trash anonymous

25 | lovesick and alone 「 I promise I'm chill and normal otherwise 」

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

Intro to this side blog cry blog

Discomfort drives change, and even when nothing can be changed, it still persists like a callous you get from holding onto life. There are no alternatives. Shit sucks.

I need this sideblog for my sanity. Come bond over the misery in the DMs ✌️

Scrolling getting boring? We could hop on a discord call and scroll together. Free will and whatnot. We really could.

🌱🪴🪴🪴🌹🌿🪴☘️🪴🪴🌷🌿🪴⚘️🪴🪴🌻🪴🌼🪴🌺🪴🪴🪴🌿

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

Containing multitudes. But this blog is made for a single tude of mine.

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

what if I put a bandage on myself even though my wound is purely psychological

would that help me visualize and deal with it or not

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

Everythimg is going. One foot in front of the other, I am conquering it all. Somewhere along the path, I lost love, I lost hope, and I lost fear.

I wonder what broke the proverbial camel's back; a favorite earring I've lost? One academic bureaucratic email fuckery too many? Another gray hair on my dad's head? Or was it when I held my late grandma's cross stitch paintings, not knowing what to do with them or where to put them in an apartment that was slowly losing its familiar scent.

[hamburguesaxd]

old things have strange hungers

[zexox]

Sorry if this is too kinky but can you hold my hand and tell me i mean a lot to you.

[4allgoodthings]

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

I need a hug with a promise that everything will be okay, the kind of promise I can trust.

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

how i think i got over unrequited love and many other failures in life:

the sixth stage of grief, not only accepting the loss, but shedding the weight of it. Shedding the weight of an imagined future that never came to be and seeing that it never existed in the first place.

I don't gamble - the concept never stuck with me, because I played to win and was met with anger and disappointment more often than not, erasing my joy and the will to try again. But while this has hypothetically saved me good money, the mentality came at a cost, because:

We don't live and work for an outcome, but for a chance at an outcome. I stayed for a chance at love. I did the best I could. This isn't a loss, it never was. It exists as a result of my best efforts. I did everything to facilitate a chance and it worked. It hurt because I considered it a loss, when it was still the best I could've done.

I think life is about building roads to where you want to go, even if the goal proves to be different than imagined once achieved. There are too few big moments in life - goals to be achieved - to dictate whether we're successful or not. The process has to be enjoyable, because the process is what life is made of, even if the goal proves to be misguided, lost or unachieved.

I thoroughly enjoyed every year of love and even grief that followed it, as hard as it is to believe. The road to a chance was a good endeavor.

And finally, I can breathe easy. A chapter closed with a cliffhanger of hope instead of desolate silence.

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

I wish I didn't have this sadness in me, cutting short my laughter and stilling my dancing steps. It feels like I'm always being watched by someone who's deeply grieving – making every situation more somber than it is. I am that observer, saying "it will pass." The good and the bad. It says "even hope will shatter, remember your own decay will come."

All I want is to meet strangers and think of new beginnings instead of new ways of falling apart.

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

Why am I so jealous. Am I catching feelings?

[brndnslvra]

on my fucking soul

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

this too shall pass

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

can't hurt me in any way that matters because my success serves nobody and my failure doesn't hurt anyone I care about.

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

all these years I've been worried about a future that didn't exist.

[cool-bathrobe-bitch]

I have love - not the way I want it, but just the way I need and deserve. Just far enough from my grasp that I cannot break it.