Living with autism
As a person living with mild autism, I did not receive a diagnosis until I was around sixteen years old. However, even then I felt indifferent about it. I thought I was different in some way to other people, other than being the only child in elementary classes who was of Filipino ancestry, there were times where I was considered a bit odd to my classmates. Although such memories are painful for me to remember, some habits I would do that gained mockery from my classmates in grade school were how I would rock back-and-fourth against the seat of my chair, or how I would wave my hands against my face as if I were carrying a fan.
But my childhood was one of loneliness, as I would spend my time on the playgrounds by myself, in my own thoughts, kicking rocks out of the dirt and then skipping them for fun. One unpleasant memory that comes to mind is how a group of girls from my grade 3 class threw rocks at me, and laughed at my habit. Not to mention I put up with mockery when some kids would ask me about my sexuality in grade 5, simply because in grade 1, I hung out with and befriended a couple of girls classmates than the boys. However, this can be explained by the fact my childhood friend was a little girl who was a year younger than me. This often forced me into having to break my friendships with those persons as a kid.
Another aspect of my "strangeness" to the kids in my classes is how I would be thinking to myself in whispers. This again led to teasing or kids thinking I was a crazy person or some kind of an oddball. Yet, that is how I tend to recite what I had heard of on television growing up in the 90s, or what I read out of a storybook. This habit I still utilize to recite what I have learned, although now as a college student, I use this ability to sort out my interpretations of theory or simply my own observations of the world around me.
So as a teen, I was diagnosed with crystalized memory. Originally it was thought that I had photographic memory. The difference is that I can hold an amount of information that stays in my mind, though the details are not always as accurate. For example, I am able to recall memories of past events, such as the last time I visited another country, though I can be fuzzy on the details of my activities I did at the time. Also, I can recall positive memories such as having read a good book, but then I can also recall bad memories. When it comes to the latter, that effects my self-esteem, confidence, and functions in life, as such memories can stay with me for a period of time. Like I recall when I was around six, I tried to pet a goose and got bitten. One of the only coping mechanisms is for me to make positive memories to outweigh the negative ones.
The way my view of the world is I would compare it to how Hikaru Aumua from the manga "With the Light: Raising an Autistic Child" by the late Keiko Tobe, sees the world as if it were a kaleidoscope. In this sense, as a kid, the world felt like a dizzying experience, especially as when I took my first steps into a new environment. I still get that feeling as an adult when I enter into places I've never been to, especially around places in my hometown and other parts of town from where I live. Hence, the world is one big kaleidoscope of an experience.
One other habit that has stuck with me since childhood is how I tend to pace or need to walk around when I pick up new information. Even when it comes to learning new things, I get that same feeling as a kaleidoscope I get. It is a feeling of me being overwhelmed with images and terms I absorb into my head that can be jarring and dizzying. Although, I am able to focus once I have gone through my rounds.
A final habit I will disclose is that I have a tendency to pull all nighters. Sometime I do it to try to put myself to sleep, or I tend to forgo sleep and look up random info on the internet. Or I read fiction and non-fiction at a rabid pace. This habit I've had since high school, and it's probably one of my worst habits or my best ones as I'm willing to push myself far enough. And this one does help me to study, yet who knows how many brain cells I may have killed! I guess you can say reading is my liqueur!
So yeah, that's my two cents on having to live with autism for most of my late teens and adult life.
Peace out!











