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@correct-eddsworld-quotes
Tord: (undercover) What is it? I've got bacon on.
Paul: The Butcher is here.
Tord: Does he have the baby lamb chops?
Patryck: No, the Butcher of Kiev.
Paul: Think he'll recognize you?
(Flashback)
The Butcher: (holding a cleaver to Tordās throat in a burning building) I'll kill you!
(End Flashback)
Tord: Yeah, I think he'd remember me.
Edd: I watched Tom drop a remote on his foot and the only thing he said was āI am so sick of being alive.ā
Matt: (holding a vial he found in Tordās lab) Can I drink this?
Tord: Do you want to explode?
Tord: (on the phone with Tom) You made a shank yet?
Tom: What for?
Tord: It's prison, baby. You gotta protect yourself.
Tom: It's a Dutch prison, Tord! What are they gonna do, beat me with a clog?
Paul: Why don't you just ask him?
Patryck: Well, because the last time Red Leader saw him, it got violent.
Paul: (about Tord) You'll be there to protect him.
Patryck: He's not the one who needs protecting. Tord broke his wrist.
Tord: He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Paul: Better not take Tord.
Patryck: This went bad. Everyone is crying, I don't know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Paul: So this morning, we are having breakfast together...and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, "You know what I wanna do today? I wanna marry you."
Patryck: I had just woken up. I didn't look good. That's how I knew he meant it.
Tord: (icily) Paul, if the next two words out of your mouth arenāt āsee yaā then the third word will be, āOh, my God, my crotch, youāve punched me in the crotch.ā
Paul: See you. (Leaves)
Paul: (internally) Oh, God, his ex-boyfriend. The tension actually hurts. You have to break it; say something, anything! (aloud) Banana hammock!
Tord, without looking away from Tom: (dryly) I'm betting your ability to thrive under pressure is what drove you to become a soldier.
Jon: Well...when I'm with a guy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Mark: It's not that bad.
Jon: No, i-it is. I think guys are more interested in a man who can talk.
Matt: I just have a few more questions for you, Tord. What if Jon shows up with another man? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly? What if, instead of Tic Tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
Tord: Those are all INSANE hypotheticals and I promise you they won't happen.
Matt: They have happened. All of these have happened to me. Uh, no, there's more. Uh, one time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar; I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3D glasses the entire evening. Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time, I went to a really boring movie with a guy and while I was asleep, he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then it got weird.
Edd: Now, anyone seen Tom? He seemed a little down when he came in.
Matt: Yeah, he let me choose the music on the way over here, which leads me to believe he's given up on life.
Tord: Matt, you know I appreciate you, but you have to admit we're not exactly cut from the same cloth.
Matt: Apparently not. I am, of course, exotic silk, where you, sir, are snake skin
Tord: Give me your hair dryer.
Edd: What?
Tom: What are you talking about?
Tord: Don't you carry one in your bag?
Edd: Have you ever met a human person?
Tord: (calls Matt) Hey, it's Tord.
Matt: Oh, hey, Tord!
Tord: Hey, do you carry a hair dryer in your bag?
Matt: Of course. I'm not an animal.
Tord: Right, thatās the guy you said the lame stuff about. Like heās a good listener.
Matt: Iām sorry, what do you look for in a guy?
Tord: I donāt know. Real stuff. Shape of his ass.
Tord: Feel free to dress slutty at my funeral. Itās what I would have wanted.
Paul: My husband is washing the dishes and I just heard him say, "Who do you work for? Who's your contact?" while repeatedly pushing a glass underwater. At least he's having fun?