but i was so smart, mama, and that was the problem. the word got under my fingernails. look at her reading that difficult book - isn’t she so smart? look at the way she makes things. so talented. words come to her like lightning always finds the ground, isn’t she just a gem of a girl. going to be a doctor.
don’t you see, mama. when things didn’t fall into my hands naturally i didn’t know how to carry them. what happens when all that inspiration dries up. what happens when my brain cuts my own tendons. what happens when i have to work to get things done. don’t you know if i’m not smart i’m worth nothing.
i know. what happened to her, she used to shine so bright. if she just tried. she scores so well on tests, but her homework grades are what failed her in the end. she can’t talk without a shyness in her. she was so bright, so outgoing. what happened. a disappointment. she doesn’t even read that much anymore. i swear it’s like i don’t even know her.
but i was so smart, and that was the problem. i don’t know what i am now. just a husk of a would-be star, all carved out.
