its all soup

a SEA system of 9. No Syscourse Please. Our stance is: dgaf, hey man how's it going

[cosmoscollect]

barebones intro you just need to know this much i promy

hi were collectively akari (its more 04's name, though -kai) but feel free to just call us accordingly if you see it 👍

we have been a system for upwards of 5 years as of writing this and only discovered what Dissociative Disorders were like 3 years ago due to being incredibly sheltered. before that we really thought everybody was just like this LOL

uh if you want our individual introductions you kind of have to ask for that we dont want to put too much information in one post

EXTRA NOTE BC WE FORGOR: we're on a side blog, not a main blog, so unfortunately we can't follow back :]

anyway have fun 👍

[cosmoscollect]

being small while having responsibilities it's like alright. let the six year old file taxes who gives a shit anymore

[courtkossai]

absolutely non-comprehensive comic ! this is just everything that come to mind from discussions with each other , not every possibility ever .

[baby-harpseal]

always so funny to me how Kai is considered a stylish unisex/gender-neutral name in English. like that's a northern German man in his mid 60s to me.

[baby-harpseal]

who i picture when somebody tells me their they/them polyamorous lover now goes by Kai:

[withnailcel]

Hypothetical scenario: You get the chance to become your ideal self (in both the physical AND psychological sense, people will also perceive you and treat you the way you want them to), every single one of your enemies either dies or apologizes to you and makes peace with you, and you get a ton of free money BUT you die in a year’s time (specifically at the first sunrise of the next year, counting from the day you transformed) and you die really, really painfully. Do you accept this? Please do explain why if you feel like it I’m genuinely curious

Ok

No

Voting ended onMay 18

My answer is in the tags….boy see my Answer

[cosmoscollect]

im going to maul someone

[quest-system]

Alters? You mean my backup singers when im in the shower?

[cosmoscollect]

this fucks so hard !!!!

only slightly related but we've been doing a thing while we travel to/from work where we play songs with multiple singers and we each take a role and just try to sing it out (in headspace). works like some kind of karaoke and its so fun everytime. wish we could do this in meatspace

[cosmoscollect]

you truly dont know despair until youre in your third store and a glass bowl is nowhere to be seen

[cosmoscollect]

[cosmoscollect]

to be honest ive been. avoiding front lately. told everyone im just off for a break!! and dipped.

but. i dont really feel needed. kai's been reaching out to everyone and talking with them just fine. varu looks to be the one everyone wants to meet. internally theres proxy and octavier and xiao and i just. i dont know. what's the point of me being here? nobody's asked for me and i know i should be communicating about it but i feel like ive asked for so much attention lately that its just not fair, other people are busy and stressed with their own lives too. but nobody has noticed that im gone and it hurts but i also wonder. what is the point of me exactly. other than being a so called "host". a supposed core that doesnt. really do anything

i just feel selfish and terrible for being selfish for asking attention when one of our alters just died and i know everyone is handling that which is a much bigger problem than me i feel. but still. i dont know

its weird seeing all of this from a third person perspecitve. my headmates are trying to convince me all of this is valid and i can see that their line of thinking is a lot clearer and more well adjusted than mine but its like i cannot understand it or perceive it. like im not actually hearing their voices. im stuck somewhere below the water and i dont know how to get out.

but i dont know. i still feel like i dont deserve to front anymore. i dont know whwre to steer this life anymore and it looks to me that someone else has it better figured out

[cosmoscollect]

04: i am a husk of a man and everything is a dream and nothing is real and nothing matt-

kai: did we just get tipped in usd

04: what?

kai: what?

[cosmoscollect]

i hate being a system what do you mean theres a hole where our heart is and we need to go down there to save our core. the headspace is sure a metaphor but everything we need to go through sure is pretty fucking literal

[cosmoscollect]

who needs toxic yuri when ive been living in one for the past 10 years

[cosmoscollect]

i dreamt about her again tonight.

you were the you who i remembered last. you told me about your graduation plans, both your failures and your successes, but you were still — you.

you graduate this year, i think. it lines up.

i've not spoken to you in three years. four months, if we were to count the you that you are now.

you've forgotten me two years ago, today.

some days i hold the glimmer of hope that you remember me, but those days grow less and less. its been one year since you remembered me.

i love you, still. i cant think of spending the rest of my life with anyone else.

i hate the you that you've become. i cant bear to see your face anymore.

im ashamed to say that i tried replacing you with someone else. both to her and to you. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry.

[cosmoscollect]

who needs toxic yuri when ive been living in one for the past 10 years

[cosmoscollect]

we just got a massive box of perishables and seasonings from our coworker and me and G just looked at each other and went "oh Kai would love this huh"

this is also after we spent the entire day cleaning the house and was just about to finish tidying so the second thought was "we'll leave this for him to sort out"

[cosmoscollect]

"its just a small box!" famous last words as we get 3 boxes that if stacked would be as tall as our body. like sure man

[cosmoscollect]

we just got a massive box of perishables and seasonings from our coworker and me and G just looked at each other and went "oh Kai would love this huh"

this is also after we spent the entire day cleaning the house and was just about to finish tidying so the second thought was "we'll leave this for him to sort out"

[multiplikitties]

i dont think i will ever forgive what the internet did to DID because please explain to me how "your sense of self is so torn apart you think youre multiple people" turned into "youre actually multiple people"

do you understand what i mean? please understand what i mean