ConflictD.

Writer of LolaVane.wordpress.com.

[conflictd]

[quierote-deactivated20210317]

Yo no quería nada, mi corazón estaba herido, tenía muchas cosas por sanar, pero apareciste sin que te buscara, cuando realmente no quería conocer a nadie. Diste vuelta mi mundo.

Ahora ya no estoy sola en ésta lucha, ni cargo sola ésta bolsa de alegrías, ahora las comparto con vos, el peso se me hace más liviano porque cuando menos lo esperaba, dividiste en dos la piedra.

La vida me está dando una nueva oportunidad, esa oportunidad tiene nombre y apellido y es el tuyo. Gracias por aparecer y no tener miedo a mis demonios, por sacarles la lengua.

Mis tormentos se hacen pequeños desde que te conocí, mis huracanes ya no tienen la misma densidad, las pesadillas se están volviendo sueños de los que no quiero despertar.

Mi vida cambió de rumbo y la suerte de esto es que ir sin rumbo también es divertido, no sé que historia escribiremos, ni que puente construiremos, pero si es contigo.

Vamos.

Bujii

[anairac]

Selena & Chris.

[plasticblisss]

[gentlemanuniverse]

[poemswords]

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

“Sometimes I think the loneliness inside of me is going to explode through my skin and sometimes I’m not sure if crying or screaming or laughing through the hysteria will solve anything at all. Sometimes I’m so desperate to touch, to be touched, to feel, that I’m almost certain I’m going to fall off a cliff in an alternate universe where no one will ever be able to find me.” - Tahereh Mafi

via @quotemadness

[conflictd]

It is Fall 2008 and I’m in love. He parks his car few feet from my job so he can count the minutes before I catch him staring at me. He isn’t in love with me nor will he be this year or the next but he loves how eager I am about a man that is uncertain.

He looks at me like I am painted gold, like I am the only thing he wants to conquer in this world. He breathes me in like I am the reason his father and mother met, like I’m the one responsible for his life.

I am in love, whole-heartily. I will bring him to my parents house in a few months and he will feel overjoyed to the point where he almost loves me. On Christmas, my mother will pack him leftovers intrigued by the idea that someone is brave enough to love me.

August - she will drive me to work and tell me “Te dije”, as if I hadn’t seen it coming. She won’t hug me, she won’t tell me it’ll be okay because he will remind her of the man before my father. She will know what men like him do….how they crave for empty spaces to crawl into, how they make homes out of people’s insecurities. She knows it will feel like he nailed my soul to his heart and despite the days of being unloved and unwanted, I will still linger around trying to claw out the parts of me he hasn’t yet ruined.

[literatureandtrees]

When you gone to get married? You need to have some babies. It’ll settle you.’

‘I don’t want to make somebody else. I want to make myself.

Toni Morrison-

[poirot]

happy international women’s day !

[serendipia-literaria]

Compramos una sandía, y nos sentamos juntos en el sofá, cada uno con una mitad y una cuchara, mirando una pelicula que no recuerdo haber visto, y riéndonos ambos de lo feliz que eramos en encontrar a alguien con quién por fin podíamos comer media sandia con una cuchara, y fue esa noche nuestra cena, media sandía cada uno, un corazón en paz cada uno, una sonrisa pequeña y completa cada uno, un sentimiento de plenitud y agradecimiento cada uno y una noche para los dos.

Marlon Rojas

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“She had this way of always finding the good and believing in everything despite all she had seen. And that is what I loved the most - the pure magic of her undying hope.”

— Becca Lee

[conflictd]

It is November and she is here. Her eyes, old canvases of last night’s make-up, still look like they belong to me. Her hair smells like she just washed it…just for me.

It is November and she is here, in my arms, tangled up in me, in my fucking web of bullshit. she is here, and I love her.

In a month, she will leave.

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

—

Erica Jong

[thenarator]

as someone with a bachelor’s degree in english, i am inexpressibly tired of people telling me to get highly specific jobs that often require highly specific degrees. “just go write for a magazine!” you need a journalism degree for that. “just teach!” you need a teaching certificate, and also fuck you. “just go work at a tutoring place!” tutoring children with learning disabilities, which make up the majority of the clientele at those places, requires not only a teaching certificate but a specialized master’s degree. “just go work at a library!” you need a master’s degree in library science to be a librarian. it is actually a highly skilled and extremely competitive field. you don’t just “go work at a library,” you train for years in the vain hope that you will get one of handful of available jobs. “just go work at a library.” the nerve. the unmitigated gall. “just go work at a library.” ugh.

[thenarator]

alright listen up. i had no idea this was going to be the most popular post i ever made, and i’ve gotten some really nice comments and some pretty condescending ones. let’s get a few things straight:

first, this post is based on MY experiences and MY research in MY geographical area. i don’t know if it really is any different in big cities, small towns or elsewhere in the world, but where i live this is how it is.

second, this post is not about my burning desire to work in a library. i honestly don’t want to, it’s just something that’s been recommended to me ad nauseam. 

thirdly, i don’t KNOW what you can do with an english degree. if i knew that, would i be having all these jobs recommended to me? i don’t have a job! i haven’t figured out what i’m doing with my life! i don’t KNOW!

and finally, several people have expressed their confusion about why i or anyone would get an english degree if there are no jobs for it, and i find these comments to be especially tedious.

i. was. told. there. would. be. jobs.

english is the only thing i’ve ever been good at, so i knew that’s what i wanted to study. it was my passion, and i was assured that following your passions was what college was about. i went to a meeting for prospective english majors freshman year and the head of the department told us all that he was constantly getting requests from employers who would tell him “send me all your english majors!” he told us if we majored in english we’d have the critical thinking skills to do whatever we liked. we’d be in impossibly high demand.

these were all, as i have found out, baldfaced lies. BUT, not in the way you think.

it’s true, english majors are not in as high demand as the department head led us to believe. but you know who is in incredibly high demand? NO ONE! there is no major that makes you imminently employable, not a bachelor’s degree or a master’s degree or a doctorate. you are equally unemployable with a business degree, or a law degree, or a degree in marine biology. you could have a degree in any STEM field and you’d still struggle to find a job. the only difference between those degrees and an english degree is where you’re told to “just get a job doing x.”

we are in an employer’s market right now. there are more people than there are jobs to be had, partly because none of the baby boomers will fucking retire, but also because of all the people who have to work two jobs to make ends meet because nowhere pays a living wage anymore. no one is safe, nothing is sacred, and if you think “well if you’d only gotten a different degree this wouldn’t be happening lol” then you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around you my friend. this is not a result of our poor choices. we did not do this to ourselves. it was done to us, by the ivory tower shit-heads who line their pockets with our student loan money.

tldr: major in english. eat the rich.

[thenarator]

as someone with a bachelor’s degree in english, i am inexpressibly tired of people telling me to get highly specific jobs that often require highly specific degrees. “just go write for a magazine!” you need a journalism degree for that. “just teach!” you need a teaching certificate, and also fuck you. “just go work at a tutoring place!” tutoring children with learning disabilities, which make up the majority of the clientele at those places, requires not only a teaching certificate but a specialized master’s degree. “just go work at a library!” you need a master’s degree in library science to be a librarian. it is actually a highly skilled and extremely competitive field. you don’t just “go work at a library,” you train for years in the vain hope that you will get one of handful of available jobs. “just go work at a library.” the nerve. the unmitigated gall. “just go work at a library.” ugh.

[thenarator]

alright listen up. i had no idea this was going to be the most popular post i ever made, and i’ve gotten some really nice comments and some pretty condescending ones. let’s get a few things straight:

first, this post is based on MY experiences and MY research in MY geographical area. i don’t know if it really is any different in big cities, small towns or elsewhere in the world, but where i live this is how it is.

second, this post is not about my burning desire to work in a library. i honestly don’t want to, it’s just something that’s been recommended to me ad nauseam. 

thirdly, i don’t KNOW what you can do with an english degree. if i knew that, would i be having all these jobs recommended to me? i don’t have a job! i haven’t figured out what i’m doing with my life! i don’t KNOW!

and finally, several people have expressed their confusion about why i or anyone would get an english degree if there are no jobs for it, and i find these comments to be especially tedious.

i. was. told. there. would. be. jobs.

english is the only thing i’ve ever been good at, so i knew that’s what i wanted to study. it was my passion, and i was assured that following your passions was what college was about. i went to a meeting for prospective english majors freshman year and the head of the department told us all that he was constantly getting requests from employers who would tell him “send me all your english majors!” he told us if we majored in english we’d have the critical thinking skills to do whatever we liked. we’d be in impossibly high demand.

these were all, as i have found out, baldfaced lies. BUT, not in the way you think.

it’s true, english majors are not in as high demand as the department head led us to believe. but you know who is in incredibly high demand? NO ONE! there is no major that makes you imminently employable, not a bachelor’s degree or a master’s degree or a doctorate. you are equally unemployable with a business degree, or a law degree, or a degree in marine biology. you could have a degree in any STEM field and you’d still struggle to find a job. the only difference between those degrees and an english degree is where you’re told to “just get a job doing x.”

we are in an employer’s market right now. there are more people than there are jobs to be had, partly because none of the baby boomers will fucking retire, but also because of all the people who have to work two jobs to make ends meet because nowhere pays a living wage anymore. no one is safe, nothing is sacred, and if you think “well if you’d only gotten a different degree this wouldn’t be happening lol” then you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around you my friend. this is not a result of our poor choices. we did not do this to ourselves. it was done to us, by the ivory tower shit-heads who line their pockets with our student loan money.

tldr: major in english. eat the rich.

[thnkfilm]

“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything… what a waste.”

Call Me by Your Name (2017) dir. Luca Guadagnino