post secret 08.04.18

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post secret 08.04.18
Ignas Krunglevicius // Interrogation
YOU FORGET HOW TO CRY AND HOLD IT DEEP IN YOUR CHEST
The Dream Routine
One day, I imagine I’ll break, one way or another. Something will cave and everything will collapse. I will either watch an internal shift collide with this sobering reality or I’ll set the rigid expectations that I carefully painted in gold on fire and watch them burn. I look in the mirror one more time, before I return to the crowd, …not yet.
things that i hope are true about heaven:
that the floor really is made of clouds but instead of sinking through and getting drenched in water they’re like cotton balls beneath your feet holding you up as you walk around
that the laws of physics don’t apply and it is, in fact, possible for you to walk around barefoot on clouds just as you would on the beach
that you can still see the beach not in a sad way but in a nostalgic way like looking at a photograph and remembering what it was like to hear the sounds of the waves kissing the shore
that you can still hear music that all of the songs that you weren’t alive to hear can somehow find their way up to your ears and you still get a chance to listen to everything that could’ve been your favorite song
that you can hear everything i can’t say out loud like “i miss you” and “i hope you’re happy now” and “i’m thinking of you” and “i’m sorry i haven’t thought of you in a while” and “i’m sorry”
that you know how sorry i am and how much i miss you and how often i’m thinking of you and how i wish you’re happy now
that it’s real
that you’re there
(cc, 2019) (inspired by neil hilborn)
sometimes you hide your feelings from yourself too
self undiagnosing there's nothing wrong with me
do i blame my zodiac sign or my childhood traumas or both
he is simply a reflection of my own self-hatred;
why else would i love such a monster?
maybe it’s not love, maybe i should stop calling it that
every attempt to understand his anger toward me is an attempt to understand my anger toward myself—
what is this sludge in my soul? how did it get here?
and how do i get it out?