Constelic is such a massive part of my identity, alterhuman-wise and just in general. But it can be a little difficult to talk about, so Iām taking the time to think it through before I explain it. I don't think I'll have any kind of broader point or conclusion, I just want to talk about it.
Also, I definitely recommend reading the newest page for it that I wrote up a little while ago. I hope it's easy to understand? Anyways.
For me, being constelic is being in a constant state of shifting identity. New things can be incorporated, and old (or even not-so-old) things can fade away and disappear. Even without any stels, Iām always in that state of possibility, for something else to come along without me even realizing it and shape my identity to some degree for days, weeks, months, maybe even years in some cases. I donāt choose my stels, they just sort ofā¦ come along. I often donāt expect them to, and while sometimes they can take a long time to become fully adopted, a lot of the time itās incredibly quick, I donāt even realize it until a bit later and I go, āoh!ā
People can focus so intensely on how strong the identification is, if you identify fully as it, identify with it, or what, but constelic just never really fit into that for me. I donāt know how Iād describe them and honestly I think it depends, and more honestly than that, I donāt think it matters in my case anyways. The point of constelic, for me, is that state of constant shifting, that constant change I am always going through, the way different things will push and pull me like a tide, and the way they can all link together like a constellation (hence the name.) Obviously, you donāt need to experience that ebb and flow like I do, I donāt think everyone who uses constelic does, and I find that really interesting. I always wonder how it feels for others, because for me it is very cyclic, though there are pauses sometimes.
When I was younger, I was in what people call āKFFā spaces, and I now know that I was definitely having my constelic awakening, I just didnāt have the right words for it yet. Those identities mattered to me, even if they were not kintypes. I feel a bit hurt when people who didnāt have that experience claim that they donāt, that because they were more "casual" in some cases, they didnāt matter, or they didnāt significantly inform my identity, because they did.
Stels I donāt have anymore, ones that have since faded away with time, still kinda resonate with me a little. I still feel that tiny little sparked ember of remembrance, even if it doesnāt remain anymore. I still get a little jump in my chest when I see that thing, or that character, or whatever, because even though itās not a part of me anymore, it was, and that still matters to me.
