x

gone

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.

[kaijutegu]

So now that my whole family is vaccinated using the Pfizer vaccine, I thought it might be nice to report on our side effects! Can you find the common denominator?

Me, 30

vaccinated 22 Dec

22 Dec- minor flashes of pain at injection site

23 Dec- injection site pain when punched lightly in the arm by Dad who forgot which arm I got the shot in, some joint stiffness that’s proooobably more likely related to falling asleep in a stupid position and honestly it’s so minor that it barely counts

24 Dec- redness at injection site, no swelling, no longer tender to touch- redness possibly from ripping off band-aid.

Lauren, 27

vaccinated 20 Dec

21 Dec- reported swelling and soreness in left arm around injection site

22 Dec- reported headache in the morning and a low-grade fever that broke by 1 PM

24 Dec- reported significant pain at injection site when slapped on the arm by our dad as he was telling a joke and laughing too hard at his own joke

Nick, 24

Vaccinated 23 Dec

24 Dec- reported pain at injection site when gently shaken awake by our dad, who managed to put his hand exactly on the injection site

Sarah, 20

Vaccinated 23 Dec

23 Dec- reported pain and swelling at injection site 

24 Dec- reported pain at injection site when picked up by our dad in an attempt to crack her back

Mom, 58

vaccinated 23 Dec

23 Dec- reported severe headaches in evening and redness/swelling around injection site

24 Dec- headache gone, injection site red and a little itchy, pain at injection site when hugged too tightly by my dad

Dad, 57

vaccinated 19 Dec

19 Dec- reported soreness around injection site

24 Dec- reported severe pain in entire body when entire family decided to beat him with pillows to see how he liked it

[kaijutegu]

my father is an ABSOLUTE TREASURE he’s the kindest, sweetest human man on the planet but he’s like-

you know how sometimes when a big dog is so happy and it wags its tail and it knocks over the furniture and hits you in the knees?

that’s my dad

[kaijutegu]

Dad just punched Sarah in the arm again and he felt so bad he offered to let her punch him in the arm but he couldn’t remember where the vaccine is so now Sarah is just whaling on his whole arm

[vedajuno]

miss that very specific period of early pokemon marketing where they weren’t QUITE married to pikachu being their main mascot yet so they just sort of threw a bunch of other c tier pokemon on everything they could to see what would stick

[vedajuno]

who’s that little monster thing every kid is in love with these days?? it’s polywhirl right??? yeah it is put that funky lil dude on everything

[megs-mayhem]

@unpretty

[thatsthenorthstar]

I think I figured out most of it, but if someone could point me to a captionned version, it'd be nice, thank you! 💕

[thefloatingstone]

“So the cows think that I’m delivering hay... and I’m trying to deliver [raises voice] a fucking... HOLE! ........  God dammit!!! GET AWAY! ........ Noo! .....

[dismayed] omg figure it out.... LADIES..... It’s like a zombie movie.... I’m trying to DIG!

[annoyed] there’s not anything!

*cows moo loudly in protest at there not being anything*

WHAT??

[accusatory pause]

*Very loud moo*

There’s NOTHING. omg it’s the entire herd...

GUYS! guys.... It’s DIRT!! It’s DIRT! It’s dirt! It’s not hay! Go find the other- IT”S DIRT!! *cows mouthing at dirt dropped by the digger* You know it’s dirt!!

*a brown and white cow makes direct eye contact*

ECLAAAAIRRRE......

*brown cow is now on the ground rubbing dirt all over herself*

What. In. The. Absolute shit are you DOING??? What are you doing??? What’s that about?? IT”S DIRT.

[piipstachio]

f/m shippings are great, heterosexuals just have the most awful taste in heterosexual relationships. why can’t you all be normal and instead of shipping edgy manchild x soon to be house wife, why don’t you ship that has whatever Adam and Morticia from the Adams family has.

[piipstachio]

every time this post gains notes again I am reminded of my pain and sufferings

[piipstachio]

my favorite so far

[thegenderal]

Edit: yes it is very real.

[could-be-calliope]

[ID: A tweet from user “insert funky name here” @EyeMug, whose icon is a piece of digital art of a pale person with short, dark hair shown from the chest up against a patterned purple background. The tweet was made three hours before the screenshot was taken, and reads “@jonnywaistcoat hiiiiiiiiiiiiii :3 whats the kinlist sir!!<3″. The tweet has three replies and ten likes. 

Shown below is a reply from user “The Eponymous Jonny” @jonnywaistcoat, whose picture is a black and white drawing of Jonny Sims’ face. The tweet reads “I don’t kin anything I’m 32″. /end ID]

[cornfieldcryptid]

time's up 💀

(based loosely off the og momento mori painting, the ambassadors by holbein )

find me on my insta or twitter: theinfinnite

[everythingfox]

You’ve got mail

(via)

[nilesfreeman]

in conclusion i love this show

[beeceit-deactivatingsoon-deacti]

This is what every conversation between two adhd people looks like

[beholdingslut]

NOTHING in classical literature gets me like odysseus introducing himself to the people who are putting him up as “I am Odysseus, known for my many clever tricks and lies” like i would want that man out of my house immediately

[roach-works]

what’s extra fun is that in that era, hospitality was an incredibly serious duty of homeowners: they had to take in a traveler, and couldn’t kick him out until he himself had transgressed against them in a really obvious, inarguable way. like, there are legends of gods traveling incognito and cursing people who were inhospitable to them, who turned them away or who didn’t whole-heartedly treat them as honored guests. at the least you were a huge dick for turning away a traveler, and at worst that traveler was a god who turned your whole household into trees or pigs or something. there’s even some funny stories about hosts doing their best to accommodate guests that are being increasingly ridiculous in ways that don’t quite break the social contract, but are really weird and inconvenient. 

the bottom line is that you just can’t kick a guest out once you’ve welcomed him until he’s incontrovertibly wronged you, and by announcing that he’s a liar and a trickster, odysseus is saying: if i wrong you, you’re gonna have a hell of a time proving it. 

so basically odysseus is telling his hapless hosts and fellow guests: i’m not trapped in here with you. you’re trapped in here with me. 

[pointnclick]

yes, the text is glow in the dark

[rapidhighway]

Either people with ADHD need to stop being so relatable or I need to go to the doctor

[snootyfoxfashion]

Moth Plush Dolls from SemechkaWorkshop

x / x / x / x

[filibusterfrog]

handy-dandy guide to undead druids. do not approach in the wild unless you are a trained professional.

[cornfieldcryptid]

i don’t want to anymore 

[euryalus-deactivated20220430]

odysseus be like “i know a spot” and then takes ten years to get there

[anexperimentallife]

[suriel]

this reply in the comments tho

[thatdisasterauthor]

This did not go where I expected from the first tweet and now I am laughing so hard I am crying.