I try my best not to be petty and only put good energy out into the world, but I'm just a little salty about the fact that my ex can move on and be a-o-k so soon when I'm left still picking up the pieces of my broken, depressed, fragile ego and finding my self worth after being CHEATED ON.
Random things will pop into my head and mindfuck me for the day like...
I discovered that he downloaded Tinder to his phone AFTER he moved in with me. And I know it was after because he never had a smart phone until we were on the same phone plan. His excuse? “I just wanted to know what it was” BULLSHIT. This dude was being shady on me before we even got married and I had no clue, because I chose to trust him implicitly.
For months he was unemployed and every day while I was at work he’d talk on the phone for HOURS with a girl he had exchanged nudes with and probably also had phone sex with. HOURS and HOURS of talking. From the time stamps on the phone bill he would literally hang up when the garage door opened to me coming home from work.
Not to mention the fact that while he was cyber sexing multiple girls (not just the one he was talking on the phone to all the time) he was not being intimate with ME. So basically a computer screen was more appealing than his actual real life wife.
I still can’t even see a Sonic without thinking of feeling betrayed, because he would volunteer to go on milkshake runs for us just so he could talk on the phone to this girl for a few minutes.
Nothing about his life changed except I exited it, so his transition has been just peachy with all the love and support in the world from his friends and family, even with everyone knowing what happened, and that’s fine, I don’t want his people to hate him. It’s just...
This is hell for me. And it’s not getting better very quickly. I resent the fact that his life is continuing without a hitch, like I was just a little blip that didn’t mean anything and can be disposed of without issue.
He reposted a quote about not begging people to stay in your life, that “the gift of goodbye opens another door for you.” But that dude never even asked me to stay. He said “ok” and watched me walk away. He rolled over and didn’t do anything when I said I was unhappy, and that was my answer. Not that I wanted him to beg me to stay, I just needed to see some fire in him for me....and it just wasn’t there.
When will I be unmindfucked from all this? The infidelity happened in 2016 & I’m still just blah.
Anyways I needed to rant all this out of my brain and will probably delete it later.
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