Summary: Sparks fly when a self-sufficient, newly single mother meets the cold-hearted bachelor gangster of Birmingham. On their first outing, it was like everything in the world was asking for them to finally meet each other. But when fate intervenes, they soon find themselves suffering the reprocussions of their own decisions.
Let You Break My Heart Again:
Summary: After knowing each other since childhood, you and Tommy made a juvenile promise to get married one day. But that promise only turned into a renege when Tommy returned from France. Only he returned a completely different man.
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The Last of Us:
TBA
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Tokio Hotel:
Ultraviolence:
Summary: Convict Tom Kaulitz was released from his iron cell. In desperation to get his life together and find his brothers, along the way he meets a young girl who is more than compliant with his wishes. He finds himself breaking that hard exterior the longer he is with her. But Tom had an ulterior motive, to kill the man that sent him and his brothers to jail.
The two sat in the car. The engine roared as Tom sat in the drivers seat, waiting for the car to warm up. His plan was coming close to completion, as he stared off onto the dash deep in thought about just how he would execute his plan.
(Y/n) sighed after a few minutes of daunting silence. Clearing her throat as she hesitated to look at him. Toms jaw was tight as he looked at her only for a moment. The once vibrant and beautiful girl he took was still beautiful, but her light was slowly going out. He caused that. He did that to her. He shook his head in silence as he started the car and drove to the nearest and cheapest motel.
Tom started to daze off, staring into the street through the window, as the street lights blurred together. Tom had done worse things. Way worse. But, for some reason, seeing this girl next to him look almost completely defeated made his stomach turn into a knot. Why? He couldn't even begin to put his finger on it.
The city streets were busy with cars and most of the motels were booked up for the night, except for one. It was a small motel that didn't look too trashed as Tom parked the black car in the damp and dark parking lot. He left the car in a hurry, not bothering to wait for his hostage. She trailed behind as they entered the building. The glass door heavily shut behind them with a ring as the bell indicated a potential customer to the front desk. The two stood beside each other as the middle-aged woman at the front desk slowly made her way to them.
She glanced at the two, looking worse for wear and physically exhausted. She kept her mouth shut and her thoughts to herself.
"Can I get a room, for one night?" Tom mumbled. She hums and gives Tom a couple of papers to fill out. She glances at (Y/n) who dazed off to look at the speckled patterns on the desk, questioning herself on exactly how her life led to this very moment. And if she would live to tell the tale. The woman huffs.
"It's fifty dollars including tax, cash is accepted if it's even, but we also take card," She boredly spoke. (Y/n)'s eyes scan Tom up and down as he scrambles to get the cash out.
"What really happened between you and Taylor?" She asked, innocently. The words coming out of her mouth before she could even decide if she wanted to actually ask him the question or not.
Tom sighs and ignores her as he hands the woman the cash.
"You've just been quiet all night since we left,"
"I don't want to talk about it," He muttered as the woman thanked him and left to retrieve a room key.
"I'm not jealous or anything I was just-"
"I told you I don't want to talk about it," He snapped at her, quietly talking in her ear as he harshly grabbed her arm. A clear indication for her to drop the subject. She stares up at him with wide eyes as she shook in fear, tryin to pry her arm away. Tom only let go when the woman returned.
"Check out is at eleven in the morning, no smoking in the room,"
(Y/n) rubbed at her arm where Tom grabbed her, it was sore to the touch as she tried to rub out the aches.
The room was small. One bed, a small closet, a shitty excuse for a T.V, and a decent bathroom. Tom tossed the keys on the bedside table as he takes the bedspread off and tosses it to the floor.
"Disgusting," He mumbled to himself as (y/n) sat down on the bed. Tom paced around the room at first, fidgeting with the lights and turning on the heater, checking the bathroom before he finally decided to sit down next to her on the bed. He sighs heavily as his hands slightly shook in anticipation.
"You wanna know the truth about her? About Taylor?" He asked quietly as he stared off into the ugly patterned carpet. The girl stayed silent.
"Only if you're okay with telling me," She timidly spoke. Tom told his story. Oddly enough, in the middle of his story (y/n) got up to retrieve a comb and a brush from her bag only to sit back on the bed behind Tom as he talked, slowly and as gently as possible brushing out the remaining locks he had left in his unkempt hair.
"I can't even tell you how we met...it was so long ago...my brother always told me that she wasn't good enough for me but in reality, I think it was the opposite-" He paused to sigh. "I ruined her...in ways you can't even imagine,"
(Y/n)'s stomach dropped as she paused her brushing. The situation sounded too similar to what was happening to her. She takes a shallow breath before continuing. She was surprised Tom hasn't protested her actions yet, but she also figured he hadn't fully noticed yet. Tom then stood up quietly, the long strands of his brown hair gliding past her fingertips and without saying another word or sharing another look at her, he took the brushes from her and went into the bathroom.
The door locked with a click and the shower nozzle squeaked as he started the shower. With the hot water running for a few minutes, (y/n) stood up to look out the motel window. It faced a grimy parking lot in front of a dive bar with low lights and bikers smoking in the front. She could leave right then and there if she wanted to. Leave her captor and never look back, resume her own life and never tell anyone what happened to her.
But what kind of 'friend' would she be to Tom if she did that?
"Tom? I don't want to be alone..." She called from the door. Tom stood in front of the mirror, wearing only his boxers as he heard her sweet voice call his name. He ignored her at first.
"I just want to sit in the bathroom with you, please?" She practically begged. Tom ran a shaky hand through his knotted hair and sighed heavily.
"Absolutely not, if you ask me again I will hurt you," He knew his own words only held an empty threat behind them that time, but he wanted to sound convincing enough to hopefully scare her off into submission.
"I won't look I just don't want to be alone," She said quietly. Tom cursed under his breath and unlocked the door before stripping his boxers and hopping in the small shower, closing the shower curtain behind him as he was engulfed in the nice hot water.
"Fine," He called to her. He sighs in relief as the water cleaned his cold skin. A few seconds later, the door opened and closed and small footsteps patted on the tile. She sat herself on the bathroom counter by the sink as the room began to steam up. The humid heat felt good on her cold skin, by then she had changed back into her dance shorts to make herself comfortable in this more than uncomfortable environment. Her gaze never left the blue shower curtain, with its tacky 80’s pattern. She heard Tom clear his throat behind the curtain, even amongst the loud noise from the shower head. He cursed a bit as he untangled his hair.
She hated that her mind began to wonder. Imagining how he looked in there by himself, vulnerable and unprepared. As the glass behind her began to fog up, so did her mind. She’s seen his hands, his large and strong hands, the veins that popped out whenever he roughly grabbed at her. She’d only seen him wear baggy clothes, she wondered just what he looked like underneath it all. Her hands on her thighs slowly inched up, closer to her inner thighs as her mind was lost in the lustful desire of this dangerous criminal. Her plump lips parted a bit as she took a deep breath.
“Tom?” She asked. He hummed in response. “I’m freezing…”
Tom arched a brow at her words and shook his head, setting the brush down now that he was done. “I don’t care…”
“Please, Tom? I’m cold out here…can I-“
“Absolutely not,” his stern words interrupted her. She sighs childishly and pouts a bit with her arms crossed over her chest.
“Why not?” She asked timidly as she stood up, the damp floor under her feet as she took a couple steps to stand just a few inches away from the shower. Just a mir thin piece of fabric separated them.
“I want to be alone, you said you wanted to come in here so you wouldn’t be alone and you said you wouldn’t talk or look at me,” Tom sighed as he scrubbed his hair with the shitty motel shampoo.
“Please?” She asked again. Tom groaned and rolled his eyes. He really debated on letting her in.
What would happen next if he did? Would he lose himself in her the second he saw her body? The body he had been stealing glances at from the start?
It was too risky, he had to play this right. He didn’t want to hurt her, not like that. It was like different parts of his mind were pulling at him every which way.
Let her in.
Push her away.
Fuck her.
Hurt her.
Tell her to leave.
Drop her ass off the side of the road.
Just one time, wouldn’t hurt.
She’s scared of you.
She’s playing with you.
Let her in.
Hurt her.
Let her in.
Hurt her.
Let her in.
…
There she stood. Facing Tom, avoiding looking at each other’s eyes and bodies. The hot water engulfing her body as she stood timidly, her arms covering her breasts as the steaming water ran down her hair and spine. Tom stood as far away from her as he could. He was tempted to reach out to her and maul her like a wild beast, but he refrained. She looked like an angel in the dim light of the shower. She leaned against the tile wall of the shower as she quietly let the sweat and dirt and blood wash away from her hair. Tom, on the other hand, was looking down at his feet. Watching at the water trickled down his body, past her blood red painted toenails and swirled into the drain.
Tom wanted to focus on anything else, hell he could have focused on the beautiful thing right in front of his very eyes. But instead, the only thing racing his thoughts was murder. Revenge on the man that split him and his brothers up, the man that sent their asses to jail.
After a few calming minutes in the shower, Tom spoke up. His dazed eyes focused once more as he looked up from his feet to her eyes again, skipping as much of her body as possible.
“Let’s get out,” he said quietly, his tone like a sad child that just got scolded.
“You want to?” (y/n) asked as she picked at the skin around her fingernails. Tom silently nods, the dead-tired look in his eyes as he nods again with a small ‘yeah’
“Go,” he cocked his head to the side, indicating that she leave first. Without another word, she slips out of the shower, wrapping herself in the white fuzzy towel that hung on a rack in the bathroom. She steps out of the bathroom, Tom closing and locking the door behind her. She jumps a bit at the action, before drying herself off and throwing on some black underwear and a large shirt she had in her bag.
She laid on the bed for a few moments, lying on her back with her hands behind her head as she stared at the speckled ceiling. Wondering what she was going to do next, what Tom would do with her once he’s finished his deal, why Tom was suddenly acting so “soft” towards her after encountering the angry man he was just a few hours ago.
Her hand softly rubbed the spot on the back of her head where Tom had pulled her hair in the car earlier that night. She winced a bit and sighed heavily.
Back inside, Tom searched for his hostage. She sat on top of the bar with the other dancers as they giggled and talked. The club regulars ogling at the pretty women before Tom bursts through and interrupts their trivial conversation.
“We have to go,” He called to her. She pouts and shakes her head as the new found friends she made around her also wined in protest.
“I’m having fun, I can’t leave yet!” (Y/n) tipsily smiled.
“Yeah Tom, let the pretty girl stay~” One dancer smirked as she twirled the girl's hair with her fingers.
Tom rolls his eyes and glances at the watch on his wrist.
“Stay here for all I fucking care, I'm out,” He huffed before he left to grab his things. (Y/n) paused as she watched him disappear to the back office.
Tom opened a gray locker, opening it to grab one of his old jackets, a hat he left there all those years ago, his old wallet that still had a stack of cash in it, and finally, lifting up the old pair of jeans that were neatly folded at the bottom of the locker, his hand-gun.
When Tom returned, gun tucked in his waistband and jacket in his hands, (Y/n) was standing by the entrance.
“Come here,” He motioned with his fingers as he fastly walked past her. He noted how obedient she was as she caught up to him to match his speed. Tom figured that if he wanted to convince the right people that this little act was real, he had to have some kind of proof. He then leads her to the photobooth that sat right by the bar. Something the regulars take pride in when they favor taking photos with their favorite dancers.
“We’re taking pictures,” He sternly stated. (Y/n)’s stomach fluttered as she couldn’t help but smile.
“You want to take pictures with me?” She asked.
“Don’t fucking start that shit, sit down,” he told her as he steps into the small booth first. (Y/n) steps in after him, running her fingers through her hair to smooth it out.
“Do I look okay?” Tom asked. His voice was soft and gentle, that insecure look in his face showed as he sat down on the bench and tried to fix the unkempt locks. (Y/n)’s doe eyes scan his face, barely moving from his eyes to his nose to his lips, hesitating to reach out to fix it for him.
“Yeah, it looks nice,” She reassured him, once he showed that it was safe for her to help him, she did so. Tucking the loose strands of hair under his cap and moving some of the locks off of his shoulders. She looks down at the small bench, realizing that there wasn’t much room for her to fit in anyways. Tom pressed his lips into a tight line and patted his leg for her to sit on. She sits down, putting her arm around his shoulder as his hand holds her steady by her hip. The warmth of his hand on her made her blush. Tom slips the dollar in and looks into the camera.
The machine began to count down from three as it prepared to take the pictures. In each one, Tom kept a straight face while (Y/n) pulled something cheeky with each one.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” He clenched his jaw as he pulled away from her.
“What?” She asked.
“Stop it, this isn’t a fucking date-”
“I was making it fun!” She argued.
“You’re missing the point, you made me waste a dollar, this isn’t a fucking date okay?”
“Fine,” She sighs as she looks down.
“Will you just…please cooperate?” He asked after he managed to calm himself down and insert another dollar.
“I said fine,” She repeated as she huffed and rolled her eyes.
“We’re taking pictures for my mom, like we’re a couple…like we’ve been engaged, stop with the bullshit funny faces and look like you like me, that’s it can you at least manage to do that?” The condescending tone in his voice made her sigh.
“You’re so weird,” She mumbled. Tom lashed his hand out at her, grabbing her lower jaw harshly. She wines as he holds her still.
“Listen to me and look like you fucking like me,” He darkly glared into her eyes.
“I do like you Tom,” She managed to speak, even with her jaw held in place by his strong hand. Tom's eyes softened as they stared at each other for another moment. He thought she only said it to ease the tension, but he was wrong. Way wrong.
He dropped his hand from her face and returned to his previous position, hand on her hip and looking at the camera. Shaken, (Y/n) wraps her arm around his shoulder as she notices his clenched jaw and a stressed look in his eyes. He pressed the button and yet again, the screen counted down from three before snapping the photos. The first two were as Tom requested. (Y/n) smiled sweetly at the camera, her hand on Tom's chest. The last one, she pondered. She looked at the timer then at Tom, weighing her decisions within those seconds. At the last second, she kisses his cheek. After the flash, Tom pulled away once again. Without saying a word, he grabbed the photo sets and left the booth. With (y/n) left alone in the booth, she curses to herself and leaves the booth soon after. Her heart was beating loudly as she kept her head low, like a puppy that was just scolded. She awaited Tom's reaction but after a few seconds of silence Tom nodded in satisfaction.
“Lets go,”
Walking back to her car, Tom handed her the photobooth strips.
“Um…don’t forget to give these to my mom,” He told her awkwardly. She nods once as she places them in her pocket then proceeds to wrap her arms around herself. The jacket she wore wasn’t enough to keep her warm in the rapidly declining temperatures this season.
“You can trust me…I won’t forget,” She mentioned. Tom stopped as they stood by her car. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at her. The wind made them shiver as he stood quietly.
“I’ll…I’ll see you around,” He told her, his brows arched in a saddened expression. But it wasn’t that Tom was feeling sad…it was regret.
“Where are you going now?” She asked. Tom had no answer. Instead he reaches in his pocket and takes out the flip phone, dialing the previous number and waiting for the rings. Before the line picks up he steps away, out of ear shot from his hostage. If he still needed her, it didn’t have to be goodbye yet. That kiss spoke to him. It said that she was feeling something towards him, and he could still use her to do whatever he wanted with a little less convincing.
“Is Mars in?” Tom asked.
“No, Mars isn’t in ‘til later, who's calling?” The woman on the phone asked.
“Just a friend…what time does he get in?”
“If you wanna see Mars come in after 2 am,” Tom checked his watch once again. It was barely nine. He hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket. He glances back at the girl as she leaned against her car door. He hung his head low as he walked back to her. Tom licked his lips and smirked a little at her.
“Let’s go…we’ll stay at a hotel for the night or something…just the two of us,” He told her. To his surprise, the girl seemed less persistent than before but obliged to his orders anyway. As he stepped closer to her, pressing his body against hers as her back hit the cold metal of the car door. She gulped and clenched her jaw a bit and nodded.
“Just some place where we can…talk and lay down,”
She nodded again at his smooth words before she stepped aside so he could get in the drivers side.
The ride was eerily quiet. Almost awkward until Tom spoke up.
“Don’t get your hopes up…I didn’t actually mean what I said,” He told her. She caught onto his games the second she saw him waltz back from his phone call. She just crosses her arms over her chest as she watches the buildings fly by.
“That's unfortunate because I meant it when I said I wanted to,” Her meek voice was leaking with disappointment as Tom took another glance at her and fell silent as he faced the road again. The hostage sighs again, pondering in her mind if she could go through with asking him that burning question. Would he be aggressive and hurt her again? Or would he just get annoyed but answer her question anyways?
It was a long shot.
“Tom?...Who really was the girl in the picture?” She asked. Tom stayed quiet for a moment before using his free hand to wipe his face, pausing over his mouth before he rested it on the wheel again.
“Some girl I dated for a little bit…” He answered.
“How did you meet her?”
“At the club, that photo was the first night we met,” He simply stated with one nod. She hums and nods once as well. After a pause she looks at him again.
“Was her name Taylor?” She asked. Tom rolled his eyes and heavily sighed in aggravation at her pointed and nosey questions.
“Taylor’s dead to me, ask me any more questions and you will be too,” He threatened as he white-knuckled the steering wheel. His hostage gulps and nods.
“I don’t care about you, okay? I don’t need anybody, understand? Everyone is a backstabber…every single person, even you,”
(Y/n) sits up and gives him a bothered look. She watches intently as the car pulls up to a red light.
If he thought she was a backstabber just like the rest, she was going to act like one. Right when the light turned green, she moved her shaky hand to the door, quickly unlocking her seat belt and opening the door. Tom had no time to react, his hand reached out for her and barely grabbed a fist-full of her hair. She cried out in pain as she pulled herself away from him, landing on her knees on the asphalt as she breathed heavily.
“(Y/n), get in the fucking car!” He shouted.
“I’m not going,” She told him, kicking the door closed and standing up, dusting off her knees and palms.
“Fine, stay then, fuck you!”
“Fuck you!” She shot back as her eyes welled up in tears, hearing the car screech off after the cars behind him honked over and over at the green light.
(Y/n) sniffled, holding herself as she made her way to a late-night diner, tears and mascara rolling down her face as she sat at a booth by herself. Thinking to herself over and over that he wasn’t coming back, he took her things and he was never going to see her again. The sympathetic waitress had stopped by to take her order, the girl just ordered a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.
Back in the car, Tom bit his lip as his eyes frantically looked in the rearview mirrors, watching as her figure disappeared in the dark. Strangely enough it only took about thirteen minutes for Tom to come to his senses. He bit his lip to stop it from trembling, his chest felt heavy as his breath began to stagger and quicken. His eyes glossed over with tears as he cursed out loud and hit the wheel with his fist over and over until it felt like his hands would break. Before he could make up his mind, he turned the car around, pulling a haphazard U-turn and raced back to the diner. Stepping into the mildly busy diner, he spots her. At a booth by herself in the corner of the diner, the white mug in the hands as she stared off into the half-eaten pile of whipped cream.
His hostage avoids him as she keeps her gaze down when he sits across from her.
Tom sighs heavily.
“Lets go,” He told her gently. She inhales deeply and exhales with a sigh.
“Why?” She asked meekly.
“I really want you to come with me…ok?” He asked her quietly. (Y/n) nods once and looks up at him finally.
“Okay…” She agreed. Tom stands first, leaving a couple of dollars on the table for the half drunken hot chocolate as he leads her out of the diner. She wipes her big eyes and sits in the passenger seat of her car as Tom starts it up.
“So…should we go get a room now?”
Tom hesitates, reaching his large hand over to her wrist. She almost gasped as his skin touched hers, as she initially thought he was going to grab her hand, instead he gently lifted the jacket sleeve up to check her watch.
Tom held her flip phone in his hands, the keychain dangling between his fingers as he sat down on the mattress of his old bedroom, the bedroom he and Bill used to share before Bill got his own room down the hall. He dialed the number and placed the phone to his ear as it rang. He didn’t expect the phone to ring that long, until the sleepy voice on the other end groggily answered.
“Hello?” The man spoke as he sat up in his bed, not to disturb the sleeping girl next to him.
“Hey, Jorma, it’s me Tom,” Tom answered, his voice was quiet and calm, tired.
“Tom?”
“Jorma?” Tom answered in the same tone, a smirk on his face.
“Shit, people haven’t called me that in years,” Jorma chuckled.
“Well what do they call you now?” Tom asked sarcastically.
“Byz,”
Tom sighed and refrained from rolling his eyes.
“Byz, huh? I got away and you suddenly changed your name from Jorma to Byz?”
Byz chuckled on the other line and leaned his elbows on his knees as he held the phone up to his ear.
“Um, I just got out, and remember that guy? I want to find him...” Tom spoke in a more serious tone now. Byz tsked and rolled his neck.
“Tom, don’t do this,” He spoke before pausing, after not hearing anything on Tom's side, he continued. “You’re gonna get caught and locked away again if you do this,” He spoke quietly.
“I’m not gonna get caught,” He seemed sure of himself. “Are you gonna help me or not?”
“Well he’s running a club now so-”
“What? A club? He opened up a strip club? What’s the name of the club?”
“No idea, Tom,” He lied.
“No idea? No street, no name? Nothing?” He stood up now, pacing the room.
“Doesn’t fucking matter Tom, you shouldn’t go down there anyways, you’re not even allowed back on that side of the city, he’s got his people looking for you...Tom if you show up down there, you’re dead,” He tried reasoning with him. Tom sighs heavily.
“I just wanna have a talk with him okay? Settle the differences and whatever, now will you help me out?”
“Don’t do bad things, Tom…” Byz
“I am not doing bad things Jorma! What difference does it make? I am asking for your help, now give me the goddamn name!” His voice escalated.
Byz sighs, looking behind him as the woman stirred in her sleep.
“I gotta go, Tom, my girls tryin’ to sleep here and I don’t wanna wake her up,”
“That’s all you do, run when your girl starts crying and calling you- Fuck! - Give me the name, Jorma I know you have it!”
“Don’t be sore at me, Tom,” By laughed. “Just because you lost Bill doesn’t mean-”
“Don’t talk about Bill, if you’re not gonna help me then go back to fucking those whores instead of making some real fucking money, useless piece of shit!” He slammed the phone shut to hang up the call. Sitting on the bed as he catches his breath. ‘Fuck’ he sighed as he pulled himself up and soothed out the sheets before leaving the bedroom to join his family at the dinner table.
The rest of the dinner went by in the blur. Before Tom knew it, his mother was giving (y/n) kisses on the cheeks and bidding her to come back soon.
It was cold outside, as the sun dropped the temperature did as well. (y/n) shivers as she wraps Toms jacket around her small frame, blowing into her hands to warm them up.
Back in the car, they drove, she had no idea where she was going.
“I can’t believe them,”
“It’s fine Tom, it's good that they like me, right? They’ll be proud of you-” She paused, looking at him as he drove, a stern look on his face as he clenched his jaw, white-knuckling the steering wheel.
“Bullshit,”
“If you were my son, I would be proud of you,” She spoke quietly, attempting to deescalate Tom’s behavior, picking the skin around her nails.
“Oh please, they were kissing your ass back there, all those sappy bullshit love stories, they probably didn't believe a goddamn thing, I wouldn't be surprised if they thought you were some hooker I picked up on the side of the road,” Tom blamed her. She chuckled in disbelief, biting her tongue before she wanted to unleash the anger she felt for him. But her words came out before she could even stop herself.
“You kidnapped me, you pulled my hair, you threatened me…I just went in there and did you a fucking favor, and I thought I did a good job and did what you asked-”
“Yeah I asked you to do me a fucking favor not bull shit my family! That whole story about the party? I said make me look good! You think they believed you?!”
She stayed quiet after that. Sitting with her arms crossed as he drove. The radio buzzed quietly with hip-hop as Tom continued driving until he pulled into the parking lot of a club. The parking lot was mostly empty, with the exception of a few cars scattered here and there. It was a club Tom and Bill used to frequently go to, they practically owned it. It was a place where they were able to snag some free drinks, even though they were underaged, and play together as a band to entertain the guests. Tom almost had a spring in his step as he walked out of the car and through the doors, beckoning (y/n) to follow him. She lack-lusterly trudged behind them as they entered the club. It was dark, neon lights and pop music playing on the speakers. Gogo dancers were on the stages, dancing to the music as a few customers slipped dollars in their stockings. The girl clutches the jacket around her frame as she keeps her eyes down, Tom greeting the bouncer like they were old friends.
“This your lady?” He asked.
“I’m his fiancé,” She answered. Tom scoffed.
“She’s not my wife, I picked her up on the side of the street,” Tom laughed with a smirk on his face. (y/n) glares at him and rolls her eyes before finally scanning her surroundings.
“Damn, you sure don’t waste any time, do you?”
“Well, you know me…hey did Bill or Georg, maybe Gustav stop by?” Tom asked. The bouncer shook his head.
“Nah, nothing yet,”
Tom sighs again, before giving his friend one last greeting before he went further into the club. Taking a seat at the bar as the bartender didn’t even ask him what he wanted, he just knew. Even after all that time of being away, Tom still enjoyed a beer. (Y/n) sat beside him, looking at the printed photos behind the bar, mostly of the dancers, employees and regulars. But there were a few of Tom, and who she assumed were his friends. But there was one, Tom and a girl with Blonde hair. He had a drink in his hand as they danced together, they were both smiling and laughing in the picture as she leaned her back into Tom's chest, his arms around her waist. He was wearing a large black shirt, black hat and wristbands. (y/n) thought he looked so much younger than he did now, and she found herself wondering who the girl was.
“Who’s that girl?” She asked.
Tom hesitated. “Just some girl...a girlfriend I had, I guess,” He shrugged as he drank some of his beer.
“What happened to her?”
The memories tried to flood their way back into Tom's mind. But he pushes them away with another taste of his beer. He felt her eyes scan him.
“I don’t know, that’s not my style, I wanted to be free so I let her go,”
(Y/n) looked down at his hands, wanting to reach out and touch his hand again as Tom was too distracted with the dancers and the music. She slips off the jacket he gave her as she turns in her bar stool, looking at the lights as more people start coming into the club and joining them at the bar.
“Hey Tom! Why don’t you play a song!” A regular drunkenly shouted. Tom shook his head at first, declining as he drank his beer.
“Come on Tom, we haven’t heard you play in forever!” Another claim over the music. It didn’t take much convincing before Tom was practically dragged into the stage.
“You still have my guitar?” He asked the owner. Who in turn mocked Tom’s words with a playful laugh as he disappeared into the back, returning with a white, Gibson, flying V guitar. As the music was turned down, and the amp was turned on, Tom began to play. It was the most erotic thing (y/n) had ever heard. As Tom strummed the chords and moved his fingers she felt a heat come to her cheeks as she stared with awe. It was strange that he was doing it alone, but he felt…somewhat normal again. Like himself again. In the middle of his song, the amp cut out. Tom groans, as well as some patrons in the audience as he calls someone to help him fix it. The club music turned back on for a moment. One drink in and (y/n) was swaying in her seat, feeling the music as her favorite song came on. A song by Deftones came on, blaring in the speakers as she stood from her chair and slowly walked to the stage, watching as the other dancers slowly swayed. One dancer made eye contact with her, reaching a fishnet gloved hand to (y/n). The girl held her hand, as she was pulled into the stage. The dancer winked as she stepped down from her stage, letting (y/n) have the space. She nervously swallowed before she felt her body move. It stayed with the echoing guitar riffs, moving her hips, touching her body, grabbing the pole and slowly spinning herself as she felt the music move through her. Her eyes hooded as she looked at the audience. Unbeknownst to her, the people couldn’t keep their eyes away from her, and neither could Tom. He was almost astonished. She looked so ethereal, so otherworldly…like an angel. Tom noticed that people started looking, for far too long. Longer than Tom was comfortable with. Dollars were given to her, thrown at her feet as she danced. Tom clenched his jaw as he took the guitar off and approached her side of the stage, grabbing her arm. (Y/n) looks down, sticking her tongue out at Tom as he pulls her off the stage.
“Go sit down, what the fuck are you doing? Stop dancing and go sit down,” He demanded, as he came in close to her ear. She rolls her eyes and does what he says, leaving the stage to sit at the bar again, ordering another drink as Tom pushes his way to the bathroom. The sparkly keychain dangles in his hand as he hesitates. Flipping the phone open dialing the numbers.
He anxiously bit his lip and twirled the metal between his tongue and teeth as the line rang. Three rings later, a man answers.
“What's up, you’ve reached ‘Cosmic Oasis’, this is Mars, the guy the people love to hate, now you see-”
Tom listened blindly to the pre-recorded message until the line beeped at the end. He shut the phone and took a deep breath. Cosmic Oasis. He repeated the street address in his head over and over again until he could remember it like the back of his hand.
They drove further and further away from the city. The tall skyscraper buildings slowly turned into apartments, and townhomes into two story houses with big lawns and long driveways. Before they had arrived at the house, (y/n) changed back into her street clothes, the clothes she wore before she waltz into her class, with the shirts she wore she slipped her low-rise jeans on, fastening it with a black studded belt and a pair of old and dirty chucks. When they got out of the car, Tom looked at her outfit and shook his head in disapproval. She grimaced at him in confusion before he slipped his zip-up off and threw it at her before walking ahead of her. (y/n) groaned as she caught it, ‘what the fuck?’ she asked as she quickly slipped it on with no questions asked. It smelled a little like stale cigarettes and a faint smell of cologne. She followed behind him, gazing at the neighborhood around them. It was nice, nicer than the area she grew up in. The house was larger than she had imagined. Tom stops in his tracks and turns to her, taking a few steps closer to her as she takes the steps back, intimidated.
“You better behave,” She walked behind him as they walked up the driveway.
“Come on, come on,” He hurried her. She scoffs.
“Don’t start-” She caught herself and shut her mouth quickly as he harshly grabbed her arm.
“Remember you’re doing me this favor, okay? Be nice and say ‘Hi’,” He stressed as they walked up to the front door. (y/n) nods along as he lets go of her and takes a few breathers to prepare for the moment. She stands next to him.
“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.
“I feel sick,” He pulled a face and pulled his hands up to hide his face. His tongue twirling the metal ring in his lip, after finding it in the bag of his belongings and discovering that the hole thankfully didn’t close up just yet. She attempts to put a hand on his shoulder, but Tom quickly drops his hands and grabs her small hand in his tightly squeezing.
“Do not touch me…don’t touch me,” He threw her hand down before turning to ring the doorbell. (y/n) idly stands by, watching meekly as she rubs the throbbing hand between her fingers. After a moment, a man answers the door. He stares at the two as Tom greets him quietly.
“Simone, dein Sohn ist hier,” (Simone, your son is here) The man said, his eyes scanning Tom one more time before turning around back into the house. Just then a woman calls out in confusion that (y/n) would only assume it was a call asking who was at the door. The beautiful and tall woman then approaches the door, a small smile on her face when she sees the two standing before the threshold.
The four of them sat at the dining table, Tom and (y/n) sat across from each other and (Y/n) sat beside his mother. She awkwardly smiled at his mother as she spoke with her, fearfully under Tom's daunting stare.
“We’re so happy to meet you, Taylor,” His mother smiled. (Y/n) almost corrected herself before she remembered, her name was Taylor to his parents.
“Tom has told us so much about you,”
“Oh, well I have heard so much about the both of you as well,” The young girl smiled and nodded. “He is very proud of the both of you, do you think I could use your restroom?” She asked.
“Oh sure, Tom, why don’t you show her where the bathroom is?” Simone suggested as she turned to face Tom. Tom licks his lips and keeps his eyes on his captive.
“Down the hall, don’t take too long,” He sinisterly said, it somehow went unnoticed by his mom.
“I have to use the restroom, Tom,” (y/n) told him calmly, as how a mother would talk to their child when they were on the verge of a tantrum. Tom's eyes lit up a bit and that brooding gaze lifted.
“Just…hurry,” He told her. She nods once and excuses herself down the hall of the large home.
“Du siehst so müde aus, bist du auch krank?” (You look so tired, are you sick too?) Tom's mother asked as she turned to him in her seat. But Tom just shook his head.
“Du siehst einfach so müde aus und deine Haare sind ein Chaos, das solltest du bald machen lassen,” (You just look so tired, and your hair is a mess, you should have that done soon,) She pointed out again, reaching up to touch the haphazard dreadlock.
“Ja, ich bin ein bisschen müde, ich bin gerade mit dem Flugzeug geflogen und hatte schon eine Weile keine Zeit mehr, meine Haare zu frisieren,” (Yes, I'm a little tired, I just flew by plane and haven't had time to do my hair in a while,) He sniffed and shrugged, it went quiet at the table again as he reached forward to drink some water. He then spots a tray of fresh apples by the table and takes one, his mother nearly spitting out her wine as she reaches for it.
“Bist du verrückt? Du bist allergisch gegen Äpfel!” (Are you crazy? You are allergic to apples!) She shouted. Tom pulls the green and red fruit away from her reach and takes a quick and generous bite with a crunch, shaking his head.
“Bill ist allergisch gegen Äpfel, Mama,” (Bill is allergic to apples, mom,) He scoffed.
“Bist du sicher? Ich hätte schwören können, dass du es warst-” (Are you sure? I could have sworn it was you-)
“Ich habe immer Äpfel gegessen, du warst derjenige, der Bill ins Krankenhaus bringen musste, weil sein Gesicht immer aufblähte,” (I always ate apples, you were the one who had to take Bill to the hospital because his face was always swollen,) Tom sighs and drinks the water to wash down the acidic and sweet taste. Just then, (Y/n) appeared into the dining room, sitting down in her seat with a small nervous smile on her face.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Simone asked. The girl thinks for a moment.
“Can I get a rum and coke?” She asked. Tom cleared his throat and his mother paused. (Y/N) giggled anxiously. “That was a joke, water will be just fine thank you,” His mother and step-father laugh with her, only theirs seemed genuine, but Tom's tense shoulders made her avert her eyes down again as a glass of water was placed in front of her. She takes a generous sip.
“You look so young, Taylor, how old are you?” His mother asked joyfully as her eyes scanned over (y/n)’s face.
“I’m twenty one,” She answered with a smile.
“You’re so young and pretty! My sons were beautiful babies, you should have seen them Taylor, so beautiful!” The woman brags with glee as (y/n) looks at Tom, who sat uncomfortably across from her, his eyes glued to the television as the soccer game played.
“I think Tom is the most handsome boy in the whole world,” She responded, Tom slightly shook his head and scoffed a bit. Much to his dismay, he was flustered.
“I can’t stand it when he doesn’t take care of his hair,” Simone waves it off a bit as she eyes Tom's unkempt dreadlocks, who again just heaves an unpleasant sigh before he stands up to get some more water. It fell silent for a moment.
“Mrs. Kaulitz, could I see some pictures of Tom when he was little?”
“Oh! Of course! I have been waiting for this day, honey can you find the photo album for me please?” She asked her husband, who complies with her request and stands from his chair to retrieve the book.
When he returned, Tom had sat down in his chair again, his hands interlocked on top of the table. Watching the two flip through the old memories of him and his twin brother Bill. It made a lump grow in his throat at the thought of his brother all alone, no idea where Tom was or where Gustav and Georg were. The girl asked many questions, smiling and laughing with his mother as she told the old childhood stories to each other. Too many questions for Tom’s taste. Before he knew it, (y/n) was helping Simone finish the dinner as his stepfather was putting the albums back in the hallway closet. There was one photo that Tom plucked out of the album when no one was paying attention. It was an old photo of the four of them when they were younger. 2001 or 2002 maybe. The four of them are so young and playing music together. His brother Bill was holding a microphone, Georg on bass as he looked right at the camera with a slight smirk on his face, Gustav in the back on drums, and Tom right behind Georg holding his little red guitar. It made Tom tear up at the memory as he sniffled, quickly wiping his eyes and folding the photo and putting it in his pocket. When dinner had started it was like the tension was building the more Tom had sat there. Vexed by his mothers constant questions, by his step-fathers berating and demeaning words. Mostly arguing back and forth in German as (y/n) or ‘Taylor’ sat in silence, her heart beating out of her chest.
“Sorry, Taylor, you were saying?” Simone asked.
“Tom really is an amazing fiance, and I don’t doubt that he will make a great husband,”
“Sure,” His stepfather chuckled sarcastically. “I am so sure he’s terrific,”
“No really,” She nods. “I can honestly say that I am the luckiest girl to have found a man like him, I fell in love with him the first time I met him,”
Although his step-father wasn’t too convinced, his mother smiled.
“How did you two meet?” The older woman asked.
“Tom, you didn’t tell your mother how we met?” (y/n) asked. Tom just moved his food around the plate with his fork, having lost his appetite.
“You tell her,”He mumbled. (Y/n) slightly widened her eyes at him but he just kept that glare on her. ‘Do as I say’ it clearly reads as his large hand reaches her clothed knee and squeezed tightly.
“Well, we actually met at a birthday party for my friend, and Tom was there playing in his band, and you know playing music for the party and-” she jerks her leg away from his grip as she continues her story.
Tom lost his focus. That nostalgic feeling consumes him. That same feeling when he got caught. The four of them got caught together.
“Two years and 9 months, a fine of $1,000 each and no parole” The judge had told them.
‘Aggravated assault, and possession of drugs’
But Tom would hardly call it that. Tokio Hotel was a gang alright, but they knew how to cover their tracks. They were smart like that. They four had gotten into far more and worse cases than the charges put against them. There was just no evidence. They were in charge of holding the drugs until the supplier was able to take it off of their hands when the coast was all clear. It was just strictly business. Of course they had run-ins with the law before, but when some of the cops were on your payroll it made things easier. However, they weren’t in their own city they usually ran. The supplier cut them short by a few thousand dollars and planned on killing the four Tokio Hotel members to keep all of the cash. Tom and Bill didn’t like that, and a fight ensued. A huge fight. Tom only saw red as he plunged his fist into the face of a man with face tattoos and a cocky grin over and over again. Bill had warned him to stop, but not before he was struck in the face himself by another dealer. Georg was quick to help his brothers out and Gustav did the most damage. They nearly escaped, blood on their fists and cash in their pockets.
Tom reached for his gun to finish the job, but the police were already onto them. Took them in, and immediately charged them. His time in jail was more or less lackluster. The four of them made a plan to never tell their families where they were or what happened to them. Making calls and sending letters to their loved-ones like everything was normal.
It was a little normal for the time being until they were separated.
Summary: Convict Tom Kaulitz was released from his iron cell. In desperation to get his life together and find his brothers, along the way he meets a young girl who is more than compliant with his wishes. He finds himself breaking that hard exterior the longer he is with her. But Tom had an ulterior motive, to kill the man that sent him and his brothers to jail.
Ratings: Mature
Warnings: General warnings include, abuse, harsh language, suggestive situations, implied material (murder, death, drugs, etc etc) and so on.
It was a cold day in 2009 when the older Kaulitz Twin was finally released from the metal confinement. The warden silently walked behind the German dreadhead, as he held his hands in the pockets of his jacket. The gate buzzed and the warden begrudgingly opened the heavy metal door for Tom, his mustache twitching with resentment as he slammed it shut. Tom glanced around the empty street, as it was early in the morning on a Tuesday…Wednesday maybe. He wasn’t very sure what day it was. He lost track after the other three were transferred to a different facility. The next city over, maybe the next state…he had no idea. Being separated from his twin left him to fend for himself in there, leaving him all alone, a shell for a young man. Then again, The Tokio Hotel were a gang of ruthless, barbaric, cold-blooded killers.
Tom shivers as he takes his first steps as a free man. Taking glances back at the old jail as he walks further and further away. Stopping at the street, only to realize that no one was coming for him.
He had no one any more.
He sat on a bench and waited, at least his jacket was still large enough to keep him warm. Until he remembered his time. He remembered crying in the showers when no one else was around, guards looking at him like he was the scum of the earth, the god awful food he ate, cleaning up after every disgusting and unkept inmate that left messes upon messes in the cafeteria, the bathrooms he had to share…it all made him finally take that breath of fresh air he was craving for so long. When one door closed behind him at the discharge gate, another one opened before him. The bus.
‘The last bus to town tonight, take it while you can,’ the officer told Tom before he left. The desolate and vacant land whizzed by as the evening sun barely peaked through the clouds. The closer he got to the city, the more lively it was. Even in the cold weather, the city-life of the residents never seemed to cease. On the last stop of the evening, Tom grabbed his things and rushed off of the old bus. The cold air nipped at his skin as he hurried to find any place that was still open. He really really had to piss. He checked the bus station, restaurants, cafes, anywhere but to no avail.
‘Fuck this city’ he thought to himself. Biting his lip, where his lip ring used to be before they told him to take it out before he got locked up.
But just like that, a warm pink light caught his attention. It was a dance studio, big windows and mirrors that reached from the ceiling to the floor, and silver poles dispensed by each person as maybe a dozen young women from at least the age of 18 to 25 were warming up, stretching their perfectly sculpted limbs. And there she was, one of the dancers as she watched the instructor call out the eight-counts with each stretch. Music blared in the speakers as Tom kept his eyes down, and his hands in his pockets, his arms close to his body.
‘Eyes see eyes’ he thought as he had hoped no one had noticed him walk in, uninvited. Except for one pair of eyes. Hers. As Tom disappeared into the hallway where the bathrooms were located. Once inside the bathroom, a male dancer stood at the urinal next to him. Tom fumbled with the belt on his baggy pants as he hurried to relieve himself. But upon feeling eyes on him, he sniffled and lifted his head.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” He asked, his voice just as threatening as his glare.
“Nothing,” The male dancer quickly looked away. Tom noticed his sculpted body and the shorts he wore with a ripped up Ed Hardy shirt. He slightly shook his head before returning his focus.
“Don’t look at me,” He warned.
“Hey man, relax,” The dancer looked guilty, a red flush on his cheeks.
“Don’t tell me to relax, never tell me to fuckin’ relax! Just keep your eyes away from me,” Tom raised his voice. The dancer only shrugged.
“It’s big-”
The whisper of a compliment made Tom shove himself back in his pants and grab the dancer by the face, harshly pushing him against the wall as the anger and rage surged through him.
“What the fuck did you say? Get the fuck out of the bathroom, get the fuck out of the bathroom before I fucking kill you!” Tom shouted, refraining as much to not pound the guy's face in with his fist, he did just get out of jail he didn’t want to catch another charge. He grabbed the dancer by the back of his hair, holding it tight between his fingers and throwing him out of the bathroom himself, and locking the door behind him. He breathed heavily and rapidly as his face got hotter and hotter by the second. His jaw was clenched so hard that he thought his molars would crack under the pressure. He cursed under his breath again, holding his hand to his chest to calm the fast heartbeat. His hands shook and his legs felt like jelly under him. Huffing in aggravation as he stamped his foot on the laminated floor.
“Can’t even take a decent piss anymore,” He mumbled to himself as he charged out of the mens restroom and into the hallway. The pop music was still loud in his ears as he shouted profanities and crude words to the air, his hands balled into fists until his anger tantrum was over. He takes another deep breath before deciding to leave.
“Watch your mouth,” A voice mumbled as he passed the girl that noticed him before.
“What?” He was quick to react. She turned to look at him. Big eyes, beautiful face and hair that was shiny and smooth like the ocean. On her perfect body, she wore a pair of skintight black spandex shorts, black crew socks, and a dark red long sleeve shirt under a black cropped shirt with red and white detailing on her chest that read ‘Baby’ in a cyber-like font. The shirts were barely covering her ribcage, the black shirt had obvious cuts on the bottom and neckline, likely that she cut it herself. But he didn’t notice any of that. All he saw was blood red.
“Why don’t you watch your fucking mouth?” He pointed to her as she rolled her eyes and walked down the hall. He took out his phone from the plastic bag of his belongings, flipping it open and cursing to himself that it was dead. And he lost the charger.
“Hey, miss?” he called out to the beautiful girl from before.
“What?” She sighed, turning to look at him.
“You have a phone I can use?” He asked urgently. She nods.
“Can I use it really quick? I need to make a call,”
She thinks for a moment. ‘Fine,’ she reaches into her bra and takes it out, flipping it open and handing it to him. It was pink and had a Hello Kitty keychain attached to it. Tom snatched it from her hand and took a few steps away from her to dial the number.
“At least say ‘thank you’,” She called.
“What?” Tom asked as he held the phone up to his ear.
“At least say ‘Thank you’,” She repeated a little louder.
“What?” Tom asked again with a smirk as the line rang. She scoffs and turns to the restroom. “Don’t think about taking my phone either,” She called before the door closed behind her. Tom scoffed and shook his head. ‘Weird’.
“Hallo?” (Hello?)
“Hallo, mutter?” (Hello, mum?)
“Wer ist das?” (Who is this?)
“Ich bin es…” (Its me)
“Who?”
“Ich bin Tom!” (Its Tom!)
“Oh Tom! Warum rufst du an? Ist alles in Ordnung?” (Oh Tom, why are you calling? is everything alright?)
“Ja, Mama, ich habe dir gesagt, dass wir einen Tag in der Stadt bleiben würden, erinnerst du dich? Wir sind gerade eingeflogen” (Yes, mum, I told you we would stay in the city for a day, remember? We just flew in)
“Wunderbar! Wo bleiben Sie? Wollten Sie im Haus bleiben? Wir haben viel Platz für euch alle” (Wonderful! Where are you staying? Did you want to stay in the house? We have plenty of space for all of you)
“Nein, Mama, es ist in Ordnung, wir übernachten in einem Hotel” (No mom, it's okay, we'll stay in a hotel)
“Ein Hotel? Innenstadt oder in der Stadt?” (A hotel? Downtown or in the city?)
“Ja, Das große Hotel in der Stadt,” (Yes, a big hotel in the city,)
“Oh okay, meine Liebe, wirst du dich wohlfühlen?” (Oh okay, my Love, with you be alright?)
“Ja, ich habe ein großes Zimmer und es ist wirklich wunderschön” (Yes, I have a big room and it is really beautiful)
“Sollte ich in diesem Fall zu Ihnen kommen?” (Should I come to you just in case?)
“Nein, nein, Mama, komm nicht hierher. Ich habe dir gesagt, dass ich dich besuchen möchte, ich möchte das neue Haus sehen, seit du umgezogen bist” (No, no, mom, don't come here. I told you I wanted to visit you, I wanted to see the new house since you moved)
“Okay, komm um fünf” (Okay, come at five)
“Gut, ich komme um fünf…” (Fine, I'll be there at five)
“Was ist mit deiner Freundin, kommt sie heute Abend auch?” (What about your girlfriend, is she coming tonight too?)
Tom sighs, growing impatient with the conversation with his mother.
“Sie kann nicht, sie ist krank,” (She can't, she's sick,)
“Wie wurde sie krank?” (How did she get sick?)
“Ich weiß nicht, die Leute werden krank, Mama. Ich weiß nicht, warum sie krank ist. Sie wird jedes Mal krank, wenn wir fliegen” (I don't know, people get sick, mom. I don't know why she's sick. She gets sick every time we fly)
“Oh, das arme Ding, lass mich mit ihr reden, ich kann ihr ein paar Tipps geben, wie sie sich besser fühlen kann” (Oh the poor thing let me talk to her I can give her some tips how to make her feel better)
“Nein, Mama, sie schläft…Nein, sie ist krank, ich möchte sie nicht wecken und rüberbringen. Soll ich sie aus dem Bett zerren, um dir zu zeigen, wie krank sie ist?” (No, mom, she's sleeping... No, she's sick, I don't want to wake her up and bring her over. Should I get her out of bed to show you how sick she is?)
“Tom, sei nicht so-” (Tom, don't be so-)
“Nein, wir kommen rüber, wir kommen rüber,” (No, we're coming over, we're coming over,)
“Du bringst sie mit?” (You’re bringing her?)
"Ich sagte, ich würde sie austricksen, ja, okay? Auf Wiedersehen,” (I said I'd bring her, yeah, okay? Goodbye,) Toms words got louder and louder as the call went on. Growing more intense as he fed his own mother more lies upon lies. The girl in the bathroom washed her hands as she listened to Tom yell on the phone, her phone, in German. She couldn’t really make out what he was saying at all, but she waited until the conversation was over to leave the bathroom. Tom holds the phone out to her as she walks past him and grabs it.
“Hey,” He called her again. She looked up at him. Her doe-like eyes were enticing as Tom looked down at her, licking his lips and glancing at his surroundings. The dark hallway was empty and the music was far too loud for anyone to hear them. Tom sighs, she was perfect. For the time being at least.
His strong arms lunged at her, grabbing her face and covering her mouth as the other held her close to his body, her arms tight by her sides. She screamed into his hand as her arms tried to flail to help her get out of his grasp.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!” He repeated as he wrestled with her to the wooden floor. “Shut up shut up shut up!” He growled in her ear as her eyes pricked with tears.
“Don’t say a word, or I will kill you right here, right now…shut your mouth,” He stood up, holding her still as he dragged her out of the hallway and towards the exit of the dance studio. The girl panicked as she remembered the small crossbody she had on her shoulder, hoping to find something that could help her escape. But nonetheless she stayed calm in the moment. What did he want? Was he going to kill her in the end? She had no idea, but she desperately tried to get away from him. “Come on, come on,” He whispered out of breath in her ear. Her feet dragged under her as he held her up, passing the room of dancers and through the exit.
“Point to your car,” He told her. She lifted a shaky finger to the black Honda Accord that sat alone at the back of the parking lot.
“Give me your bag, give me your bag,” Tom repeated as he hurried to the car, pushing her along the way, she whimpered and cried for help. “Shut up!” he grunted at her again as he found the keys and unlocked the car. He pushed her thin body harshly against the driver's side window, making her cry out.
“You’re hurting me!” She told him as he pressed his body against hers.
“Yeah? Keep quiet or I’ll really hurt you,” He threatened. He grabbed the door handle and pulled the girl away from the car door as the door opened wide, grabbing her by the hair and shoving her into the passenger's seat as he followed into the driver's seat.
“Get in the car, hurry up, hurry the fuck up!” He shouted at her. Her car started with a purr as Tom hurried to push the seat back so his long legs could fit. She keeps her eyes down as he speeds out of the parking lot, the tired screeching loudly as he takes off. The girl shivers with fear as he pulls to a stop at a nice house in a fancy neighborhood. Tom put the car in park and turned the engine off but still left the keys in the ignition.
“I am going to step out for a minute, put your hands on the dash and don’t fuckign move,” His words came out slowly, and quietly but still stern enough to have a chill run down her spine.
“If I find out you moved, I will come back and I will choke you to death with my own hands and dump your body in a trashcan for the rats to eat, do you understand?” He pointed a finger at her. She just stares at him, fear stricken. “I said-” He lunged at her again, his hand forcefully grabbing her face and the other grabbed a fistful of her hair to mimic the nodding, “Do you understand?” He repeated. She yelps as he throws her, her body hitting the passenger door. She watches the key in the ignition, hoping…praying to God that he leaves it in there while he leaves, but her prayers aren't answered as he takes the keys and leaves the door. Her cellphone in his hand as he steps away from the car, dialing another number and bringing it up to his ear. The girl sniffles and keeps her head low, despite the throbbing in her head. She glances up at Tom as he curses to himself and shuts the phone, seemingly disappointed that the person he tried to call didn’t pick up, he then shoves the phone in his pocket and steps behind the tree and unbuckled his belt. When he came back to the car, she quickly kept her head down again. He gets in the car, takes a few deep breaths and collects his thoughts.
“Listen…I’m…sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I swear…I’m sorry if I hurt you, okay?” He said. His voice was sweet like honey and ran deep. The girl just looked at him, something in his eyes told her he was being honest. She just nods slowly.
“Don’t talk, just listen…I need a favor, I haven’t seen my mom and step-dad in a very long time, because I just got out of jail…I got separated from my brother and my best friends, and I have no idea where they are, and I hope that if I see my mom they’ll do the same thing and I’ll get to see them again,” She did listen as he spoke but the slight crease in her brow asked “What did you do to go to jail?”.
“The reason why we went to jail isn’t important right now, what is important is that I made up a few lies to my mom before I went in…to protect her, so she wouldn’t know what we were doing…I told her I had a long-term girlfriend, fiancé, I told her I was pursuing music…what I need you to do is to come to her house with me, and pretend to be my fiancé…adore me, love me, cherish me, like…like you can’t live without me,”
“Aren’t you a little young to have a fiance?” She asked. Tom sighs and shrugs, it was true Tom had just turned twenty.
“Doesn’t matter, the story is that we met at a friend's birthday party, we were sweethearts, and you love me, to my mom…your name is Taylor …don’t worry about the details just be nice and I’ll take care of it, be a decent girl, okay?” He asked, then glanced down at her dance class outfit. He’ll have to remind her to change.
“What is your name?” He asked gently. She smiled a bit, the corners of her lips barely lifting.
“(Y/n),” He nods at her name. It was a beautiful name honestly.
“(Y/n) all I am asking you to do is to make me look good, if you make a fool of me, me and my brothers will kill you, make it a long and painful experience so you can think about all the regrets you ever did in your life to bring you to that exact moment,” The fear in her eyes made him double back. “But you won’t have to worry about that if you do a decent job,” He told her as he put the keys in the ignition again and started the car, slowly taking off.
in dracula there is a cowboy and the female lead lives. in nosferatu there is no cowboy and the female lead dies. ergo, the existence of a cowboy is highly important for the survival of the female lead in a gothic vampire story.
I’m having terrible writers block and I’m finding it hard to get my thoughts and creativity into words.
Secondly, I’m working more and more that the autumn season falls upon us, that mixed with my personal and my love life, it’s been hard to keep up with everything lately.
I’m sorry again for not updating or posting, but I promise I will post my work soon, very very soon so look forward to it. Thank you for being so patient.
Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.
Warnings: Angst with a happy ending.
1934, soon after Tommy's' battle had ended. Three more Shelby's' dead, and one less evil he had to worry about right now. His second wife, Lizzy Stark, was nowhere to be seen and was never found. Neither was his son, Charles. After the alleged affair with Diana Mosley, she left Tommy behind. As he did with the rest of his family.
So, where was he now?
Ireland. Finding himself knocking at the door of the home he knew she resided in. The sun was barely breaking through the forever gloom of the grey clouds, he shoved his hands in his pockets as he turns around, looking at the green grassy hill, cattle grazing the lawns minding their own.
"Who are you?" The voice came from behind him. Tommy moved his body, eyes snapping down in front of him to see a young girl. Around the age of four or five, standing in the threshold of the doorway. Her head was slightly tilted, as she peered up at him with her big eyes. Tommy tried to find the words, as he was speechless. She looked almost identical to Charles.
"I...I am um..." He began to speak, but footsteps cut him off and made him look up again. The front door was pulled open.
And then she appeared. His last breath got caught in his throat when his eyes fell on her. She looked even more beautiful than the day he saw her. The day she left and the day he found her, all those months later. Seeing her up close again, made him feel like he was frozen. His mind was buzzing with a myriad of questions, apologies, excuses. She wore a house dress, her hair was pulled into a bun, pieces of hair framing her slim face.
"[Name]," Tommy said. His voice made her eyes quickly snap up from the young girl to him. She froze for a moment as she saw who was waiting for her. She never thought she would see THE Thomas Shelby...ever again. Everything else seemed to disappear when she locked eyes with him.
"Mummy...who is this?" The girl pulled on her mothers dress, breaking the silence.
[Name] managed to break her eyes away first to see her daughter, Maeve, looking between the two adults in confusion.
"Darling...this is an old friend...Tommy Shelby,"
Old Friend was an odd way to put it. Knowing they were nowhere near that title, it made Tommy chuckle a bit. But the label would do for now. The young girl nods once and smiled up at the tall man.
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Shelby," Maeve spoke before turning to her mother.
"You as well, darling," Tommy managed a small smile. [Name] cleared her throat and kneeled down a bit to talk to Maeve.
"Maeve, can you be a big girl and go check on Cian for me? make sure he's still asleep," She suggested, knowing that she didn't want the children to be around while she talked with Tommy. The girl nods with determination, exiting the area and down the hall. [Name] takes a deep breath and moves away from the door.
"Come in,"
The inside of the Byrne estate was large, clean, and full of light. Nothing compared to what Tommy had at Arrow house, but it somehow had the same comfort. The two sat across from each other at the dining table. Tommy would tell it was well crafted and made from the hands of the Tall brunette man he saw before. Neither Tommy nor [name] knew what to say to each other. It felt like hours had passed as they were locked in each others gaze.
"You found me..." She stated.
"I did...I came looking for you, everywhere...Turing to every connection I had...I had to find you [name], " He answered her, not bothered how desperate he sounded.
Because deep down he knew he was.
"Why now?" She questioned. "After all these years,"
"I wanted to apologize, for everything I had done and put you through...I'm sorry for lying, for the things that I left out, for leaving you...everything. You deserved to know, more than anyone," Thomas answered, his words rang in your ears, holding as much sincerity as they can.
The woman across from him nods, her face didn't change as she stared at him. Her glaze bouncing from his eyes to his lips to the worn hands he placed on the table.
"I had wished you well and vouched to never lay my eyes on you again, yet here you are apologizing to me again...You sure made a name for yourself Tommy," She commented, a small smile forming on her face. She couldn't lie, she was proud of him. "It wasn't uncommon around here, my late husband would speak of it every now and then, I would have to pretend like I didn't know who you were,"
"Late husband?...my condolences,"
[Name] nods once and held her hand up for a moment to stop him from going on further.
"He passed just last year, consumption...Maeve was only four and Cian was barely a year," She informed him, a lump caught in her throat and a gloss in her eyes. A knowing look formed on Tommy's features, he would know all about loss.
Greta, Grace, John, Polly, and Ruby.
"Do you have anyone for yourself now?" She asked, changing her subject.
"I did...remember Lizzie Stark?"
[Name] nods, and refrained from rolling her eyes. After she had exposed Tommy for who he really was, she found out about his secret relationship with his assistant. Leaving her spiraling under the realization that again, he chose another woman that wasn't her.
"We got married and had a daughter, Ruby...she's gone now, also consumption, after everything had happened, Lizzie took Charles and left,"
Silence had fallen between them, but it wasn't daunting...it was comfortable. She didn't know what else to say...what else could she really say? She looked at the dining table, her nail slightly digging into its' surface while Thomas held his gaze on her for a moment, admiring her beauty and how, even now, she still looked as youthful as ever. He ultimately made the decision to break the silence between them.
"I don't want to waste any more of your time...Just know what I am still sorry," He said to her, shifting as he felt the heartbreak hit him and standing from the dining table. She said nothing as she heard his chair scrape against the floor, and his footsteps leading him to the foyer. An inch away from grabbing the door handle before he caught her voice calling for him.
"Tommy wait!"
He quickly turned around. Their hearts pounding as she stood in front of him. She looked like she wanted to spill something to him. Tell him everything that she had held away. Her eyes searched his until he asked a simple: 'what is it?' in a breathy tone. Her lips quivered as she tried to find the words. For once, she was speechless in front of him.
"Maeve...she's not..." [name] started. She took a deep breath and Thomas found himself holding her shaking hands in his. She swallows and nods once as he looks into her eyes. 'Breathe'.
"My husband, Andrew, he didn't know...For Christ sake I tried to keep it from him all these years and after he passed, I feel guilty even now...but, Maeve she's not his...she's yours Tommy," Tears pricked her eyes. Tommy stared with wide eyes. He couldn't question her, the time added up, he saw what her late husband looked like and he saw what her daughter looked like. He could recognize those ice-like eyes anywhere. Licking his dry lips, he sighs heavily.
"I know..." He mumbled. "I could see the Shelby resemblance in her when I saw her...I didn't want to believe it at first...but after looking at her again, I saw it,"
She wanted to call an objection to his words but decided to keep her mouth shut, knowing that the Shelby's liked to keep their pride.
Even if it was an exaggeration.
Silence fell between them once again. Tommy steps closer, grabbing one of [names] hands. His hands were ice hold and hers were warm like the flames that roared in the fireplace.
"I'd like to see you again, [Name]" He told her, a ghost of a smile forming on his lips.
"There is a lot of catching up that we need to do...," She looked down at their intertwined hands. Thomas reaches for the woman's other hand. His gaze softened as he drew in closer, her lids closed slowly as his cold, cracked lips connected with her soft and plump lips. Her heart ignited, that small flame that slowly gave out when her husband passed suddenly blew up. Except this time, it was a different type of love. This version of Thomas Shelby was...new.
The woman tried to keep calm as the gangster pulled away from the kiss, afraid he wouldn't be able to stop once he got started.
"Very well then," Giddy on the inside as she kept her smile small.
"I'll see you tomorrow," He told her calmly, one hand rubbing up and down her arm before he took his leave.
The days and weeks to come, Tommy got along well with Maeve. The more the two got along, the more [Name] saw the resemblance. Cian was more attached to his mother by the hip, usually shadowing her until he was familiar enough with Thomas's presence. With the two in bed together one night, [Name] lifts her head as she felt Thomas digging through his nightstand.
"What are you doing?" She asked curiously as she tried to look in the drawer as well. Thomas held the object in his hand, closing his hand into a fist as he laid back down and looked at his beautiful girl.
"I found this, a few months ago...before I came to see you," He started. "Everything else was destroyed, but I kept this because I knew I would find you again one day, and give it to you..."
"Come on, Tommy what is it?" She asked, sitting up on her knees, trying to reach for his hand. He pulled his hand away and gave her a look. 'Wait' It said.
"No matter what happened between us, I knew I would come back to you, even after all these years...all of this pain...it has always been you...I'm so sorry it took me all this time to realize it," He told her. He grabbed her hand with his free hand and slipped the gold ring on her finger. It still fight like a glove, maybe even more-so now. In awe, she watched as he slipped the ring on her finger. It was cold on her warm skin, causing goosebumps to form on her arms.
"Thomas...?" She gasped. Looking at him, then at the ring, then at him again as her eyes were wide, tears forming in her eyes.
"[Name]…will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He asked. It made her think back to their childhood and that promise they made for each other.
"Oh Thomas...yes," She nods happily. Not hesitating to jump into his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.
Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man
Warnings: Angst, mentions of loss/grief, smut (minors DNI plz), sad ending for Tommy. This is a long one (sorry).
Six years.
Six years since she had her heart broken again by Thomas Shelby.
One year since she attended a wedding and a funeral within the same year. And one year since she officially departed her employment from the Peaky Blinders.
When she received the invitation to the wedding, she begged her mother to not attend.
"Tell them I am ill, tell them I have come down with a case of pox, anything please! I cannot bare seeing the man I love getting married to another woman!" She cried. Her mother comforted her daughter, once again. It seemed as though she's had to comfort her desolate daughter more times than she can count within the last few years. She hated seeing [Name] so heart-broken over the same man over and over again. But, she just sighed and rested her daughters head on her lap, petting her hair out of her face.
"I can't do that, my love...Thomas would be upset if you didn't attend,"
"He could care less if I went or not," She sniffled.
"Have you ever told him how you felt?... Before the wedding?" Her mother asked. The woman sat up and looked down at the floor.
"No...he doesn't know...he shouldn't have to hear me say it he should just...know how I feel about him,"
"Men can't read minds my dear...Unfortunately," The older woman mumbled.
"I know...no matter how long it has been I don't think I can cope with him leaving me time and time again, mum..."
Her mother deeply inhales and nods.
"You still have his heart...it's just a matter of time until he realizes it, go to the wedding...show him you're strong and that you are still his closest friend,"
[Name] attended the wedding. After the ceremony, she immediately started indulging in champagne. By the time the band had started ragtime, she was pulled to the floor by a Calvary boy. Which she learned later, he was from Graces' side of the family. Dancing together to the music without a care in the world, she didn't even learn his name before she was trailing behind him, kissing the mystery blond before her name was being shouted down the corridor by none other than John and Arthur Shelby, Michael following behind with his hands in his pockets. An altercation ensued, [Name] shouted and cursed at the Shelby men for ruining her chances with the mystery man and scaring him off.
"If you're gonna sell yourself out to someone here, don't let it be the Calvary!" John argued. She had her arms crossed over her chest, heaving up and down as she glared at them with tears in her eyes. Her hair was pinned out of her face, besides the curls that framed her features. The beautiful midnight blue satin dress she wore hugged her curves in just the right places as she hugs the black lace shawl around her arms.
"What's going on?" Thomas' voice broke her drunken gaze as she looked at him, silently with a scowl.
"Your brothers are ruining my fun," She half-joked as she turned away to reach for the cigarettes in her purse, using a match to light it and inhaling the smoke. She was never one to smoke, but in the recent years she began to pick up the habit to relieve her stress. And partly out of spite since Thomas always told her it was a nasty habit to have regardless of his own addicts. She hoped that if she did it enough, he would despise her enough for her to finally lose those strong feelings she still had or him.
"I told you already, no fucking fighting with the Calvary, and you-" He turned to her after reprimanding his brothers. He grabbed the cigarette from her lips.
"Oi!"
He held up a finger to her, with a stressed look on his face.
"Come with me," He reached to grab her arm but she stepped back.
"No!," She refused.
"I need to talk to you, quickly let's go,"
She shook her head.
"[Name], I have other things to attend to tonight, come on,"
She scoffs.
"You're really doing business on your wedding night? Is this really that trivial to you?" She slurred with a laugh. John and Arthur snicker as they watch the two of them go at it like children, like the children they used to me.
"What is so important? Huh, Tommy? Say it now or forever hold your peace," She mocked. He stops and stands in front of her.
"What's going on with you?" He asked quietly. She chuckled.
"Nothing, I am simply indulging in the festivities! I mean, my best mate is getting married, who wouldn't want to celebrate the perfect love you have for each other,"
Her words rang clear, but Tommy could still hear the pain behind it all. He sighs heavily.
"Be honest with me, [Name] please, Love..."
"Don't call me that, Thomas please don't call me that," She gasped a bit but choked back her tears with a tired laugh. After a moment of silence, and hearing John and Arthur mumble to each other a few meters away as they wait for their middle brother.
"You know I think...I think I'll just go... I don't even know why I agreed to attend," She turns on her heels and begins to leave.
"Wait, [Name], what are you talking about?"
"God, Thomas! You always made foolish decisions but you were never this daft! If you can't read between the lines, or even see just a glimpse into my mind then I am at a loss because I am tired of explaining it to you over and over again!" She shouted. Just then, a pair of hands hold her tense shoulders, gently pulling her away from Thomas as he looked at her with wide eyes, astonished.
"Come on, I'll take you to your mother," Michael spoke to her quietly, he glances at Tommy.
'I got her'
"I'm fine Michael, please don't touch me right now," She held her hand up, turning to look at him. Michael tried to compromise but only made her more agitated, that was until Arthur stepped in.
"Come on, love let's go back up...have a dance and a drink," Arthur smiled a bit then held her hand to lead her away. 'How does that sound?" She only complied with a silent nod. She then paused and turned to Thomas.
"You want me to be honest? I can't stand being around you when you're with her, just when I thought she was gone for good, you find her again and marry her, your old flame...She left you when you needed love the most, and there you were running to her like a puppy, but who was there for you when you cried all those nights? I stayed by your side, I was your friend, and I saw that you were in need of a friend, of love and understanding..." Her voice quivered but she wore a slight smile on her face. Bittersweet smile.
"What are you saying [Name]?" He asked. She pauses as her tear filled eyes scanned him, a stoic look on her face as she shrugged.
"I resign...officially,"
Months later, her mother informed her of the death of Grace Shelby. She felt remorse for the family, especially the fact that Tommy would practically have to raise Charles by himself.
If she had been on good terms, she would have offered to help.
She attended the funeral, on the sidelines of course. Keeping her distance from Thomas, but still paying her respects.
It had been another year since she had seen him.
It was 1925.
"Do my eyes deceive me, is it really the most beautiful women of Small Heath?" Arthurs voice boomed through the room. [Name] and her mother look up from the mannequin they were decorating with fabric. The customers and guests whispered in fright and intimidation as they watched him strut right into the newly opened family owned shop.
The older seamstress stands as she greeted Arthur with a hug and a kiss to the cheek.
"It's nice to see you Arthur, do you need a new suit?" Her mother asked. His mustache moved as his lips curled into a smile.
"Oh, not this time, Love, I did come here to talk to [Name], though," He turned to her daughter, who held pins between her teeth as she pinned the fabric in just the right way so it draped beautifully over the client. She looked up at Arthur before standing, sticking the pins into the cushion.
"Keep her for as long as you want, she needs a break," She winked at him, patting his arm before returning to the dress.
"How can I help you?" [Name] stood with her hands on her hips.
"It's Tommy," He said quietly. She nods once and leads him to the perfume counter to have some privacy. She let Arthur talk, and upon hearing the news on Tommy's mental state, her heart sank to her stomach.
"And, why have you come here to tell me this, Arthur?" She asked, hushed as her eyes had wondered around the store as the women feared away from the Peaky Blinder.
"Talk to him, [Name]…you're his closest friend-"
"Was...I'm not anymore Arthur, I can't face him after that night," She shook her head. He sighs.
"He needs help with the boy...He's got his head wrapped on expanding the company...but I can see it in his eyes, he needs help...he isn't gonna listen to us...he needs yah,"
She rolls her eyes a bit and looks off to the glass counter to think. She could stop by and give him peace of mind...or a piece of her mind if it went wrong. Her heart broke in a million pieces when he got married, and she promised yourself that she wouldn't ever speak to him again. Unless.
It was already dark outside by the time Tommy had returned home. He always came home late. He was exhausted, frustrated, and dwelling in the somber events he had to partake in that day. The voices in the study interrupted his eerie silent mansion as he hastily walked to the door, alarmed and gun in hand. He sighs as he just see's his older brother.
"Arthur, you're here," He sighed heavily as the two brothers shared a look. He didn't even notice the woman that stood behind Arthur until he stepped out of the way. Thomas's shoulders fall as he looks at the woman before him, glowing like an angel from the light of the fireplace.
The silence that followed made her shift as Arthur cleared his throat to speak up, but Thomas held a finger up to his brother, shutting him up before looking back at [Name].
"Hi again, Thomas..." It felt like the hundredth time they had greeted each other again like that, but she still felt the butterflies in her stomach with each time she sees him again. Even a year later, he had aged. Looking beyond his years, on account of the death of his wife no doubt. Arthur look his leave, but not before Thomas gave him a glare. 'We will talk later'.
The sight of her again, lightened his mood and unclenched his jaw. All he wanted was to feel her, make her smile. He takes his coat off and walks further into the study, leaning on his desk as she stood in front of him. Nothing was said to each other as she dropped that unforgiving stoniness and wraps her arms around him. He didn't hesitate to do the same.
"I'm so sorry, [Name]," He whispered into her hair as she hugs him tightly.
"I shouldn't have left you," She sniffled as she felt his hands rub up and down her back. "We've been mates for so long, I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of our friendship," She pulls away to look up at him. He creased his brow in confusion.
"Feelings?" He asked. Did she love him still? Even after everything he had done? [Name] scoffs and shakes her head.
"My mother was right...you're not a mind reader," She mumbled. His blue eyes wandered and searched for hers as she gazes towards the roaring fire. He brings his hand to her chin, making her face him once again and her face lit up, the bright puppy dog eyes that peered into his. His eyes searched her face once more before he blinks a few times and brings his lips to hers. His lips were warm and soft against her plump rose-tinted lips. He missed the way her lips felt, he missed the way she looked at him, the way her kisses seemed to melt away the pain of the world around them. Just then, Graces' death didn't seem to weigh on him anymore. His hands cup her face, protecting her from the dangers of the world, showing her that no one could ever harm her, she was his. The most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on.
They break away to breathe, [Name] giggled a bit as she stood before him as he admired her beauty. He smiled and grabbed her by the waist. She bit her lip and gives him those doe eyes that had him weak at the knees. A sudden animalistic urge fell over him as his hands hold onto her waist and flips her around so she was pressed against the sturdy desk. With a gasp, as she bit her lip at the lust in his eyes. They had only ever come this close before, but now that it was going to happen , [Name] felt her legs tremble for the events to come. Only in her wildest dreams would this happen between them. She hums against his lips as his rough hand roam all over her body, pulling her close to his own body by her ass, his erection pulsing against her lower stomach. His lips kiss and suck on her neck as he works the zipper on her dress, smirking when he pulled the straps down past her shoulders, pushing it further and further until it hit the wood floor.
"I think about you every day, [Name]…every fuckin' day," He breathed against her skin, speaking in a soft husky voice as she worked the buttons on his shirt. "Even in France, before France, after France...just to get through it all...I imagine how it was holding you, touching you...finally getting to taste you,"
"God, I missed you more than anything, Tommy," She rushed to reply as her eyes marveled at his figure. His tattoos, his muscles...everything about him made her mouth water and almost forget the ability to speak. Kissing your shoulder as he untied the strings to her bra, pulling it off as her chest was fully exposed to him now, kissing her roughly as his hands toyed with her breasts. She tilts her head, exposing her neck to him while her hand pulled at the nape of his neck, pushing him to keep at the motions and letting his teeth graze and bite at her collarbones. When he had enough, he pulls away and grabs her legs, behind her knees and lifted her onto the desk, scattering the paperwork as his fingers worked skillfully to unbuckle the garters as fast as he could. Her breath hitched as he gripped her thighs, spreading her legs as he stood between them. The sound of his clothing rustling made her blood run cold as she knew what was coming next. Running the head of his cock against her folds. Catching a glimpse at the size of it made her gulp and nervously look up at him. He pauses and holds her face with his hand. 'It's okay' his eyes flashed. With each inch he pushed in, a small gasp left her lips, her face scrunching in the momentary dull pain before that pleasurable feeling took over. Kissing her again until he felt her relax around him, her legs squeezing his hips as he began thrusting in and out of her. Thomas was gentle at first, making sure not to hurt her. Leaning his palms on the desk as she moans, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulder blades.
"You're so gorgeous," He stroked her cheek while he picks up the pace. He leans up once again, that gentle lover had gone as the dominant gangster took over. His rough hand slip from her chest up her to neck and wrapping around her neck, guiding her upper body to lay on the desk as he fucks her like the animal he was. He watches in satisfaction as the tears in her eyes twinkle in the light. Lips were swollen and puffy, eyes glossy and breathing hot and heavy. What a beauty she was when she was under him. He angled his hips upward and with just a few fast snaps of his hips he felt her thighs squeeze around him. Crying out as her orgasm hit her like a train. He leaned into her to kiss her as his own was on the edge. Only a moment later he had spilled his load deep inside of her.
The two weren't the same after that night.
The endless nights they spent together, and still the sacred words weren't said. Not even muttered. Having each other back in their lives was a blessing and a curse. The two were one again, only something more and different than before. But that only meant chaos would soon ensue. [Name] saw things no woman should endure, it wasn't a life for the faint hearted, but she knew that. The first few months, Thomas had begun to change. Things were getting difficult...more dangerous. He was out all hours of the night on some days.
One day in his office. She caught sight of a letter and a photograph. It was Thomas when he was young, and a mysterious woman that stood beside him. She was beautiful. Her name was Greta Jurossi. Her eyes scan the words on the paper, dated 1914. Next was the letters upon letters with her own signature, the letters he claimed to have never received. The letters between him and Grace between those years that he claimed she was gone and married to another man in America. She had spoken to Polly and Ada about it. Ada claimed she had no idea, since 'Tommy does what he wants'. Polly on the other hand told her everything. Greta and Thomas were in love and she had died of consumption before he went off to war. It pained [name] to even think the man she loved, was in love with another, even after he told her the things he told her. The promises he made. She told her about Grace, and how Grace was a spy...but [name] already knew that she had some skeletons in her closet that Thomas decided to push away. As for the letters, Polly had no idea.
"I wouldn't know any reason why he would do that..." She told her.
"It makes me nervous, Pol... I don't want to keep fighting with him,"
But the two sympathized with her. They knew how much she loved Thomas.
"Thomas is still in that part of his life where he thinks he can get away with anything with no consequences...He will come to you again when the time is right, when he stops thinking with his cock and starts seeing you as a real woman...a woman he loves,"
That night [name] stood with her back to him, she couldn't hide her cold demeanor when he came through the door, smelling of booze. It almost made him shiver as he greeted her but got no response. He stayed silent as she turned to him. The look on his face was obvious, he didn't even have to speak his mind.
"What do you think I am? I am not a shiny new toy you can just string along, Thomas..."
He stared at her in confusion before she threw the stack of letters before him. He clenches his jaw, sighs heavily, and closes his eyes. She waits for his response, and upon hearing nothing but silence. Not even an explanation or a fight. She rested her arms at her sides and shakes her head in disappointment.
"All of those years together, all of the time we spent together and the promises you made to me really meant nothing to you? I see it now, you played me like your pawn, just some familiarity to go back to when you were lost in your own mind, and when you find your way out you just...push me aside until you need me again," The tears sting her eyes, it pained her to do this again. This time it felt like the last time.
"We're done...I can't stay here and dote on your every move,"
For a moment she thought she saw a glimpse of regret...maybe even remorse in his eyes. Maybe he could finally see his mistakes and own up to them.
"You knew what you were getting yourself into, [name]..."
He was as cold as ever.
"After all these years, you still think back to that promise I made you when we were kids? It's time to grow up sweetheart,"
She smiles with disappointment and looks to the floor.
"Because that was the only truthful thing you had ever told me...Nowhere in my heart did I think you would hurt me this way, if I did I wouldn't have stayed," She shook her head bitterly. Thinking back to when he made her wait on him all those months while he was with another woman, when he made her end things with Daniel, when he chose Grace over her. 'What did she have that I didn't?...was I just not good enough for you, Tommy?' She thought.
"Did you ever love me?"
The question was again met with silence at first. Thomas opened his mouth to speak before he closed it again and shrugged. That was the last time she had seen him. She made haste and packed her things in a single bag and left Arrow House. She left to Ireland. To start a new life away from the crime, away from the peaky blinder, away from Thomas for good. A week after she left, she wrote to him a letter that he received from her mother, who looked more disappointed than he had ever seen.
Dear Thomas,
I did love you, more than words can say. For years all I had wanted was you. I wanted us to have the life you planned for us. I guess now that's just a foolish childhood dream, like you said. It's okay, because you made me realize that I shouldn't keep chasing after love that doesn't deserve my own love.
One day, I will stop falling in love with you and some day someone will love me like how I loved you, and until then I will drink my tea and pretend that we are more than just friends.
Of course, then I'll let you break my heart again.
[Name]
After reading the letter, he realized his wrongs. He searched for her for months. Making it his own mission to find her, in hopes that it wasn't too late. Thomas Shelby found himself in Ireland one gloomy Sunday, walking on the country side after having a few drinks at a pub. He wasn't going to give up until he saw her again. Tell her how he really felt about her. It wasn't over yet. Looking up the hill beside him, he saw a large farmhouse, seemed to have been just build as a woman calls out a name. The name he didn't recognize but the voice sounded almost.
Comforting.
His eyes widened and his blood ran cold. Not only because of the chilly weather that nipped at his skin, but because he recognized those eyes and that smile almost instantly. It was like a symphony of angels sang in his ears as he stared, shocked and relieved that he found her. He found his [name]. He felt himself taking steps towards her, wanting nothing but to wrap her in his arms and hold her again, tell her he loved her.
Stopping in his tracks as he sees the couple share a hug, the long-haired brunette man picked up the woman, spinning her in his arms as she squeals and laughed before he set her on her feet, giving her a kiss on the lips before his large hand covered her stomach. Thomas could barely make out what they were saying, but that laugh was always so easily identifiable. He sighs and nods once.
He decided that he couldn't fight for her anymore. He turned around and left down the hill towards the pub again, accepting that he lost the only woman he really loved. He could be the selfish and tough gangster he always was, but not this time. He left her to her new life, and returned to his own, only this time it was darker and dreary than it was when she was in it.
Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man
Warnings: Angst, mentions of loss/grief, smut (minors DNI plz), sad ending for Tommy. This is a long one (sorry).
Six years.
Six years since she had her heart broken again by Thomas Shelby.
One year since she attended a wedding and a funeral within the same year. And one year since she officially departed her employment from the Peaky Blinders.
When she received the invitation to the wedding, she begged her mother to not attend.
"Tell them I am ill, tell them I have come down with a case of pox, anything please! I cannot bare seeing the man I love getting married to another woman!" She cried. Her mother comforted her daughter, once again. It seemed as though she's had to comfort her desolate daughter more times than she can count within the last few years. She hated seeing [Name] so heart-broken over the same man over and over again. But, she just sighed and rested her daughters head on her lap, petting her hair out of her face.
"I can't do that, my love...Thomas would be upset if you didn't attend,"
"He could care less if I went or not," She sniffled.
"Have you ever told him how you felt?... Before the wedding?" Her mother asked. The woman sat up and looked down at the floor.
"No...he doesn't know...he shouldn't have to hear me say it he should just...know how I feel about him,"
"Men can't read minds my dear...Unfortunately," The older woman mumbled.
"I know...no matter how long it has been I don't think I can cope with him leaving me time and time again, mum..."
Her mother deeply inhales and nods.
"You still have his heart...it's just a matter of time until he realizes it, go to the wedding...show him you're strong and that you are still his closest friend,"
[Name] attended the wedding. After the ceremony, she immediately started indulging in champagne. By the time the band had started ragtime, she was pulled to the floor by a Calvary boy. Which she learned later, he was from Graces' side of the family. Dancing together to the music without a care in the world, she didn't even learn his name before she was trailing behind him, kissing the mystery blond before her name was being shouted down the corridor by none other than John and Arthur Shelby, Michael following behind with his hands in his pockets. An altercation ensued, [Name] shouted and cursed at the Shelby men for ruining her chances with the mystery man and scaring him off.
"If you're gonna sell yourself out to someone here, don't let it be the Calvary!" John argued. She had her arms crossed over her chest, heaving up and down as she glared at them with tears in her eyes. Her hair was pinned out of her face, besides the curls that framed her features. The beautiful midnight blue satin dress she wore hugged her curves in just the right places as she hugs the black lace shawl around her arms.
"What's going on?" Thomas' voice broke her drunken gaze as she looked at him, silently with a scowl.
"Your brothers are ruining my fun," She half-joked as she turned away to reach for the cigarettes in her purse, using a match to light it and inhaling the smoke. She was never one to smoke, but in the recent years she began to pick up the habit to relieve her stress. And partly out of spite since Thomas always told her it was a nasty habit to have regardless of his own addicts. She hoped that if she did it enough, he would despise her enough for her to finally lose those strong feelings she still had or him.
"I told you already, no fucking fighting with the Calvary, and you-" He turned to her after reprimanding his brothers. He grabbed the cigarette from her lips.
"Oi!"
He held up a finger to her, with a stressed look on his face.
"Come with me," He reached to grab her arm but she stepped back.
"No!," She refused.
"I need to talk to you, quickly let's go,"
She shook her head.
"[Name], I have other things to attend to tonight, come on,"
She scoffs.
"You're really doing business on your wedding night? Is this really that trivial to you?" She slurred with a laugh. John and Arthur snicker as they watch the two of them go at it like children, like the children they used to me.
"What is so important? Huh, Tommy? Say it now or forever hold your peace," She mocked. He stops and stands in front of her.
"What's going on with you?" He asked quietly. She chuckled.
"Nothing, I am simply indulging in the festivities! I mean, my best mate is getting married, who wouldn't want to celebrate the perfect love you have for each other,"
Her words rang clear, but Tommy could still hear the pain behind it all. He sighs heavily.
"Be honest with me, [Name] please, Love..."
"Don't call me that, Thomas please don't call me that," She gasped a bit but choked back her tears with a tired laugh. After a moment of silence, and hearing John and Arthur mumble to each other a few meters away as they wait for their middle brother.
"You know I think...I think I'll just go... I don't even know why I agreed to attend," She turns on her heels and begins to leave.
"Wait, [Name], what are you talking about?"
"God, Thomas! You always made foolish decisions but you were never this daft! If you can't read between the lines, or even see just a glimpse into my mind then I am at a loss because I am tired of explaining it to you over and over again!" She shouted. Just then, a pair of hands hold her tense shoulders, gently pulling her away from Thomas as he looked at her with wide eyes, astonished.
"Come on, I'll take you to your mother," Michael spoke to her quietly, he glances at Tommy.
'I got her'
"I'm fine Michael, please don't touch me right now," She held her hand up, turning to look at him. Michael tried to compromise but only made her more agitated, that was until Arthur stepped in.
"Come on, love let's go back up...have a dance and a drink," Arthur smiled a bit then held her hand to lead her away. 'How does that sound?" She only complied with a silent nod. She then paused and turned to Thomas.
"You want me to be honest? I can't stand being around you when you're with her, just when I thought she was gone for good, you find her again and marry her, your old flame...She left you when you needed love the most, and there you were running to her like a puppy, but who was there for you when you cried all those nights? I stayed by your side, I was your friend, and I saw that you were in need of a friend, of love and understanding..." Her voice quivered but she wore a slight smile on her face. Bittersweet smile.
"What are you saying [Name]?" He asked. She pauses as her tear filled eyes scanned him, a stoic look on her face as she shrugged.
"I resign...officially,"
Months later, her mother informed her of the death of Grace Shelby. She felt remorse for the family, especially the fact that Tommy would practically have to raise Charles by himself.
If she had been on good terms, she would have offered to help.
She attended the funeral, on the sidelines of course. Keeping her distance from Thomas, but still paying her respects.
It had been another year since she had seen him.
It was 1925.
"Do my eyes deceive me, is it really the most beautiful women of Small Heath?" Arthurs voice boomed through the room. [Name] and her mother look up from the mannequin they were decorating with fabric. The customers and guests whispered in fright and intimidation as they watched him strut right into the newly opened family owned shop.
The older seamstress stands as she greeted Arthur with a hug and a kiss to the cheek.
"It's nice to see you Arthur, do you need a new suit?" Her mother asked. His mustache moved as his lips curled into a smile.
"Oh, not this time, Love, I did come here to talk to [Name], though," He turned to her daughter, who held pins between her teeth as she pinned the fabric in just the right way so it draped beautifully over the client. She looked up at Arthur before standing, sticking the pins into the cushion.
"Keep her for as long as you want, she needs a break," She winked at him, patting his arm before returning to the dress.
"How can I help you?" [Name] stood with her hands on her hips.
"It's Tommy," He said quietly. She nods once and leads him to the perfume counter to have some privacy. She let Arthur talk, and upon hearing the news on Tommy's mental state, her heart sank to her stomach.
"And, why have you come here to tell me this, Arthur?" She asked, hushed as her eyes had wondered around the store as the women feared away from the Peaky Blinder.
"Talk to him, [Name]…you're his closest friend-"
"Was...I'm not anymore Arthur, I can't face him after that night," She shook her head. He sighs.
"He needs help with the boy...He's got his head wrapped on expanding the company...but I can see it in his eyes, he needs help...he isn't gonna listen to us...he needs yah,"
She rolls her eyes a bit and looks off to the glass counter to think. She could stop by and give him peace of mind...or a piece of her mind if it went wrong. Her heart broke in a million pieces when he got married, and she promised yourself that she wouldn't ever speak to him again. Unless.
It was already dark outside by the time Tommy had returned home. He always came home late. He was exhausted, frustrated, and dwelling in the somber events he had to partake in that day. The voices in the study interrupted his eerie silent mansion as he hastily walked to the door, alarmed and gun in hand. He sighs as he just see's his older brother.
"Arthur, you're here," He sighed heavily as the two brothers shared a look. He didn't even notice the woman that stood behind Arthur until he stepped out of the way. Thomas's shoulders fall as he looks at the woman before him, glowing like an angel from the light of the fireplace.
The silence that followed made her shift as Arthur cleared his throat to speak up, but Thomas held a finger up to his brother, shutting him up before looking back at [Name].
"Hi again, Thomas..." It felt like the hundredth time they had greeted each other again like that, but she still felt the butterflies in her stomach with each time she sees him again. Even a year later, he had aged. Looking beyond his years, on account of the death of his wife no doubt. Arthur look his leave, but not before Thomas gave him a glare. 'We will talk later'.
The sight of her again, lightened his mood and unclenched his jaw. All he wanted was to feel her, make her smile. He takes his coat off and walks further into the study, leaning on his desk as she stood in front of him. Nothing was said to each other as she dropped that unforgiving stoniness and wraps her arms around him. He didn't hesitate to do the same.
"I'm so sorry, [Name]," He whispered into her hair as she hugs him tightly.
"I shouldn't have left you," She sniffled as she felt his hands rub up and down her back. "We've been mates for so long, I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of our friendship," She pulls away to look up at him. He creased his brow in confusion.
"Feelings?" He asked. Did she love him still? Even after everything he had done? [Name] scoffs and shakes her head.
"My mother was right...you're not a mind reader," She mumbled. His blue eyes wandered and searched for hers as she gazes towards the roaring fire. He brings his hand to her chin, making her face him once again and her face lit up, the bright puppy dog eyes that peered into his. His eyes searched her face once more before he blinks a few times and brings his lips to hers. His lips were warm and soft against her plump rose-tinted lips. He missed the way her lips felt, he missed the way she looked at him, the way her kisses seemed to melt away the pain of the world around them. Just then, Graces' death didn't seem to weigh on him anymore. His hands cup her face, protecting her from the dangers of the world, showing her that no one could ever harm her, she was his. The most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on.
They break away to breathe, [Name] giggled a bit as she stood before him as he admired her beauty. He smiled and grabbed her by the waist. She bit her lip and gives him those doe eyes that had him weak at the knees. A sudden animalistic urge fell over him as his hands hold onto her waist and flips her around so she was pressed against the sturdy desk. With a gasp, as she bit her lip at the lust in his eyes. They had only ever come this close before, but now that it was going to happen , [Name] felt her legs tremble for the events to come. Only in her wildest dreams would this happen between them. She hums against his lips as his rough hand roam all over her body, pulling her close to his own body by her ass, his erection pulsing against her lower stomach. His lips kiss and suck on her neck as he works the zipper on her dress, smirking when he pulled the straps down past her shoulders, pushing it further and further until it hit the wood floor.
"I think about you every day, [Name]…every fuckin' day," He breathed against her skin, speaking in a soft husky voice as she worked the buttons on his shirt. "Even in France, before France, after France...just to get through it all...I imagine how it was holding you, touching you...finally getting to taste you,"
"God, I missed you more than anything, Tommy," She rushed to reply as her eyes marveled at his figure. His tattoos, his muscles...everything about him made her mouth water and almost forget the ability to speak. Kissing your shoulder as he untied the strings to her bra, pulling it off as her chest was fully exposed to him now, kissing her roughly as his hands toyed with her breasts. She tilts her head, exposing her neck to him while her hand pulled at the nape of his neck, pushing him to keep at the motions and letting his teeth graze and bite at her collarbones. When he had enough, he pulls away and grabs her legs, behind her knees and lifted her onto the desk, scattering the paperwork as his fingers worked skillfully to unbuckle the garters as fast as he could. Her breath hitched as he gripped her thighs, spreading her legs as he stood between them. The sound of his clothing rustling made her blood run cold as she knew what was coming next. Running the head of his cock against her folds. Catching a glimpse at the size of it made her gulp and nervously look up at him. He pauses and holds her face with his hand. 'It's okay' his eyes flashed. With each inch he pushed in, a small gasp left her lips, her face scrunching in the momentary dull pain before that pleasurable feeling took over. Kissing her again until he felt her relax around him, her legs squeezing his hips as he began thrusting in and out of her. Thomas was gentle at first, making sure not to hurt her. Leaning his palms on the desk as she moans, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulder blades.
"You're so gorgeous," He stroked her cheek while he picks up the pace. He leans up once again, that gentle lover had gone as the dominant gangster took over. His rough hand slip from her chest up her to neck and wrapping around her neck, guiding her upper body to lay on the desk as he fucks her like the animal he was. He watches in satisfaction as the tears in her eyes twinkle in the light. Lips were swollen and puffy, eyes glossy and breathing hot and heavy. What a beauty she was when she was under him. He angled his hips upward and with just a few fast snaps of his hips he felt her thighs squeeze around him. Crying out as her orgasm hit her like a train. He leaned into her to kiss her as his own was on the edge. Only a moment later he had spilled his load deep inside of her.
The two weren't the same after that night.
The endless nights they spent together, and still the sacred words weren't said. Not even muttered. Having each other back in their lives was a blessing and a curse. The two were one again, only something more and different than before. But that only meant chaos would soon ensue. [Name] saw things no woman should endure, it wasn't a life for the faint hearted, but she knew that. The first few months, Thomas had begun to change. Things were getting difficult...more dangerous. He was out all hours of the night on some days.
One day in his office. She caught sight of a letter and a photograph. It was Thomas when he was young, and a mysterious woman that stood beside him. She was beautiful. Her name was Greta Jurossi. Her eyes scan the words on the paper, dated 1914. Next was the letters upon letters with her own signature, the letters he claimed to have never received. The letters between him and Grace between those years that he claimed she was gone and married to another man in America. She had spoken to Polly and Ada about it. Ada claimed she had no idea, since 'Tommy does what he wants'. Polly on the other hand told her everything. Greta and Thomas were in love and she had died of consumption before he went off to war. It pained [name] to even think the man she loved, was in love with another, even after he told her the things he told her. The promises he made. She told her about Grace, and how Grace was a spy...but [name] already knew that she had some skeletons in her closet that Thomas decided to push away. As for the letters, Polly had no idea.
"I wouldn't know any reason why he would do that..." She told her.
"It makes me nervous, Pol... I don't want to keep fighting with him,"
But the two sympathized with her. They knew how much she loved Thomas.
"Thomas is still in that part of his life where he thinks he can get away with anything with no consequences...He will come to you again when the time is right, when he stops thinking with his cock and starts seeing you as a real woman...a woman he loves,"
That night [name] stood with her back to him, she couldn't hide her cold demeanor when he came through the door, smelling of booze. It almost made him shiver as he greeted her but got no response. He stayed silent as she turned to him. The look on his face was obvious, he didn't even have to speak his mind.
"What do you think I am? I am not a shiny new toy you can just string along, Thomas..."
He stared at her in confusion before she threw the stack of letters before him. He clenches his jaw, sighs heavily, and closes his eyes. She waits for his response, and upon hearing nothing but silence. Not even an explanation or a fight. She rested her arms at her sides and shakes her head in disappointment.
"All of those years together, all of the time we spent together and the promises you made to me really meant nothing to you? I see it now, you played me like your pawn, just some familiarity to go back to when you were lost in your own mind, and when you find your way out you just...push me aside until you need me again," The tears sting her eyes, it pained her to do this again. This time it felt like the last time.
"We're done...I can't stay here and dote on your every move,"
For a moment she thought she saw a glimpse of regret...maybe even remorse in his eyes. Maybe he could finally see his mistakes and own up to them.
"You knew what you were getting yourself into, [name]..."
He was as cold as ever.
"After all these years, you still think back to that promise I made you when we were kids? It's time to grow up sweetheart,"
She smiles with disappointment and looks to the floor.
"Because that was the only truthful thing you had ever told me...Nowhere in my heart did I think you would hurt me this way, if I did I wouldn't have stayed," She shook her head bitterly. Thinking back to when he made her wait on him all those months while he was with another woman, when he made her end things with Daniel, when he chose Grace over her. 'What did she have that I didn't?...was I just not good enough for you, Tommy?' She thought.
"Did you ever love me?"
The question was again met with silence at first. Thomas opened his mouth to speak before he closed it again and shrugged. That was the last time she had seen him. She made haste and packed her things in a single bag and left Arrow House. She left to Ireland. To start a new life away from the crime, away from the peaky blinder, away from Thomas for good. A week after she left, she wrote to him a letter that he received from her mother, who looked more disappointed than he had ever seen.
Dear Thomas,
I did love you, more than words can say. For years all I had wanted was you. I wanted us to have the life you planned for us. I guess now that's just a foolish childhood dream, like you said. It's okay, because you made me realize that I shouldn't keep chasing after love that doesn't deserve my own love.
One day, I will stop falling in love with you and some day someone will love me like how I loved you, and until then I will drink my tea and pretend that we are more than just friends.
Of course, then I'll let you break my heart again.
[Name]
After reading the letter, he realized his wrongs. He searched for her for months. Making it his own mission to find her, in hopes that it wasn't too late. Thomas Shelby found himself in Ireland one gloomy Sunday, walking on the country side after having a few drinks at a pub. He wasn't going to give up until he saw her again. Tell her how he really felt about her. It wasn't over yet. Looking up the hill beside him, he saw a large farmhouse, seemed to have been just build as a woman calls out a name. The name he didn't recognize but the voice sounded almost.
Comforting.
His eyes widened and his blood ran cold. Not only because of the chilly weather that nipped at his skin, but because he recognized those eyes and that smile almost instantly. It was like a symphony of angels sang in his ears as he stared, shocked and relieved that he found her. He found his [name]. He felt himself taking steps towards her, wanting nothing but to wrap her in his arms and hold her again, tell her he loved her.
Stopping in his tracks as he sees the couple share a hug, the long-haired brunette man picked up the woman, spinning her in his arms as she squeals and laughed before he set her on her feet, giving her a kiss on the lips before his large hand covered her stomach. Thomas could barely make out what they were saying, but that laugh was always so easily identifiable. He sighs and nods once.
He decided that he couldn't fight for her anymore. He turned around and left down the hill towards the pub again, accepting that he lost the only woman he really loved. He could be the selfish and tough gangster he always was, but not this time. He left her to her new life, and returned to his own, only this time it was darker and dreary than it was when she was in it.
Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.
It was 1919. Over a year since she left Thomas and the betting shop behind. [Name] was stuck in solitude for days, and each day her mother comforted her, easing her daughters cries until she slept. The first person to reach out to her since she had left, was Ada.
"Please talk to me [Name]," She had asked her friend, sitting across from her at the small dining table.
"There is nothing to say, Ada...I can't go back, not now," She picked at her nails anxiously, the deep burgundy lacquer slowly chipping away.
"Believe it or not, it hasn't gone completely to shit, but Aunt Pol is having a hard time finding reliable people to do your job-"
"That's not my job anymore," [Name] reminded her. "Listen I'm sorry...I really am,"
"Where will you go now?" Ada asked. The girl opposite to her thought for a moment, she could be a barmaid but the chances of running into the Peaky boys were high. Jobs for women were scarce now that the men are back. So she just opted to respond with a shrug.
"No idea, Ada..."
Over a year later and she managed to get a job at the local library. It was quiet, of course, but at the very least she was able to put some of her knowledge to good use. It paid well enough for her to live comfortably and it kept her hidden away from running into the Shelby Family. She was just glad she didn't have to resort to becoming a prostitute. Her mother would have a heart attack is that was the case. With the exception of Ada and Polly, who would often drop in to have tea with her and her mother or bring treats and gifts. Sometimes [Name] felt they only offered these gifts as peace offerings, of behalf of what Thomas had done. It was as if they still couldn't forgive him, and they would understand if she couldn't either.
Because in the last year, she had changed.
Physically and mentally. She had grown into a beautiful young woman, the stress of illegal betting and horseracing, the stress of Thomas Shelby had left her life, which in turn rewarded her to grow even more. In only a year, she begun to finally get noticed by the other young bachelors of Birmingham. Little did she know, she had them turning their heads all this time, she was busy with her eyes on someone else.
It was one afternoon when she met her current suitor. His name was Daniel and he was the sweetest man she had ever met. Considering she had only surrounded herself with the three Shelby men and the Peaky boys, that was a big change. While she was working at the front desk of the Library, he requested some aid in retrieving a couple of maps of the world. She didn't pay any mind to Daniel at first until the third and fourth week he had come in, still asking for her help.
"I remember you, I would assume you knew where the maps were by now," She quietly cut him off. This caught him off guard, making him flustered as he tried to search for his words. [Name] only smiled as she watched the dark auburn haired man blush more and more.
"I-I am sorry miss...I just," He cleared his throat. She arched her brow at him for a moment. He was at a loss for words as he admired her beauty. That day he had asked if she'd like to accompany him to some dinner in London, to get to know each other more.
It had been a very peaceful and cherishing month with Daniel, she found that he was a traveling business man and was looking to expand his company in America. But, like all good things it came to an end when Thomas Shelby came into the picture once again. While in London with Daniel, he took her to the shops to buy a new dress to meet his family one night. She had broken away from him as he spoke to the salesman about the dress he was about to purchase. Stepping outside to look at the lightly clouded sky, examining the different shops on the street.
"[Name]?" The voice sent shivers down her spine. She quickly turns at the mention of her name towards the deep voice.
"Thomas?" She asked, surprised to see him.
Seeing the man that broke her heart and betrayed her trust right in front of her eyes was like a whirlwind of emotions. She didn't know if she should stay, run, or beat him until he was blue and on his knees begging for her forgiveness.
But, she was better than that. She was with a man who actually loved her.
"It's nice to see you again," Thomas told her, stepping closer. She subtly takes a step back, clearing her throat as her eyes dart to the shop entrance, praying to God that Daniel will emerge soon so the two can leave the awkward interaction and never turn back.
"Yeah, sure, Thomas..." She nods slightly. Thomas Shelby didn't forget what happened between them over a year ago, but he was perplexed that she would still treat him like a stranger, even after all these years of being as close as they once were. Within that year of missing her by his side, he refrained from showing up at her home to see her, refraining from asking Ada and Polly to tell him what they had discussed when they visited her. Part of him hoped that her and her mother still took those evening walks in Uncle Charlies' yard after dinner. Thomas often found himself at Charlies' yard nearly every night, hoping he would run into her.
But that's exactly what she had avoided. [Name] did everything in her power to avoid every little place and thing Tommy knew about her. IT seemed to work, until this very moment.
"What brings you here?" She asked curiously. Hoping she didn't have to put her favorite dress shop in London on a list of places to avoid Thomas Shelby.
"Just...doing some business in London as it seems...until I saw you leaving the dress shop...thought I would come and say hello," He shrugged. [Name] looked down at her gloved hands, pondering her next words.
"I see...well, goodbye Thomas," She nods once, still avoided his eyes, afraid that once she sees his eyes again, it will start all over again. The warmth he gave her, the butterflies in her stomach, the cure to all of her hardships. She makes hasty steps past him, but his hand reaches out to grab her arm...it was gentle but firm as to not hurt her. He always knew how to be gentle with her.
"[Name], please..." He said quietly. She felt the tears brim her eyes as she slowly turned to him again. Slowly lifting her gaze to his eyes. Once he saw her tears, it was like everything around them had stopped. It was just them two together and no one else.
"What Thomas? What could you possibly want from me now?...After all this time, when I am finally happy you come into my life again, why?" She asked, sniffling as the small tears rolled down her high cheekbones and onto her chin. Her skin blushed, and her eyes were red with salty tears. He was at a loss for words at first.
He gently spoke her name again, reaching down to pick up her hand in his, testing the waters to see just how much she will accept from him. Her hand twitched and nearly jerked away as he slipped her glove off. Feeling the warmth of his skin made her comply. His hands were rough now, from the years of digging tunnels and fighting. She had no doubt that his hands and mind were both distressed.
"I...I'm sorry for how things ended between us...frankly I can't stop thinking about you," He told her regretfully. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the London sun, the tears glistening as they roll. Each one looking like diamonds.
"You're sorry...After a year you're finally sorry," She almost laughed. Thomas only sighed.
"Yes of course! and...and I regret everything I said, I can't live my life without you, [name],"
"You should have thought about that before you asked me to marry you!" Her voice raised just a bit, before realizing that she was still in public, as to not bring attention to herself. For once, Tommy didn't know what to say next. His eyes darted across her face. Her cheeks were red, her brows were furrowed in frustration, and her lips... Oh those lips he had always wanted to kiss deeper each night upon his return, they were downcast in a frown. He released a sigh when he realized her eyes had not left his this entire time. He knew she still loved him deep down. She just couldn't bear it. His thumb ran over the top of her hand gently.
"I hurt you, I know that now and...There is nothing else I can say other than I am immensely sorry, give me another chance [name], I can prove it to you that I am a new man, as friends or more I need you in my life,"
His words made her lips tremble as she closed her eyes to think and steady her breath. She opened her eyes first before she opened her mouth to speak.
"[Name]?" A voice called, and suddenly the bubble bursts. It was like the busy street surrounding them suddenly became clear again. It wasn't just the two of them in the world anymore. She turned her head from Thomas to Daniel. The man she adored more than anything, as he searched for her. Thomas also managed to sneak a glance at the stranger, and his cold heart sunk a little deeper into the pit, leaving a sour taste in his mouth and a clenched jaw. She looked back at Thomas.
"Think about it," He whispered before walking off.
[Name] stood in her place in stillness as she tried to process what just happened to her. Daniel approached her, smiling widely as he informed her that he purchased the dress and reassuring her that it will look lovely on her for the dinner party with his family. She gave him a small smile before it quickly faded when he looked away from her.
The days leading up to the dinner party, she had thought of Thomas. It was like he himself had infected her mind as she had no more room to think clearly of anything else besides him and the words he spoke to her. But could she really trust him again?
Should she trust him again?
Every day and every night she had spent with Daniel, she tried her best to reciprocate the love he had for her, but somehow something was wrong. She didn't love him the way she loved Thomas. The night of the dinner party, she waited for Daniel to pick her up. Wearing the dress he had bought her, the jewelry she borrowed from her mother, and the hair and makeup she spent hours perfecting just to impress his family.
"What's wring, dear? Your hands are shaking," Her mother pointed out as she helped her daughter prepare.
"I...I don't think I can do this," She swallowed thickly. But before her mother could even ask, there was a ring at the door. [Name's] stomach was in knots and her blood ran cold. Her mothers words of encouragement were drowned out by her own raging heartbeat. When she opened the door, her mouth was agape. Expecting to see Daniel, instead Thomas stood at the front door.
Out of breath and panting. No words were exchanged as they stared at each other. She nearly leaps into his arms as she engulfs him in a tight embrace. It felt right, being in his arms again. Like they were kids again.
The following days, she kept her distance from Daniel, much to her mothers dismay. She had written him a letter.
To my Darling Daniel,
I am sorry things had to happen this way. You had shown me the love no man has ever shown me before. But I am afraid I do not deserve it. Our time together was more than I could ask for, but I simply cannot keep loving you the way you want me to. I will forever cherish our memories together in my heart, as you were the only man to treat me a way a woman should be treated. I hope you find love again, and the next woman you find love in will be a very lucky to have you. I will always have you in my heart.
[Name].
With the letter, she returned the dress he had bought her, she thought it would be ill-mannered to keep it. She hadn't heard from him after that. Not even a letter back, but she knew why. She would never hold that against him.
The following week, [Name] had began showing her face around the betting shop again. Here and there popping in to talk to Ada and Polly, slipping away into Tommy's office to speak with him when he wasn't busy. It was a but of a shock to the Shelby women when they saw her. They thought she was crazy for showing up again, but she had reassured them that everything was fine.
For months on end, [Name] and Thomas would spend their time together. Hand in hand as they drunkenly walked along the streets after visiting a pub on the weekends. Dancing to records in her home, holding each other close as they slow danced in the fire-place lit room. One night they went to the old hill, the same hill they used to go to when they were kids. Laying beside each other, drinking a bottle of cheap wine as they star-gazed. It was the only place where the sky wasn't absolutely covered by the smoke and smog of the city.
"I forgot how beautiful the sky was at night," She spoke softly as she sat up, eyes scanning the sky.
"It's been a while, hasn't it?" He asked, leaning his shoulder against hers. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly with a nod, laying her head on his shoulder.
"Thomas?" She asked. He hums.
"I missed you,"
"I missed you too, [Name]," He spoke truthfully. That night, they shared a kiss.
A week later, she approached him in his office.
"Pol said you were going to the derby..."
"We are...It's an important matter of business, [Name],"
The girl sighs. "I know that...I also told you I would go with you if you needed me to,"
"No..."
"Uh- no?" She asked, perplexed.
"Absolutely not, Kimber is a dangerous man, you're not coming with us," He argued. She aggressively rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in the air before putting them on her hips.
"I was hoping to come talk to you without being interrupted-" She mumbled.
"And I was hoping you would know better than to ask to join on this mission-"
"Then who are you taking?" She interrupted him, crossing her arms. Thomas sighs, shaking his head in disbelief at her childish attitude.
"The barmaid,"
"The barmaid? Why the fuck would you take the barmaid?" She asked. He widened his eyes at her for a moment. She bit the inside of her cheek as she waited for his response.
"It's all a part of the plan, please trust me," He stood as he slowly walked to her, placing his hands on her shoulders to calm her mind. She pursed her lips, a solemn look on her face.
"I don't care who goes with you to the derby, I just can't sit here and hope you'll come out alive one of these days...I-" She pauses. "I adore you too much, Thomas,"
He pulls her into a tight hug, his hand caressing her hair as he kissed her forehead. "Everything will be okay," He reminded her. Lifting her chin to slowly look at him. Her eyes, as alluring as they were. His lips attack hers in a rough kiss. Pushing [Name] against the wall as her fingers pull at the fabric of his white shirt, his body pressing against hers. She could practically feel his heart beating against her chest. His hands slipping down her body, her waist to her hips to the roundness of her ass. His strong hands gripping every curve of her as he started pulling at her dress with his hands. Pulling away to catch their breath, but before she would dive in for another kiss Finn had burst through the door, inquiring that their Aunt Polly needed to speak to Thomas at once.
Begrudgingly letting him handle his business, she was left alone in his office, blushing and fanning herself with her hands as the heat began to rise, biting her lip in bafflement.
She wanted to see him again and ask about the kisses they had started. What they meant, what would have happened if they weren't interrupted. But Thomas too involved with conspiring against Billy Kimber. Fucking Billy Kimber. Hearing his name made her clench her jaw. He had been the talk of every family meeting since he found his way into Birmingham just weeks ago. But Thomas was just too busy. Too busy to talk to her. Eventually, too busy to even see her as frequently.
She recognized the pattern. It was what happened to her before he left for France. If only she could just read his mind, find out exactly what was going on in that head of his. From seeing him and his eyes, his smile every day, to seeing him at least once a week. This time he would still act the same with her. Kind, gentle, caring, but somehow she knew it was different. He wouldn't touch her, or kiss her like he used to. [Name] thought that maybe, just maybe, if she told him how she felt everything will go back to normal. Perfect even.
She just had to wait for the right moment.
When Thomas had come to her home for an evening tea with her and her mother, she decided that she would tell him then. The tea was nice, the conversations went well. [Name] was eager to finish, to get it all over with, waiting for their moment alone. Later that night, after her mother excused herself to bed, the two sat on the couch, sharing a whiskey as they talked. She sat her glass down when he called her name to get her attention.
"I need to tell you something,"
Her ears and cheeks grew warm as she looked at him, eyes brighter than ever.
"I actually need to tell you something too...but please go first," She smiled. Thomas turned his body slightly towards her, seemingly less enthusiastic as her. Thomas clears his throat before he spoke.
"I want to start off by apologizing for not seeing you as much these past few months, but I promise everything is going to work out for the better in the end, not just for my family, but for yours as well..." He paused, holding one of her hands in his.
"Thomas," She glances at their interlocked hands before looking up at him again. His blue eyes didn't look as bright in the dim lighting of the room.
"You have been with my family since the beginning, and you helped us out when we needed you the most, when everything takes off, I want you by my side through it all, promise me that you will do that for me [Name]," He requested. The young woman stares into his eyes once more and nods silently.
"I can't imagine leaving your side...ever," She stated quietly. Thomas looked down again, smiling slightly. As far as she knew he rarely smiled now...the only time she saw him smile was when he was with her.
"There was another thing I wanted to talk about," He started. She nods, urging him to continue. "There's a woman,"
His voice dropped low, the way he said 'woman' rumbled as her cheeks flushed. At the drop of a pin, her lively face slowly dropped at his words.
"A woman?"
She sank into the sofa as he spoke, but his words fell upon deaf ears. Her mind went numb, buzzing as she blankly stared off into the shadows of the room. He loved her, convinced her to leave Daniel, kissed her, treated her like she was the only woman for him...almost married her. All those years together, meant nothing to him. Once again. She should have known better than to get attached to a man like him.
A man only out for his own good.
"[Name]...You're crying," He pointed out, stopping mid-explanation to wipe the tear. She wanted to tell him. Tell him she loved him, that she wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of their lives. She looks at him and smiles.
[Name] shook her head and sniffled, chuckling and looking away to wipe the tear.
"I'm just...really happy for you Thomas...She seems like a nice woman," She didn't hear a word he said about her. The mystery woman that had stolen his heart.
'If only you knew what I felt'
After Thomas had left that night, she went to her room, sobbing in her bed. The heaviness in her chest weighted her down as she was held into place by rocks. The agony she felt, not only for herself but for hurting the only man that loved her. All for nothing. It was too late to go back now.
