That Average Guy

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X-1 Review

Important Mutants:

Hugh Jackman: Wolverine (Logan) (Has really crazy claws, almost indestructible, has a really helpful healing factor, has a metal skeleton)

Anna Paquin : Rogue (Marie) (can absorb life force and mutant powers through skin contact)

Patrick Stewart: Professor Xavier (Telepathic)

Ian McKellen: Magneto (Eric) (Can manipulate metal)

Rebecca Romijn: Mystique/Raven (Can Manipulate appearance and body to human/mutant)

Famke Janssen: Jean Grey (Telekinetic and Telepathic

Halle Berry: Storm (Can manipulate weather)

James Marsden: Cyclops (Scott Summers) (Laser Eyes)

Tyler Mane: Sabretooth (Beefy Wolverine without the healing factor and without metal skeleton)

Ray Park: Toad (Has the body of a human combined with a toad)

Shawn Ashmore: Bobby (Ice Man) (Can manipulate ice)

 Starts with a fantastic narration done by Professor X (Patrick Stuart) that explains the issues at hand. It also starts with the origin of one of the most powerful mutants, Magneto. It starts with him in the Holocaust being pulled away from his mother. Mutant powers first reveal themselves in times of great stress, and his first time was being torn apart from his mother. He discovers that he has the ability to control metal as he is seen bending the iron fences in the scene.

It actually starts with this one mutant (Rogue) who accidently kisses her boyfriend. I say accidentally because her mutant power was already discovered and it is “stealing others life force through skin contact.” She accidentally does that and she runs off because she gets sad and everything.

She goes to this fight club where Wolverine is. He has had his memory wiped so we don’t get anything with him. He promises to drive Rogue to wherever she’s going. I don’t exactly remember but that doesn’t matter because their truck crashes and they run into Sabretooth. But Wolverine and Rogue are joined by Jean Grey, Storm, and Cyclops. They are also saved by them.

They go to this building called “Xavier’s School for the Gifted.” It’s a school for mutants, mutants being the gifted, where they learn in an environment that is less stressful for them, to learn to control their powers. Rogue is quick to make friends with a student named Bobby, who can control ice. Wolverine quickly falls for Jean Grey, who is telekinetic (can move things with her mind) and is training to enhance her telepathic powers (read and manipulate anyone else’s mind.)

Mystique (who can transform into anyone she desires, mutant or not) has transformed into Bobby to tell Rogue that no one wants her and to run away. Rogue of course does, and Wolverine intends to track her down because she can be used by dangerous mutants by herself. Professor X has this machine called Cerebro to enhance his mind powers so he can see every mutant in the world. He uses it to track Rogue. Once he finds her location, he sends Scott and Storm to go get her because he is looking for Wolverine too. Wolverine doesn’t listen and finds her first, on a train.

To let you know why it was a bad idea for Wolverine to go alone: Wolverine is made of metal. Magneto is the big leader of the group and knew that Wolverine would do anything to protect Rogue, Magneto is also a super powerful mutant that controls metal. Yeah, you can see that this was a bad idea. Magneto gets Rogue, basically turns Wolverine into a shish-kabob for the time being.

All this time, Mystique/Raven is still in the school, disguised as Bobby. While she’s in the school, she puts poison in Cerebro so Professor X can’t stop them. Jean Grey uses it instead and takes the fall but finding where Rogue is. On top of the Statue of Liberty. In New York. Because where else would you go?

So Magneto was planning on creating super massive blackouts in New York then transferring his powers to Rogue so she could do that while he died. The X-men found him and try to stop him. They almost lose too due to Wolverine having his skeleton made of metal and Magneto being able to control metal.

The day is saved, Magneto is thwarted for now, Professor X made Wolverine a promise in the beginning of the movie that he would try and help Wolverine uncover his past because he has his memory wiped.  

It’s quite clear that the X-men movies, comics, etc., follow the civil war movement. With both Magneto and Professor X wanting the same goals, but are going about it different ways. Magneto is more like Malcolm X, more violent and aggressive, believes that the future is mutants and there is no room for humans while Professor Xavier is more like Martin Luther King Jr. He’s more non-violent, he believes that mutants can co-exist with humans.

They’re not enemies, Magneto and Professor X. In fact, they’re great friends. They just can’t be on the same side. Xavier and Magneto regularly play Chess together and have conversations together.

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Here's a hint for what I'm looking at on Friday. Only looking at one though. Which one is it? #XMen #Marvel

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Captain America Review

I’m going to start doing this thing called Marvel March Madness because I love Marvel and I will be doing all Marvel Movies. Not necessarily in the MCU, I will not be avoiding those however, but I will be doing all the same. I’m going to try and do it every March

Story: Captain America is the name of the lead here Steve Rodgers (Chris Evans). He is this super scrawny, skinny dude with tons of asthma problems that make him joining the army an impossible feat. He hangs out with his buddy Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan) and Bucky even tries to get Steve away from enlisting. Steve is not a good listener, and keeps trying. He actually does get accepted into a secret military project against the Nazis. He goes through with it and becomes a super soldier in every way because of it, He grows taller, gains a ton of muscle, he gains momentum and extra height in his jumps.

           He isn’t used much at first. Only promoting the war doing side gigs like movies and shows. Nobody sees him for his true potential except maybe Agent Cater (Hayley Atwell). She tries to convince Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) to let Steve start rescuing people behind enemy lines. Chester says no, that it would be a lot of money lost if Steve died and they (the Nazis, or Hydra) got him. Steve and Carter did anyway.

           They were able to succeed and formed a team to go on more missions, and were able to recruit Steve’s old friend, Bucky Barnes. They go on a trip to seek out the Hydra leader and lose Bucky along the way ☹

           Steve faces with the leader of Hydra (Red Skull, Hugo Weaving plays him) who is experimenting with an artifact known as the Teseract. It has an unknown power to it, but is one that is unstoppable. Red Skull sets a timer to blow up his base and attempts to escape. Captain America chases him, and eventually, gets him.

           That should be over right? Wrong! Captain America has no choice but to land a ship in the water to stop the two atomic bombs it has from creating WWIII, killing Captain America in the process. But the thing is, he froze. For 60 years.

           He wakes up to an aesthetic he’s used to. 40s things. Except he recognizes the baseball game that;s playing and begins to freak out =, and he breaks out of a containment cell to realize he is actually in New York in 2011. He is freaking out and is approached by this black dude named Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson) who explains everything. He runs a team called S.H.I.E.L.D and they’re against Hydra. The reasoning for the 40’s stuff was to break it to Captain America slowly and then he would want to join their nussion.

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Swiss Army Man Review

Swiss Army Man is an incredibly weird but an incredibly relatable story. At least incredible and weird to me. It is made by the directors Dan Kwan and  Daniel Scheinert who have previously made the “Turn Down For What?” music video, so yeah, it’s weird. But touching. Paul Dano (Dwight from Little Miss Sunshine, the dude who took a vow of silence because he wanted to be in the air force) and Daniel Radcliffe (you fucking know who he is) The laughs start before the movie too because a special thanks was granted to KT Tuntsall (Country singer; Suddenly I See, Black Horse and a Cherry Tree). I don’t see anything directly related to her from this movie so if there is, please let me know. So before I spoil it with the story, just know that it’s a good watch, and you should watch it.

           The story starts with Hamk (Paul Dano) about to kill himself. Stranded on an island, alone, about to hang himself when he spots Manny (Daniel Radcliffe), a corpse who just happened to wash upon the shore. Hank runs over to see what it is and if he needs help. He knows that he’s dead, but still checks around and makes sure that he’s dead. Manny isn’t dead. Or is he? Is Hank hallucinating? Anyway, Hank is able to use Manny like a jet ski and make a little escape from the island they’re on.

           Hank finds a cave for he and Manny and then Manny scares the shit out of him by talking. Then Hank learns that he can use Manny like a Swiss Army Knife for various obstacles, and uses him to get home/

           That is a very short telling of the whole story, and believe me, there’s a lot in this story, Hank is solely depressed and was killing himself in the beginning of the film. Through teaching Manny lessons of life (From love to farts and masturbating), he sort of digs himaelf out of a hole.  And having Manchester Orchestra be on your soundtrack is not to shabby either. It was all good. Go watch it now.

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Army of Darkness (Evil Dead 3) Review

Here it finally is. The best movie of the whole trilogy in my opinion. The movie that inspired Duke Nuke’em with quotes like “Groovy” and “Give me some sugar, baby.” This movie takes the premise of the franchise, which is horror, and completely flips it. This is like the Month Python of the bunch. No one is taking it seriously and is haming it up, which is why it makes it so special. 10/10 would see multiple times.

The movie starts off by kind of catching everyone up. It also adds that Ash worked at a supermarket called S-Mart.

It’s Medieval Times (????) when Ash gets sucked through the time portal  of the last film. People find him and believe him to be one of an enemies army. They take him prisoner. Turns out that Ash is being held prisoner with Henry The Red (Their leader). Ash tries to convince them that he’s not with Henry but they don’t care.

He goes into something called The Pit. Just a deep well with ester…….or is it???? Turns out these medieval people have been using some deadites in torture chambers. Also there’s a moving spike wall (It reminds me of the Trash Compactor in Star Wars, except with spikes) Ash escapes.

Ash is understandably angry and yells at the crowd for a bit, and lets Henry and his men ride free. When a man by the name of Lord Aaron, tries attacking Ash with a sword. Ash gets out his boomstick and shoots the sword out of his hand quickly.

It turns out that Ash was the one pictured in the book (The Necronomicon). The chosen one.

Some wizards tell him how to get home. He requires the book of the dead, the very one that pictures him and caused the evil.

These wizards instruct Ash to say three specific words once he retrieves the Book of the Dead. “Klatu, Verata, Niktu.” The book lies in a holy place, a peaceful, charming graveyard.

The evil chases Ash to a Windmill. Ash thinks he is safe, but he’s not. Evil has gotten into the windmill and made several Mini-Ash clones that torment Ash to no end. Ash swallows one of the Mini-Ashes and he transforms into a bigger Ash called Bad Ash. Ash kills him.

Ash gets to the book and realizes that there are three books and doesn’t know what to do, so starts picking them, The first one has a vortex that sucks him in, The second has teeth and can fly. The third one is the right one, but he doesn’t say the words correctly, eventually thinking that murmuring the last word will still make it word. “Klato, Verata, Necktie, Nectar, Nipple…….definitely an N word..”

That negligence raises an army of the dead, an Army of Darkness, with Bad Ash as the leader.

Ash admits to everyone that he misspoke the words and isn’t going to deal with the Army of Darkness and just wants to go home. Kind of his thing throughout these films. He is the reluctant hero.

Ash gets everyone to stay at his side and fight against the Army to protect the Necronomicon and hopefully win back the trust of everyone so he can kill the evil and return home. Ash and fellows do a lot of sciency shit to prepare for the oncoming arrival.

Bad Ash reminds me a lot of Jim Carrey. Makes sense since it was released in the 90s.

Ash uses fire to burn Bad Ash, but that only makes Bad Ash angrier. He comes back to Ash creepier and stronger. King Henry and his men have finally arrived. Ash catapults Bad Ash out of there, officially saving the Necronomicon and the day.

The book tells of a potion that allows a man to sleep for centuries. 6 drops should send him back to his own time.

There’s two endings.

1)      We catch up with him at S-Mart where he battles another Deadite.

2)      He miscounts the number of drops he took. He counts 7 instead of 6. Waking him up a century later. He wakes up during the Apocolypse.

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The Evil Dead 2 Review

Without spoiling anything, the movie is a must see for me. Quotable and has a tone shift, showing more in this film, but still holding on to the horror elements that made the franchise relevant.

The movie starts with a narration that explains the whole object of the story.  It kind of retells the first Evil Dead movie while still remaining a sequel. New girl, new trip, new Ash. Yes. Ash is back and this time, he has a girl named Linda. She dies. He forgets the events though because he replays the recording again. One that reveals the Necronomicon. It speaks a curse that reawakens evil demons.

The first movie revealed that there was a book read from that awakened evil in the forest. The Necronomicon. Book of the dead. I should’ve put that in before. I didn’t. I don’t know why.

Anyway, this movie still has its horror roots, but has more slapstick in it. A good example is when Ash gets possessed by the evil temporarily later on.

A famous movie line is “Dead by Dawn”. That’s because the Deadites can’t roam in the sunlight. Evil can kind of, but it doesn’t really attack because it’s weaker.

We’re introduced to 2 new people: Annie Knowby and Jake. Annie is the daughter of the man who was researching the book of the dead in the cabin before. The one that left the recordings.

Linda comes back from being dead. They do a lot of Claymation in this film, so she does a little dance and it looks like a messed up nightmare before Christmas. She toys with Ash and he gets her to the Tool Shed, where he chainsaws her to bits, and leaves her there. He also finds his Boomstick( (Shptgun) there.

He looks at himself in the mirror to relax for a bit, but evil has him. His reflection grabs him. His hand turns against him. He got infected.

Annie and Jake are still trying to get to the cabin, but the bridge is out. Bobby Jo offers to help them out for a fee. $45. There is a costly way to get across though.  

Ash cuts off his own hand with a chainsaw.  He then shoots his hand with the Shotgun, and then gets drenched in blood. Tricks of evil. Ash starts hallucinating and everything around him starts laughing. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

Ash starts getting beat up by 2 guys who think he killed a lot of people including Annie’s parents. They lock him in the basement. Henrietta (The Original guy’s wife) is in the cellar with Ash..Ash squeezes the cellar door shut and out squirts an eye that Anne accidentally swallows.

Henrietta tries to trick Anne to open the cellar door. Random guy gets possessed and then Axed down by Ash.

Professor Raymond Knowby somehow comes back in ghost form and tells Anne that to stop everything she just needs to read from the book of the dead.

They find a picture of a man prophesized to get rid of all the evil. Ash says that he did a bad job.

Jake grabs the gun and threatens Ash and Anne to find Billy Joe (Jake’s girl) who ran into the woods.

Ash gets knocked out and Evil Ash arises. Somehow the rules apply differently to him. I don’t understand it either. Some “chosen one” bullcrap. He comes back, yeah, and I’m glad he did because I love Bruce Campbell, but still, why?

Anne ends up with the only weapon that can truly kill a deadit, a Kanderian Dagger.

Ash makes his famous chainsaw hand and prepares to go into the cellar to get the torn pages that Anne had, from the cellar. From Henrietta. To try and end this. Once and for all. He defeats her. Anne says the words, and they all get sucked into a portal that takes them back to medieval times.

Doesn’t make sense now, but it will later because the third is the best movie of them all. I will look into Army of Darknwss next week.

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Evil Dead Review

So I wanted to review Army Of Darkness, the 3rd movie in the Evil Dead trilogy. I figured it would be great to start the series at the beginning however, especially since the two are radically different movies. The first one is almost serious, the third one is more like a Monty Python movie. I wanted to cover the trilogy.

I also will throw in a two-word review for the 2011 remake. It sucks. I only really liked it because (END CREDIT SPOILS) of the end credit scene of Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) saying groovy, giving us hope for another Evil Dead film. Our wishes kind of came true with the Starz “Ash Vs The Evil Dead” series.

Anyway, before I get into any spoilers, I would say that this is a definite watch, especially if you are into weird and cheesy shit. Now onto the spoils…

So what is the Evil Dead? It’s Sam Raimi’s (Spider-Man) first film. You can definitely tell it was if you are watching older versions of the film. I’ll get to that later.

5 friends go into a spooky cabin. Ash Williams, Cheryl, Scott, Linda, and Shelly. From reading this, I bet you can tell who survives, but I’ll type on.

Scotty and Ash find a mysterious book and a tape record in the basement when checking it out. Little do they know that those words spoken from the tape make the evil in the forest come alive. They play it, and Cheryl freaks out about it, runs out, and then gets raped by a tree. It happens. It’s like every Tuesday. Seriously though, nothing can prepare you for that scene. Just watch it

Cheryl wants to just leave and Ash volunteers to take her. They came in on a bridge. First thing they notice is that the bridge is out.

It is revealed the only way to kill those possessed by the evil is to mutilate them. Like the Necromorphs from Dead Space. Cheryl turns and starts to kill everybody. They get her into the basement and Scotty locks the door. It’s also revealed that everything resets at morning, evil goes away and everything.

The evil corrupts Shelly. The only way that you can permanently damage a Deadite (that’s their version of zombies) is by setting the body on fire, and preparing for a long and hard fight. The Deadites will manipulate you in any way they can, toying with your emotions, playing dead, etc. It works every. Single. Damn. Time.

Scott and Bruce decide to bury Shelly after they kill her. Scott goes to run away and Linda slowly turns. Or more like, she doesn’t show a sign of turning until the scene where she’s supposed to turn. Ash starts to be more commanding and assertive although in the beginning, he wasn’t. The reluctant hero he is sometimes called.

All the Deadites trick Ash by turning into the three girls he possessed, but can’t resist the urge to scare and torture him.

Ash takes Linda and takes her head off with a chainsaw. Ash finally buries Shelly, who, of course, attacks him. Ash wins and comes back inside to see that Cheryl has escaped. Ash finally explores the basement, and it’s…..you know……creepy. Old projectors, tons of blood, no lights, almost flooded, and carnival music.

A lot happens in the next 15 minutes, but nothing worth writing about. Just a tense battle between Ash and the Deadites.

Ash gets the book to burn it, and save the day. All his friends died, but he’s still alive…for now…..

I would recommend this to anyone that loves old school horror and gross out humor. There’s a lot of gross out stuff here, a lot of guts and blood. It’s wicked looking, but if you can stomach it, you get to see a horror film that started many classic horror film tropes today!

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I Actually Never Know What I’m Doing

Maybe I’m just typing to get attention, to escape, to do something relevant again. I’m not sad, not lonely, just lonely in the moments. The night really. And not for sex. Sex is awesome of course. Just someone there. Just being there. You can be just a fucking pole in my room, I don’t mind and I don’t care really. Everyone is texting like “Let’s hang soon!” but the probability of us actually hanging out is 0% chance with a cloud of meatballs. I awill post this and I hope everyone is not like “Is Johnny ok?” because I don’t want to be like “I’m fine. I just be missing some friends.” Like 50 times.

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One Thing

I didn’t know what to talk about this time. I never really do, but I kept thinking of the song One Thing by Finger Eleven. If I had to give up one thing for a better life, how would I determine it? How would I know the quality of what I’m trading? Like if I give life something shitty, will I have a shitty life? If I give life something of little value, will life just hand me a check of $10 and just go on their way? Do I have to sacrifice something or someone that I love for the best life? Most importantly: Do I have to know them? Do I have to meet them?

Does meeting them mean that you had a 5 second conversation with them? Or that you’ve seen them on a TV ad or on a postcard or on the street?

The thought reminds me of that one movie where people are given a situation. They are given a button. Press it, you get $1 million dollars, but a random person dies. Don’t press it, they don’t get killed, but you don’t get the money. Which do you do?

I would like to think that I would say yes because I want a better life for me and my family. But in real life, I would say no. I can make money any other way, and maybe will soon have $1 million dollars. I’d think about all those that would miss them too.  Even if I did go through with it, I would spend my whole life checking on their friend and family and kicking myself in the teeth. Torturing myself.

I wouldn’t want to be randomly killed myself.

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Just A Bunch Of Random Scribbles

I do watch a lot of movies. They intrigue me more than books do. It’s so much easier to get lost in them than in books. My humble opinion yes, but mine. Always with a book, I’m like “I’ll get to the end of this chapter and call it a night.” With a movie, I’m like “The movie is 2 hours long and it’s already midnight? Fuck sleep then.”

That’s not to say that I don’t love books, but I evaporate into movies and video games. Everyone has their own escape though, so I never judge people for having a different one than me.

My favorite video game series is the BioShock series. Everyone hates on the second one, but I never understood why. It was always lesser than the first game, yes, but not a dumpster fire.

My favorite movie would be between The Iron Giant and 127 Hours. They are the only movies to make me cry and that I’m not ashamed to say they did.

Nothing comes out this week that I’m aware of. We saw Dr. Dolittle last week, and it was pretty cute. I’m really excited for Birds of Prey. I’m excited and Margot Robbie is selling it. I’m glad she got to stay as Harley Quinn. She was the only good part of Suicide Squad. I’m wondering what Suicide Squad 2 is gonna be aboot.

Nothing really happened today. I watched Get Out and it’s amazing. It’s really amazing once you find out that that was Jordan Peele’s first movie. He was known before as just Peele from the Comedy Central show “Key And Peele.”

A bit disjointed this time, I know, but my writing will become less disjointed someday.

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Howard the Duck Review

Where to start with this one? Well it’s definitely watchable. Don’t go into this movie expecting something serious, because serious is not what it’s going for. In fact, I don’t know what the hell it’s going for. It’s really weird in some places, not the whole movie, but weird enough that it sticks with you the rest of the movie. Tis movie also wouldn’t be made today. For example (not a spoiler) in the beginning of the film, Howard the Duck is flying through apartments. If you couldn’t tell by now, Howard is a duck. But he is an alien duck. Pretty much human. 3 feet or so. Means there is a female counterpart. He smashes through a bathroom while a lady duck is taking a bath. There we go. Duck tits. Completely uncensored and right there. I’m used to a lot of weird things in 80a movies, but that’s just weird and awkward.The only actor I enjoyed was  Jeffrey Jones (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off). I can recommend this movie if you are an edgy person, or a person who doesn’t take anything seriously. Prepare to have your mind ducked. This movie is not eggselent,

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I Bought A Zoo (Not Really, But This Has To Do With Animals)

I just saw the movie Howard the Duck and read a Spider-Ham comic so reviews will be underway and will appear sometime in the next days. This prompt questions: You can have a zoo animal as a pet, but they are puppysized for life. What is it?

I would want a Ferret. I still want a Ferret, but that would be crazy. They are so active all thee time and like to steal and hide things they can reach. I guess they are already the size of puppies, I guess that’s cheating in a sense.

Maybe a cool lizard? I don’t know which one, but whichever one looks like a dragon. I wanna own a small dragon. That would be badass. Have him stomp around dungeons I have made of LEGOs. I wonder what it would eat though/ I would want it to be nice to me and not eat me. I feel like cats would. They honestly don’t give a shit about humans. I care about them, but I think that once tbeh get the chance, cats will turn against us. And why not? We deserve it, I just don’t want it, so we can stay back on that for not.

Ducks would honestly be a useless idea. A funny idea, but pretty useless and pathetic in my eyes.

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Get Back To Me On This Title

I took a little break this weekend to reorganize my head and focus and challenge my writings, so they’re more prevalent and more concentrated. Which makes sense. I don’t do a lot of things nowadays anyway. I’ll post updates on my life and what n0t, but theres hopefully going to be better writings and reviews and everything starting now.

I’ll focus on prompts for a bit.

               If I could upgrade my life, would I? I wouldn’t. Even though I suffered through many hard ships and everything, I’m proud of them, I met some cool new people because of it, and I’m so much stronger because of it. Even though I don’t show it a lot, I’m grateful. If I could have a superpower? Invisibility. You can travel with it. Use it to sneak onto airplanes. Sneak up on your enemies, get the upper hand always, as long as you work out at the gym, it’s tactically the only choice for a power.

               But we ain’t talking about powers, just a better life, whatever that is. Changes and what not. Obviously, I would wish that I never had cancer. Everyone who has had it will wish the same. I want without it, but at the same time, I feel as if I’m better that I had it. I was going down a bad path of addiction when it happened, and that put a stop to it, so I have cancer to thank for that. I would wish that I could walk normally again, but the struggle to get up and walk again has made me stronger than I ever was. And pretty soon, I’ll be getting more social and I’ll be going back to college. I’ll be unstoppable. An upgraded life? I’m already living a good life.           Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.

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What Memories Will Can Do To You

           I thought that a waitress of ours at the Buffalo Wing Factory reminded me of a girl I used to be with. I reminded myself that she couldn’t be, but the thought still hovered in my mind. Not a blatant and obvious thought, but a thought all the same. I knew she couldn’t be for the mere fact that even if she had moved back from Texas, she lived a little away from me to even work there. Not really good memories there either so I wouldn’t want to go back down that road. She was a one night stand that lasted a month. I got stressed out because I had feelings for her, but she had no feelings for me. She would have me buy liquor every night and I didn’t even buy liquor. I started questioning if she even liked me, or just liked spending time away from home, and I was running out of money. I told her that she had to spend less, so she did, and as soon as I dropped her off, I never heard from her again. Not like I ever did, I always messaged her first.

She just seemed like she wanted nothing to do with me, It took me a month to realize that she wasn’t my scene, but I still wonder how she’s doing sometimes. I may not want a romantical relationship with her, but I would still like to be friends. I guess I’ll never know that now. And that’s ok.

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What Really Matters To Me

In these times, the most important question that I’ve ever gotten is” What do you want to do with the rest of your life?

Truth it…I’ve never known. At all. I thought I’ve known, but completely haven’t. Before my cancer, I wanted to be a singer, but that has taken away my singing voice, so now I’ve been torn between video editing and writing. I haven’t been committed to one. I was committed to music, but that got shot away from me. I will adapt, and use my talents in otherways somehow. I will climb out of this darkness, I will, I can 100% do it, but I don’t know how. The political climate, the actual climate, everyone’s climate is changing. Will they still accept me? I’m a bit out of ,y element.

I figure the best thing to do is just to step in there blindfolded and not giving a shit about what other people think. I think too much however. I wish people still just didn’t care. I wish that I didn’t either. It sucks being in this position that I’m in because I probably need something like Special Education, but I don’t want anything like Special Education. I am not slow and don’t want to be held back. I have always felt lackluster compared to everybody, but that was by choice. This is not a choice. I never chose to have a brain tumor that handicapped me.

I remember living one day with a job, with a car, with friends and the world to conquer. I lost all of that in 6 hours.

Fuck sitting down and pissing the world away. I’m going to achieve something in my lifetime. I’m gonna achieve. This was a complaint, It’s going to serve as a reminder for fiture me that  this is not the lowest I can ever go. The lowest I can ever go is 6 feet underground, and I ain’t doing that in my lifetime.

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What to do when you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEAS

1.       Breathe

That’s it. Just slow time for a minute and breathe. It helps to stop for a minute to think. To rejuvenate yourself, to prepare yourself for a more taxing but more enjoyable workload ahead.

I couldn’t think of any topic today. Didn’t really did much of anything . Went to my Brain Injury Services meeting. They try to guide disabled people into society with volunteer work, education, or part time work. I was meeting with a new counselor today. We just talked for a bit. Just getting to know me.

I organized all of my DVDs. I have like 62 DVDs, more or less. Sounds like a lot, but it only covers a shelf and a half. There’s still more to come. I have to see my movies first before I put them in the collection. I still have The Mummy 2 and 3 (with Brandon Frasier, I have seen them but not recently) and Howard The Duck because I love movies that are so bad that they’re good.

I wish I had more to say but I didn’t think of a topic and I had an uninteresting day. Hopefully tomorrow I can remedy that.

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Finding Happiness

Happiness is everything, happiness is nothing, happiness is the light that you see in the sky, happiness is the dark that takes it over at night, happiness is when you share, happiness is when you keep everything to yourself, happiness is love, happiness is hate, happiness exists, happiness doesn’t, happiness is melded for the individual, happiness isn’t, happiness is a high, happiness is a low, happiness makes sense, happiness does not, what works for one does mot work for another, happiness is found, happiness is lost, can you find it?