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started another hanahaki fic. i think i like this concept too much to the point that i'm incapable of properly executing it....

#it's all just HAPPENING ALREADY #like nez is ALREADY getting surgery #we are in the first scene #everyone needs to calm down #in my first hanahaki fic attempt he was coughing up like one petal or less every day #and it escalates to like five petals a day when he meets shion #in this fic he's vomiting literally bucketfuls of flowers before he even meets shion #where is the middle ground...why can't we exist there....#also i've just spent six pages of shion breaking down nez's entire mental state #like can you people chillax you've known each other for all of five minutes #it's too much too fast #where are the brakes on this train #anyway i guess i'll just keep going???

my favorite thing is getting a new client in my inbox who's like "grammar is my specialty and i've read my manuscript five times and only found one single typo, so i don't need a professional edit, but you advertise a two-page free sample, so you can do that for me just for kicks, right?"

and then i do the free sample and their two pages have dozens of errors because the writer has very little understanding of tense or sentence structure or punctuation or whatever, and i send it back with the edits, and they're like...

"well. ahem. so...how does payment work?"

#no shame to folks who don't know what a comma does but it's the cocky ones that i just love to humble down onto their knees #i just got in a new manuscript from an English teacher and i'm mildly concerned for his students #my concern with this guy isn't even the grammar issue #it's like...English teachers should have a good grasp on what makes a good story no?#like analyzing themes and such...seeing complexity in character and discussing nuance etc.#but this guy does not seem to have a grasp on what makes a good story or anything about nuance or character depth #nor does he have a grasp on grammar unfortunately #so what is he teaching his students??#anyway i have a chunk of phlegm in my throat and it's driving me CRAZY #i'm horking and honking while A is on a call w his boss like four feet away from me #why was my thought while i was writing these tags that someone would anon message me and be like #'is it phlegm or is it CUM??'#who is this imaginary troll i've just conjured up?#anyway listen imaginary troll i can't even remember the last time i swallowed so calm down!!#what...has this post turned into....

my colonoscopy prep is kicking my ass...i don't remember it being this bad last time...i genuinely Want To Die

#last time they made me drink like five gallons of this weird liquid that was nauseating and i could barely drink it #and that was the worst part of the prep - the forcing down of gallons of this vile liquid #but like the physical feeling of shitting my brains out wasn't that bad from what i can recall?#or maybe i was just used to it cause i was at peak sickness at that time and was shitting my brains out daily #i'm out of practice with shitting my brains out i haven't done so since i started rinvoq #so like...7 monthsish #i feel so nauseous and i have a headache that makes me want to rip my head in half #and i just feel so Sick #like beyond nausea and upset stomach #just truly Unwell #i keep nearly passing out #i was gonna walk to the hospital (it's a 40 min walk but i do that walk regularly for all my appointments)#but i can barely walk from one room to the other in my house #so A is driving me #i have no idea how i'm going to like...walk from the car into the hospital and to the elevators and through the waiting room #what the fuck is happening why do i feel so shitty???#this time my prep is different it's 3 bottles of gatorade mixed with a shit-ton of Miralax plus some other pills #it's way more pleasant to drink but it's actually murdering me #my colonoscopy is at 1:30pm today which feels super late. last time it was like at 8am #so i have to go several more hours just feeling like shit #and i can't even sleep through it cause i keep having to expel copious amounts of liquid through my asshole #it's hell!! it's true hell!!!#i'm 100% going to pass out when they try to put the IV in i know it and i'm fine with it

i've got a colonoscopy tomorrow so today is colonoscopy prep day! yeehaw! can't wait to drink gallons of laxative-laced liquid and shit my brains out!!

#the hospital is supposed to call me today to tell me what time the procedure is tomorrow #which is a ridiculous method but whatever #they haven't called yet #like...hurry up and call me!#i want to know!!!#the worst part of the whole thing isn't even the prep #it's when they put in the IV line at the hospital #i'm very used to IVs because of all my infusions but it's different when they do it for surgery cause they won't put it in your elbow creas #they'll do either the back of your hand or like over your forearm #and i have a thing with my veins in those places it just wigs me out so bad #and due to the prep i'm SO dehydrated before colonoscopies and they don't let you drink water the day of the colonoscopy #so my veins are like nonexistent and it takes a hundred years of poking and prodding for them to get the IV in #last time they had to do it TWICE cause the first time it wasn't good enough or something??#i nearly passed out from all the poking of my veins i truly hate this so much #like listen i am used to needles i've had so many infusions #but pre-colonoscopy IVs are just THE WORST i'm dreading it so much #but i am looking forward to being put under #there's no sleep like anesthesiology sleep #i just love how quickly it comes for you and how peaceful it is

i thought i'd write an epilogue for the escort fic cause i was like hmm this is depressing maybe i should end it w a lil fluff scene. i'm five thousand words into it and...where is the fluff??? where is it?

#i quit i'm going back to the super fic #what about the phm fic you ask?#listen nez hates shion so much in that fic it's pissing me off #these people make it so difficult to make them happy #i try and i try and they spit on my face #i can't deal with it #the robot mice are attempting to do some matchmaking #which i really appreciate #but there's only so much a robot mouse can do #also A and i started watching jujutsu kaisen (spelling???) yesterday #i really loved the first few eps but then i feel like it got a lot less cool #i love the idea of the main character having this curse creature inside him that wants to take over his body #but they spend so much time on the other characters and other subplots and v little time on the curse-sharing-his-body thing #like i do not care about anyone else and all their little curse-hunting schemes #i wanted the whole show to be the main character hunting around to find these fingers and eating them #and with each finger the curse parasite within him grows stronger and stronger and more capable of taking over his body #that premise is so cool!! and instead what do they do?#they put the kid in school and then make us focus on his classmates #like give me a break. i do not care about anyone else in this show but the curse parasite #and the guy w the glasses and the other guy #everyone else can eat it #anyway obviously this makes me want to write a fic where shion eats a cursed object and a demon takes over his body #i'm not gonna have any of this other curse nonsense going on in my fic i just want shion sharing a body with a demon #and the demon is trying to kill nez or something #and shion has to control it but the demon keeps trying to take control over him #alas i'm switching between three fics right now which is annoying and i'm not going to add another to the mix #so this will have to wait #on another note i'm listening to 'get out of my mind' on repeat and this is the song i listened to on repeat while writing the zombie fic #so i just keep wanting to write v depressing things cause i just associate this song with nez's increasing madness/death now #hmm maybe that's why the epilogue to the escort took a turn when i was trying to make it fluffy....damn you hootie

why have i spent so long not including nez's robot mice in my fics??? turns out they're the best characters and i've been sleeping on them for so long

#the phm fic is basically just about the mice #nez who? shion who? they're irrelevant #this is about robot mice who go to space #if that's not what you people wanted then i have nothing to offer

stuart-townsend

Jake Gyllenhaal as Louis Bloom in Nightcrawler (2014) dir. Dan Gilroy

#i've been rewatching a lot of my fave movies and just rewatched this gem #i'm obsessed with everything jake is doing in this movie #and the fact that his eyeballs take up half his fucking face #i may have to watch brokeback next just for the whiplash...

I thought you were gonna make Shion into Rocky for your PHM fic. I could see rock-alien-Shion being dtf Nezumi.

Your idea is probably better tho.

ahhh no that's not the route for me, i can see why you'd think that tho! but usually when i do fics inspired by other media, i don't really follow the plot of the original thing, i just snag the most general idea of it. so w this one, the only bits that are related to PHM in my fic are that they're going off into space w purposes to save Earth and have no means of returning to Earth after their mission aka they assume they'll die in space (and also nez is drugged/taken against his will...spoiler alert i guess???)

no rockys or rocky equivalents will be appearing, sadly. at least, i don't think so. i don't think my idea is better tho, i'm sure someone out there could write a v cool and fun shion-as-rocky PHM fic that's far better than the angsty lunacy i'm concocting!

#anon #whenever i say 'X equivalents' i think of that part of that bo burnham song where he says his gf owes him 'dumpling equivalents'#i love that song because it describes my relationship w A exactly #whenever he uses the bathroom i need to use the bathroom #why is that a universal issue we're all facing??

we've got a serious enemies-to-lovers thing going on in the phm fic but i fear the enemy part is too intense and they will never make it to lovers

#jk they'll make it to lovers it'll just take like 200 pages or something stupid like that #nez seriously hates shion #i mean fair enough shion kidnapped the guy and TOOK HIM TO SPACE on a mission in which THEY WILL BOTH DIE #that's not very cool behavior #not a top ten recommendation on how to get your crush to notice you #clearly shion was not reading cosmo tips in his youth #luckily nez has got a 10-year trip to pluto to get over it #you know what? this is a great couples therapy idea #relationship on the rocks? go to space! isolate yourselves with each other for a decade! then die out there!#i mean who knows maybe they'll live #but probably not let's be honest

itachis

Spiderpunk's color and texture changes are used to indicate his emotions. He often turns pink near Miles. The color pink is symbolic for honesty, compassion, and playfulness.

SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (2023) dir. Joaquim Dos Santos, Kemp Powers, Justin K.

rewatched the spiderverse movies and now i'm continuing the superhero fic....

#listen #thsoe movies are so flipping good #there's this one part in the second one where Spot goes into the collider to get more power #and there's some weird collider explosion in which miles sees a vision of his dad dying #and that made me think...what if there was a super in the fic who could see into the future #and nez got that super's power and then saw a vision of shion dying #and nez would know these visions are inescapable but still he'd refuse to accept that and would be determined to change fate #oooooohhhhh that'd be so good #so now i'm continuing the fic for the sole reason of making that happen #project hail mary au who???#jk i'm not abandoning that one i just NEED to write this plotline in the super one #then i'll hop back to phm #no biggie

phantom-threaded

Brokeback Mountain 2005, dir. Ang Lee

I SAW YOU ANNOUNCED THE PHM NEZUSHI FIC AND I SQUEELED SO LOUUDFDDDD i love project hail mary and i love nezushi.. ive been thinking of phm x nezushi crossovers too and seeing youll be writing on them made me more motivated to draw the crossover Ahhhhhhhhh ill be very much looking forward to your fic!!!!!! ive also been enjoying the escort fic and is obsessed with their monthly checkups!!!! anyway hope youre having a great day today hihi

ahhh hello my friend!! fancy seeing you around here! :D

haha yeah i gave in against my better instincts and am now writing about space...good god why... haha jk so far i'm having more fun with it than i anticipated, and the plan is to start posting it when i'm done posting the new escort fic! i'm so glad you've been enjoying that one!!!

thank you thank you for the message, hope you're having a great day too!!!

#cantaloup3w

i've got my spotify shuffle on for all my liked songs, and "pata pata" just came on, which feels like a sign that i am meant to be writing this fic since this song was in project hail mary !!!!

i mean come on, out of 2,777 liked songs, a song from the PHM soundtrack plays while i'm writing the fic?? if that's not a sign i don't know what is

#it shocked me to my core when 'pata pata' started playing in PHM (it was the scene when they're in home depot or whatever)#i literally slapped A in the movie theater and hissed in his ear WTF I LOVE THIS SONG #truly the last song i expected to hear in this movie. like who the fuck knows this song???!#the music director of project hail mary apparently #i dunno is this a well-known song? i don't think it is #but hey i don't know what people know #i don't even know how i know this song #maybe it was from my parents?? i think my dad prob liked this song #or else it was in a different movie soundtrack??#i just googled what movies it's in and apparently it's in the first episode of veronica mars?? i never would have guessed that #i never saw veronica mars but it seems like a very...White show...#not that White shows can't have songs by POC but like...it just seems very unexpected for it to have this particular song #this isn't like drake or rihanna or whatever ya know?#regardless i haven't seen any of the shows or movies it's in so i guess i know it from my parents #anyway i've found the song i'll be playing on repeat while i write this fic!#which is going v well so far #i mean i'm only 7 pages in but i'm having fun #also nez's mice are in this fic! let's see if i can remember their names after not interacting w any source material for over a decade...#okay well i know there's hamlet. and cravat?? and something like tsumiyo? tsukiyo? tsumigyo? ???#fuck i gotta look it up #YO IT WAS TSUKIYO #wow it means 'moonlit night'?? shion is such a sap omg #imagine naming a pet 'moonlit night' i'm gonna die that's so funny #if we get another dog i'm gonna name him MOONLIT NIGHT pffff #when people ask me what my dogs' names are i'll be like 'this is wally and this is MOONLIT NIGHT' ahahahaha why is this so funny to me omg

i'm upset to report i've given in and started the project hail mary nezushi au

#i've decided i'm just going to make everything up #and anything science-y will be explained in nez's point of view #and nez will not know anything that's going on so he'll just say 'the world is ending for some reason or another'#and anytime shion tries to explain things nez will cut him off and accuse shion of boring him #and that's how i'll get away with not explaining anything too deeply #i say this and then i just spent an hour and a half researching pluto #it's FINE

i bought a new pair of jorts and was excited to finally get to wear them today

#you can't even see my jorts in these photos but alas #anyway happy mother's day for people who made their own families after their mothers fucked them up!!#i love my new fam #not pictured is mr. wally dog....#he hasn't been enjoying walking in the heat #we shaved him today and he's still not having it

I'm sorry about your mom. I get the feeling. Hang in there.

thanks anon, this is v sweet!! <3

#anon

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