♩♪♬ 🎵 ♩♪♬ 🎵 first introduced themselves, Friend Grace immediately perked up and shouted “Robin!” After a bit of explaining himself and a few videos of bird calls, Robin was trilling and chirping happily, excited at having a nickname that felt like a 1-to-1 translation of their own.
Even well after Friend Grace is gone, his legacy remains. A hundred years into the future, when humankind finally launches a new ship with the express purpose of properly meeting their Eridian neighbors, one of the first messages exchanged is “Hello! My name Robin.”
I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”
Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.
Eridian government representative: Greetings Rocky, Saviour of Erid, and Grace, Saviour from Beyond the Stars. We are pleased to welcome you home.
Grace, haltingly on the keyboard Rocky built for him: Wassup bitches. Fucking jazzed to—
Rocky: GRACE STOP TALKING NOW NOW NOW I EXPLAIN LATER
When You Look at Dr. Grace
(part 1) part 2/2
When You Look at Dr. Grace
part 1/2 (part 2)
i went to the dentist today and my dentist honest to god said “can i ask you a question…….what the hell is in your mouth”
it was in awe lmao
then the hygienist and assistant all came over to look too and they were like “wooooow” and my ass was sitting there like
oh my god i posted this and then went to work, and
story time
okay so to preface this, my hometown where i’m originally from is a really fucking weird place. like from the outside it seems like a normal suburban town, but once you’re there for awhile you get the feeling that’s something’s not…quite all together. a lot of people are really fucking weird there — so much so that that was a running joke in school growing up, that people in the town were just like that. everyone knew not to go out to the farm lands surrounding the town especially at night, we called it “the cuts” and people used to disappear out there all the time or get shot at by the especially weird people that would live out there. the news was and still is truly a thing of horror. every time i come back i’m regaled with even more stories of crazy shit that has happened there.
to put it in perspective we generally never had “normal crime” like robbery or anything like that when i lived there, though that did happen sometimes. the news stories were always like, “a kid was kidnapped by local residents and tortured in a house around the corner,” “a random person was chased down and shot for sport in a really nice neighborhood,” “someone was gored to death by a bull while out car shopping,” etc. (these are all real, btw). everyone does drugs and the whole town is located really close to a government site where they test nuclear weapons and chemicals and shit. this is how i grew up, in this bizarre environment.
i need to preface it this way so that you get that it’s weird. it’s a fucking weird place. i used to listen to the welcome to night vale podcast and make comparisons from it to my hometown, that’s how weird it is.
i only say this so you know that this town is where i got my orthodontics from.
all the kids in my town went to this one particular orthodontist. i also used to go to a dentist in town that a lot of people went to as well. i had a permanent retainer put on my bottom teeth after braces and no one had ever said anything to me about the model of retainer itself or it being weird type of retainer at all. i saw a ton of other people (mostly other kids that were my age at the time) that had the same type of retainer as me too so i never thought about it.
so i kept my retainer in — it’s never caused me problems and it keeps my teeth straight, why not?
however i went to a dentist for the first time in a metropolitan area now, and when he saw it in my mouth his literal first reaction was to say “uh can i ask you a question….what the hell is that”
LITERALLY the words that he said
which in hindsight makes almost too much sense. of course my town of all towns would put these weird unnecessary contraptions in kids’ mouths, and of course it happened so much that everyone just thought it was normal. that sounds exactly, to a T, like my hometown.
my permanent bottom retainer is apparently this prototype that is so rare that he’s literally never seen it before in his life, not in dental school, nowhere. it’s not that it’s an outdated type, it’s just rare as fuck. they were still staring at pictures of it on my chart in wonder when i left the office.
so just know somewhere out there, in a weird ass suburban town where they test nuclear weapons and a good portion of the residents go fucking nuts, there’s probably hundreds of people still walking around with this same contraption in their mouth that exists nowhere else in the world thinking, “yeah, that’s cool. that makes sense. let me go drink the definitely not-contaminated water now and never move away from here.”
This sounds like an X-files episode
Okay, so I looked into it and I think that the town is Tracy, California.
I looked up the bull-murder thing OP mentioned and Tracy seemed to be only town that came up with a matching case. Though the man didn’t actually die from his injuries everything else matches up one for one. So just to make sure that it was the right town I looked to see if there was any murder-torture of young people in Tracy, and unfortunately there was. It was a 17 year old boy who escaped and survived the torture. And just to solidify that it was in fact Tracy I looked up shootings in residential areas and there was one of a 20 year old man who was shot and killed in a nice neighborhood.
Okay, but I decided to look into Tracy more to find out more information about it and the town is super suspicious. There’s been a lot of murders and shooting in the town. Back in 2009 an 8 year old girl, Sandra Cantu, was kidnapped and murdered by a Sunday school teacher who said she had no idea why she killed Sandra. Another case happened in 2018 when four underage boys were shot and one was killed by four teenage boys. There’s a lot of news stories on shootings, homicides, and drug busts in that town. It’s a really cute town from the outside, if you just look up Tracy, California there’s a lot of really cute businesses and nice articles on sweet things that happen in the town, but if you actually look into it the town is really sketchy.
So yeah, this sketchy town with a military base, multiple homicides and shootings is maybe Tracy, California.
………………..yeah, you guys caught me
i grew up in tracy
also i have to add another person’s tags to this since it’s honesty hour because they’re hilarious and true
Honestly I wasn’t even surprised when I found out it was in California. Even less surprised when googled it and found out it was near the Bay Area. That sounds about right.
Apparently the motto is “Think Inside the Triangle” and I’m not sure how to feel about that.
Im rebolgging just to add that it’s illegal to see the news from the city in UE. Like, LITERALLY:
it’s….what now