strong

fat ass, fatter heart 💕

[shrekyourself]

[monkeywiki]

jim carrey grinch was chaotic neutral but mike myer’s cat in the hat was just straight up chaotic evil

[soupseason]

Booty shorts that say VALID on the ass instead of JUICY

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[shavingryansprivates-deactivate]

[valtsv]

me: i don’t have a voice kink

a woman: *has a deep and husky voice*

me, clutching my chest like a damsel in a period romance novel: good lord

[unspecifiedbitchdisease]

someone: heres a mild criticism on something that u like

me: oh so u want me to die then

[peachysuggest]

choose kindness even when others have not been kind to you

[madeupmonkeyshit]

when you hype ya friend up to shoot their shot at their crush and they get rejected

[leyorio-deactivated20170725]

me: *doesn’t have a gf* me: I love my gf

[mangopapi-deactivated20210928]

Her: do you love me ?

Me: the veins in my dick throb for you

[allie-oops]

It felt like velvet 🎀

[sheherzog]

I wish I had the confidence of a bad male writer

[polebunyan-deactivated20181114]

[00mystie-blog]

I…

[stickynotes10]

i don’t know why but i feel VERY compelled to reblog this

[incorrectzodiacquotes]

Libra: Cap, you can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Capricorn: I could if you hadn't turned on the light and shut off my stereo.

[penroseparticle]

My favorite thing is that Europe is spooky because it’s old and America is spooky because it’s big

[meduseld]

“The difference between America and England is that Americans think 100 years is a long time, while the English think 100 miles is a long way.” –Earle Hitchner

[burntcopper]

A fave of mine was always the american tales where people freaked out because ‘someone died in this house’ and all the europeans would go ‘…Yes? That would be pretty much every house over 40 years old.’

‘…My school is older than your entire town.’

‘Sorry, you think *how far* is okay to travel for a shopping trip?’

*American looks up at the beams in a country pub* ‘Uh, this place has woodworm, isn’t that a bit unsafe?’ ‘Eh, the woodworm’s 400 years old, it’s holding those beams together.’

[bedlamsbard]

A few years ago when I was in college I did a summer program at Cambridge aimed specifically at Americans and Canadians, and my year it was all Americans and one Australian.  We ended the program with a week in Wessex, and on the last day as we all piled onto the bus in Salisbury (or Bath? I can’t remember), the professors went to the front to warn us that we wouldn’t be making any stops unless absolutely necessary.  We’re headed to Heathrow to drop off anyone flying off the same day, then back to Cambridge.

“All right, it’s going to be a long bus ride, so make sure you’re prepared for that.”

We all brace ourselves.  A long bus ride?  How long?  We’re Americans; a long bus ride for us is a minimum of six hours with the double digits perfectly plausible.  We can handle a twelve hour bus ride as long as we get a bathroom break.

The answer.  “Two hours.”

Oh.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

English people trying to travel around Australia and wildly underestimating distance are my favourite thing

[marzipanandminutiae]

a tour guide in France told my school group that a particular cathedral wouldn’t interest us much because “it’s not very old; only from the early 1600s”

to which we had to respond that it was still older than the oldest surviving European-style buildings in our country

[iguana-sneeze]

China is both old and big. I had some Chinese colleagues over; we were discussing whether they wanted to see the Vasa ship (hugely expensive war ship which sank on it’s maiden voyage after 12 min). They asked if it was old, I said “not THAT old” (bearing in mind they were Chinese) “it’s from the 1500s.” To my surprise they still looked impressed, nodding enthusiatically. Then I realised I’d forgotten something: “…I mean it’s from the 1500s AFTER the birth of Christ” and they went “oh, AFTER…”.

[ceescedasticity]

My dad’s favorite quote from various tours in Italy was “Pay no attention to the tower – it was a [scornful tone] tenth century addition.”

[copperbadge]

My last boss was Chinese, and she said when her parents came to visit her from Beijing they pronounced Chicago “A very nice village.” 

[blondegingersaxon]

This post keeps getting better

[nashvilleprep-deactivated201612]

Hearing people say “i can see you doing that” after telling them what you want to do in life is honestly the best thing ever 

[moetaylor-deactivated20201108]

one of the most encouraging things you could hear

[tufffgenius-deactivated20190503]