it's an odd time at 1:51 am when you remember your own mortality,, when you remember you have a body and a soul and a brain yet you're not aware where they came from or how they work or how powerful you would be without a flesh prison of bones and meat that you don't even take the best care of but you're still here and still alive and breathing and you're going to die one day but hopefully not today and what should I do with my life and who am I and what is my name because I respond to words and sounds yet I am not made of letters and no words or concepts or thoughts will ever be able to express what I feel and who I am and how can anyone truly know who you are if you don't understand yourself and the grief the comes with that knowledge is almost unbearable yet we keep living and breathing and assigning value to things that truly have none because we can't stand to think about what life really is and staring at a phone screen to start a war is easier than going into the forest to see what the world is and we all need to swim in rivers before they're all gone and dance in the rain before it becomes toxic and laugh and love and cry and just FEEL because one day you won't be able to and one day the world will end and you will end and it doesn't matter which comes first because endings are endings and we won't be there to see it but in the same sense endings are beginnings and death creates life and stars explode to create new systems and cows are furry and lips are soft and how will you end? what will you do with your new beginning?
