[cosmicascade]

I wanna know for certain you're real I wanna tell you how big this feels I wanna make a pact or a deal, to be next to you I want our friends to wanna third wheel I wanna kiss you in a big field I wanna know you all of my years, I really do

[cosmicascade]

I saw the light reflecting off the golden sun up in the mountains surrounded by the quiet the higher ground is on fire the middle one is catching up I want peace and revenge and whatever form of refuge I hear the jazz from a faraway bar in the desert the neon lights for the lonely and the hurt control is a construct but faith isn't constant "heaven" and hell are here as a norm but I want humanity in its barest form

[cosmicascade]

I get myself busy missing you until I feel the qualms in its truth you've been coming and going faster than it takes me processing it feels like I've long forgotten you but only in theory that's yet to be true I'm never deaf to your tones there's a longing deep in my bones I'll be happy to accept love even the ones without your face I'm just afraid they fall short of your glance and your falling-from-grace I'm writing from this very place in awe of the human race I found you within it in the rush I hope you'd remember the flush the blood under my eyes the underlying disguise I needed you to get here and I've never persevered the way I've wished you'd reappear and I've never been so sincere that if you do, it'd be my biggest fear that maybe this grey is the clear

[yellow-cat]

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

[cosmicascade]

looking inward now you're everywhere what a mess it made just to care am I still a fake and a liar too when I thought I was happy for you I genuinely was for everyone I've loved but I guess you weren't yet beloved now I'm torn open and spilled poison all around my own prison she wore your shirt on a cold beach night I was close in distance bitching about your light did she leave her mark on your lists I was making due payments cause something always dies by the hands of love it was inevitable that you were different, my love burned away inside and I swear I could feel it a long fever and perhaps they deemed me unfit they were mental images of the permanent ink on your skin and in my pens overflowing in the sink how do you sound outside my mind how do I reach outside the line you're too heartbroken to dare you're too in love to even care and I'm millions of atoms away from that hypothetical day

[mournfulroses]

Nikolay Punin, from a diary entry featured in The Diaries of Nikolay Punin: 1904 - 1953

[cosmicascade]

so what would happen once I got you one thing for sure, you'll crack my brain open maybe I'll stop leaving my clues maybe I'll trust you enough to hold your hand this joke is becoming less and less funny I want more and more and leave the country don't leave me to my own devices I have a tendency to jump off precipices like I did when I barely knew you like I would too now, even without you I never tested the waters with you I dove right in and now I'm frozen blue have you looked at the new me? she's always dreadfully questioning and free maybe I'd hate or regret it, loving you loud but I can't seem to shut up or shut you out

[cosmicascade]

I deserve better than you even if better isn't you I can't hear myself when I'm hearing your song can't look in the mirror cause I'm seeing you so golden under the sun so brittle under your arms this is just me looking back at my life cursing the touch I never had what am I trying to prove here you would've been on your knees if you ever had a taste of the way I love and I reject whatever fantasy I projected cause it isn't you and it isn't true except for everything that I've felt that'd probably melt at the sight of you

[nixscriptum]

[cosmicascade]

the nights i sleep so late, i know it’s the perfect time for you. and sometimes, like tonight, i wish i could just talk to you until we both fall asleep.

[scribeherself]

the absolute devastating intimacy of a forehead rest. when you are both just so tired from existing in a world that demands you to be a rigid, functional individual, and you finally collapse into each other and just lean your forehead against theirs, or against their shoulder. it’s the physical equivalent of dropping your shields. it’s saying i am entirely heavy right now, and i am trusting you to bear a piece of that weight. and the most beautiful part is that the other person doesn’t even flinch. they just adjust their stance, tuck you a little closer, and absorb the impact. we were designed to divide the burden of being alive.

[cosmicascade]

it’s so intimately grounding and comforting🩵

[literaryvein]

L. V., writings from the waiting room [full piece]

[cosmicascade]

unshackled

I'm a brilliant mind when I'm broken split all my old wounds open my stomach knots beyond its extent it's romantic when it feels like the end wasn't I eighteen when I found a brother? and with every new day came a new crusher I wore my life like it was bound to splatter with every drop it was art until I recovered what would it be if you weren't watching? what would I sing if you weren't clinging? I love, to make a killing that scar is for a living I wrote about love because I don't know you and I'm honored to know that you knew I wrote about you because I know love and I know I'm like your boxing glove my distant lover forever isn't aware he's my four-leaf clover you're spot on, you catch up but you never see me close up there's an anger unbeknownst to me not towards you, or me, or the trees there's a quiet desperation for a plea for a substitute that is violent and free it would take nobody but myself before love, I'd be blinded and deaf and in the face of it I'd turn away and be unshackled from its weight

[cosmicascade]

can’t believe I tried to move on with a guy who couldn’t even put half the bare minimum effort you did and I’m VERY glad that didn’t work out smh

[muskeww]

People talk about love as if it is a feeling. A spark. A rush of butterflies. A collection of perfect moments strung together. But the older I get, the more I think love is measured in much quieter things.

It is measured in hospital waiting rooms at three in the morning. In trembling hands held during funerals. In the days when grief makes someone difficult to love and they are loved anyway. It is the person who learns your fears, your flaws, your worst habits, and stays long enough to see every version of you.

Because one day life becomes painfully real. Bodies get sick. Plans fall apart. Hearts break in ways romance cannot fix. And in those moments, love is no longer about who gave you butterflies. It is about who sat beside you when the world fell apart and quietly helped you put it back together.

Forever was never built on passion alone. It was built on character. On choosing each other again and again, especially on the days when loving each other is not easy. Because forever is only possible with someone who knows how to stay when it would be easier to leave, who knows how to love when it becomes difficult, and who understands that commitment is not proven on the good days, but on the days that test it.

[nixscriptum]

[nixscriptum]